Navigating The Tricky World Of Sex Friends

[User#6326]

anyone have any advice?

i have made it clear with the girl i am seeing, but am worried she will still end up getting hurt

i offered to let her stay over and also said i will make her breakfast.. we will cook together the night before also.. is that too "boyfriend / girlfriend" like? she is in her mid 30s but seems a little vulnerable..

do i need to keep reminding her what the deal is and checking on her? or is it best to trust her to manage her own emotions?

Anyone have any advice? Of course i will use my best judgement also

thanks TAG

 

[veryniceguy]

The "deal" involves money?

 

[Whateveryouwant]

I'd use extreme caution here. You are bordering on BF/GF territory and it could confuse her. Especially if she's in her mid 30's. Thats the age some want to settle down and get married have children especially if she's Japanese. There is a chance she might think that you will at some point change your mind and want a relationship. Could that be an option? If not I would set the boundaries with your actions

With my sex friends of past we always kept it strictly about sex and MAYBE once in a while going out for dinner. But it was always about sex and not building romantic connections. We would meet perhaps once a month. Making dinner together and making her breakfast is connecting in a nurturing way in my eyes. Staying over......In japan I always used love hotels (with all we always split the cost and only stayed for a few hours...sometimes extending hehe) to keep my personal space separate. Maybe I'm old fashioned in this respect but when someone enters my home and we share my bed its something more. The middle of the night cuddles and kisses and seeing them first thing in the morning. Just something very romantic and deep.

Also....you have a responsibility in if she gets hurt so prevent it by setting boundaries as soon as possible. By offering her the comfort of your home perhaps you maybe want more? Im sure she might see it that way. Anyway just an hypothesis .

Tip number 4 below is especially important.

http://www.mensfitness.com/women/6-ways-to-maintain-friends-with-benefits?page=2

Good luck!

 

[Wwanderer]

Fwiiw, I think that there is a lot of truth and wisdom in what @Whateveryouwant says in her post above. You, @danthrope , are definitely treading on ground that is likely to produce feelings and emotions for her and probably for you too.

What baffles me, however, is why it is seemingly common to try to avoid or prevent the development of feelings and emotions in a relationship. To me it sounds as senseless (in most circumstances) as trying to eat good food without fully tasting it or to sleep without becoming rested or perhaps to have sex while avoiding orgasms. It feels like an attempt to avoid life's richest, most memorable and deepest experiences. If you simply want to satisfy physical sexual needs without risking emotional pain to yourself or anyone else, why not just masturbate?

Something odd and probably unhealthy is going on here, I'd guess.

-Ww

 

[Sudsy]

why it is seemingly common to try to avoid or prevent the development of feelings and emotions in a relationship. To me it sounds as senseless (in most circumstances) as trying to eat good food without fully tasting it or to sleep without becoming rested or perhaps to have sex while avoiding orgasms. It feels like an attempt to avoid life's richest, most memorable and deepest experiences.

Fully agreed here - I don't get it either.

 

[Wwanderer]

Fully agreed here - I don't get it either.

To be clear, I understand the concept of having a regular sex partner with whom no feelings beyond a mild affection develop, or one with whom strong (sometimes very strong) feelings of caring develop that could be called loved but which are not conventional romantic/mating-type love, or of course ones in which romantic love develops. I have experienced all of those.

What I do not understand is why one would want to deliberately manipulate a situation/connection to prevent deeper feelings from emerging...except perhaps in rather unusual situations.

Of one thing I am pretty sure - As most people get older they increasingly regret what they didn't do or experience, the opportunities they passed by, rather that the things they actually did.

-Ww

 

[Sudsy]

As most people get older they increasingly regret what they didn't do or experience, the opportunities they passed by, rather that the things they actually did.

Exactly... there's always that path you chose not to explore.

 

[User#6326]

thank you all

I had not considered those perspectives

I will try to orient it back towards just bedtime stuff

 

[User#6326]

To be clear, I understand the concept of having a regular sex partner with whom no feelings beyond a mild affection develop, or one with whom strong (sometimes very strong) feelings of caring develop that could be called loved but which are not conventional romantic/mating-type love, or of course ones in which romantic love develops. I have experienced all of those.

What I do not understand is why one would want to deliberately manipulate a situation/connection to prevent deeper feelings from emerging...except perhaps in rather unusual situations.

Of one thing I am pretty sure - As most people get older they increasingly regret what they didn't do or experience, the opportunities they passed by, rather that the things they actually did.

-Ww

for me, boyfriend/ girlfriend is the stage where you are seeing if you are potential "life partners"

although I like this woman and enjoy her company, for various reasons she does not meet the requirements I have (not many people do of course)

id like to have some fun in the meantime until I meet that person who I could be bf/gf with

I messaged her about doing less romantic things, she said she is fine with just a physical relationship and just wants to have fun..