Is sugar dating overrated?

[Nosophobia2017]

If what a sugar babe says is true —that they only spend time with their SD for his money and gifts, then is this form of dating nothing more than another form of prostitution?

 

[MikeH]

Here we go again...

 

[jhingy567]

I think I've already read some threads discussing this.
People have strong opinions about it too.

 

[Lukes]

Someone should put that in the "about me" section of their Seeking Arrangement profile and see what happens.

 

[Nosophobia2017]

Not here for negative comments or fights. I’m only interested in whether sugar dating is like soft porn and hard porn.

 

[Mischa Maxwell]

If what a sugar babe says is true —that they only spend time with their SD for his money and gifts, then is this form of dating nothing more than another form of prostitution?

Absolutely, being a Sugar Baby is nothing more than a ‘soft’ form of prostitution.

Speak to many escorts (myself included), and many of us have had a go at being a Sugar Baby at one point or another. (There is an entire forum on TAG re: this topic).

The client/escort relationship is much safer than the Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship for a number of reasons. Boundaries and safe sex expectations being at the top of the list.

 

[Mischa Maxwell]

Not here for negative comments or fights. I’m only interested in whether sugar dating is like soft porn and hard porn.

I don’t quite understand your question.

Is being a Sugar Baby like soft porn and being an escort like hard porn?

If this is your question, the answer is no. As an escort you advertise only the bedroom activities that you feel comfortable with. As a SB, you only agree to do with your SD what you are comfortable with. An escort may provide a ‘girlfriend experience’ whereas an SB may agree to bondage and domination. Or vice versa. It all varies according to the parties involved.

 

[Mischa Maxwell]

Someone should put that in the "about me" section of their Seeking Arrangement profile and see what happens.

Someone has! A potential SD whose profile I stumbled across. I will try to find it and post it!

 

[Nosophobia2017]

I don’t quite understand your question.

Is being a Sugar Baby like soft porn and being an escort like hard porn?

If this is your question, the answer is no. As an escort you advertise only the bedroom activities that you feel comfortable with. As a SB, you only agree to do with your SD what you are comfortable with. An escort may provide a ‘girlfriend experience’ whereas an SB may agree to bondage and domination. Or vice versa. It all varies according to the parties involved.

That was my question, I left out some similes. Sorry distracted by work.

 

[Nosophobia2017]

Someone has! A potential SD whose profile I stumbled across. I will try to find it and post it!

So someone did that? Well isn’t that interesting. So is there something better than sugar dating?

 

[Nosophobia2017]

I always thought SBs were more about the friendship than the money but perhaps I’ve been misinformed.

 

[jhingy567]

I always thought SBs were more about the friendship than the money but perhaps I’ve been misinformed.

yes it's all about friendship

 

[User#8628]

Well, unless its a non sexual arrangement, which exist (or at least seeking arrangement wants you to believe they exist, lol), money and sex are the essentials, so the base is the same.

Sugar dating has a lot more opportunity to become emotionally intimate.
To me, i always strife for this so there is not much difference for me personally between seeing repeat clients as an escort and seeing a sugar daddies. But i think there are escorts who like to keep a lot more "professional distance" and are more specialized in PSE and stuff.

 

[Nosophobia2017]

Well, unless its a non sexual arrangement, which exist (or at least seeking arrangement wants you to believe they exist, lol), money and sex are the essentials, so the base is the same.

Sugar dating has a lot more opportunity to become emotionally intimate.
To me, i always strife for this so there is not much difference for me personally between seeing repeat clients as an escort and seeing a sugar daddies. But i think there are escorts who like to keep a lot more "professional distance" and are more specialized in PSE and stuff.

You might be an anomaly. For me, “professional distance” is preferred. I can’t imagine having a SB relationship. It seems like the emotional drain of it would not be worth it, while the get in, get out no contact till the next booking aspect of escorting would fit my personality. Sometimes it’s nice to communicate, but not always and it’s not always that one wants to spend money but just sit back and relax. Sometimes you want to just shoot the breeze, but then go cold for weeks, months. And if the base is the same, then I find no real difference in the concept of it. So why don’t agencies offer up SB/Escort packages. Pay a lump sum fee for the escort to be an SB for a month with built in days for outings and sex, but also accessible through LINE or something.

 

[CharlieSimms]

Here we go again...

 

[User#8628]

You might be an anomaly. For me, “professional distance” is preferred. I can’t imagine having a SB relationship. It seems like the emotional drain of it would not be worth it, while the get in, get out no contact till the next booking aspect of escorting would fit my personality. Sometimes it’s nice to communicate, but not always and it’s not always that one wants to spend money but just sit back and relax. Sometimes you want to just shoot the breeze, but then go cold for weeks, months. And if the base is the same, then I find no real difference in the concept of it. So why don’t agencies offer up SB/Escort packages. Pay a lump sum fee for the escort to be an SB for a month with built in days for outings and sex, but also accessible through LINE or something.

While i will definitely exchange friendly emails with good repeaters without immediately sceduling a next meetup, this is usually when the client sends the first message.
I like to be very intimate and romantic during our appointments but I definitely don't spam clients with messages every day or show up banging at their door in the middle of the night. I love being able to share romantic moments and have my very own life without attachment at the same time. Think about it, the moment i'd make a client by boyfriend, given that he is not poly, i have to stop seeing other people... its generally not enough for me (i prefer open relationship. Mono never worked out for me) so i can like them but not want to pursue things further at the same time. This might be very different for an exclusive SB, who could become more easily attached if she is not in it only for the money...
Like Misha said, this could become dangerous.

I think many independents may have such a package or may be able to taylor one on request but i don't think it would work out for agencies at all.
Its complicated for them to arrange, and if the escort has not met the client before and she'll be attached to him for a month instead of a few hours she might get very uncomfortable. If someone would meet a girl at a shop and they click well, he could politely ask if she'd be interested in meeting outside the shop for this kind of arrangement. If she trusts him she might.

 

[TonyBe]

For me, “professional distance” is preferred. I can’t imagine having a SB relationship.

Well, everyone's different so it's good that there are both escorts and SBs. I first came across the concept of sugar relationships only through reading this forum and it made me stop and consider the reasons why I generally don't find traditional (is that the right word?) p4p entirely satisfying. I'm the exact opposite to yourself - "professional distance" is actually the last thing that I'm looking for.

It was interesting to read the other thread here about the ages of posters on this site and there is a wide spread of ages. When I was in my 20s or 30s I appreciated a more traditional p4p experience and I wouldn't really have wanted (or been able to afford) an SB relationship. But now that I'm just in to my 50s I find that I'm looking for a lot more than a simple "wham bam thank you ma'am" type of experience.

Different people look for different things and it's great that there are providers who are willing to provide all these different things.

There's an interesting forum on Reddit which covers this topic:-

https://www.reddit.com/r/sugarlifestyleforum/


One interesting thread that I read recently was that, although most relationships only last a matter of months, some do go on for years:-

 

[User#8628]

Well, everyone's different so it's good that there are both escorts and SBs.

Exactly this.

 

[wraithfive]

Lots of threads on this already, and side discussions in threads that weren't about it originally. I also could write pages and pages on this. I often write 5 or 6 paragraphs for this sort of answer then trim it back to essentials.

For me the biggest difference in an Escort and SB is that there is typically a ongoing relationship there. What that relationship is gets to be defined by the SD and the SB. For me, from the very beginning of conversation with a potential SB on SA or elsewhere we start talking just like two people who just met somewhere totally vanilla. Or at least at a bar. We get to know each other a little, find out about shared interests, and just generally find out of if we could be friendly with each other. If that works out then we start discussing meeting up and forming an arrangement. If things work out from there then we proceed. Things are different than with an escort because from there things tend to become more of a friendship. We tend to communicate more and talk about more personal things with each other. We don't typically hide our personal lives, at least not as much. Heck, I met my girlfriend on SA although neither of us intended for that to happen and neither of us changed our sugaring habits either.

Typical Escort encounters are exactly the opposite for me. I reach out to the escort telling them a little about myself and the time and date I'd like to meet. The encounter is often defined up front by the escort or shop and laid down in rules. Nothing wrong with that, it's good to know what to expect and it's for her protection as well, but it's defined almost entirely on the provider side. We both know that sex is expected to happen (unless your visiting a shop/provider where it's clear that is not on offer) and then I leave. Possibly never to be seen or heard from again. It's great if we meet and find out we have lots in common and click well, but if we don't and just have great sex and nothing else then that's fine too. I'm more likely to visit again if we click but if it was just great sex then I'm also likely to repeat because sometimes that's all I want. I'm not likely to have much communication with an escort outside of our scheduled meeting, especially not where we just discuss each others day or talk about future plans for our lives ect.

So, is sugar dating overated? Not for me. I genuinely enjoy seeing my sugar babies whenever we can. We always have a great time even if no sexual act is part of that particular get together. Conversely, while I may have a great time outside the bedroom with an escort I would be highly disappointed if we didn't have sexy time. The lines sometimes can become a little blurred. I have met at least one provider who I would love to make an SB but it's not practical and I have had at least two SB's for who it was very much just an escort/client thing and nothing else no matter where we met or what it was called. I try to avoid the later but exceptions get made sometimes.

 

[Frenchy]

If what a sugar babe says is true —that they only spend time with their SD for his money and gifts, then is this form of dating nothing more than another form of prostitution?

It is -in my opinion- a much better form of prostitution cause it allows a degree of intimacy and "customization" that you dont have with more usual forms of P4P.
And by the way many marriages end up being some kind of business agreement too, if you go that way. At least with SB/SD terms are more clear from the start.

 

[Leonidas]

I only have one - still ongoing - experience with an SB and I do not think that one can call this a form of prostitution. Initially I did pay her a monthly allowance but this particular girl at least really wasn't in it for that. The reason why she went on a sugar dating site rather than a regular dating site was (I think) because a) she wanted to meet older guys who b) are financially secure enough, signalling maybe that they generally have their shit together. She just wanted to meet someone steady and sane. And also, she has "daddy issues". A few months into the relationship we agreed on suspending the monthly allowance. She genuinely is in this because she takes out of this as much as she gives.

In response to Mischa's claim above that P2P relationships are safer, I have to say I don't follow. I'm in an exclusive relationship with my "SB", we both got tested and that's that. How is this less safe than sex with a pro who sees several (numerous?) other men besides me? What may be "unsafe" here is the emotional attachment we've developed. That's sth each individual has to decide for themselves.

 

[User#8628]

In response to Mischa's claim above that P2P relationships are safer, I have to say I don't follow. I'm in an exclusive relationship with my "SB", we both got tested and that's that. How is this less safe than sex with a pro who sees several (numerous?) other men besides me? What may be "unsafe" here is the emotional attachment we've developed. That's sth each individual has to decide for themselves.

Obviously she meant its emotionally "unsafe". I recall that in a post on another thread she wrote about sugar babies who end up banging on the door of their married sugardaddy, not sure how often this happens though.

As for diseases, if you can trust your partner, great. Although generally the more professional the girl is the more chance she gets tested monthly, opposed to amateurs.

 

[Lukes]

I have done some dabbling in sugar dating (a direct result of exposure to TAG actually). I may choose to write about that experience later but in short - I still consider it a form of P4P or prostitution.

Some of the girls I met were clearly doing it as sex for money while for others it was less direct. The ones that don't offer physical intimacy as one of their services are still P4P to me since you're still paying for company.

 

[Frenchy]

you're still paying for company.

Yeah. Marriage is often like that too... with less sex , usually

 

[Lukes]

Yeah. Marriage is often like that too... with less sex , usually

Yes but in that case it's P2NP (pay to not play).