Handling English-speaking Girls

[MongerInAStrLnd]

Personally, now that I feel comfortable holding conversations in japanese (its not really that great, probably between N3 and N4 but I'm much more at ease than I used to be) I find dealing with girls in p4p and mizushobai in english kind of uncomfortable and have been actively avoiding english speakers or making a point of only speaking to them in japanese. It seems to me it weakens your position. Anyone else feel this way?

The one exception to this has been Sari at Gakuensai Ikebukuro, who didn't let on to me that she spoke english through many sets, but once I found out that she was 900+ toeic and she was going to be going to be studying abroad soon we shifted to 100% english. Sadly she's just moved this week.

 

[Rusty Trombone]

I normally don't mind people speaking English to me, as at some point in the conversation the level will rise to the point where Japanese becomes the easier to communicate in. At that point most people will be relieved as the conversation flows more easily.
You do get the odd person who just won't let it go. As you say, it appears to weaken your position as they try to control the conversation.

A certain escort on TAG was quite vocal in that she didn't want people speaking Japanese to her, but I'm not so sure everything should be set in stone. What ever comes naturally should determine what language is spoken.

 

[surak]

Personally I have no problem with either English or Japanese, as both are (broken) foreign languages to me, and I speak either or both of them as nasty and flirty as I'm linguistically capable of...

But earlier this year I met this Belarussian stunner in Athens, who suprisingly speaks my native language at a more than conservational level (and god knows how!), which made me noticeably uncomfortable and nervous. Whenever I was trying to speak something dirty, it felt like I was shamefully taking advantage of a female coworker or something. ahh I should have pretended to be a drunk Tibetan and kept fucking her without even saying a word

 

[Manami TMK]

I switch to Japanese completely once I find my client speaks Japanese.
It is a lot easier for me to communicate in my mother tongue. Dah.
What’s the point when they understand
and speak Japanese at good level but I stick with my bad English?

I am sometimes asked if I could handle everything in Japanese for various reasons such as they are also not English speaker and their Japanese is better than English, they want real Japanese experience, they are learning Japanese so wanna enjoy Japanese conversation with a native or simply try to see if I am really fluent in Japanese(!) whatever the reason behind, I am happy to talk to them in Japanese anytime unless there is misunderstanding between two people.

 

[Wwanderer]

What do you guys mean by speaking whatever language making your position "weaker"...in what sense weaker? It sounds very adversarial somehow, but who wants to have pawer games in a conversation with a p4p partner anyway?

-Ww

 

[Rusty Trombone]

What do you guys mean by speaking whatever language making your position "weaker"...in what sense weaker? It sounds very adversarial somehow, but who wants to have pawer games in a conversation with a p4p partner anyway?

-Ww

I’m not sure if weaker is the work, but woman who insist on speaking a certain language rather than whichever is more convince to seem to me to be trying to establish control over the conversation , as in this conversation will take part on my terms.

I had a SB who did this a few years ago. I got tired of the errors in communication, so called it quits. At which point I got a message in English about how I never tried to understand her.

 

[MongerInAStrLnd]

What do you guys mean by speaking whatever language making your position "weaker"...in what sense weaker? It sounds very adversarial somehow, but who wants to have pawer games in a conversation with a p4p partner anyway?

Japanese does use the same word for a partner in a sexual tryst as the one used for an opponent in a competition, so yes, it is adversarial to some extent.

If I am the one paying in a p4p setting there's some expectation that I want to lead the flow of the play unless the scenario is specifically supposed to be ドM.

 

[Simonka]

Well, interesting topic. This is going to be bit of a rant, and probably not everyone will agree with me but here is my opinion:

I’ve been with Japanese men in both night club settings and in P4P. My p4p experience is still new, and maybe it’s too early to conclude the statistics, but they closely echo my night club experience.

Japanese men who have little to no overseas experience who generally lack English skills sometimes cause me problems. (Not always) I don’t want this to sound controversial because I am very grateful for my life in Japan, and I love to be around my Japanese acquintances and friends of both genders. That said, we all have different limits and boundaries. Sometimes the kind of Japanese men I’ve mentioned above cross my limits: my limits for privacy, safety and play.

There is a certain type of client who wants to exploit our physical limits, asks way too many personal questions, wants to gather information & gossip about other girls. Most of the time these guys have never been to overseas and had a real relationship with a foreign woman. They perhaps have no idea that they are just annoying me and I want to get out of there as soon as possible. I obviously don’t have much knowledge about soaplands, delivery etc but the Japanese culture of avoiding conflict seems to have caused this type of client to be completely oblivious to the fact that they are a nuisance to girls. Or they are taking advantage of this.

We all come from different backgrounds and have a different understanding of privacy, but endless questions about my real name, phone number, where I live, work, if I’d like to live with him, if I’d like to marry him, my grandma’s first love etc just leave me completely flabbergasted. This is easy to deal with in a night club. You can just pretend you’re too drunk to understand these questions, or if all else fails blurt out something like “wohooo I love this song” and start dancing. Well, it’s doesn't work in p4p. THANK GOODNESS conversations I’m having with men are way more meaningful in p4p. It must be because when play is on the menu men are way more relaxed and emotionally stable. However it’s also hard to escape from such personal questions and I can’t help but just freeze, knowing that I already point out I don’t tolerate such questions on my website.

Japanese men who have a solid overseas experience, and therefore can communicate well in English almost never act like this. I actually enjoy my time very much with them because often times we are both hyper analytical about mind bogglingly small things and have an endless source of topics to converse about.

Conclusion: As a consequence, I don’t offer my escorting services in Japanese and I keep my initial communication in English. Once a Japanese gentleman finds out I do speak Japanese, the conversation usually is a mix of both languages.

I know I’m pretty new compared to many escorts on Tag, but this is my experience so far. Thanks for reading

 

[Sudsy]

Japanese men who have little to no overseas experience who generally lack English skills sometimes cause me problems.

If it's any consolation, Japanese people who have no overseas experience and no English skills are a tough one, regardless of business, for anyone who has not been here a very long time.

It's not just you. The troubles I have with some of these people when they're introduced to global companies ranges from hilarious to truly distressing. "Wait, so you mean I can't tell the sales rep that she has a great ass and I'd like to slip it to her after the sales meeting? C'mon, that's not harassment, I'm appreciating her beauty!"

 

[Simonka]

If it's any consolation, Japanese people who have no overseas experience and no English skills are a tough one, regardless of business, for anyone who has not been here a very long time.

It's not just you. The troubles I have with some of these people when they're introduced to global companies ranges from hilarious to truly distressing. "Wait, so you mean I can't tell the sales rep that she has a great ass and I'd like to slip it to her after the sales meeting? C'mon, that's not harassment, I'm appreciating her beauty!"

The time I’ve spent in Japan is actually quite long compared to my life span. I have learned Japanese before I came to this country and have always been somewhat interested in the culture. I just want to have respect for my privacy and personal information in a setting where we have mutual agreement. I’m pretty okay with local Japanese people in my vanilla job, the soudan system can be challenging but I’m used to that at this point. (Sometimes I roll my eyes when no one is looking.)

 

[Acid Burn]

I’m not opposed to English but I just prefer Japanese with my providers. English just yanks me out of the fantasy and back into reality. But staying in Japanese, considering my lack of fluency, and assuming a lack of much English ability on the provider’s end, requires a patient provider. And school never taught me how to do sexy talk in Japanese.

And sometimes the language barrier can interrupt the flow of things. One time things were going nicely with my regular girl and she told be to touch her, sawatte, but with all the blood going to junior I thought I heard suwatte, we were lying down so I thought eh, sit down? And I looked at her confused with an ‘eh?’ And then she switched to accented English and told me tacchi タッチ, but my mind being on 座って, I hear the tacchi as 立っち. Eh, now she wants me to stand? More confused ‘eh?’ on my end as I start to sit up she grabs my hand and puts in on her special place and I was all ahhhh, 触ってnot 座って and we have a good laugh and continued on.

but who wants to have pawer games in a conversation with a p4p partner anyway?

I agree with this. I’m new to p4p here, but not having to worry about power games is what I consider to be one of the benefits of p4p.

If I am the one paying in a p4p setting there's some expectation that I want to lead the flow of the play unless the scenario is specifically supposed to be ドM.

Interesting. For me, being the one paying for the p4p service, I have the expectation that the provider will take the lead. That is unless I’m in a setting, jk or amateur for example, where provider inexperience is in play, real or feigned. I guess WALDT in p4p after all.

 

[Simonka]

And school never taught me how to do sexy talk...

Kind advice, don’t say anything with “namete” when you’re requesting a blow job.. It sounds very rude to me when speaking Japanese. Pointing southwards and saying “Chuu shite” is more sweet. You can use the same phrase for DATY.
Also between moans you can say “kimochi ii”, and if it’s really good sex you can let out a wild “meccha kimochi ii”.

 

[Rusty Trombone]

“Namete” really??

I hear it often from girls.

舐めていい？
舐めたい！

I think chu sounds more unnatural

 

[Simonka]

“Namete” really??

I hear it often from girls.

舐めていい？
舐めたい！

I think chu sounds more unnatural

They say that because that’s what guys want to hear -.-‘

 

[Wwanderer]

Well, interesting topic. This is going to be bit of a rant, and probably not everyone will agree with me but here is my opinion:

it’s also hard to escape from such personal questions and I can’t help but just freeze, knowing that I already point out I don’t tolerate such questions on my website.

Not being an internationally inexperienced Japanese man (nor ever having provided intimate p4p services to one ) and not even speaking Japanese to any significant extent, I can't comment on the main point of your post, but here are a few tangential thoughts which your post brought to mind:

- Why, you/one might wonder, do guys ask such personal questions in the first place? While it could be that they are prying for some nefarious purpose, I suspect that in most cases their motive is that such conversations give the encounter a more GFE feel. How often would one refuse to discuss such topics in a "real" (np4p) relationship? It is the same reason, I suppose, that many guys like to discuss their own personal lives with escorts...often far more frankly and openly than they would with anyone they had met so recently in a more conventional social context. It just feels a lot more real, natural and authentic than having a dispassionate conversation about some pop culture topic or an abstract discussion of some intellectual topic or whatever, followed by sex.

- Fwiiw, I have met any number of escorts and SBs who share your feelings about privacy but also many many who have the opposite feeling and clearly enjoy "opening up" a good bit with their customers, especially if it is a GFE sort of date (e.g., dinner and playtime or traveling together). The motives of those in the latter category may be parallel to those of their customers; it makes the interaction feel more natural and less transactional to them. This is especially the case for SBs I think. Another motive may be that it gives them some reassurance that their p4p partners value them as people, not just as bodies with warm and wet orifices (a feeling many sex workers get and hate from their clients). Among those in the first category, who prefer to keep their private lives entirely away from their customers, I know that some escorts deal with issue by inventing elaborate cover stories and personae which they adopt for interactions with their customers, a bit like an undercover agent's "cover" identity. This allows them to respond to the questions of their customers in a way that is comfortable for them and hopefully satisfying for the customer. And of course there are others who, like you, simply decline to discuss their backgrounds and private lives.

Anyway, an interesting topic and one on which there are multiple reasonable perspectives, at least imo.

-Ww

 

[Simonka]

And of course there are others who, like you, simply decline to discuss their backgrounds and private lives.

-Ww

I appreciate the advice but since we have never met I’m not sure how you can come up to such conclusions? Have you ever eavesdropped the conversation as I’m cuddling in the bed with a client?

I don’t think I “simply decline” to discuss such things, and I have a pretty good connection with my clients who are in quest of a true girlfriend experience. I would just prefer to not share private information such as real full name, work address, home address because well, it’s creepy to seek such info in the first place. If a man is asking for my private information within the first 20 minutes of our date, I can’t help but wonder what his real motives are. It’s more like a stalker experience than girlfriend experience to me.

I’d never out a client, (or an escort)and my clients are welcome to share their personal info with me (if they’d like to) but I have to take the safety measures for myself.

You’re (seemingly) pretty experienced to know that girls who do this end up being outed to their social circle, work place etc sooner or later.

 

[Wwanderer]

I appreciate the advice but since we have never met I’m not sure how you can come up to such conclusions?

I don’t think I “simply decline” to discuss such things, and I have a pretty good connection with my clients who are in quest of a true girlfriend experience. I would just prefer to not share private information such as real full name, work address, home address because well, it’s creepy to seek such info in the first place. I’d never out a client, and my clients are welcome to share their personal info with me but I have to take the safety measures for myself.

I didn't intend anything in my post as advice. I imagine you know how you want to handle your work without my help (obviously). These were just observations on the issue...one on which different folks (on both sides of the p4p bed) appear to see things differently and imo all justifiably. My impression/conclusions about your approach to privacy is based on what I read in one of your ads a while back (which I could be recalling incorrectly of course).

Fwiiw, I think refusing to reveal what might be called basic identity information (such as "real full name, work address, home address") is in a different category from not being comfortable discussing more general personal background info (e.g., profession, nationality, countries visited, previous sex work experience, schools attended, political views, number of siblings etc). Few, but some, are ok with revealing the former, especially at first or early meetings; more, but by no means all, are ok with talking about the latter. I don't pretend to know whether you make this distinction or not and, if you do, what seems comfortable to you and what does not. But anyway, I did not mean to make it about you particularly.

-Ww

 

[User#8628]

Personally i prefer to speak Japanese to Japanese people. Its a great practice for me. And with Japanese people i feel like if they have lived overseas and speak English fluently they usually have an accent that gives me second hand embarrassment (American, Australian). If they have learned English in Japan, i feel like i have to slow down my English and articulate it in a broken way to be understandable to them. Of course, they might feel the same about my Japanese. Maybe it bothers them that they have to explain the more uncommon words and have to repeat themselves sometimes. But if its up to me i want to speak in Japanese because it feels more natural.
An exception would be Japanese friends that have been in my life since before i could get around in Japanese and that i used to speak English with since the beginning. In that case its almost impossible to switch. But if i meet new Japanese people, even through TAG, i try to use Japanese most of the time.