I read this on a FB group. Doesn't sound unusual as I've heard this many times over. What u think?
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What are my rights as a foreign husband when threatened with divorce?
Wife has been getting very difficult, it's not fair, and I'm worried what I'm going to do.
We've been together many years, have kids still living at home, work together in a small business, own a home with attached business location that I poured a lot of money and time into reforming, technically she owns it all because she inherited the property. all our years together I trusted her with everything, so I have no receipts, paperwork, etc.
Out of fear, I recently opened a couple of private bank accounts and have a little bit of cash stored there.
She's been unwilling to talk for over a year now, and ive barely been able to talk to her. no touching at all for over two years.
Many years ago until recently, I used to worry about our future and try to talk about changing things, and she'd always calm me down by cooing " you don't need to worry, we have a house as a homebase we can always live in, and we have a business with income. You don't need to worry! I just want to see you happy. You can enjoy life more! ". We have a very low overhead, but make very little, have not been able to save much money. Certainly not enough for retirement. . We initially moved to this Inaka area despite me having the option at the time to live anywhere in Japan, because she wanted to be close to her family. I've never liked this area, but I made myself like it for her. . There's very few foreigners and very few opportunities if you're not fluent in Japanese (which I am not ).
She was happy to move back here, and got to care for her father later when he got sick and died and spend time with her sister and other friends from school and relatives. kids are now getting older and can take care of themselves. youngest can probably leave home in five years.
Now she says she her feelings have changed. Doesn't love me anymore, wants to shut the business down soon if she gets some better offers in a different career path she's interested in. Sometimes threatening to kick me out of the house. Has almost full control over the business, finances, and due to language and culture, the kids. we both agreed to do an English immersion household so the kids would be bilingual, but after a couple of years she reneged and said it was too frustrating and she was worried about them doing poorly in school (which I knew was false ).
During this past year I've been floundering around worried about everything and basic security . I haven't had any friends for many years as I just focused on the family and got isolated due to language etc. in Inaka.
I'm older now, and really worried about the future.
I have been able to get control of some of our cash savings. At this point, we are still working together sometimes. These two things, as well as her being worried about her reputation in this town, are basically the only powers (weak ones at that ) I have in our relationship. in conflict, it feels like she holds all the cards. her hometown, her language, her culture, her relative surrounding us, everything in her name. police and court system strongly biased to a Japanese female versus foreign male. sometimes my despair gets so great, I feel I'm going to have to do something extreme which could lead to our destruction as the only way to get a fair outcome.
I've been reaching out to old friends a bit, but I haven't told them everything and not sure how much they can help me. most of them don't live in Japan. through no fault of my own, I don't really have family anymore I can count on.
So a couple of basic security questions, if worse comes to worse : what happens if I refuse to get a divorce? Can I live at this house indefinitely? is division of assets dealt with completely separately from child support or alimony? What happens if you refuse to pay something? any silver bullets to watch out for, like fake accusations to police etc.?
At this point I'm in that ugly not sure zone. I think the relationship and family could still be saved. but I can't decide on what course of action to take for work or where I'm going to live, because she's mostly unwilling to talk to me about a future. I've lived my whole life planning around the family.. We've worked together in this small town niche business from almost 20 years. And now she says she definitely doesn't want to work with me anymore. Getting pushed away like this and seeing her be ungrateful and disrespectful is driving me crazy.
Am I being too old-fashioned, and it's time to be like other people who live a "second life" with someone else somewhere else? . All of this trying has always been in vain and we've just been a bad match from the beginning and it's gonna end up with our death or something? . She's never seemed as committed to the relationship or tried to make things work as much as I have ever since the beginning. She's always the one to hint at divorce or "whatever".
I'm so confused, frustrated, angry, desperate, and scared.
----------+++
What are my rights as a foreign husband when threatened with divorce?
Wife has been getting very difficult, it's not fair, and I'm worried what I'm going to do.
We've been together many years, have kids still living at home, work together in a small business, own a home with attached business location that I poured a lot of money and time into reforming, technically she owns it all because she inherited the property. all our years together I trusted her with everything, so I have no receipts, paperwork, etc.
Out of fear, I recently opened a couple of private bank accounts and have a little bit of cash stored there.
She's been unwilling to talk for over a year now, and ive barely been able to talk to her. no touching at all for over two years.
Many years ago until recently, I used to worry about our future and try to talk about changing things, and she'd always calm me down by cooing " you don't need to worry, we have a house as a homebase we can always live in, and we have a business with income. You don't need to worry! I just want to see you happy. You can enjoy life more! ". We have a very low overhead, but make very little, have not been able to save much money. Certainly not enough for retirement. . We initially moved to this Inaka area despite me having the option at the time to live anywhere in Japan, because she wanted to be close to her family. I've never liked this area, but I made myself like it for her. . There's very few foreigners and very few opportunities if you're not fluent in Japanese (which I am not ).
She was happy to move back here, and got to care for her father later when he got sick and died and spend time with her sister and other friends from school and relatives. kids are now getting older and can take care of themselves. youngest can probably leave home in five years.
Now she says she her feelings have changed. Doesn't love me anymore, wants to shut the business down soon if she gets some better offers in a different career path she's interested in. Sometimes threatening to kick me out of the house. Has almost full control over the business, finances, and due to language and culture, the kids. we both agreed to do an English immersion household so the kids would be bilingual, but after a couple of years she reneged and said it was too frustrating and she was worried about them doing poorly in school (which I knew was false ).
During this past year I've been floundering around worried about everything and basic security . I haven't had any friends for many years as I just focused on the family and got isolated due to language etc. in Inaka.
I'm older now, and really worried about the future.
I have been able to get control of some of our cash savings. At this point, we are still working together sometimes. These two things, as well as her being worried about her reputation in this town, are basically the only powers (weak ones at that ) I have in our relationship. in conflict, it feels like she holds all the cards. her hometown, her language, her culture, her relative surrounding us, everything in her name. police and court system strongly biased to a Japanese female versus foreign male. sometimes my despair gets so great, I feel I'm going to have to do something extreme which could lead to our destruction as the only way to get a fair outcome.
I've been reaching out to old friends a bit, but I haven't told them everything and not sure how much they can help me. most of them don't live in Japan. through no fault of my own, I don't really have family anymore I can count on.
So a couple of basic security questions, if worse comes to worse : what happens if I refuse to get a divorce? Can I live at this house indefinitely? is division of assets dealt with completely separately from child support or alimony? What happens if you refuse to pay something? any silver bullets to watch out for, like fake accusations to police etc.?
At this point I'm in that ugly not sure zone. I think the relationship and family could still be saved. but I can't decide on what course of action to take for work or where I'm going to live, because she's mostly unwilling to talk to me about a future. I've lived my whole life planning around the family.. We've worked together in this small town niche business from almost 20 years. And now she says she definitely doesn't want to work with me anymore. Getting pushed away like this and seeing her be ungrateful and disrespectful is driving me crazy.
Am I being too old-fashioned, and it's time to be like other people who live a "second life" with someone else somewhere else? . All of this trying has always been in vain and we've just been a bad match from the beginning and it's gonna end up with our death or something? . She's never seemed as committed to the relationship or tried to make things work as much as I have ever since the beginning. She's always the one to hint at divorce or "whatever".
I'm so confused, frustrated, angry, desperate, and scared.
