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I Love My Wife, But...

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iCn419

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Hello

I am new to this forum. There is something that is really bothering me at the moment. Not sure if this is the right forum though... Anyways I wanted to give it a try. This is not a joke, I am writing for real.

How can I explain my situation..? I love my wife. I really do. We have been married for over 3 years now. Basically everything is fine. We just relocated to Tokyo from the 'back country' of Saitama (well, one hour by train to Ikebukuro). We don't have serious issues. Just normal things like 'You didn't bring out the trash this morning. bla bla' But there is one thing that is frustrating me. I don't feel satisfied. I mean in a sexual way. Sometimes I have the feeling that I want to try another girl. Just to see how it is. Is this normal? Men play around by nature, right?

A couple of day ago I registered on the japancupid website and I even bought the 1 month Gold membership to get in touch with girls. But I am hiding my photo. :cautious: I think it is waste of money because I have to hide myself. So I cannot really use the website. On the other hand the amount of 3500 yen really doesn't hurt. :greedy:

What else can I do? Get in touch with girls online, meet them and go to hotel with them for three hours? Entering the JAV industry? o_O

I know my post might be weird, but I am afraid that I cannot talk to my wife directly. She might think that I want to play around and that I am with her only for keeping the visa (spouse visa). :punch:
---

Regards
 
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This is a good forum to get advice and feedback in. There are people here that have been in your place before.

I have my own feedback, but can't reply in detail until later.
 
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This forum provides you options that best suit you. There's no clear discription of what you are not satisfied with: looks, doing things you want, being denied sex, frequency, just a bad performer.
Since you are already married some of these things can probably be fixed. Get her a make over, hair color change, sexy underwear. Watch some adult movies together.
Not everyone on the site will immediately suggest you to try someone else. If you choose that I would suggest a paid option where you don't have to invest time or lie.
A massage with a happy ending might even let you blow off some frustration.
 
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Ok, well, the others said pretty much what I wanted to say... @Desktop was pretty much on target with what I wanted to say.

Wwanderer said:
I hear @TAG Manager can help you find work in the adult film industry. :D
Click to expand...

Don't even go there... can't help anyone with that...
 
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Desktop said:
This forum provides you options that best suit you. There's no clear discription of what you are not satisfied with: looks, doing things you want, being denied sex, frequency, just a bad performer.
Since you are already married some of these things can probably be fixed. Get her a make over, hair color change, sexy underwear. Watch some adult movies together.
Not everyone on the site will immediately suggest you to try someone else. If you choose that I would suggest a paid option where you don't have to invest time or lie.
A massage with a happy ending might even let you blow off some frustration.
Click to expand...

Wwanderer said:
More seriously, very much what @Desktop said, especially the part about going with a paid option if you decide you want to be with a different woman sexually and if you want to minimize the risk to your marriage.

-Ww
Click to expand...

I pretty much agree with the advice above. You need to be clear about what it is that you are unsatisfied about in order to maximize the advice you are getting.
Now just based on what you said in your message about getting the feeling that you'd like to try other girls is totally normal. I can't walk around anywhere in public for more than a minute without at least getting a half stiffy.

Things to consider:

Are the things that make you feel unsatisfied sexually something that could change in your wife?

Have you talked to her about these things and what you want sexually in your relationship?

If no, how do you think she would react if you brought these issues up?

If the first 2 answers are no and the third 'badly', I hate to say it but sex probably isn't the only problem in your relationship. Honest communication in a relationship is essential if you want it to work long term. I don't think I'm giving anybody any new info here.

Should you decide to continue on your path to meet someone else consider the following:

Meeting another person from a dating site probably means that they are looking for something in a partner too. You are looking for whatever it is that your wife doesn't provide. If there isn't some sort of overlap in your needs, your probably wasting your time. And it's really difficult on the online dating scene to blatantly say "hey, my wife doesn't satisfy me. I'm looking for someone to fill that part of life" with any amount of success. You'd have to be sneaky in your approach and if you get someone interested, make sure they don't actually fall for you because then it could spell disaster for your relationship with your wife. There are some nutters out there.

If you go the p4p route, yes, you can easily avoid any of the messy emotional stuff that comes along with shagging someone who isn't your wife. Unless... you fall for the provider.
The other thing is that again it comes down to 'what need isn't being satisfied at home?'. If you do the p4p thing, you need to make sure that the provider you choose will satisfy that need (not to mention at a cost that will not raise suspicion at home). You can read reviews here and find someone that sounds like what you want and hope that your mileage variance isn't off. Be careful as reviews are highly subjective and there are many tales of disappointment here. That's all if you have some specific sexual desire or fetish that isn't being satisfied.

If you just want to bone someone else you can do what I do: give yourself a nice good wank and the feeling passes. Can't tell you how many hundreds of thousands of yen I've saved doing that.

Keep it Randy
 
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I agree with what was posted above. First and foremost you should identify why exactly you are dissatisfied and if a bit on the side is the only remedy.

Aside from that it's mostly a moral question. The moral standards of your wife determine the potential damage and your own standards determine whether or not you can still look into the mirror afterwards. You wouldn't be the first person who had to confess afterwards. If you go that route, be sure to have things straightened out with yourself.

I think the PUA crew can give more advice on how to find a casual relationship or even singular encounters with dating apps. I fear you will meet a lot of financial interest if you look that route. That you have no pic of yourself may not be a problem as long as you have a pic that creates interest. Some people use pets, their favorite cocktail whatsoever. No pic at all is very unlikely to catch much interest.
 
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iCn419 said:
Hello

I am new to this forum. There is something that is really bothering me at the moment. Not sure if this is the right forum though... Anyways I wanted to give it a try. This is not a joke, I am writing for real.

How can I explain my situation..? I love my wife. I really do. We have been married for over 3 years now. Basically everything is fine. We just relocated to Tokyo from the 'back country' of Saitama (well, one hour by train to Ikebukuro). We don't have serious issues. Just normal things like 'You didn't bring out the trash this morning. bla bla' But there is one thing that is frustrating me. I don't feel satisfied. I mean in a sexual way. Sometimes I have the feeling that I want to try another girl. Just to see how it is. Is this normal? Men play around by nature, right?

A couple of day ago I registered on the japancupid website and I even bought the 1 month Gold membership to get in touch with girls. But I am hiding my photo. :cautious: I think it is waste of money because I have to hide myself. So I cannot really use the website. On the other hand the amount of 3500 yen really doesn't hurt. :greedy:

What else can I do? Get in touch with girls online, meet them and go to hotel with them for three hours? Entering the JAV industry? o_O

I know my post might be weird, but I am afraid that I cannot talk to my wife directly. She might think that I want to play around and that I am with her only for keeping the visa (spouse visa). [emoji14]unch:
---

Regards
Click to expand...
It would probably be better to use Tinder. You can set your Facebook account, which Tinder uses, to private and that only you can see it.

Because of how Tinder works, a person can't search for you specifically. Pictures come up randomly. The mathematical odds of a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend seeing your picture is very low. And if a spouse were to see it, it means they are using Tinder too.
 
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Solong said:
Because of how Tinder works, a person can't search for you specifically. Pictures come up randomly. The mathematical odds of a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend seeing your picture is very low. And if a spouse were to see it, it means they are using Tinder too.
Click to expand...

Japanese girls don't understand how to use Tinder ... you may get to meet some other nice girl, but those J-girls on Tinder... are clueless. (no offense) -- Not related to the quote directly, but just don't expect much. The most irritating thing about Tinder is those girls who write "message me!" and don't realize we can't until they 'like' someone. haha.

And yeah, if spouse sees your pic/info... they can't just randomly find it without using the app themselves.
 
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@all,

Thank you very much for all your answers and your efforts. Sorry for my later reply. I wasn't able to get back yesterday.

Yeasterday I was out with a friend of mine and he adviced me to look back the last 15 years of my life. I am 35 years old now. Looking back I never enjoyed my 20s. I joined the military when I was 19 years and left with 23. After the time I suffered from PTSD many years due to my experiences in AFG. I was sick. And that might be the reason why I never could enjoy a sexual life. I had only 2 girls in my life. My first GF was a Taiwanese girl. That time I was 29, also the year when I had my first time. I was with her during my Working Holidays in Fukuoka. My second GF became my wife. Friends say my wife is a 1:1 copy of Fumika Suzuki.

This morning I closed my profile on japancupid.com. Well, 3500 yen loss. But I don't care... :)

The best way to solve this is to talk with my wife. I am sure that will not lead into WW3. She is very open and knows that western people talk about problems and not act like Japanese guys...

To be continued...
---

Regards
 
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Best wishes and good luck to you and your wife!

Fumika Suzuki! Seriously?! Ever thought of taking her to an HB? :D

-Ww
 
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Solong said:
It would probably be better to use Tinder. You can set your Facebook account, which Tinder uses, to private and that only you can see it.

Because of how Tinder works, a person can't search for you specifically. Pictures come up randomly. The mathematical odds of a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend seeing your picture is very low. And if a spouse were to see it, it means they are using Tinder too.
Click to expand...

I don't know about anyone else...but Tinder isn't working for me at all. After I install it and try to log into my facebook (which has no issues on that end) it will just give me the same error and not log in lol. Reinstalling doesn't do a thing either. Line keijiban is a good alternative for me.
 
iCn419 said:
Seriously! To be honest I didn't know who Fumika Suzuki is before I checked the name. o_O But I am not into Japanese idols.
Click to expand...

We are in the same boat, but after asking Google about her, I wish I had your problems :D
Best of luck for the two of you!
 
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TAG Manager said:
I'll gladly forward them to you if that interests you. Haha.
Click to expand...

You should host a "rogues gallery" so all and sundry can have a chuckle. :)
 
Sudsy said:
You should host a "rogues gallery" so all and sundry can have a chuckle. :)
Click to expand...

Thought about it, but it wouldn't be the professional thing to do. Posting the text of the messages was good enough, for now.

PS: this is the equivalent of girls getting dick pics on dating apps, lol
 
iCn419 said:
@all,

Thank you very much for all your answers and your efforts. Sorry for my later reply. I wasn't able to get back yesterday.

Yeasterday I was out with a friend of mine and he adviced me to look back the last 15 years of my life. I am 35 years old now. Looking back I never enjoyed my 20s. I joined the military when I was 19 years and left with 23. After the time I suffered from PTSD many years due to my experiences in AFG. I was sick. And that might be the reason why I never could enjoy a sexual life. I had only 2 girls in my life. My first GF was a Taiwanese girl. That time I was 29, also the year when I had my first time. I was with her during my Working Holidays in Fukuoka. My second GF became my wife. Friends say my wife is a 1:1 copy of Fumika Suzuki.

This morning I closed my profile on japancupid.com. Well, 3500 yen loss. But I don't care... :)

The best way to solve this is to talk with my wife. I am sure that will not lead into WW3. She is very open and knows that western people talk about problems and not act like Japanese guys...

To be continued...
---

Regards
Click to expand...

I see you have reasons for having not enjoyed your 20's as much as you would have wanted, and while you can't have that back, it's very understandable that you want and need to live your life a better way now.

First, you need to realize that you actually do by having a beautiful wife and loving each other. She can help you continue "turning the page" (dark it seems) of your past, and you have tons of nice things to experience together.

Your need to see other girls is worth exploring, and there's lot of routes possible. All involve your wife in their own way. Even meeting girls without telling her changes your relationship (even possibly including positive effects).

It's not only about yourself and shouldn't be even by putting your history on the balance : it's a subject that can trigger the most extreme conflicts in a girl's mind. And by this I'm not talking about the classic (but common) first step of "she makes a scene".
She might :
- take it personally and it hits her self confidence
- think her life gets unbalanced when she thought she finally made it ok through marriage
- get revulsed by your needs
- think she can't play a part in this (can she ?)
- think it conflicts with her life trajectory (kids, if you have some or plan to)

At the same time she might have thought about it and even have fantasies she never shared. Or she's just not interested.

It's actually very common that she'll feel all of the above, with maybe a few exceptions and maybe not all at once.

You can learn a lot by talking about it, at her pace (no strong time constraint, right ?), without going all-in and pushy. If you really guess what she is comfortable with, you can build a minimal idea (plan?) on what to do next.
Not saying it can't be quick or honest, just that in a marriage, both partners are entitled to have everyone's happiness in mind, and you have common ground where you can meet and have fun. It's evolving and in the end you both have to create your story, or I should say stories, with the best effort and renewed possibilities on your shared one.

Take good care of each other and have some nice fun.
 
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