Ken's story: Too much trust , too soon?

[Ken4fb]

Intro

The purpose of me sharing this is to warn others about being careful with your personal information, and don’t put too much trust in someone who you don’t really know that well.
I will be sharing my SB experience from time to time, only with those that I felt I could share safely and useful for others.

About me

I am Asian. Speaking Japanese without much accent.I only started SD/SB from late 2021. My experience with SB is limited compared to other TAG members. I always do pay per meet. With all of my SBs I let them know up front that I do not want exclusivity. They can see anyone they want , as long as the other parties won’t bring me troubles.

About this girl

I met her via sugardaddy.jp in late September 2023. She stated on her profile that she is not looking for sex. I was attracted to her profile picture. It was well taken, with her wearing a casual one piece flowery dress with sneakers something you would actually wear to go on a day trip date. Based on her picture, she is really pretty , with a hippy vibe which I adore.

At that point in time I wasn’t interested in finding more sex partners. I wasn’t going to renew my membership on the site. I figured I can just have a chat with her IRL and maybe have a good time at a personal level.

It took a while for us to arrange the meeting. Our schedule doesn’t really match up. We finally agreed on the date. I intentionally chose that particular time so I can have about 3 hours of free time, just in case.

When I finally see her in person, she looks even better. There is something about her look and the way she talked that I like. What was supposed to be an hour of meet and greet turns into two and a half hours of talk.

We met again for dinner and adults. The waiter was trying to hit on her, which was cute. The sex was good, and she seems quite receptive to ideas, nothing too adventurous.

The turning point

After seeing her for about a month, I asked her if she wants to go on an overseas trip with me for the new year countdown. I will pay for her flights , accommodations and other expenses during the trip, with some small amount of pocket money, not as much as what she usually gets when we meet. She accepted. I gave her cash for the plane ticket after she showed me the booking.

We met a couple of times after that. We even went on an overnight Onsen trip together. Again the shopkeeper of a small museum which we went to was trying to hit on her. She allowed me to take her pictures during our time together. I felt that I could trust her to some extent.

Onsen with a private bath. Highly recommended. 赤城高原温泉 山屋蒼月

During the last two meetings I wrote in my diary that I felt like she is a GF/Wife type rather than a sex partner. The sex was just okay , not great. She has one habit which I didn’t really like but I couldn’t find the chance to bring it up.

Two days before the departure date, she sent me a Line message saying that she has Influenza. She couldn’t go on the trip with me. She offers to give back the money for the ticket. I replied to her to talk about the money when we met in person.

@MikeH used to say just believe what the girl says will make your life so much better. A very wise advice. I went on the trip as planned since it was too late to cancel anything. I wished her a quick recovery via Line message .

Before I left Japan I checked the flight seat reservation. Her seat was still occupied. After boarding the plane, there was nobody sitting in our row so I assumed she couldn’t cancel her ticket.

Flying alone sucks, especially when you were expecting to have sex on the plane and right after you get to the hotel.

What was supposed to be a nice way to end the year and start a new one turned out to be a lonely trip. Nonetheless I sent her a few messages asking about how she is doing and what she wants me to bring back from the trip. She only sent me one message before the year end that she intended to give me back the money for the plane ticket. I told her we can talk about money when we meet up in person.

I managed to get a free upgrade to the King corner room. A really nice place. A bit pricey but still cheaper than a love hotel of the similar quality in Tokyo, plus the view is so much better.

The disappearance

Just one day before my flight back to Japan , she sent me a message again saying she hasn't been replying because she was hospitalized. She also told me that she will be working overseas for 3 - 4 months starting from the day I flew back to Tokyo. She really wants to give me back the money and asked if she could pay back by bank transfer.

I replied to her saying that I can go to see her where she is going to be working, since it isn’t that far from Japan. Then we can talk about money. I honestly didn’t care so much about the money. All I wanted was to see her.

Then she replied saying it would be difficult, but let’s see.
On the day of her departure, which she told me about, I sent her a message wishing her a safe trip.

Then the next day I saw our chat had become an “Empty Room” . She has changed her Line ID or something of that effect. Her sugardady.jp page is also gone.

I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this. I didn’t really care about the money. It was more of the wasted feelings and opportunities. I could have gone on the trip with other ladies and it would have been a totally different experience.

Conclusion

Now that she is gone, I wish I could ask her what really happened. Then again, life is simpler if you choose to believe what they told you and make peace with it. I was glad that I didn’t give her much personal information during our time together. I still wish her the best for her life in the future.

人は騙す　人は隠す　人はそれでも　それでも笑える
人は逃げる　人は責める　人はそれでも　それでも笑える
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.
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信じ続けるしかないじゃないか
愛し続けるしかないじゃないか

 

[scorpioni6ths]

It was more of the wasted feelings and opportunities.

the way i think now .. we choose to freely give it (feelings, the smiles, money, etc) not really expecting back in the first place.

Now that she is gone, I wish I could ask her what really happened. Then again, life is simpler if you choose to believe what they told you and make peace with it. I was glad that I didn’t give her much personal information during our time together. I still wish her the best for her life in the future.

i had a very similar experience .. and the thing that always bothered me is that ''i really don't know why she left'' .. no goodbyes .. just vanished .. then she contacted me again .. fuck life ..

hold on .. but hold lightly, ready to let go.

 

[Alice]

I’m sorry this happened to you.

Maybe she had a change of heart about meeting you again, rather than wanting to keep the money. Still I think it’s wise you didn’t give her your bank information.
If she did not cancel the plane ticket, she didn’t get any financial gain from this I guess.

Maybe she got a boyfriend or something like that and was uncomfortable with even meeting socially.

Just my guess.

 

[Maxblack]

She didn’t want to meet, you did, she didn’t , so she ghosted. It happens I guess.

 

[MikeH]

Life happens and often throws curveballs to us. It sucks when you don't have the closure, but more often you don't than you do.

Still while it is sad and sometimes even hurtful that it ended it still is better the relationship happened than that it never was.

 

[Kevt]

Sorry to hear about the heartbreak. Could be for any variety or number of reasons, so no use to dwell on it too much. I think of sugar dating as a fantasy and treat it as such. There is compensation involved so at some point it'll probably break down.

From my own biased perspective, there are a variety of reasons why a woman might choose to be a SB. Most commonly it's for money or pampering, but it's two way street and has a trade off like sex, affection, or attention commonly. From her perspective the balance must have been off between how much she felt she was giving vs receiving. Considering the short relationship, maybe she's just not suited to being a SB. For a SB that didn't want sex, it could have been too much too fast or more than she was willing to do..

Here is what I do... One SB is primary. no question about that. If there are times that she isn't able to give me what I need/want, then I'll get secondary SBs to fill the gaps instead of burdening my main girl.

 

[Frenchy]

@MikeH used to say just believe what the girl says will make your life so much better

I can’t help thinking he said that sacarstically though… he doesn’t strike me as the pure and innocent gullible virgin/ romantic guy 😄. But I may be wrong of course

 

[Durg50]

That sucks. She seemed like she tried to pay you back a few times though, which is good of her. At least she didn't ghost you.

 

[MikeH]

I can’t help thinking he said that sacarstically though… he doesn’t strike me as the pure and innocent gullible virgin/ romantic guy 😄. But I may be wrong of course

I am a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Or was it enema? Anyways I am hopelessly romantic, at least if you share my idea that a spinner with a strap-on is romantic.

Though most of the time I believe it's none of my business what I am thinking. But this advice goes well with "if you don't understand what they mean then take it as a compliment".

If you manage to live with these principles your life will certainly be better. You will get scammed from time to time but then that could happen even if you suspect everyone at every time. And living like that is going to be tiresome.

 

[Hughty]

Hey there,

Sorry to hear about your story here. I guess the biggest problem was that the main and first connection was involving money. To be honest I still do think that in Japan when it comes to women, money always seem to be a key factor. What I find a bit appalling assuming that you can be the raddest dude even though you are completely broke (and vice versa).

I recently had a conversation with my FWB that told me that she always thought that men with money problems were so unattractive. She was originally mentioning one of her ex-coworker who had a huge child pension to pay and started to struggle. I honestly thought that what she said was very pathetic: the man could be going through some hard time and work his ass off to catch up (that was the case). She should have rather respected that. Anyway.

When it comes to disappearing, well it's a Japanese way to behave. unfortunately...
Avoiding any kind of situation that could lead to a conflict as a lot of people don't know how to deal with that. The same one mentioned above did that twice to me and I managed to see her again doing some voodoo magic and showing up at a place where I knew she would be. The interesting thing is that when I did this, I showed up just to talk to her for 1 minute (literally). And my words where: "Western people talks most of the time. I love you and I'm sure you do so there's nothing that can't be sorted out. So let's meet someday and talks". I did that with a smile and left with a kiss almost as soon as I had entered the place. Next thing I know: messages, "thank you so much for not letting me disappear" and a nice day spent together a few days later.
It's just their way of functioning and honestly, that's the worst. She's married and sometimes blow up on her own in her house overthinking about us.
Your situation is a bit different but her way to deal with it was the same.

The worst is that I know that this will happen to me again and this time I might not know where she'll be and that will be the end of it. So I can only sympathize with what you're going through now.
Even is she was your SB, you obviously had a crush on her so I wish you to get over that. Time will help.

 

[Kevt]

My primary SB has ghosted me a couple times in the past also. Longest was maybe 3 months and eventually re-established contact. Later sounds like she maybe had a boyfriend. It took a few years to build up enough trust to get her personal info, so ghosting not so likely anymore.

I'm rather convinced that my SB loves me also, but the fact that our relationship is transactional dooms it someday. She sugars because she needs money, and I'm a consistent and reliable support. I'm happy with the fantasy and hope it lasts.

Maybe some advice for your next SB (just for the keepers), try to set a consistent support even if you pay for an expensive trip or date. From our perspective, it's annoying to be upselled and milked by a SB. However, providing less than usual is possibly equally annoying from their perspective. Whenever I do give more than usual, I say it's extra or a gift.

 

[Frenchy]

Well in the end that’s what happened with my SB . “True love” might be a strong wording and I don’t really believe in that anyway. After years of reminding her that we met on SA, not Tinder, and that she couldn’t possibly be simultaneously paid and also jealous, possessive, always asking for more time and attention (and if I’m honest a bit too demanding on my feeble dick’s availability) then we finally agreed that it wasn’t sugaring anymore. At some point I even joked she should be the one paying me. So no more payment (I still fork for the holidays and a nice gift from time to time, normal) but some drama … oh boy she can be dramatic sometimes. But I can be that too , so I guess we found each other 😄

 

[Frenchy]

I am a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Or was it enema? Anyways I am hopelessly romantic, at least if you share my idea that a spinner with a strap-on is romantic.

Though most of the time I believe it's none of my business what I am thinking. But this advice goes well with "if you don't understand what they mean then take it as a compliment".

If you manage to live with these principles your life will certainly be better. You will get scammed from time to time but then that could happen even if you suspect everyone at every time. And living like that is going to be tiresome.

Wise man you are, and many pussies you visited , So trust you I do , not-so-young padawan

 

[IchigoDave]

Well in the end that’s what happened with my SB . “True love” might be a strong wording and I don’t really believe in that anyway. After years of reminding her that we met on SA, not Tinder, and that she couldn’t possibly be simultaneously paid and also jealous, possessive, always asking for more time and attention (and if I’m honest a bit too demanding on my feeble dick’s availability) then we finally agreed that it wasn’t sugaring anymore. At some point I even joked she should be the one paying me. So no more payment (I still fork for the holidays and a nice gift from time to time, normal) but some drama … oh boy she can be dramatic sometimes. But I can be that too , so I guess we found each other 😄

I’ve said it again but it bears repeating; you hit the jackpot with her. That is the situation I wish I could be in. Somebody you really enjoy being with, but ultimately no commitment.

 

[Frenchy]

I’ve said it again but it bears repeating; you hit the jackpot with her. That is the situation I wish I could be in. Somebody you really enjoy being with, but ultimately no commitment.

Thanks mate! SA, the most unlikely soulmates search engine 😂

 

[qcryp]

Thanks for the story sorry to hear the outcome. She seems like she was an honest girl trying to return the money, but just not so good with communication. All too common in relationships sugar or not, Japan or not.

 

[MikeH]

“True love” might be a strong wording and I don’t really believe in that anyway.

Well, outside movies true love you can find with a dog. She won't be trying to change you, will not get tired of your old jokes and is always excited to see you.

Other than that all relationships require money. Like the young hot looking ones in Tinder nowadays state: no broke-ass English teachers or military.

But it's like the old story told by a wise man: She was by my side when I got sick, she was by my side when I went broke, she was by my side when I got into an accident. That bitch is bad luck!

 

[Frenchy]

Well, outside movies true love you can find with a dog. She won't be trying to change you, will not get tired of your old jokes and is always excited to see you.

Other than that all relationships require money. Like the young hot looking ones in Tinder nowadays state: no broke-ass English teachers or military.

But it's like the old story told by a wise man: She was by my side when I got sick, she was by my side when I went broke, she was by my side when I got into an accident. That bitch is bad luck!

So, if I follow your reasoning well, it must be a male dog, right? Can’t be a bitch, apparently

 

[MikeH]

So, if I follow your reasoning well, it must be a male dog, right? Can’t be a bitch, apparently

Though if you don't get sick then that bitch ain't bad luck, no?

But I would never do it with an animal. Unless she was a very good kisser.

 

[Frenchy]

Though if you don't get sick then that bitch ain't bad luck, no?

But I would never do it with an animal. Unless she was a very good kisser.

I’m with you on that. Zoophilia… uuuugh
Although to be honest I had some sexy time with fellow humans which would probably have been better with goats

 

[IchigoDave]

Thanks mate! SA, the most unlikely soulmates search engine 😂

I truly think had Covid not been a thing Lin and I would have ended up with a similar situation. C’est la vie.

 

[SquidCity]

Well, outside movies true love you can find with a dog. Other than that all relationships require money.

Wait until you find out how much Furina costs

 

[CABAL]

Thanks for the story Ken
From how you write it and your emotions, it sounds like you had some deep feelings for her
We all have different personalities but the longing and feeling of emptiness from a walkaway, or someone who has disappeared and does not contact anymore, I can resonate with
Time is supposed to heal wounds, but I still to this day feel longing and feel empty about the girl who I split with on a sidetrip to KL, who I met through deriheru and had 3 months of blissful fun, wholesome affection and the best sex I've ever had. I never paid for her directly after the first deriheru visit. And this was a good 10 years ago. She is now married with a kid, she told me a while ago, and she says she enjoyed what we had but she's moved on. Was it comforting? Not really. Did anything change after I knew? Not really.

 

[Frenchy]

I truly think had Covid not been a thing Lin and I would have ended up with a similar situation. C’est la vie.

She was a gem , granted. You would still get dramas too, but different ones 😄