Many questions regarding dating life in Japan

[lopobia]

1) As a foreigner , who went to Japan for a job , will one's dating prospects be poor since he isn't settled in Japan ? Or, it depends on his birth country ? Like, if the guy is from us/uk/canada or have permanent residency there , then that guy gets considered to be more valueable as marriage material ?
2) Where do one find dates ? I read about online dating in Japan. What I leart , a set of Japanese women invite men to restaurents , they chat and talk , and that's all. The guy pays , the women eat. Sorry for writing it. It's what I read . It sounds horrible that men are used this way as atm machine.
3) About dating questions, I noticed most men dated Japanese women in cities. What about villages ? From my research in online (quora,reddit etc.) no guy talked about dating Japanese women in the villages ? Is there a reason ? Like villagers don't like foreigners with different skin color or yeah how is one supposed to invite someone in a village for date !
4) Does economic status matter while dating ? I know in arranged marriage it does. At least in my country , while dating , I've never noticed couples dating based on economic status.
5) I think a big group of women don't use internet for dating like any other country in Japan. Isn't the dating circle getting small as a result of only being dependent on online-dating ?
6) Is being proficient and not average in speaking Japanese a must ?

 

[MikeH]

1) As a foreigner , who went to Japan for a job , will one's dating prospects be poor since he isn't settled in Japan ? Or, it depends on his birth country ? Like, if the guy is from us/uk/canada or have permanent residency there , then that guy gets considered to be more valueable as marriage material ?

The general rule is if you cannot get a date in your own country then you cannot get a date in Japan either. It's not 80's anymore where being white got you a hot girl. I wish it was, but it ain't.

2) Where do one find dates ? I read about online dating in Japan. What I leart , a set of Japanese women invite men to restaurents , they chat and talk , and that's all. The guy pays , the women eat. Sorry for writing it. It's what I read . It sounds horrible that men are used this way as atm machine.

In your country guys do not pay for their dates? Dinners and such get split? You are a Dutchman.

3) About dating questions, I noticed most men dated Japanese women in cities. What about villages ? From my research in online (quora,reddit etc.) no guy talked about dating Japanese women in the villages ? Is there a reason ? Like villagers don't like foreigners with different skin color or yeah how is one supposed to invite someone in a village for date !

Could this be somehow related to the fact that 92% of Japanese people live in cities? I would hazard a guess that the percentage is even larger for foreigners who write to reddit.

4) Does economic status matter while dating ? I know in arranged marriage it does. At least in my country , while dating , I've never noticed couples dating based on economic status.

I do not think you have paid enough attention in your own country. It ain't like in Disney movies, in any country it's rare for people to date across classes.

5) I think a big group of women don't use internet for dating like any other country in Japan. Isn't the dating circle getting small as a result of only being dependent on online-dating ?

I think I got a brain damage trying to decipher this one. But for girls online dating has given a lot of opportunities; for a guy it really does make your pool small. Even a picture of a wall marked as female in Tinder gets more matches than the best looking male.

6) Is being proficient and not average in speaking Japanese a must ?

Obviously you can get a date in Tajiki if you try hard enough, but finding one of the three females who speak that language is going to be a struggle. Later in the relationship it could be beneficial not to understand Japanese, you could think she is just looking cute when she is belittling you.

 

[Cinnabums]

Even a picture of a wall marked as female in Tinder gets more matches than the best looking male.

I date a wall basically every week when I cant hold my liquor, we usually do the golden shower, don't know if she's on Tinder though.

 

[Kevt]

1) As a foreigner , who went to Japan for a job , will one's dating prospects be poor since he isn't settled in Japan ? Or, it depends on his birth country ? Like, if the guy is from us/uk/canada or have permanent residency there , then that guy gets considered to be more valueable as marriage material ?

2) Where do one find dates ? I read about online dating in Japan. What I leart , a set of Japanese women invite men to restaurents , they chat and talk , and that's all. The guy pays , the women eat. Sorry for writing it. It's what I read . It sounds horrible that men are used this way as atm machine.

3) About dating questions, I noticed most men dated Japanese women in cities. What about villages ? From my research in online (quora,reddit etc.) no guy talked about dating Japanese women in the villages ? Is there a reason ? Like villagers don't like foreigners with different skin color or yeah how is one supposed to invite someone in a village for date !

4) Does economic status matter while dating ? I know in arranged marriage it does. At least in my country , while dating , I've never noticed couples dating based on economic status.

5) I think a big group of women don't use internet for dating like any other country in Japan. Isn't the dating circle getting small as a result of only being dependent on online-dating ?
6) Is being proficient and not average in speaking Japanese a must ?

1) How long you are settled and are expecting to stay in Japan can make a difference to individual women based on what each is looking for. A couple rather frequent questions are, "how long have you been in Japan" and "how long will you stay". When you first get there, your prospects might be bad and if you are leaving shortly, then really bad.

2) I think its common to want to get to know someone before going further. It's not all that unreasonable. If it happens repeatedly to particular guys, then it could be that they are undesirable as well.

3) Shared interests make a big difference. If you grew up in a village like atmosphere, then you'd prob be more attractive to a village girl also (and vice versa). Nightlife scenes prob aren't a big thing in villages and dating and they presumably would already know who they are marrying if their social circles were small.

4) You'd need to have other things in common like maybe hobbies and interests (other than anime...). In my country nearly everyone dates within social circles that are heavily aligned by social status. An exception to this rule is the hot young but poor girl that gets taken by the rich old guy that can't get a date outside of desperation.

6) Your chances go up significantly when you can communicate so.... I'd say it's pretty high up there as at least as a top needed ability.
Flip the situation around,.. would you date someone you couldn't talk to well? How hot would they have to be knowing that you'd only get trivial conversation at best? and how quickly would you get bored?

Or there are single Japanese women who might be fluent in your language... and her pool of prospects would be the lot of people looking and can't speak. She is likely to go for top candidates (good looking, fit, funny, compassionate, rich...etc)

 

[Mr Osaka]

1. Really depends on the girl. I see a lot of people who are even on a training visa that got married to a Japanese girl in the end. I really never expected to work here since I just came here to experience Japan. Also, I don't think it matters where you are from. What matters is how you gain the trust of the girl, how you treat her, and how you make her feel that you are really serious about the relationship.

2. I never used dating apps so I have no idea.

3. I think villages are more geared towards strict Japanese culture, so getting a girl there might prove to be more difficult compared to dating a girl in big cities such as Tokyo and Osaka.

4. Well, my girl dated me without even knowing my economic status.

5. Like I said in question 2, I do not use dating apps so I have no answer to this question.

6. My Japanese is trash but my girl still dated me anyway. Maybe it's because she is fluent in English? She basically understands everything I say and does not do the usual head tilt that you see Japanese girls do when they do not understand you. It's all about finding the right girl. Every girl is different. You have to explore different mines until you strike gold.

 

[Alice]

1) As a foreigner , who went to Japan for a job , will one's dating prospects be poor since he isn't settled in Japan ? Or, it depends on his birth country ? Like, if the guy is from us/uk/canada or have permanent residency there , then that guy gets considered to be more valueable as marriage material ?
2) Where do one find dates ? I read about online dating in Japan. What I leart , a set of Japanese women invite men to restaurents , they chat and talk , and that's all. The guy pays , the women eat. Sorry for writing it. It's what I read . It sounds horrible that men are used this way as atm machine.
3) About dating questions, I noticed most men dated Japanese women in cities. What about villages ? From my research in online (quora,reddit etc.) no guy talked about dating Japanese women in the villages ? Is there a reason ? Like villagers don't like foreigners with different skin color or yeah how is one supposed to invite someone in a village for date !
4) Does economic status matter while dating ? I know in arranged marriage it does. At least in my country , while dating , I've never noticed couples dating based on economic status.
5) I think a big group of women don't use internet for dating like any other country in Japan. Isn't the dating circle getting small as a result of only being dependent on online-dating ?
6) Is being proficient and not average in speaking Japanese a must ?

1. I would definitely say that US citizen are popular with certain women. It still had the image of the promised land for some reason, I guess. Don’t really get that vibe for UK and Canada, but white skin color might still be an advantage. I have never thought about the permanent residence thing but it makes sense, women who are seriously dating want a relationship that won’t end, they basically consider that a waste of time.
This is of course if they get the vibe that you will move back and either LDR or break up. If you are willing to marry them and stay in Japan on a marriage visa, they might not mind that your current visa is not long term.
2. Contrary! I have heard that in the US a lot of women use men for “free food”, but in Japan there is no need for this! There are lots of places like Eve and Izekeya where women can eat completely for free, with the chance that they will be sitting with men for a while if there are any. And men pay 10.000s of yen to just drink with professional women in bars and clubs! So using a guy for food or alcohol would be a big waste of time, lol.
3. Villages are full of very old people and married couples. You won’t find many singles in villages because it’s so depressing. This goes for most countries I think, in my hometown there was a divorced man living in the village by himself and he off’ed himself…
4. A lot of Japanese women seem to care about salary as far as I can see. Definitely more than in Europe.
5. You can always try bars or street pick up, but internet is probably easier to find people who are looking for the same thing as you. However yes, there are a lot of Japanese women who just use internet dating sites to “make friends” or who flake before meeting.
6. It helps I guess. But there are women who want to speak English, and also if people are super attracted to each other they will just develop a way of communicating that works for them.

 

[Ken4fb]

who flake before meeting.

True story. I have set up three dates last week. Only one turn up, another one just didn't show up, and another just cancelled me in the last minute (which I appreciated, much better than just not showing up)

 

[doctorkokujin]

The general rule is if you cannot get a date in your own country then you cannot get a date in Japan either. It's not 80's anymore where being white got you a hot girl. I wish it was, but it ain't.

Note to my black self: become a white guy.

 

[Alice]

Note to my black self: become a white guy.

There were definitely a lot of girls in the ‘80s who were specifically going for black guys.

 

[fireman]

There are still plenty of chocolate chasers around.

 

[Cinnabums]

Note to my black self: become a white guy.

Club Jamaica was superhot once, most blacks there weren't Jamaicans!

 

[kirayamato]

coming to japan to date japanese girls , ended up with a girl from same country...

 

[Sudsy]

There were definitely a lot of girls in the ‘80s who were specifically going for black guys.

Still plenty of those around.

 

[fireman]

The general rule is if you cannot get a date in your own country then you cannot get a date in Japan either. It's not 80's anymore where being white got you a hot girl. I wish it was, but it ain't.

I agree with this statement, but a man who could only date neurotic ugly fat women in the US would easily be able to find a woman in Japan who only checks one of those boxes, and with some work, might be able to land a woman who checks none of them. In other words, if you aren't completely hopeless with women, you have better odds of finding an acceptable mate in Japan. However, some men are just hopeless in any country.

 

[asaccard]

I agree with this statement, but a man who could only date neurotic ugly fat women in the US would easily be able to find a woman in Japan who only checks one of those boxes, and with some work, might be able to land a woman who checks none of them. In other words, if you aren't completely hopeless with women, you have better odds of finding an acceptable mate in Japan. However, some men are just hopeless in any country.

Easier to find someone who doesn't check any of these boxes in Thailand

 

[BaldyLord]

Note to my black self: become a white guy.

Note to my brown and bald self: just give up

 

[Jimmy Chu1969]

That’s true! There’s a percentage that enjoy a black man, and they’ve been showcased in Japanese TV. Every woman has her flavor! To each their own! I dated a half Nigerian/Japanese off one of those dating sites. Her full Japanese friends had black boyfriends some from the States and some from Africa and France. But most were working as pilots, IT workers, and the others were low-level factory jobs.

I don’t know if it’s an advantage really. It seems like Japanese women don’t care what your nationality is as long as you are their type. The hottest Japanese were dating the least economically successful black men. I always thought that was odd but it is what it is.

Of course, the girl I dated did a lot of photoshopping on her face. But the rest of her body was a 10. I was the first non-Japanese for her to date and she only did it because her Japanese bf was cold to her and her Nigerian bf had some women on the side.

She wasn’t all bad, but tried to be too Japanese and that became a turn off. It was bad acting 😂! That’s as close as I’ve gotten to dating a black girl. 😂

 

[Cinnabums]

Wonder if that explains why all(5) Japanese women I know with half Jamaican or (black) American kids are single mother's, the father's lost their mojo?

 

[Jimmy Chu1969]

I left t

Wonder if that explains why all(5) Japanese women I know with half Jamaican or (black) American kids are single mother's, the father's lost their mojo?

I left that part out. I didn’t want to say the single-mother part. 😂
I didn’t want to enter in the military men as they weren’t in the circle but I’ve seen hot Japanese with black military of all ranks as well as some ugly Japanese women with them too!

 

[Jimmy Chu1969]

I still think that certain Japanese hafus of black descent are the prettiest if you can find a classy one that is secure about themselves. Some have excellent bodies, excellent bodies as that is all I’m interested in. 😀 Sex is unlike that of 100% Japanese!

I’ve been on the hunt again and found one working at a cafe. I might just flirt with her to see if it goes anywhere. Otherwise, I guess I’m gonna take a break from the scene.

 

[fireman]

Military dudes are hardly broke... they can get mad benefits. They can take their Japanese wife and haafu kids back to the states and get a VA loan for a house, free health care for the whole family, a good chunk of their income is tax exempt, discounted shopping on base, space-A travel, GI bill, etc. I've seen senior enlisted guys living pretty large even in expensive parts of the US.

Why they get divorced -- there's a lot going on there... for one thing, many of these guys are totally jacked and have no trouble attracting young hot shallow girls. And they often go on long deployments away from home (especially Navy guys), which generates incentives for both spouses to fool around. And they have pensions and retirement plans that the wives can take a bite of in divorce. And a lot of the women who marry these guys are impulsive/unstable/weird to begin with. And the guys can get fucked up with PTSD, substance abuse, etc.

 

[Jimmy Chu1969]

Military dudes are hardly broke... they can get mad benefits. They can take their Japanese wife and haafu kids back to the states and get a VA loan for a house, free health care for the whole family, a good chunk of their income is tax exempt, discounted shopping on base, space-A travel, GI bill, etc. I've seen senior enlisted guys living pretty large even in expensive parts of the US.

Why they get divorced -- there's a lot going on there... for one thing, many of these guys are totally jacked and have no trouble attracting young hot shallow girls. And they often go on long deployments away from home (especially Navy guys), which generates incentives for both spouses to fool around. And they have pensions and retirement plans that the wives can take a bite of in divorce. And a lot of the women who marry these guys are impulsive/unstable/weird to begin with. And the guys can get fucked up with PTSD, substance abuse, etc.

That’s a little too deep for us old swingin dicks.