Choking & Slapping During Sex

[User#6326]

choking / slapping / biting / scratching / spanking / spit in face / push up against wall / pull hair / push face into bed / push head down with foot / hold arms down.. All part of the fun!

wish I had a fwb when I ask, they normally get angry about why I don't wanna be their bf

 

[Jack Hammer]

I have had encounters with women who love bdsm, and have asked me to slap and choke. Its personally not my thing, but at least ill give it my best.

 

[Sinapse]

I'm also quite surprised at the quantity of nos.

Slaps and choking are great fun. Do it right and the girl will never leave you.. Do it wrong and.. Well let's just say there's wrong ways to choke someone

 

[User#6326]

the main thing is, its not about how you like to give pleasure, its about how they like to receive it

same the other way around, you have to help them work out what you like

.. This approach had me slowly tonguing inside a girls ear, its not doing anything for me but she loved it and almost came haha

I think as the man you have to slowly keep pushing the girls boundaries as they may be too shy, or not know what they really want.. If they don't like what you are doing just change and try something else

working this stuff out is the most fun part, like learning a new instrument

 

[User#8628]

Do it wrong and.. Well let's just say there's wrong ways to choke someone

I hope that didn't end in the hospital...

 

[Curacao]

the main thing is, its not about how you like to give pleasure, its about how they like to receive it

A bit of both, no?

 

[lennylenny]

If a girl wanted you to choke her & slap her across the face while you guys were having sex.. would you be able to do it.. or would you refuse?

Only if i know her well and trust her. I mean, that might be a trap and God knows what kind of blackmail she would be up to. That stuff can leave marks, and its really easy going from "we had some rough fun in bed" to "he hit me, choked me and forced me to have sex with him".

 

[kenhe]

A little is good but not too much for me.

 

[Vulkan]

Its a No go for me. But slapping her butt cheeks is exciting

 

[Sinapse]

I hope that didn't end in the hospital...

Well.. I was mostly referring to my experience practicing BJJ (thats Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, you dirty-minded readers!).. which really highlights how a lot of choking is really ineffective. Good choking should cut off breathing without causing blunt pain to the windpipe. It is both the most effective for actually killing/submitting someone and the most erotic and safe for sex play!

Most Hollywood straight-on choking depicted in movies doesn't actually really choke the other person, and just feels uncomfortable

 

[Wwanderer]

I don't have enough experience with choking a sexual partner (and none at all with choking anyone else!) to claim any expertise, but fwiiw, I have encounters subs who want to be choked in such a way that it makes it hard for them to breathe but also others that just want to be "held by the throat" in a way that does not reduce their air supply at all (or much), presumably because of the feeling of being dominated produced by the "position". The former type are often called "gaspers" and sometimes indulge in self-strangulation during masturbation, occasionally with serious, sometimes even fatal, results when they push the envelope too far.

-Ww

 

[Solong]

If a girl wanted you to choke her & slap her across the face while you guys were having sex.. would you be able to do it.. or would you refuse?

I've had numerous girlfriends ask or were/are into such. It's a bit in the swinger scene (though usually lightly) and then there are women in the S&M scene or natural submissives. It can be the woman is curious or she surprises her guy, because she doesn't tell him that she is a submissive, she doesn't realize she's a submissive, or she wants him to play a more dominant role.

I don't have any problem with it, IF it's clear that's how she likes and wants it. The key being how well we communicate. However, the guy has to know what he is doing and be the right type for such play. He can't be a psycho, abusive, also submissive, or clueless. If he isn't the right type for such, there can be trouble or he'll lose the woman, because he isn't the type of man she needs.

With the play choking, the technique is to not do a real or a dangerous choke. Particularly don't put the thumb over her larynx. It's more a squeeze of the side of her neck, with the palm across the throat and fingers exerting pressure on the side of the neck. It's a controllable pressure that can reduce blood flow, combined with penetration, can give the special state she might be craving.

Women of a submissive nature may also like to be restrained. So can enjoy him pinning her wrists down (missionary) arm(s) behind her back (doggy style), during penetration.

I'm a bit cautious with slapping women across the face, especially if a new woman. Spanking her ass, you can get into it a bit and it's more fun, depending on the woman.

Her face is something else entirely, and a guy needs to be very careful to not hit her eyes, leave any marks, and verify the woman isn't trapping you into trouble. I will usually only do light playful fun slaps, unless I'm clear about her or she begs for more. Some women are just stronger and tougher than others, so have a higher threshold. And that would be something that's built up to, over several sex sessions and gauging her and the technique. With the slaps, it appears some women want the flash and stars effect a good slap can give. I think that's a judgement call, where guys should be very cautious with and probably keep to just the playful variety. There is a lot of other kinky sexual activities to do besides just that one.

Overall, if both are having fun and enjoying themselves, then it's all good. The key is in it being playful.

 

[DJV]

Overall, if both are having fun and enjoying themselves, then it's all good. The key is in it being playful.

Playful yes, but this can include a mix of "situation comedy" and sometimes you can do it with more serious and intentions like you mean it.

It's not a black or white thing, and for me I prefer the middle of the spectrum.

I'd say no if it's too serious, and yes if it's comedy but only if she likes it and secretely hoping for it to get more serious.

 

[Babaram]

@User#8628, @missinasomnia: Ladies, let me give you some fatherly advice: Do not advertise your submissive tendencies, as beautiful as they may be. It could be the wrong invitation for the wrong people. There are a lot of assholes out there. I don't have to tell you that a true submissive is the god's gift of heaven to a true dominant, but with that gift comes a lot of responsibility. An irresponsible dom can lead to disaster, jail-time, sometimes death. Untrained customers who thought they can act out violent tendencies because they paid repeatedly ended up as murderers.

Many, many decades ago, I was liaised with a high-class Manhattan madam. One of her girls, let's call her Missy, announced that she would enter the whips and chains trade and become a mistress. "But Missy," I said, and signaled her to kneel, "you are the sweetest little subbie, isn't mistress the absolutely wrong job for you?" She removed her face from my lap, blinked, and said: "You want me to work as a slave? Ar you nuts? That's much too dangerous. Those guys are all weirdos." She then thought a bit, and continued:

"Even the good doms are bad business. They think they should get paid for fucking you."

As for slapping the face, I also couldn't do it until a lady begged me. I then noticed that I would deny her pleasure if I wouldn't do it. I loved her, and learned to brake my hand before it would hit the face. Thankfully, she was more into the symbolism than into real pain.

 

[Soapysoap66]

I agree with the furry one.

 

[Quietlife]

A few years ago I met a woman who on our first date in Inokashira koen ripped the crutch out of her pantyhose and asked me to rape her. We went to a hotel and she wanted me to violently assault her. I suddenly thought to myself "Hang on, mate, you could be in deep poo if she shows sign of a violent struggle!" I hardly knew her...

I am only mildly interested in S&M, but it was a good reminder that one must be careful in any situation. So in order to fulfill her fantasy, I acted dominantly instead and was super careful not to leave any marks. I hope she was somewhat satisfied, but I didn't see her again.

 

[Solong]

A few years ago I met a woman who on our first date in Inokashira koen ripped the crutch out of her pantyhose and asked me to rape her. We went to a hotel and she wanted me to violently assault her. I suddenly thought to myself "Hang on, mate, you could be in deep poo if she shows sign of a violent struggle!" I hardly knew her...

I am only mildly interested in S&M, but it was a good reminder that one must be careful in any situation. So in order to fulfill her fantasy, I acted dominantly instead and was super careful not to leave any marks. I hope she was somewhat satisfied, but I didn't see her again.

You bring up a good point, in which guys need to be wary of. The guy should understand the nature and personality of the woman, before engaging into any physical or borderline S&M play.

The woman can be trapping the guy into trouble or she's mentally unstable. She encourages the guy, then next she's filing a report against him at the police station, trying to sue him for money, or blackmailing him. In Japan, physical abuse or assault cases can also be settled for money, so WATCH OUT that she's not baiting or scamming you. No need to go all out on the 1st or 2nd time you have sex, as you can build up to more.

If she's truly a submissive, it's better to progress to more adventurous and physical play after meeting her a few times. You can have great sex on the 1st date, but I'm referring to anything borderline, where the guy can get in trouble if the woman betrays him.

Arguably better to build up to more each time and gauge her reaction. An experienced man can determine if a woman is a true submissive in more subtle sexual play, by how well she listens to commands and seeks to please. Real submissives don't try to aggressive force or bait the dom into dangerous or troublesome situations. She is instead wanting him to plan, control the situation, and contol her. I mention this, as it may help guys who are newer to S&M or happen to find themselves in such a situation to be able to determine what's going on.

 

[Babaram]

Right on, @Solong

 

[faboo2001]

The woman can be trapping the guy into trouble or she's mentally unstable. She encourages the guy, then next she's filing a report against him at the police station, trying to sue him for money, or blackmailing him. In Japan, physical abuse or assault cases can also be settled for money, so WATCH OUT that she's not baiting or scamming you. No need to go all out on the 1st or 2nd time you have sex, as you can build up to more.

Exactly what I was thinking. Not sure if any of them are true but there are numerous stories of women doing exactly this. Even if the sex wasn't rough and didn't leave any physical marks, she can easily claim that you were a stranger since you may not have any past relations or interaction to prove otherwise.

 

[Solong]

Exactly what I was thinking. Not sure if any of them are true but there are numerous stories of women doing exactly this. Even if the sex wasn't rough and didn't leave any physical marks, she can easily claim that you were a stranger since you may not have any past relations or interaction to prove otherwise.

I would say that 90% or so of the time (from experience), the woman a guy is dealing with is genuinely interested in the type of sex you talk about together, she is suggesting or hinting at. You can often gauge this by her enthusiasm, willingness, and mannerism. Submissives release control and allow Doms to direct and manage the situation. A kind of constant feedback loop is created. The Dom does X, and the Sub often responds verbally. Verbal doesn't have to be a conversation, but the type of sounds she makes, which can be sexual moans and groans. If not by sounds, then direct look into the eyes.

However, at around 10%, you have women sending very strange, confused, or mixed signals about S&M play. These type of women can be oddly aggressive (sometimes alcohol is a factor), combative, or it feels like some kind of con. As a guy, if your spider-sense is going off about how a woman is acting, then slow down or LIMIT the type of sex you have with her. If you feel the woman is baiting you into trouble or she's untrustworthy, keep the sex simple and safe. Between the Dom and Sub, there should be a feeling of strong trust and a controlled interaction. Even what might look to be very physical or even violent to 3rd parties, is highly controlled in good S&M play. If a Dom believes that a Sub's behavior isn't appropriate or she's untrustworthy, then don't engage in play with her. There are many submissives, so find one that matches your style versus putting yourself in any legal trouble.

Confusion is also possible when the woman is physically strong or of a strong personality, yet has a strong masochistic urge or need to submit, but the guy isn't naturally a leader or of a dominant personality. She can be confused about her nature and the man too (about himself and her). She can think she's dominant, but is a submissive, so is very confused on how to proceed. If a man is dominant, it's up to him to clarify it for her. Don't expect the submissive to lead, if you are suppose to be the leader.

It may sound counter-intuitive, but a woman can be a strong Sub. She can be requesting or indirectly requesting the guy to strongly dominate her, but the guy doesn't know how or he's also submissive. If a man can't handle a particularly strong woman, then he should put his ego aside and consider letting her go.

 

[User#8628]

@User#8628, @missinasomnia: Ladies, let me give you some fatherly advice: Do not advertise your submissive tendencies, as beautiful as they may be. It could be the wrong invitation for the wrong people. There are a lot of assholes out there. I don't have to tell you that a true submissive is the god's gift of heaven to a true dominant, but with that gift comes a lot of responsibility. An irresponsible dom can lead to disaster, jail-time, sometimes death. Untrained customers who thought they can act out violent tendencies because they paid repeatedly ended up as murderers.

Many, many decades ago, I was liaised with a high-class Manhattan madam. One of her girls, let's call her Missy, announced that she would enter the whips and chains trade and become a mistress. "But Missy," I said, and signaled her to kneel, "you are the sweetest little subbie, isn't mistress the absolutely wrong job for you?" She removed her face from my lap, blinked, and said: "You want me to work as a slave? Ar you nuts? That's much too dangerous. Those guys are all weirdos." She then thought a bit, and continued:

"Even the good doms are bad business. They think they should get paid for fucking you."

As for slapping the face, I also couldn't do it until a lady begged me. I then noticed that I would deny her pleasure if I wouldn't do it. I loved her, and learned to brake my hand before it would hit the face. Thankfully, she was more into the symbolism than into real pain.

I don't offer hardcore submissive SM for work though.
I obviously state the difference in my posts but of cause the real assholes would be hard hearing, i can understand that.
I've always been able to filter rude guys and weirdos while messaging with them and confirming my rates and such.
Never had problems so far.

 

[FastMike]

choking / slapping / biting / scratching / spanking / spit in face / push up against wall / pull hair / push face into bed / push head down with foot / hold arms down.. All part of the fun!

Those are fun but not of the same level of intensity. I've been with only one woman in my whole life who didn't like to be spanked during sex, or have her hair pulled while in doggy, or have you gently pressed her upper back or head into the bed (assuming you mean while her head is turned to the side so she has no trouble breathing). Most women I've been with loved having there arms held down while in missionary (she puts the backs of her hands on the mattress with elbows bent at 90 degrees, you reach under her upper arm and pin her wrists down. Also helps give you leverage). Same with pushing her up against the wall, from the front or the back, as long as you aren't hurting her (walls aren't soft like mattresses).
But spitting in someone's face is really humiliating - only a very submissive girl will let you do that. Choking - she really has to trust you - that you won't go too far. Same with biting, scratching.
I don't think you need to worry about being trapped if you're happily going to a love hotel together. If you're worried being rough when in her place or at yours, send some chats or emails back and forth first, laying it out; get messages from her saying she wants to be spanked or tied up or whatever.
The main thing is communication. I dated a Japanese girl for a few years who loved to be dominated in the bed. She loved having her wrists pinned down and telling me no! and stop! while I took her in missionary. She loved rape talk like "You were teasing me all night, I going to take what I want" or "I knew you were a slut". But I once dated a girl that freaked out one night when I pinned her wrists down, even though we had been having sex many times; turned out she was once raped at a party. I apologized and dropped all that kind of talk and action with her.

 

[Solong]

choking / slapping / biting / scratching / spanking / spit in face / push up against wall / pull hair / push face into bed / push head down with foot / hold arms down.. All part of the fun!

Those are fun but not of the same level of intensity. I've been with only one woman in my whole life who didn't like to be spanked during sex, or have her hair pulled while in doggy, or have you gently pressed her upper back or head into the bed (assuming you mean while her head is turned to the side so she has no trouble breathing). Most women I've been with loved having there arms held down while in missionary (she puts the backs of her hands on the mattress with elbows bent at 90 degrees, you reach under her upper arm and pin her wrists down. Also helps give you leverage). Same with pushing her up against the wall, from the front or the back, as long as you aren't hurting her (walls aren't soft like mattresses).
But spitting in someone's face is really humiliating - only a very submissive girl will let you do that. Choking - she really has to trust you - that you won't go too far. Same with biting, scratching.
I don't think you need to worry about being trapped if you're happily going to a love hotel together. If you're worried being rough when in her place or at yours, send some chats or emails back and forth first, laying it out; get messages from her saying she wants to be spanked or tied up or whatever.
The main thing is communication. I dated a Japanese girl for a few years who loved to be dominated in the bed. She loved having her wrists pinned down and telling me no! and stop! while I took her in missionary. She loved rape talk like "You were teasing me all night, I going to take what I want" or "I knew you were a slut". But I once dated a girl that freaked out one night when I pinned her wrists down, even though we had been having sex many times; turned out she was once raped at a party. I apologized and dropped all that kind of talk and action with her.

I totally agree with you about communication and having evidence in the form of messages, about engaging in rough sex play.

My issue though is about putting every act in the same category. Particularly actions that can leave marks, which might last for days, and can be interpreted by 3rd parties differently from the intention or what was originally agreed upon. Bites, scratches, welts from whipping or belts, and deep bruises can be misinterpreted as abuse or evidence of assault versus rough sexual play.

Choking, butt spanking/paddles, spitting, restraining, hair pulling, etc... Can be done where no to very light marks are left or where (like butt spanking) would be interpreted as more sexual kinky behavior versus assualt.

A Dom should understand his Sub very well, before engaging in the more high risk behavior that can leave marks. With the arguable exceptions of course being S&M clubs, the woman clearly marketing herself as providing this service, or e-mails/messages of the woman requesting this type of rough sex play.

There is a line, which I think guys need to be careful about and sure that a mentally unbalanced woman or con-artist isn't baiting him into anything. Really rough sex, full of bites and bruising everywhere, the 1st or 2nd time isn't such a good idea. How well does the guy know her and has evidence to counter any assualt claims?

A guy can stick to the light forms of play, and then gauge and study her personality and reactions. When trust is built up, then proceed to rougher play, if that's how she wants it and can handle such.

 

[TenguPhule]

No. Sorry, just no. Not only does it go completely against my personal moral code, but as some others have already posted, it can go very very badly.

The head and neck are one of the the most dangerous areas to strike. Bad enough if you don't know what you're doing, much worse
if you have been taught how and where to hit to put someone down for the count.

And damaging a woman's face is like smashing up a work of art, makes me ill just thinking about it.

Beauty has a hard time as it is in this world, why would you risk reducing any portion of it?

 

[Glock]

Def not into choking... i would love to slap... though not with my hands....