Normal? Gold digger? My mistake?

[slenderslim]

Hi all. I’m new to using dating apps in general, and I tried one in Japan. A girl and I have chatted for a couple of days and she would like to meet. We will probably go to a sweets shop

My Japanese is so-so. I wouldn’t consider it very good, but I can hold a conversation and make a joke here and there. It’s hard to convey my personality though.

I just wanted people’s input on a part of the exchange that we had while messaging. I wanted to say something a little more flirty than our usual conversation just to indicate interest beyond talking.

Essentially, the context of the conversation was the following: She likes sweets and going to sweet shops, she sent some photos of herself eating them, and then said 一緒に色んなスイーツたべにいきたいですあ！

I replied while tagging one of her photos えええこのスイーツはおいしそう！でも、かわいいお嬢さんの方が興味ありますよ

and then I also said i’m reply to her “let’s meet” comment

じゃあ、暇な時はいつですか

I think what I said may have been very forward, idk, i don’t really understand these nuances in Japanese yet. Anyways, she replies

おや？笑

Which to me reads like a “huh? lmao” which makes me think I fucked up lol. But again, my Japanese, especially my texting, is not practiced. So can anyone shed light on if this is condescending, awing at my cringe, or a positive response?

For what it’s worth, she then followed that up with times and dates when she’s free, so it makes me think either she wasn’t bothered by it, or maybe she though it was weird but wants a free dessert (the sweet she was showing meet looked pricey lmao)

In any case, opinions are welcome. I’ll probably go on a date with her today or this weekend. Thanks!

 

[Fukuoka Jones]

This is all sweetness. How you communicate in person will be waaaay more important!

 

[slenderslim]

This is all sweetness. How you communicate in person will be waaaay more important!

Sorry sweetness meaning?

Also I am a bit worried in person but I guess we will see. I am not sure if I should be forward or not. Guess it will be a play-by-ear night

 

[Fukuoka Jones]

Sweetness: it's all positive and nothing you've texted has diminished whatever potential you're hoping for. Yep! How you "should be," beyond decent human being, is in how you play-by-ear.

 

[Kuromi]

You are thinking too much into it. Because you met her in a dating app, its already implied that there is a romantic interest, so when she says "Lets go eat sweets together some day", the most straightforward and less weird answer would be "Yeah, lets go, when are you free?" and from there you can select a day for the date and in the actual date try to make more approaches taking advantage of the face-to-face situation and the chemistry that you two may have.

She answered with the days she would be free, it seems like a date can be arranged =)

 

[slenderslim]

Update: I said 食べたいスイーツを奢りますよ and she replied じゃあ、私もなんか奢ります

Is a first date too early to propose?

 

[Fukuoka Jones]

It all depends on the chemistry... but I'm beginning to sniff a certain irony in the wind saying that the more single-minded you are about your objective, the less likely you'll achieve it.

 

[slenderslim]

It all depends on the chemistry... but I'm beginning to sniff a certain irony in the wind saying that the more single-minded you are about your objective, the less likely you'll achieve it.

It was just a joke - I really don’t care what the outcome is. I’m mostly just looking for a unique experience in going on a date with a local. Whatever happens after that (or nothing at all), is fine with me

 

[Fukuoka Jones]

That's the spirit!

 

[Kuromi]

Update: I said 食べたいスイーツを奢りますよ and she replied じゃあ、私もなんか奢ります

Is a first date too early to propose?

Japanese people also have this culture of returning the favour when they receive gifts, so that is also kind of standard answer.
Usually they say after 3 dates you self-confess, but depends on the person of course 😋

 

[MikeH]

If you don't understand the nuances then do not try to be flirty in text. Leave that when you are face to face.

And gold digger suggesting a sweets shop? Dude, that's way too much digging for any girl in Tokyo.

 

[Alice]

Someone I know was taken by a gold digger recently. Spend 10万 on dinner and expensive wine and nothing but her company.
You must be very conceited to think girls in this city and desperate for you to buy them a dessert.

 

[slenderslim]

Someone I know was taken by a gold digger recently. Spend 10万 on dinner and expensive wine and nothing but her company.
You must be very conceited to think girls in this city and desperate for you to buy them a dessert.

Conceited? Very? Strong words to use about someone you don’t know lol. FWIW, it isn’t Tokyo, and it wasn’t just desserts, and I just generally don’t know about these things

In any case we have our third date tomorrow and I am thoroughly confused on what’s happening and what she is expecting of me. Tons of conflicting signs (or maybe i can’t read them well)

 

[SquidCity]

Conceited? Very? Strong words to use about someone you don’t know lol. FWIW, it isn’t Tokyo, and it wasn’t just desserts, and I just generally don’t know about these things

In any case we have our third date tomorrow and I am thoroughly confused on what’s happening and what she is expecting of me. Tons of conflicting signs (or maybe i can’t read them well)

Best of luck and may the signs be positive after all 🙏

 

[Fukuoka Jones]

I like a good story, but now we are at a contradiction where the story dies. Your opener led the reader to believe you had not yet met the girl. That was yesterday, but today you are talking about a third date.

Unfollowing.

 

[kirayamato]

stop bragging riajuu bakuhatsu shiro

 

[LittleBoy]

I like a good story, but now we are at a contradiction where the story dies. Your opener led the reader to believe you had not yet met the girl. That was yesterday, but today you are talking about a third date.

Unfollowing.

Good catch. The math doesn't add up. Another troll here perhaps...

 

[slenderslim]

I like a good story, but now we are at a contradiction where the story dies. Your opener led the reader to believe you had not yet met the girl. That was yesterday, but today you are talking about a third date.

Unfollowing.

I really don’t know why so much animosity is assumed and no benefit of the doubt given. We went on a date last night (1/17), this morning for coffee (1/18 AM) and then this afternoon after her work (1/18 PM). I don’t know why it’s even controversial to call tomorrow the third date, when feasibly it could be called the fourth

I had not met her until last night at 6:30 PM JST. I met her again today at 8AM JST. i met her again today at 3:30 PM JST. We have a plan to meet tomorrow. How is this a contradiction?

I even went and checked. I posted this at 12:30 JST 1/17. Come on now

Half the people on this forums are nice and chill and the other half are presumptive and looking for fights I guess

 

[slenderslim]

Good catch. The math doesn't add up. Another troll here perhaps...

Why would I even make this up? It is beyond me why this is the assumption instead of thinking about it. I went on a date with her yesterday (1/17), today (1/18), and we plan for tomorrow (1/19)… I don’t even understand how this can be understood as contradiction

 

[LittleBoy]

Why would I even make this up? It is beyond me why this is the assumption instead of thinking about it. I went on a date with her yesterday (1/17), today (1/18), and we plan for tomorrow (1/19)… I don’t even understand how this can be understood as contradiction

So often in such little time. Doesn't seem like a gold digger to me. Might be ❤️

Spill more deets

 

[slenderslim]

So often in such little time. Doesn't seem like a gold digger to me. Might be ❤️

Spill more deets

She’s very cute, chatty, and funny. I find her nice company, but I find it also hard to communicate. I’ll go from 95% comprehension one second to 10% the next. Sometimes I can’t express myself to her and it is frustrating

She said she only likes foreign guys, which I can understand having a type, but it still makes me feel weird. She seems like a good girl though. She is young as well (younger than 22). Honestly, I feel it is a bit much. When we meet, she starts saying stuff like バイトサボるかな and basically assumes we will spend 5+ hours together every time. She held my hand and it made my stomach do a little flip (cringe I know). It’s been a while since I had genuine romantic exchange, but I don’t live in Japan, and so I can’t commit so I told her this, but it seems she’s still forward with it. I also don’t want to lead her on

That’s a basic summary

 

[DragonSlayer]

She only likes foreign guys, long ass dates, third time... in your position my only worry would be choosing the coolest and most convenient love hotel for the date

 

[biggiesmallpop]

What's your ethnicity looks age etc ? Just curious - as you are very lucky this girl is all over you and sounds like she'll lead you directly to the promiseland of being deep inside her soon. I can't imagine the life..

Anywsys do update us. It sounds tgtbt but to be honest I've heard this story 10 times over - japanese girl loves gaijin (usually white guys) and goes all in. Nothing bad here go for it !

 

[slenderslim]

S

She only likes foreign guys, long ass dates, third time... in your position my only worry would be choosing the coolest and most convenient love hotel for the date

Shes young, seems a little naive, and seems to want a relationship based on other things said during convo. I would just feel bad about smashing and leaving a week later sadly. I’ll just be upfront with it and see how it goes

 

[slenderslim]

What's your ethnicity looks age etc ? Just curious - as you are very lucky this girl is all over you and sounds like she'll lead you directly to the promiseland of being deep inside her soon. I can't imagine the life..

Anywsys do update us. It sounds tgtbt but to be honest I've heard this story 10 times over - japanese girl loves gaijin (usually white guys) and goes all in. Nothing bad here go for it !

i am 23, white latino. Brown wavy hair medium length. I am about 180 cm. My front profile is probably a 7-9 depending who you ask. My side profile is tragic, I have a small jaw maybe a 3.5-4. Overall maybe 4-6. I have olive colored skin. I am a bit fluffy right now but overall i look somewhat built in clothes. I dress decently. My japanese isn’t good but I can hold a conversation decently. I think i am pretty good in person

I really am not making it this up, i have nothing to gain from it, i just was asking bc i haven’t ever been on a date with a japanese, and it’s been a while since i dated in general. She seems to swing between wanting to fuck, to friends, to long term relationship, so i am generally confused