How to deal with bullying senpai

[patty diaz]

Ok so I have a senpai at my parttime job who seems to have chosen me as a target. Nitpicking my work and making fun of me whenever he can. I almost blew up at him yesterday but kept my cool as I dont want to be accused of anything. Ive always been kind of shy and introverted and mot able to standup for myself. The fact that hes a senpai, a lot older, Im one of the only female forgeiners etc. Makes me feel like I cant do anything

 

[Jbagz]

I've got a lot of experience with work environment politics and subordinates trying to undermine my authority. I've also had to deal with many superiors who didn't respect me, or tried test me. I was in the military and then worked for a large corporation.

While I'll admit that there is a cultural difference between your work environment and mine, one thing I firmly believe is that you have little to gain being shy and timid.

Set a trap to embarrass him. If his behavior is predictable, then you've got the upper hand. Think of something that will draw his criticism, then have a strong series of comebacks waiting for him.

Don't play checkers with this guy, play chess with him. You have the advantage of being able to set up a situation where he starts his bullshit with you, and then have your next four or five moves mapped out.

War game the scenario in your mind throughly. I bet you have enough information about him and will probably be able to anticipate the types of things he will say. Spend some time think about what to say and do that will make him feel uncomfortable.

You most likely don't have to lose your cool and blow up at him to intimidate him.

Have you ever been in a confrontation where after it was over, you thought of the perfect thing to say or do?

With bullies you know their pattern of behavior and it is certainly something you can exploit to your advantage.

You know the dynamics of the work environment better than any of us. Give it some thought and you'll come up with something that will make him ease up.

And stop being shy!

 

[Rusty Trombone]

Can I hazard a guess? Mid-level employee with no promotion possibilities? Has a little bit of responsibility but wields it like he is the companies holy grail?

And the situation is that no matter how much he bullies you, if you react then it always comes back on you.

Unfortunately all I think you can do is play to his ego. If he criticizes you, then ask him to show you how he would do it etc.

Only time you can really confront him is after a few drinks in social setting, and then you can blame it on the drink.

 

[Ken1988]

Ok so I have a senpai at my parttime job who seems to have chosen me as a target. Nitpicking my work and making fun of me whenever he can. I almost blew up at him yesterday but kept my cool as I dont want to be accused of anything. Ive always been kind of shy and introverted and mot able to standup for myself. The fact that hes a senpai, a lot older, Im one of the only female forgeiners etc. Makes me feel like I cant do anything

I'm sorry to hear that you are in a difficult situation in the workplace. He is obviously rude. How about your other colleagues? Are they following his lead against you?; watching him bullying you as if nothing is happening before them?; or giving you any support/help? I hope you are not isolated. Keeping your cool as you've been doing would be one of the best options, but that's exhausting.

 

[Jbagz]

Can I hazard a guess? Mid-level employee with no promotion possibilities? Has a little bit of responsibility but wields it like he is the companies holy grail?

And the situation is that no matter how much he bullies you, if you react then it always comes back on you.

Unfortunately all I think you can do is play to his ego. If he criticizes you, then ask him to show you how he would do it etc.

Only time you can really confront him is after a few drinks in social setting, and then you can blame it on the drink.

I'll be the first to admit that the Japanese cultural environment is probably a lot more restrictive in the type of hardball tactics that one can employ.

But I had to cope with military protocol and still figured out ways to intimidate and influence bullies above and below me in the hierarchy.

Her advantage is she knows what he is going to do, and that is a damned big advantage.

Maybe her first step is to be on top of her game in the job. If he criticizes irrational things, that too is a weakness that can potentially exploited.

I'm being a only a little facetious here when I say to think of how a masterful PUA operates.

They spend days, and sometimes weeks thinking about scenarios and conversations. They integrate knowledge of human behavior with cultural knowledge to operate in socially confining spaces like subways and street corners.

Managing work related interactions is no different. Thoughtful preparation can take you far and allow you to do amazing things.

Shutting a bully down, or at least giving him a "bloody nose" is relatively easy.

 

[Ches]

Oh my god! This is soooo me right now. I am doing a part time work while studying and there is this sempai who wouldn't stop bullying me. During the first few days I would cry when I get home coz of stress coz of him. Now i've gotten used to it, a little bit. His hobbie is pointing out my mistakes and talking to me like a piece of shit. Even if there is no need to ask question about anything, he would just be cause he wants me to look stupid. Also he talks to me like a dog, like "そこにぜたい行かない！" i don't know maybe coz I am more used to respectful japanese I might be reading more into it, but he is crazzzy craaaazy mean! Also ironically, he talks to me in keigo sometimes, simply because He knows I haven't studied keigo and he knows I wouldn't understand and when I look confused he is gonna be like, "日本語分からない？！、分からないでしょう！" ghad, he is craaaazy, also he likes to work as close as possible to me, so he would point out my mistakes. Called me "じゃま"while working.Damn that boy. He is even a year younger than me. But he has been working there for a while and I am new. I have imagined torturing him in my mind over and over again. Junko Furuta style.

 

[TAG Manager]

I've been in Japan too long, I'm probably jaded (just a little) when it comes to people who try to pull this shit with me.

When I first got here, same exact stuff that Patty and Ches describe... even got chastised for using my earbuds when clearly other people were allowed to or were ignored. (When I'm writing reports, music makes things go faster...)

Those days are long gone for me, but I developed my own brand of defense which usually meant pulling the foreigner card and not bowing to the culture. Probably not the best way, but the jackasses that thought they could harass me, were sorely mistaken. My first 2 years in Japan, were rough to say the least. Things are much better now... got promoted a couple of times, pretty much work autonomously now.

@patty diaz -- He probably thinks he can push you around because you're A) a woman (no offense) and B) shy = easy prey.
@Ches -- I'm surprised at you. I thought you were always a fireball who didn't take anyone's crap. That dude you're talking about, just sounds like he's jealous of you or maybe was scorned by some girl and he's taking it out on you, 'cause you're an easy target in this particular case.

Japanese bullies completely get deflated as soon as someone stands up to them. In particular, a foreigner...
I had my fair share of bullying days, learned real fast how to shut them down.

That's just my 2 yen, shooting from the hip... apologies for any offensive remarks to the ladies.

 

[patty diaz]

Can I hazard a guess? Mid-level employee with no promotion possibilities? Has a little bit of responsibility but wields it like he is the companies holy grail?

And the situation is that no matter how much he bullies you, if you react then it always comes back on you.

Unfortunately all I think you can do is play to his ego. If he criticizes you, then ask him to show you how he would do it etc.
Only time you can really confront him is after a few drinks in social setting, and then you can blame it on the drink.

You hit the nail on the head hes that exactly. Ive been here longer than him however hes a shyain and im baito so he has power. So frustrating just biting my tongue

 

[TAG Manager]

hes a shyain

Did you mean 正社員? (Seishain)

 

[patty diaz]

Yes

Did you mean 正社員? (Seishain)

正社員 hes been with the company awhile but came to our branch a few months back.

 

[patty diaz]

Oh my god! This is soooo me right now. I am doing a part time work while studying and there is this sempai who wouldn't stop bullying me. During the first few days I would cry when I get home coz of stress coz of him. Now i've gotten used to it, a little bit. His hobbie is pointing out my mistakes and talking to me like a piece of shit. Even if there is no need to ask question about anything, he would just be cause he wants me to look stupid. Also he talks to me like a dog, like "そこにぜたい行かない！" i don't know maybe coz I am more used to respectful japanese I might be reading more into it, but he is crazzzy craaaazy mean! Also ironically, he talks to me in keigo sometimes, simply because He knows I haven't studied keigo and he knows I wouldn't understand and when I look confused he is gonna be like, "日本語分からない？！、分からないでしょう！" ghad, he is craaaazy, also he likes to work as close as possible to me, so he would point out my mistakes. Called me "じゃま"while working.Damn that boy. He is even a year younger than me. But he has been working there for a while and I am new. I have imagined torturing him in my mind over and over again. Junko Furuta style.

Im so sorry you have to deal with this. Ive had simliar things happen and I just want to cry on the spot. Like the being spoken to like an idiot etc. If hes younger than you, you have every right to shut him down. Say why are you talking like that to someone older than you have some respect. nasty asshole

 

[Rusty Trombone]

Junko Furuta style

I had to google that! OMFG!!

You hit the nail on the head hes that exactly. Ive been here longer than him however hes a shyain and im baito so he has power. So frustrating just biting my tongue

I'm not sure what industry you're in but maybe you offer to make him cup of coffee and add some special saliva flavoring.

 

[patty diaz]

I had to google that! OMFG!!


I'm not sure what industry you're in but maybe you offer to make him cup of coffee and add some special saliva flavoring.

That sounds wonderful haha

 

[TAG Manager]

Yes

正社員 hes been with the company awhile but came to our branch a few months back.

Yeah, he's got a coat of steel then... at least in principle. Takes a lot to get fired in that case.. but getting transferred is usually the solution when someone is causing a problem.

 

[just4fun]

I had to google that! OMFG!!


I'm not sure what industry you're in but maybe you offer to make him cup of coffee and add some special saliva flavoring.

Better if you have a cold......

 

[nubon]

Better if you have a cold......

Add a laxative

 

[Ches]

I'm surprised at you. I thought you were always a fireball who didn't take anyone's crap. That dude you're talking about, just sounds like he's jealous of you or maybe was scorned by some girl and he's taking it out on you, 'cause you're an easy target in this particular case.

I don't usually let people bully me, but this case i'd have to deal it with coz I am just starting in japan and I wanna be able to build a good career and resume. I put a different face at work than the normal me. Also him talking to me in high japanese would probably help me in the long run. After all, I got that part time job to talk japanese and practice what I have been studying, the salary was just a bonus, and it isn't as much either.

 

[Jbagz]

I'm not sure what industry you're in but maybe you offer to make him cup of coffee and add some special saliva flavoring.

While that does provide a morale boost to friendly troops, it is only a symbolic victory. The suggestion to add a laxative to the coffee is fraught with problems of camouflaging the taste, and the probability of discovery is too high.

For those who want to escalate inter-office warfare, I'm an advocate of attacking the enemy with scented sachets.

Take a paper towel and fold it into a neat square, then thoroughly saturate the towel in the juice from a sardine can. (Helpfu Hint: Prepare your sardine sachets at home and transport them to work in a ziplock bag.)

Attach the sachet to the underside of your enemy's desk with packing tape (the thin kind with fiberglass threads). Apply the tape in an X fashion. This way it will look like a curious desiccate packet or something that was applied at the furniture factory and somehow went horribly foul.

It might take a couple of weeks before it is discovered.

There are many variations of the scent bomb attack. I once shoved a whole Burger King Whopper behind a bothersome LT Colonel's filing cabinet. Within a week his office smelled like a Cincinnati garbage truck.

Overcoats and blazers that the enemy leaves hanging in the office can be attacked with copious amounts of Brute Faberge or Old Spice.

I could go on for pages with this stuff... oh what fun!

 

[Rusty Trombone]

@Jbagz love it.
A true evil genius!!

 

[Exnocomment]

While that does provide a morale boost to friendly troops, it is only a symbolic victory. The suggestion to add a laxative to the coffee is fraught with problems of camouflaging the taste, and the probability of discovery is too high.

For those who want to escalate inter-office warfare, I'm an advocate of attacking the enemy with scented sachets.

Take a paper towel and fold it into a neat square, then thoroughly saturate the towel in the juice from a sardine can. (Helpfu Hint: Prepare your sardine sachets at home and transport them to work in a ziplock bag.)

Attach the sachet to the underside of your enemy's desk with packing tape (the thin kind with fiberglass threads). Apply the tape in an X fashion. This way it will look like a curious desiccate packet or something that was applied at the furniture factory and somehow went horribly foul.

It might take a couple of weeks before it is discovered.

There are many variations of the scent bomb attack. I once shoved a whole Burger King Whopper behind a bothersome LT Colonel's filing cabinet. Within a week his office smelled like a Cincinnati garbage truck.

Overcoats and blazers that the enemy leaves hanging in the office can be attacked with copious amounts of Brute Faberge or Old Spice.

I could go on for pages with this stuff... oh what fun!

This is terrible! I'm pretty sure it's a fireable offence too, geez!

So I'm a definite newbie when it comes to Japan still but as "management" a follow-up question: for these nasty senpai, if they were transferred, any sense if their responsibility was reduced or salary cut? If so, they might just be in the process of being made redundant already.

I've been told that as it is technically illegal to fire regular full time employees.. One of the tricks is to make them quit. Cut their pay, transfer them to high stress or extremely boring jobs until they leave. This of course creates a toxic work environment until then, of course.

 

[e-smile]

Ok so I have a senpai at my parttime job who seems to have chosen me as a target. Nitpicking my work and making fun of me whenever he can. I almost blew up at him yesterday but kept my cool as I dont want to be accused of anything. Ive always been kind of shy and introverted and mot able to standup for myself. The fact that hes a senpai, a lot older, Im one of the only female forgeiners etc. Makes me feel like I cant do anything

I'd ask him for a minute to talk and tell I feel uncomfortable with his attitude. if it doesn't solve the problem I'd go to the boss ready to resign if things doesn't change.

 

[Jbagz]

This is terrible! I'm pretty sure it's a fireable offence too, geez!
.

It's also pretty obvious that it is humor. Although this kind of stuff does go on in the American military.

 

[just4fun]

While that does provide a morale boost to friendly troops, it is only a symbolic victory. The suggestion to add a laxative to the coffee is fraught with problems of camouflaging the taste, and the probability of discovery is too high.

For those who want to escalate inter-office warfare, I'm an advocate of attacking the enemy with scented sachets.

Take a paper towel and fold it into a neat square, then thoroughly saturate the towel in the juice from a sardine can. (Helpfu Hint: Prepare your sardine sachets at home and transport them to work in a ziplock bag.)

Attach the sachet to the underside of your enemy's desk with packing tape (the thin kind with fiberglass threads). Apply the tape in an X fashion. This way it will look like a curious desiccate packet or something that was applied at the furniture factory and somehow went horribly foul.

It might take a couple of weeks before it is discovered.

There are many variations of the scent bomb attack. I once shoved a whole Burger King Whopper behind a bothersome LT Colonel's filing cabinet. Within a week his office smelled like a Cincinnati garbage truck.

Overcoats and blazers that the enemy leaves hanging in the office can be attacked with copious amounts of Brute Faberge or Old Spice.

I could go on for pages with this stuff... oh what fun!

My kinda pal!!!!

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

Oh my god! This is soooo me right now. I am doing a part time work while studying and there is this sempai who wouldn't stop bullying me. During the first few days I would cry when I get home coz of stress coz of him. Now i've gotten used to it, a little bit. His hobbie is pointing out my mistakes and talking to me like a piece of shit. Even if there is no need to ask question about anything, he would just be cause he wants me to look stupid. Also he talks to me like a dog, like "そこにぜたい行かない！" i don't know maybe coz I am more used to respectful japanese I might be reading more into it, but he is crazzzy craaaazy mean! Also ironically, he talks to me in keigo sometimes, simply because He knows I haven't studied keigo and he knows I wouldn't understand and when I look confused he is gonna be like, "日本語分からない？！、分からないでしょう！" ghad, he is craaaazy, also he likes to work as close as possible to me, so he would point out my mistakes. Called me "じゃま"while working.Damn that boy. He is even a year younger than me. But he has been working there for a while and I am new. I have imagined torturing him in my mind over and over again. Junko Furuta style.

So instead of dealing with the bullying you receive at work like a mature adult, you log onto TAG and take your anger out on people on here by throwing out random insults...

I am sorry, but I can't sympathize with your current tragedy.

 

[Ches]

So instead of dealing with the bullying you receive at work like a mature adult, you log onto TAG and take your anger out on people on here by throwing out random insults...

I am sorry, but I can't sympathize with your current tragedy.

Haha, I don't mix tag and work. Just so you know. I'm just being the usual me lol. I'm surprized you act like it is the first time