I've been meaning to start this thread for some time. This could well be a social science discussion, but since we are all much too busy hobbying, I'll try to keep it a little more informal 
I wasn't sure where to put this. It is about escorts, but it's not a review. It's sort of about relationships, but it's not about dating, or at least not in the classic sense. I guess the mods can move this if there is a more appropriate place for it.
We've recently had a brief, spirited debate (in the escort reviews forum) about what is (or should be?) going on between the escort and the escortee. To some, it is raw sex, with little if any personal implications. To others, it can be highly personal. And to yet others, it is somewhere in between, depending on many factors.
The number of hits on the universe/kousai/sb thread illustrates that some people are at least interested in reading about people who want more than just sex. And, given the number of posters who say they are availing themselves of that particular option, it seems that some really do want deeper escort-like relationships. Some seem to be looking for a deeper *connection*.
Clearly, different people are looking for different things. It's all good. There is no right and wrong here. There is only human diversity. But for this discussion, I want to focus on the more personal experiences, the more connected experiences, and talk about some of the implications and benefits.
In a relationship, sex can be many things, but usually, and especially early in the relationship, it serves to simultaneously express and intensify the emotional bond between 2 people. It's complex, but there is definitely chemistry involved, both within us (neurochemicals that make us feel high, "in love", giddy, attached, emotional, etc.) and between us (pheremones, things that trigger our neurochemical responses). That chemistry dramatically impacts the quality of our experience, and it draws us closer to the one we are engaging with.
Obviously, it is possible to have sex without any of this. Masturbation is the extreme example, but even, for example, in a happy ending massage parlor with no physical intimacy, there is likely little in the way of connection, chemistry, etc. It is just an orgasm, a lonely, detached, surge of bioenergy that has little or nothing to do with human connectedness. In fact, if she is not happy (I've had one Shinjuku experience like this, very distasteful), it is the polar opposite of connectedness. You can't wait to get it over with. Neither can she.
And you can certainly have various levels of disconnect in experiences with escorts, ranging from distant and mechanical to an intensely erotic, yet surprisingly impersonal "workout". But on the other end of the spectrum, you can have a very intimate exchange, one in which you "click", in which you "connect", one from which you derive some of the same sorts of responses as you would in a more conventional relationship. And from these, confusing feelings may arise, feelings very much like those you would experience with someone you are "in love" with. And therein lies the rub. Because this is nothing like love. Is it?
For me, the best sex is with someone I feel really good about/toward, and who feels similarly toward me. The absolute best is with someone I am in love *with* (notice the "two-wayedness" of that statement). And for me, the best escort experience is one that approximates, that closely mimics the above. Clearly, the escort experience is different than love, but there are some of the same interpersonal dynamics, and there are (possibly, when circumstances are right) some of the same chemical reactions/responses. And there are some of the same benefits in terms of the good feelings and connectedness that result.
I'm really careful to keep a balanced outlook, to recognize the differences between these sorts of chemical/emotional responses and love. I know it's risky, but I still allow myself to experience these (carefully managed, yet) challenging and conflicting feelings, because the pay off is so high. The feeling is soooo good, so much more powerful than those disconnected experiences I mentioned above!
But, this is definitely a slippery slope. Emotion is irrational, and emotional attachment to an escort is even *more* irrational. Yet, for me, the best sex involves emotion, feelings of fondness, feelings of closeness, feelings of tenderness. Feelings of attachment. It's an intricate and delicate balance. Not for the faint of heart.
I think of it is as walking carefully on the slippery, icy edge of a steep, jagged slope. If you are not *really* careful, you will slip, you will fall, and you may be ripped and shredded as you somersault out of control down that brutal and unforgiving rocky face. If you are fortunate, you will catch yourself before you fall too far, and your aching emotional wounds will serve to remind you to take care, to tread carefully, to be intensely mindful. Or to back away from the edge entirely. If you are not so lucky, and you don't catch yourself ...well, I don't know. This hasn't happened to me. But I don't think it would be pretty.
But, speaking as one who knows firsthand: if you *are* careful, if you *do* maintain your balance, the views from the edge are stunning! The experience, there at the brink of emotion, at the edge of attachment, is nothing short of amazing. But I can quit anytime
I wasn't sure where to put this. It is about escorts, but it's not a review. It's sort of about relationships, but it's not about dating, or at least not in the classic sense. I guess the mods can move this if there is a more appropriate place for it.
We've recently had a brief, spirited debate (in the escort reviews forum) about what is (or should be?) going on between the escort and the escortee. To some, it is raw sex, with little if any personal implications. To others, it can be highly personal. And to yet others, it is somewhere in between, depending on many factors.
The number of hits on the universe/kousai/sb thread illustrates that some people are at least interested in reading about people who want more than just sex. And, given the number of posters who say they are availing themselves of that particular option, it seems that some really do want deeper escort-like relationships. Some seem to be looking for a deeper *connection*.
Clearly, different people are looking for different things. It's all good. There is no right and wrong here. There is only human diversity. But for this discussion, I want to focus on the more personal experiences, the more connected experiences, and talk about some of the implications and benefits.
In a relationship, sex can be many things, but usually, and especially early in the relationship, it serves to simultaneously express and intensify the emotional bond between 2 people. It's complex, but there is definitely chemistry involved, both within us (neurochemicals that make us feel high, "in love", giddy, attached, emotional, etc.) and between us (pheremones, things that trigger our neurochemical responses). That chemistry dramatically impacts the quality of our experience, and it draws us closer to the one we are engaging with.
Obviously, it is possible to have sex without any of this. Masturbation is the extreme example, but even, for example, in a happy ending massage parlor with no physical intimacy, there is likely little in the way of connection, chemistry, etc. It is just an orgasm, a lonely, detached, surge of bioenergy that has little or nothing to do with human connectedness. In fact, if she is not happy (I've had one Shinjuku experience like this, very distasteful), it is the polar opposite of connectedness. You can't wait to get it over with. Neither can she.
And you can certainly have various levels of disconnect in experiences with escorts, ranging from distant and mechanical to an intensely erotic, yet surprisingly impersonal "workout". But on the other end of the spectrum, you can have a very intimate exchange, one in which you "click", in which you "connect", one from which you derive some of the same sorts of responses as you would in a more conventional relationship. And from these, confusing feelings may arise, feelings very much like those you would experience with someone you are "in love" with. And therein lies the rub. Because this is nothing like love. Is it?
For me, the best sex is with someone I feel really good about/toward, and who feels similarly toward me. The absolute best is with someone I am in love *with* (notice the "two-wayedness" of that statement). And for me, the best escort experience is one that approximates, that closely mimics the above. Clearly, the escort experience is different than love, but there are some of the same interpersonal dynamics, and there are (possibly, when circumstances are right) some of the same chemical reactions/responses. And there are some of the same benefits in terms of the good feelings and connectedness that result.
I'm really careful to keep a balanced outlook, to recognize the differences between these sorts of chemical/emotional responses and love. I know it's risky, but I still allow myself to experience these (carefully managed, yet) challenging and conflicting feelings, because the pay off is so high. The feeling is soooo good, so much more powerful than those disconnected experiences I mentioned above!
But, this is definitely a slippery slope. Emotion is irrational, and emotional attachment to an escort is even *more* irrational. Yet, for me, the best sex involves emotion, feelings of fondness, feelings of closeness, feelings of tenderness. Feelings of attachment. It's an intricate and delicate balance. Not for the faint of heart.
I think of it is as walking carefully on the slippery, icy edge of a steep, jagged slope. If you are not *really* careful, you will slip, you will fall, and you may be ripped and shredded as you somersault out of control down that brutal and unforgiving rocky face. If you are fortunate, you will catch yourself before you fall too far, and your aching emotional wounds will serve to remind you to take care, to tread carefully, to be intensely mindful. Or to back away from the edge entirely. If you are not so lucky, and you don't catch yourself ...well, I don't know. This hasn't happened to me. But I don't think it would be pretty.
But, speaking as one who knows firsthand: if you *are* careful, if you *do* maintain your balance, the views from the edge are stunning! The experience, there at the brink of emotion, at the edge of attachment, is nothing short of amazing. But I can quit anytime