I am sporadic visitor to Tokyo. This time I am curious about visiting dating cafes that I have read about. I know that there is a chain called Kirari in different locations. What are the differences between these cafes? In my case my Japanese is quite limited and I wonder if there is a greater chance of finding English speaking women in a certain location. I am most familiar with the Ikebukuro area and was thinking about going there.
Differences between dating cafes (deai)
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MikeH
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You need to read more. Top right side of your screen is a box saying "Search". Write Kirari or deai cafe there and click. Both should give you couple of hundred messages answering your questions and more.
Hmm, i dont think that there is a significantly higher chance of finding English speaking women in any of the central Tokyo locations.
I think you might just as well try Ikebukuro. Go for the west side one because its much much bigger and busier than the east side.
However, if you dont speak basic Japanese, you wont get in i think.
I think you might just as well try Ikebukuro. Go for the west side one because its much much bigger and busier than the east side.
However, if you dont speak basic Japanese, you wont get in i think.
I guess I owe you all a report from my first visit to Café Kirari this Sunday afternoon. It holds no surprises I guess but someone might find it helpful and enlightening (and hopefully not confusing).
Based on the recommendation from User#8628 above I went to the Kirari Ikebukuro west exit cafe. I had a little bit of difficulties finding the place at first. I wandered off from the West exit just based on vague memories from street view images. After getting lost I made use of the fact that I got a Japanese sim card for this trip and could use an online map to find my way. Then there was no problem. One thing that new visitors to Tokyo should be aware of is that quite a few of any kind of shop or restaurant is frequently not located on the ground floor. So also in this case - the west exit cafe is located on the 6th floor of a building and reached by an elevator. This fact could actually be more convenient for most as no one who sees you get into the elevator can know where you get off. That said, I am not sure what establishments are on the other floors.
The staff at the counter, two young guys, turned out to be very friendly. The first guy I talked to realized that my level of Japanese didn't work for him so he handed me off to his colleague. This other person had a lot of patience with me, but I would have been completely lost if I hadn't read the reviews on for instance this site and Rockitreports. Now when the man tried to make sure that I understood the concept by commenting and pointing to a sheet with images and text explaining the phases of the dating cafe I had no problem confirming that I understood. He also made sure that I understood that a separate negotiation with the girl was included and when I asked whether the women could speak English he said no.
I paid 2100 yen for the membership and an additional 2100 yen for a one-day entrance ticket valid at all the other Kirari shops. He also explained to me that another 2000 yen (I believe it was) was supposed to be paid if you reach an agreement with a woman.
I was really short on time and was about to leave for another appointment, but as I had now paid for a one-day ticket, I made a quick visit to the men's viewing room (let's call it). There were two sections for the women to sit and space in the middle for the men to view them. There was a pretty strong cigarette smell in the room but I also believe there was a refreshening air conditioner present.
I believe there in total to be about thirty seats for the women, but this Sunday afternoon there was only three there. The number of guys was about ten or so. Not much was going on, it seems that the guys were waiting for other options. On a wall there were profile cards for the three women: name, age, measures and some preprinted kanji (checked on non-checked) that I couldn't understand but what I think had to do with what they were interested in doing on a date.
I hesitate to rate the women who were there since that is such a subjective thing, but the three were in the age range 20-26 (at least based on the profile cards). They were average looking but personally I wasn't expecting top models either. While studying the men's viewing room the guy staff showed up to make sure I understood that negotiation with the woman at the shop could not include any monetary exchange. And I confirmed that I understood it. After that I was in a hurry and had to leave the cafe.
Based on the recommendation from User#8628 above I went to the Kirari Ikebukuro west exit cafe. I had a little bit of difficulties finding the place at first. I wandered off from the West exit just based on vague memories from street view images. After getting lost I made use of the fact that I got a Japanese sim card for this trip and could use an online map to find my way. Then there was no problem. One thing that new visitors to Tokyo should be aware of is that quite a few of any kind of shop or restaurant is frequently not located on the ground floor. So also in this case - the west exit cafe is located on the 6th floor of a building and reached by an elevator. This fact could actually be more convenient for most as no one who sees you get into the elevator can know where you get off. That said, I am not sure what establishments are on the other floors.
The staff at the counter, two young guys, turned out to be very friendly. The first guy I talked to realized that my level of Japanese didn't work for him so he handed me off to his colleague. This other person had a lot of patience with me, but I would have been completely lost if I hadn't read the reviews on for instance this site and Rockitreports. Now when the man tried to make sure that I understood the concept by commenting and pointing to a sheet with images and text explaining the phases of the dating cafe I had no problem confirming that I understood. He also made sure that I understood that a separate negotiation with the girl was included and when I asked whether the women could speak English he said no.
I paid 2100 yen for the membership and an additional 2100 yen for a one-day entrance ticket valid at all the other Kirari shops. He also explained to me that another 2000 yen (I believe it was) was supposed to be paid if you reach an agreement with a woman.
I was really short on time and was about to leave for another appointment, but as I had now paid for a one-day ticket, I made a quick visit to the men's viewing room (let's call it). There were two sections for the women to sit and space in the middle for the men to view them. There was a pretty strong cigarette smell in the room but I also believe there was a refreshening air conditioner present.
I believe there in total to be about thirty seats for the women, but this Sunday afternoon there was only three there. The number of guys was about ten or so. Not much was going on, it seems that the guys were waiting for other options. On a wall there were profile cards for the three women: name, age, measures and some preprinted kanji (checked on non-checked) that I couldn't understand but what I think had to do with what they were interested in doing on a date.
I hesitate to rate the women who were there since that is such a subjective thing, but the three were in the age range 20-26 (at least based on the profile cards). They were average looking but personally I wasn't expecting top models either. While studying the men's viewing room the guy staff showed up to make sure I understood that negotiation with the woman at the shop could not include any monetary exchange. And I confirmed that I understood it. After that I was in a hurry and had to leave the cafe.
Deai are new to me. I did a quick Google search and it's basically dating? You pick girls from the store? But I still dont understand how it works. Is it a girlfriend experience and then you just pick another girl another time? Or are they for more serious relationships? I would like a long term relationship.
Can't speak japanese yet, slowly improving.
Can't speak japanese yet, slowly improving.
If the chemistry is right, some girls will exchange line contacts with you and become your long time sugar baby. Not all girls will do this but some girls will be eager. you can also come back and meet another girl if that seems like a more fun option.
Keep in mind that this is definitely sugar dating, almost never regular dating. So keep your wallet ready.
Oh ok, nevermind. I'm not interested in sugar dating. Was hoping it might be more of a blind date kind of gig. Welp the search continues!
Try speed dating.
Appearantly lots of women in their late 30s who are looking for a long term commitment.
I’m not sure what the organizations are called but maybe google for “speed dating Tokyo” or something.
A couple of friends of mine tied the knot thanks to speed dating. I think it’s very much what you’re looking for @Heraculas
I paid a second visit to the Kirari café Ikebukuro west exit this Sunday around 3PM. The men's section was more crowded than last time, I estimate about 20 people in all legal ages (possibly up to 70). And even though no one seemed to pay attention to anyone else, it was unavoidable that we constantly bumped into each other. During the 30 minutes or so that I was there, there were on average 6 or 7 ladies present. And there was some rotation, I think 4 or so new ladies entered while I was there. Due to the crowded room it was a bit of challenge to get to see all the ladies up close. Not so smokey, which I appreciated.
Just like last time, the women were of ordinary appearance in my opinion. According to their profile cards they were in the age range 19-24. As previously mentioned, my Japanese skills are limited but not non-existent. And I had difficulties reading the profile cards. The cards include a name for the girl, her measures (sometimes left blank I noticed), and then some info about what she would be interested in doing (the options are, if I remember correctly, tea, eating, karaoke, and a last one which I could decipher, but I guess it means "other"). Then there was a question (I think) about what personalities she is looking for or accepting with options happy, nice, and older (not sure how old is meant here). Multiple options possible in both cases and actually most girls had checked/encircled all four activities. Finally there was a free text field allowing a short personal sentence of the girl.
After some consideration, I selected a first girl for negotiation. I left her card (which I picked from the wall) and a form that I had filled out about myself including my first name, age, (skipped blood type), and profession (I think it was). I also had the chance to check a box (or multiple) about what I wanted to do. There were many options. Some I could read, but most of them were unreadable to me. I could possibly have asked the staff about this. But I didn't want to disturb them and advertise my ignorance. That might have been a mistake as it turned out.
I thought the point of leaving the form was for the girl to consider seeing me or not, but I was immediately shown into a negotiation room, so I guess she would have to come either way. The negotiation "rooms" (or booths) by the way turned out to be extremely small, just like to seats on the train and a curtain to provide some privacy. And we didn't sit opposite to each other, instead next to each other (just like in the trains).
As I was waiting for the girl I realized that I hadn't memorized her name. How embarrassing I thought. And at the same time not knowing what I had proposed to her in the form, made me lose grip of the situation even before I had met her. She seemed surprised when she arrived after a minute or so. I guess she didn't expect a foreigner. I tried to play the cute card and explained that my Japanese was poor and that I didn't even know what I had proposed. This was a failing strategy and I could feel it. She explained that she didn't speak any English and the conversation started to go nowhere. I came to my senses and threw in "Nani o shitai?". My cute and ignorant approach didn't work. Her response was that my Japanese was too poor. And I said I was sorry and we separated.
This was the only negotiation I tried this day as I had a train to catch and of course I don't regret it even though I am sorry if I wasted her time. I don't think I was unlucky and that this was a rare occasion, I will have to assume that I may get the same response from another girl too if I try again. And trying to picture it from her perspective, I guess it makes sense. If you are not sure what you have agreed upon with the guy, things can end up badly so her rejection made sense to me.
Lessons learned:
Either I try many times and finally find someone who wants to show off her English skills (I think one review of Kirari in the past gives and example of an excellent English speaker) or I go back and work on my conversation skills.
In summary, it is positive that the Kirari is not gaijin-fearing (maybe this is a trend, but a more interesting trend would be if the women would learn more English). In summary, it turned out to be a small hurdle to become a member and they actually discussed the issue negotiating in Japanese and still thought I was acceptable. The real challenge though (and this is based on my only one example) is getting through with the negotiation. If you are like me and you might only become a member, you are still guaranteed entrance to one of those unique Japanese culture phenomena.
Just like last time, the women were of ordinary appearance in my opinion. According to their profile cards they were in the age range 19-24. As previously mentioned, my Japanese skills are limited but not non-existent. And I had difficulties reading the profile cards. The cards include a name for the girl, her measures (sometimes left blank I noticed), and then some info about what she would be interested in doing (the options are, if I remember correctly, tea, eating, karaoke, and a last one which I could decipher, but I guess it means "other"). Then there was a question (I think) about what personalities she is looking for or accepting with options happy, nice, and older (not sure how old is meant here). Multiple options possible in both cases and actually most girls had checked/encircled all four activities. Finally there was a free text field allowing a short personal sentence of the girl.
After some consideration, I selected a first girl for negotiation. I left her card (which I picked from the wall) and a form that I had filled out about myself including my first name, age, (skipped blood type), and profession (I think it was). I also had the chance to check a box (or multiple) about what I wanted to do. There were many options. Some I could read, but most of them were unreadable to me. I could possibly have asked the staff about this. But I didn't want to disturb them and advertise my ignorance. That might have been a mistake as it turned out.
I thought the point of leaving the form was for the girl to consider seeing me or not, but I was immediately shown into a negotiation room, so I guess she would have to come either way. The negotiation "rooms" (or booths) by the way turned out to be extremely small, just like to seats on the train and a curtain to provide some privacy. And we didn't sit opposite to each other, instead next to each other (just like in the trains).
As I was waiting for the girl I realized that I hadn't memorized her name. How embarrassing I thought. And at the same time not knowing what I had proposed to her in the form, made me lose grip of the situation even before I had met her. She seemed surprised when she arrived after a minute or so. I guess she didn't expect a foreigner. I tried to play the cute card and explained that my Japanese was poor and that I didn't even know what I had proposed. This was a failing strategy and I could feel it. She explained that she didn't speak any English and the conversation started to go nowhere. I came to my senses and threw in "Nani o shitai?". My cute and ignorant approach didn't work. Her response was that my Japanese was too poor. And I said I was sorry and we separated.
This was the only negotiation I tried this day as I had a train to catch and of course I don't regret it even though I am sorry if I wasted her time. I don't think I was unlucky and that this was a rare occasion, I will have to assume that I may get the same response from another girl too if I try again. And trying to picture it from her perspective, I guess it makes sense. If you are not sure what you have agreed upon with the guy, things can end up badly so her rejection made sense to me.
Lessons learned:
Either I try many times and finally find someone who wants to show off her English skills (I think one review of Kirari in the past gives and example of an excellent English speaker) or I go back and work on my conversation skills.
In summary, it is positive that the Kirari is not gaijin-fearing (maybe this is a trend, but a more interesting trend would be if the women would learn more English). In summary, it turned out to be a small hurdle to become a member and they actually discussed the issue negotiating in Japanese and still thought I was acceptable. The real challenge though (and this is based on my only one example) is getting through with the negotiation. If you are like me and you might only become a member, you are still guaranteed entrance to one of those unique Japanese culture phenomena.
Junsui hunter
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Ha ha! Japanese mistake there. You want to say do Shotai or more indirectly ask. Nani shitai has sexual connotations so made it awkward.
I guess you could keep persevering u TIL you randomly met a girl who wants to practice English
I guess you could keep persevering u TIL you randomly met a girl who wants to practice English
There is also the gyaku nampa deai cafes, at the very least in those any girl who'd select you already is prepared to talk to a foreigner.
Yes.
In Ikebukuro there is a gyaku nampa momocafe, its pretty big and nice.
If he wants to stick with kirari he can go to the gyaku one in shibuya but i’ve never been there.
I've been to the Shibuya gyaku Kirari once, but my butt didn't even get to touch the seat before I got called up to the two-shot. The male fishbowl was maybe capacity for 8 or so, pretty shabby compared to some of the female fishbowls at other branches.
What was your impression about the women that picked you? Attitude? Interests? Attractiveness? English skills? Would be really interesting to know.
Absolutely smoking hot, young (19), pretty much pushed every one of my buttons and very well may have been the most attractive woman I've ever had sex with. No idea about English, all conversation was in Japanese (confirmed she wanted to go to a hotel, negotiated price down to 2man from the initial offer of 3 and left). In bed was a one-and-done so no real enthusiasm (and she was having girth-handling problems).
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But if she picks a gaijin she must expect that his Japanese very likely is poor. Or am I wrong?
MikeH
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If someone goes to a deai cafe I would guess the expectation is he speaks decent Japanese. At least you need to clear the rules and forms in Japanese with the staff. After that expecting any girl there to speak English at the level they would feel comfortable to go naked in a closed room with you is pretty bold assumption.