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How Strict Is Your Wife?

I would far rather partner with someone who can pull their own weight financially

I manage a career and have a clean apartment clothes laundry etc just fine thank you very much

adding kids into the mix changes things obviously, every day my partner spends with the (hypothetical) kids is invaluable to their soul, but I would expect her to return to work at some point.. Maybe when they are 8 or so.. Part time at first or whatever
 
RandomTokyoGuy said:
I think that works well till there are children at which point one or both usually have to sacrifice some of their independence. Shared accounts are very common. Bigger things you usually buy together...
Without children things can be different. Obviously a shared account doesn't normally mean that one controls all the money.
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In Japan there are no official shared accounts, right? (In the sense that they are only on one person's name.)
Isn't that hard if people informally share their finances/savings and then wanna divorce? (As in, the person who holds the account could try to keep everything for themselves while it was earned together.)
 
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User#8628 said:
In Japan there are no official shared accounts, right? (In the sense that they are only on one person's name.)
Isn't that hard if people informally share their finances/savings and then wanna divorce? (As in, the person who holds the account could try to keep everything for themselves while it was earned together.)
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I guess its a question of how much you put in.. If its enough to cover bills and the occasional extravagance then .. No big deal

maybe more important is a mortgage.. Especially if you aren't a permanent resident therefore it needs to be in waifu's name
 
My litmus test in any relationship is this:

Has she has grown measurably in a positive direction during the relationship/become a "better" person?

Have I grown measurably in a positive direction during the relationship/become a "better" person?
 
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User#16452 said:
I find this whole thread mind-boggling. To me, being an adult means being independent and supporting myself. I have no interest in my partner's finances and I would not discuss my own with them, without good reason.
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I'm not married so take the following with a grain of salt.

At least in the US, once you get married a host of things changes (legally). You can start filing joint tax returns, which can save you huge amounts of money. Banks allow you to open joint accounts. It might make sense to buy life insurance. When jointly signing for a mortgage on a house, the joint income matters. On top of that, America has truly atrocious maternal and paternal leave policies, so if the couple wants to have children, that throws a wrench into things (assuming they don't do independent work). For a lot of reasons, it's good to at least know how much your partner earns in a married relationship, even if just for planning.
 
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User#16452 said:
I'm not American, nor are most of these things I would be interested in doing. I can understand that it follows the "standard life model" to share finances but, like getting married, it just not something I can see logic in, when thought through.
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Whether you see a logic in it or not, in many legislations you don't even have a choice regarding finances, at least when it comes to a break up. If you live together for a prolonged period of time it's treated similarly to marriage.
Of course you don't have to live together with your partner nor does each couple aim for children and your stance on that now might or might not match yours 10years ahead.

I prioritize my freedom quite high as well, but if I commit to having a family... as they say, there is no I in team ;)
I will at least provide a proper amount of funding in whatever sort of pool for shared/family expenses. Of course, even in a marriage, one can take measures to limit financial damage in case of a breakup.

Ideally of course both partners are financially independent and on a similar level, that significantly reduces potential friction, but I wouldn't want to restrict myself to just those partners. Actually financial status would be one of my least important criteria ;)

A lot depends on one's life circumstances, but there isn't a one shoe fits all.
 
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User#16452 said:
I'm not American, nor are most of these things I would be interested in doing. I can understand that it follows the "standard life model" to share finances but, like getting married, it just not something I can see logic in, when thought through.
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The human animal is amazing in its diversity.

Translation: different strokes for different folks
or

Whatever makes you happy!
 
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User#16452 said:
I find this whole thread mind-boggling. To me, being an adult means being independent and supporting myself. I have no interest in my partner's finances and I would not discuss my own with them, without good reason.
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I think this is a very prevalent mentality for anybody working for themselves. (me included)
I would be surprised if an independent worker thinks something else about this subject.
For myself, being in control of my own finance is an empowering thing that I will never give up nor share.
 
john.smith said:
I think this is a very prevalent mentality for anybody working for themselves. (me included)
I would be surprised if an independent worker thinks something else about this subject.
For myself, being in control of my own finance is an empowering thing that I will never give up nor share.
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I don't mind sharing if i'm heavily in love and i see marriage as a pretty strong tie.
 
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I don't mind sharing if i'm heavily in love and i see marriage as a pretty strong tie.
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I'm very surprised.
I never got a girlfriend nor shared my life with someone. But, in some sense, I had lots of failure in business on which I learnt a lot about collaboration.

I can retrace every single of those failure as either greediness where one of my business partner make money in the same industry as my company, but don't give share with the company.
Or jealousy where I make money and share it with the company while but I feel my partner is being lazy.

As such, since then, I always been careful to make my partners and myself independent to each other, where each one have the impression he is working for himself.
I would be too scared my past failure repeat if I allow any imbalance in the relationship.
 
roots reggae said:
Slave?

It's called trust . It's called sharing responsibilities. It's called partnership. It's called a healthy relationship.

It's not BS. It's not a system of retribution based on demands.
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I moved all the way here just to give my money away!
 
At *some* point in *some* relationships you become more concerned with your partner's welfare than with your property or with your own welfare; your life's quality is no longer your first priority. It is a psychological phase transition...a metaphor by which I mean to imply that it connects two very different states of mind and perceptions of reality. Up to that point, a relationship is more akin to a contract or agreement or partnership between two fundamentally independent beings. After that point, for many purposes, the two people are simply components of one entity.

Wine and amazing company sometimes bring clarity.

-Ww
 
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Kegger said:
Opposite here. If I got what I wanted I'd throw out half the shit she buys that is useless. She actually bought a chocolate fountain one day. Used once as it is a bitch to clean. Sitting on a shelf occupying space.
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haha I actually don't mind but it's true that women occupy a lot of space. :D
 
numref1234 said:
I'm not married so take the following with a grain of salt.

At least in the US, once you get married a host of things changes (legally). You can start filing joint tax returns, which can save you huge amounts of money. Banks allow you to open joint accounts. It might make sense to buy life insurance. When jointly signing for a mortgage on a house, the joint income matters. On top of that, America has truly atrocious maternal and paternal leave policies, so if the couple wants to have children, that throws a wrench into things (assuming they don't do independent work). For a lot of reasons, it's good to at least know how much your partner earns in a married relationship, even if just for planning.
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I've never seen the point in creating a joint account. many people do that too in my country (I'm not american) but it seems to create problems and not solving any.
can you help me see a point in it ?
 
e-smile said:
can you help me see a point in it ?
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Partly it is symbolic; it is the couple saying to each other that it is "our money" that we earn and spend jointly and we trust each other totally and implicitly to have access to it and to use it in our joint interest. It also implies a deep trust in the other person's judgement and good will.

Partly it is purely practical; it avoids having to calculate splits on all sorts of expenses and then pay them with two checks or transfers or whatever. There are also legal advantages in many countries. For example when one person dies, the other person does not have to pay inheritance tax on money held in a joint account.

-Ww
 
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Wwanderer said:
Partly it is symbolic; it is the couple saying to each other that it is "our money" that we earn and spend jointly and we trust each other totally and implicitly to have access to it and to use it in our joint interest. It also implies a deep trust in the other person's judgement and good will.

Partly it is purely practical; it avoids having to calculate splits on all sorts of expenses and then pay them with two checks or transfers or whatever. There are also legal advantages in many countries. For example when one person dies, the other person does not have to pay inheritance tax on money held in a joint account.

-Ww
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the practical part isn't obvious, you have to calculate the overall expenses anyway to decide how much money you put in the joint account anyway. calculating half of that isn't really complicated.
and the inheritance part isn't a concern in my country as there is no inheritance tax here.

and the trust part well if there is trust you just send the need money to one of the other's account instead of creating a 3rd one.
 
e-smile said:
the practical part isn't obvious, you have to calculate the overall expenses anyway to decide how much money you put in the joint account anyway. calculating half of that isn't really complicated.
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The simplest approach is that you both put it all in. That is the most common thing to do in the US, at least in my generation.

Couples who only want to merge some of their finances typically put the same fraction of their income into the joint account (not equal amounts) but even this is complicated since in many jobs/professions, you don't know what your income will be until after you have earned it.

One account with all of the money in it is dead easy and doesn't bother most people who do it in terms of independence.

and the inheritance part isn't a concern in my country as there is no inheritance tax here.
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Tax is only one of the issues. If there is a joint account there is no question of who controls the money when one of the account owners dies (or becomes incapacitated or whatever). If no one else's name is on the account of the deceased person it is necessary to go through some legal process (execution of a will if there is one and something far more complex if there is not one) to determine who gets the money.

-Ww
 
Wwanderer said:
The simplest approach is that you both put it all in. That is the most common thing to do in the US, at least in my generation.
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they do that here too and then they argue about personnal expenses.
that's why I say it creates problems and it doesn't solve any.

Wwanderer said:
Tax is only one of the issues. If there is a joint account there is no question of who controls the money when one of the account owners dies (or becomes incapacitated or whatever). If no one else's name is on the account of the deceased person it is necessary to go through some legal process (execution of a will if there is one and something far more complex if there is not one) to determine who gets the money.

-Ww
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there is no question of who controls the money either when each one controls his own money.
if one of the account owners die it makes sense that it goes through legal process because the living one doesn't have to necesseraly be the one who gets all the money. there could be children or other people named by the deceased's will.
 
e-smile said:
they do that here too and then they argue about personnal expenses.
that's why I say it creates problems and it doesn't solve any.
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No, as explained above, it does solve some, and not every couple argues about personal expenses. Not every couple even thinks of *any* expense as one person's or the other's. All expenses are *their* expenses. See my post above

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/how-strict-is-your-wife.11401/page-2#post-68348

To couples like that, having separate accounts or thinking of some expenses as being one person's vs the other's sounds as absurd and needlessly complex as, say, dividing the food in the fridge and pantry into "his" and "hers" and being at pains not to eat each other's etc. Perhaps the amount of food each eats at every meal should be weighed and the cost be apportioned accordingly.

But the one thing that is very clear is that a wide variety of systems work well; many possible systems basically get the job done. Fighting about money is a major issue for many couples, but I doubt that the details of how the finances are handled have much effect either way.

if one of the account owners die it makes sense that it goes through legal process because the living one doesn't have to necesseraly be the one who gets all the money. there could be children or other people named by the deceased's will.
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There could be, but very often, most often in fact, both members of a couple wish the other to have their money if they die first. In these cases, a joint account means that the default ownership is the intended one and saves a lot of time and hassle at a point where the surviving partner has his/her grief and many other practicalities with which to deal. Note that a joint account does not *require* that all the money in it goes to the survivor. A will can specify otherwise for the half of the money associated with the deceased partner.

In my personal opinion, all of this concern about finances is just one of the many ways in which we "idolize" money as a resource some how more important and precious than all others...something that defines us, our personal success/merit, our independence and individuality etc. Actually it is just numbers in computers and less "real" than all sorts of material and non-material possessions that are far more substantial in many ways.

-Ww
 
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e-smile said:
I've never seen the point in creating a joint account. many people do that too in my country (I'm not american) but it seems to create problems and not solving any.
can you help me see a point in it ?
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Either shared household expenses.
Or a bigger account where you shave together because the bigger your saving the bigger your interest.
 
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