Move to Tokyo after 50

[Aboy969]

Just want to get some guidance from any over 50's westerners living in Tokyo.

We're looking at living in Tokyo next year. My partner is from Tokyo but we met in Sydney and though we've stayed together many times at her family home, even for a couple of months at a time, we haven't moved there so as to speak.

We have a toddler now and because of Covid he's never met his grandparents in Japan, so we're planning to move over next year, assuming that things are open which we know is a big if at this stage.

But my question is really of isolation. I'm a bit concerned that even though we have a few friends there, I could end up pretty isolated as I won't be in a workplace anywhere, I'm not an English teacher or anything like that. In fact, my work is licensing through my company to the US, and that's just a matter of international phone calls and emails. So there won't be any interaction on a daily basis with any local colleagues, I won't have any.

Has anyone been down this path? Is it easy to make new friends in your 50's in Tokyo, without any work connection? The other thing is that my Japanese is not functional. I can handle basic conversation, but only elementary level.

Are there any things I need to look out for? Any advice/observations appreciated!

 

[Frenchy]

Well , we are all friends here!
but why posting this on TAG, of all places?

 

[DrCoffee]

I dropped you a PM.

 

[Keihan]

Well , we are all friends here!
but why posting this on TAG, of all places?

Probably because he knows that on any other board and in most every other type of forum, a guy in his 50s who knocked up a Japanese girl probably half his age and most certainly young enough to be his daughter (or even granddaughter?) might be frowned upon.

OP, it sounds like you already know the answer to your question. It doesn't matter how old you are or what country you're in. If you 1) don't speak the language, 2) don't have a designated, consistent environment where relationships normally form (office) and 3) you're trying to start a new life in a new country as an older guy--and an older guy with a baby, at that--you're going to find yourself alone and without much social interaction, and probably for an extended period of time. Add to that this pandemic, which will most certainly not be finished in 2022, and you can probably count on a lonely couple of years coming up, if not longer.

Honestly, your best bet will be hoping that your other half's relatives will take you out and, hopefully, introduce you to some sympathetic people around your age that will show you around and perhaps even be willing to hang out with you. Sure, you could start hanging out at the usual expat haunts (craft beer bars downtown) and you'll most certainly run into guys your age who live in/around Tokyo, but realize these guys are lifers who probably showed up in-country during the 90s or even 80s, have zero desire to be apart of your Japan awakening, have their own circles of other lifer friends (and kids, and grandkids) and aren't looking to hang out with some recent-arrival near-senior citizen who needs the ropes shown to him.

Hate to say it, but moving to Japan is a young man's game. Most of us here did it in our 20s, and usually early 20s. I'm in my 40s now and I couldn't even begin to fathom the idea of moving back to Japan again at my age, but in my case that's more because I'd probably be throwing my back out every week at drunken marathon sessions in 2-chome. Just understand what you're possibly getting into.

 

[Frenchy]

Probably because he knows that on any other board and in most every other type of forum, a guy in his 50s who knocked up a Japanese girl probably half his age and most certainly young enough to be his daughter (or even granddaughter?) might be frowned upon.

OP, it sounds like you already know the answer to your question. It doesn't matter how old you are or what country you're in. If you 1) don't speak the language, 2) don't have a designated, consistent environment where relationships normally form (office) and 3) you're trying to start a new life in a new country as an older guy--and an older guy with a baby, at that--you're going to find yourself alone and without much social interaction, and probably for an extended period of time. Add to that this pandemic, which will most certainly not be finished in 2022, and you can probably count on a lonely couple of years coming up, if not longer.

Honestly, your best bet will be hoping that your other half's relatives will take you out and, hopefully, introduce you to some sympathetic people around your age that will show you around and perhaps even be willing to hang out with you. Sure, you could start hanging out at the usual expat haunts (craft beer bars downtown) and you'll most certainly run into guys your age who live in/around Tokyo, but realize these guys are lifers who probably showed up in-country during the 90s or even 80s, have zero desire to be apart of your Japan awakening, have their own circles of other lifer friends (and kids, and grandkids) and aren't looking to hang out with some recent-arrival near-senior citizen who needs the ropes shown to him.

Hate to say it, but moving to Japan is a young man's game. Most of us here did it in our 20s, and usually early 20s. I'm in my 40s now and I couldn't even begin to fathom the idea of moving back to Japan again at my age, but in my case that's more because I'd probably be throwing my back out every week at drunken marathon sessions in 2-chome. Just understand what you're possibly getting into.

now that was a compassionate pep talk!

 

[Joe2017]

It depends on what kind of friends you want to make. Join a golf club, a wine club, or any other social club, and in three months you will have your dance card full. The last resort is to attend church services every Sunday.

 

[Aboy969]

Well , we are all friends here!
but why posting this on TAG, of all places?

Mainly because it seems reasonably active (though I wonder how many of those posting here are actually in Japan...).
I first discovered it 7 - 8 years ago when doing some research into finding something different the first time I went to Japan with my partner.
Found TAG to be a great resource.

 

[MikeH]

Whatever you end up doing you don't want to be a part of the 50+ ex-pat community in Tokyo. More than 90 percent of them are creeps or crazy, most both.

I know cos I am one of them.

 

[Aboy969]

Probably because he knows that on any other board and in most every other type of forum, a guy in his 50s who knocked up a Japanese girl probably half his age and most certainly young enough to be his daughter (or even granddaughter?) might be frowned upon.

OP, it sounds like you already know the answer to your question. It doesn't matter how old you are or what country you're in. If you 1) don't speak the language, 2) don't have a designated, consistent environment where relationships normally form (office) and 3) you're trying to start a new life in a new country as an older guy--and an older guy with a baby, at that--you're going to find yourself alone and without much social interaction, and probably for an extended period of time. Add to that this pandemic, which will most certainly not be finished in 2022, and you can probably count on a lonely couple of years coming up, if not longer.

Honestly, your best bet will be hoping that your other half's relatives will take you out and, hopefully, introduce you to some sympathetic people around your age that will show you around and perhaps even be willing to hang out with you. Sure, you could start hanging out at the usual expat haunts (craft beer bars downtown) and you'll most certainly run into guys your age who live in/around Tokyo, but realize these guys are lifers who probably showed up in-country during the 90s or even 80s, have zero desire to be apart of your Japan awakening, have their own circles of other lifer friends (and kids, and grandkids) and aren't looking to hang out with some recent-arrival near-senior citizen who needs the ropes shown to him.

Hate to say it, but moving to Japan is a young man's game. Most of us here did it in our 20s, and usually early 20s. I'm in my 40s now and I couldn't even begin to fathom the idea of moving back to Japan again at my age, but in my case that's more because I'd probably be throwing my back out every week at drunken marathon sessions in 2-chome. Just understand what you're possibly getting into.

Well, we moved to China together 5 years ago for a few years and had a fantastic social network there, age really wasn't a thing at all. But China was a lot more open than Japan, in the sense of opportunity and dynamism, it's a completely different vibe. We also both took the intensive Chinese course at the local university, so not only ended up with good Chinese proficiency, but also with a lot of international student and professor friends there.
I did study Japanese for a couple of years after getting my degree, but its long ago and if you're not using it you're losing it, but I'll definitely be taking Japanese classes again once we're living there.
But my question was really about the day to day reality in Tokyo of making new friends if you're not really a good match for those Japanese/English 30-something meetups. And any of those long timers that have littluns, do you have much of a social life or is it all over if you have kids?

 

[SugoiBoy]

You might wish to consider joining an English-speaking business group in Tokyo like the American Chamber of Commerce in Japan. Mind you, it's not cheap even as an individual. Honestly, I'm not a member of ACCJ myself, but I suspect that some of the regulars would be 50 or older.

Besides ACCJ, there is a British chamber, a Canadian one, and an Australian-New Zealand one.

 

[meiji]

There's always going to be isolation when you are in a foreign country, so that's to be expected. If you have some Japanese skill and can commit to working hard to learn it, that'll go a long way toward being able to meet people. Aside from what everyone else has suggested, I'd recommend a site like conversationexchange.com, which can do double duty of being a social experience and practicing your Japanese. I actually can't speak to the number of Japanese MEN looking for conversation partners, but when I was living over there full time I had a pretty full dance card between meeting women from conversation exchange and from dating sites. You'll probably want to talk more to men anyway so you don't end up with a 'feminine Japanese voice'.

 

[Frenchy]

There is one group of over-50 (and even over-40 and 30) foreign guys that you may end up joining though, but I hope Im wrong
The group of guys who met their Japanese sweetheart overseas and found out that back in Japan , their personality changed a lot. And even more so after giving birth

 

[DrCoffee]

There's the American Club & Foreign Correspondents Club if you want to try something different.

 

[Joe2017]

met their Japanese sweetheart overseas and found out that back in Japan , their personality changed a lot. And even more so after giving birth

Night and day!