Just went to a soapland for the first time and spent time with a really amazing provider. Ended up losing my virginity, which honestly wasn’t a big deal for me, it kind of just happened. But even though the provider was super good and met every expectation I had, I realized this probably just isn’t for me. I’ve done a couple of AMPs before, and for all of the P4P stuff I’ve done, I couldn’t finish. I do have a porn addiction but I stopped for 2 weeks in preparation and got to the point where fantasizing was enough to get me hard.
There were definitely parts of the experience that got me panting like crazy, mostly when I was on my stomach and felt her tongue everywhere and when she went slow.
But I think, either I didn’t give enough time to cure myself from deathgrip/didn’t know how to say what I wanted, or more likely, I realized i crave intimacy more than anything. I’ve never been in a relationship before, never been with someone I really wanted to be with and they wanted to be with me. I kept thinking, does she even want to do this with me specifically? (Obviously not) I also lowkey felt bad because it felt like she was hiding her tiredness (albeit very well) since she is very busy. But that’s probably me just overthinking.
Also was partially thinking why can’t i finish lol
All this to say that I’m grateful for the experience and these guides. and I’m sure there are plenty of men who feel differently about P4P, but for me I think this is a good wake up call to reflect on my life and stop avoiding my problems with instant gratification. Whether it’s working on my health or actually experiencing true intimacy. Even if its not really a lack of intimacy that caused me not to finish, i think I’d rather delude myself into believing it is so that I can become a better person.
Sorry for the weird post, but thought I would share for anyone who felt similarly.
And who knows, maybe one day I’ll come back with a different perspective, although probably unlikely. So more for the rest of ya’ll i guess lol
There were definitely parts of the experience that got me panting like crazy, mostly when I was on my stomach and felt her tongue everywhere and when she went slow.
But I think, either I didn’t give enough time to cure myself from deathgrip/didn’t know how to say what I wanted, or more likely, I realized i crave intimacy more than anything. I’ve never been in a relationship before, never been with someone I really wanted to be with and they wanted to be with me. I kept thinking, does she even want to do this with me specifically? (Obviously not) I also lowkey felt bad because it felt like she was hiding her tiredness (albeit very well) since she is very busy. But that’s probably me just overthinking.
Also was partially thinking why can’t i finish lol
All this to say that I’m grateful for the experience and these guides. and I’m sure there are plenty of men who feel differently about P4P, but for me I think this is a good wake up call to reflect on my life and stop avoiding my problems with instant gratification. Whether it’s working on my health or actually experiencing true intimacy. Even if its not really a lack of intimacy that caused me not to finish, i think I’d rather delude myself into believing it is so that I can become a better person.
Sorry for the weird post, but thought I would share for anyone who felt similarly.
And who knows, maybe one day I’ll come back with a different perspective, although probably unlikely. So more for the rest of ya’ll i guess lol
Last edited:
