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How Do I Win Back A Japanese Girl's Heart?

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YURI

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I had an argument with this Japanese friend of mine. My friend, which is also her friend, told me that she cannot trust me anymore and that she's scared of me--but everything was done through chatting. When I learned that she visited our place, I grabbed the opportunity to make up for her. I told my other friend to take her into a restaurant which I reserved a place for, but don't tell her that I'll be coming. Then there was the surprise--me giving her flowers. Not to mention I hired some musicians to play while I was giving her the flowers. After that, we ate but I didn't talk too much since I was nervous. It was my friend who talked a lot for the both of us.
After we took her to her boarding house, she emailed me, saying thank you and that I should not say sorry anymore. I thought it was okay then, but when I asked my other friend, this Japanese girl told her that she doesn't still trust me and that she's still scared of me.
My other friend informed me that she took her(the Japanese) to her hometown in the countryside. Having heard this, I also went there because I really want to make it up to her. There, we had some beach, we had some laugh and some talking. She was fine. She even smiled at me.
Then I told my other friend to ask her (the Japanese) what she feels about me. Then this Japanese girl told her that she STILL doesn't trust me and that she's still scared of me.
Phew! While I was writing this, I sent her some hand written letter of apology with a flower through my friend. I haven't heard the result yet.
Can anybody please help me? I heard that once you've broken a Japanese's trust, you CANNOT win it back again. I'm so sad. :(
 
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She's right, you've apologized enough.
The best thing to do now is leave her alone. Continuing to apologize and pursue her makes you look desparate, which drives her further away. Give her some time (at least a month) to breathe.
 
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oppai_seijin said:
Sorry to be blunt, but how you did it really sounded creepy.
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Have to agree, I'm not surprised she's scared of you, what you are doing is bordering on stalking. It may seem sweet in your head but if she likes you she'll be the one that contacts you, give her space and if she wants you in her life then she'll let you know.
 
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You went full SIMP, never go full SIMP.

Many guys have failed to realize that groveling, begging, and being too nice often backfires and doesn't work on women these days. Sadly, too many women are viscous or mindless, so will rip a man's heart out their chest without blinking.

Often women will assume you to be a loser or desperate, not understand any strong feelings or love you have for them, or become arrogant, manipulative, or abusive towards you.

Have love only for those that have love for you.
 
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Surprising her by showing up when/where she has no reason to expect you intentionally and with some effort is stalking and is a reasonable cause for her to be afraid of you. Once, maybe...but more than that you are definitely in the red zone.

My advice - stop apologizing and sending flowers or other gifts. The best advice above (from @Floridian is probably to leave her alone, but if that seems intolerable, send her a message (directly or through mutual friends) asking her to meet you at some time and place of her choosing to talk about what happened when you argued with her and to see if there is a way to patch up the relationship. If she declines, then forget about her and move on.

One question: In the OP you, @YURI, wrote "I had an argument with this Japanese friend of mine." Was she just a friend or was she your girlfriend? If the former, however you might actually feel about her, it is hugely inappropriate and almost certainly very counterproductive to start treating her like a gf or ex-gf with the flowers and romantic music and so forth in the midst of trying to win her trust back.

-Ww
 
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@Solong: why are you assuming the OP is a man? Didn't the "YURI" give it away?
 
John Chavers said:
@Solong: why are you assuming the OP is a man? Didn't the "YURI" give it away?
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Yuri is also a male name in Russia and Slavic countries. The profile also says male.

However, if female, the advice mostly still stands. Even as a lesbian: stalking, begging, and groveling will do little to no good.
 
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Thank you for your responses, guys. I really appreciate your advice, thank you, but I refer my question to general situations. Regardless of the example situation above, HOW would you win a Japanese girl's heart back? You may have ideas on winning a girl's heart back, but I am referring to a specific race--Japanese.
Thank you very much for your advice. And by the way, I am a man, though I assume the name Yuri (which sounds female).
 
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YURI said:
HOW would you win a Japanese girl's heart back?
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Obviously it depends on the details of the situation (your previous relationship and what went wrong) as well as on details of her personality and yours, but in general I'd say be direct, gentle, honest, respectful of her (probably hurt) feelings and above all do NOT be manipulative. And in general I'd pay only superficial/cultural attention to her being Japanese; after all Japanese people are first and foremost simply people.

-Ww
 
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It's not race, it's culture, and in Japan, once you have become on the outer, which you have, you are most likely not getting back in. My question to you is what made her scared in the first place? But your behaviour described may answer that question. She maybe was overwhelmed ("scared") and you continue to overwhelm. So, as for winning a Japanese girl's heart back, it depends how you lost it and whether you can, if ever, get it back. I'd say move on and don't bury future prospects in Western overkill.
 
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