Dating Advice: Should I Leave Her Alone??

[vinu]

hi everyone,
This may sound silly because it is actually silly.
There is this Japanese girl that i met in a hostel in New Zealand. Even though, we know each other for about a month, no meaningful conversations ever taken place other than usual greetings and small chats. One day, i suddenly asked her out for dinner which caught her off guard. The next day, she said," no, thank you for inviting me". Is it all over for me? Should i stop pursuing her and leave her alone? Matter of fact, i just can't stop thinking about her. My intentions are genuine including long term relationship.
p.s: the way i asked her out was kind of awkward due to nervousness and my basic shy nature. she is also kind of shy type. I am a decent looking Indian guy.
Thanks in advance.

 

[User#16452]

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[User#6326]

"i cant stop thinking about her".. sounds like you let yourself get way too emotionally invested in this girl.. never do that before you are certain they are interested and have dated a few timrs.. women can sense the neediness a mile away and will not be interested .. sorry bro.. we've all been there

 

[Desktop]

She's probably in New Zealand because of some dude. It's common.

 

[Whateveryouwant]

You've made your intentions to her clear now. You should shift focus and pursue other avenues or focus on yourself. That way if she comes to you thats great but if she doesn't then you havent invested too much. Try not to let these feelings drive you crazy! Good luck!

 

[NormalGuy]

OK, harsh as it sounds, you need to move on, get some life and dating experience under your belt and stop fixating on this girl.

From your own admission, you've never had any meaningful conversations with her, yet you "can't stop thinking about her" and are interested in a "long term relationship", with a girl that you don't know!! You may as well have a fixation on some movie star etc.

So you noticed a cute girl in a hostel, asked her out and she said no. Time to move on and use this as a learning experience. It sounds like you are young, inexperienced and have laid down little ground work with this girl before asking her totally out of the blue to go out for dinner.

There will be a lot more cute girls in your life, learn not to fall for them so quickly as women sense desperation and it's a massive turn off. While you are staying in hostels, build your general confidence by making friends of all sexes, and enjoying time socialising.

 

[vinu]

thanks for all the inputs guys. so it would be better to move on, as you guys says.

 

[DocMcStuffins]

If you're obsessing over you might be better off leaving her alone. But if you take normalguy's advice and make a connection first, I don't see why you can't give it another shot.

 

[Wwanderer]

I second what everyone else said.

If you merely liked her and were just interested in getting to know her better to see how things might develop, I'd say that it would be ok to try to remain casual friends in some not at all aggressive way, but given that you already have strong and even obseessive feelings despite hardly knowing her, I think it would be MUCH wiser to drop contact at this point.

-Ww

 

[User#6326]

try not to beat yourself up.. i know it hurts!

 

[Sinapse]

Leave her alone.. Mentally. Which means yeah, find some other girls you like and talk to them. Stop obsessing over this one girl who you hardly even know. Try to learn about girls before deciding whether you like them or not because you'll find out the ones you thought you liked from the beginning might not be so great, and the ones you never gave a chance might be alright after all!

Find some social circles or ways to meet other women. Then, if you're pursuing other women and this one becomes an afterthought, at that point you could invite her out again.

 

[Wwanderer]

Leave her alone.. Mentally.

Excellent advice, though easier said than done once obsession is already in play of course.

-Ww

 

[Ladylisa]

Leave her alone.. Mentally.

I hope that means that you'll have enough strength and maturity not to treat her any differently now no matter how awkward you feel.

It sounds like you see her occasionally in passing and exchange greetings - so if you start running away when you see her or avoiding her completely you'll make her feel like crap.

Don't deliberately seek her out or anything - but if you run into her take a deep breath and gather your strength greet her exactly as you used to do before you asked her out.