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Normal? Gold digger? My mistake?

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If she is younger than 22 then she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. And that is the main reason I don't date anyone that young.

The other reason of course being they don't date me, but I digress.

Anyways for the love of god please use condoms.
 
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SquidCity said:
From what you said about her, sounds like you might have got a golden goose on your basket. Don't fumble it mate!
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Well if he knows without a shadow of doubt that sex is NG yeah don’t push it, but honestly on a third date in three consecutive days where she wants to spend time with you as long as possible, I’d actually be worried about having her lose interest on me for not sealing the deal.

Even if she doesn’t want physical intimacy right now, she’s not going to ghost you for trying to get into her pants. That’s unlikely judging from what you told us.
 
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slenderslim said:
Conceited? Very? Strong words to use about someone you don’t know lol. FWIW, it isn’t Tokyo, and it wasn’t just desserts, and I just generally don’t know about these things

In any case we have our third date tomorrow and I am thoroughly confused on what’s happening and what she is expecting of me. Tons of conflicting signs (or maybe i can’t read them well)
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“Gold digger” is a strong word. If you would actually like her, why would you accuse her of something like that in a public forum? It’s nasty.
 
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slenderslim said:
Conceited? Very? Strong words to use about someone you don’t know lol. FWIW, it isn’t Tokyo, and it wasn’t just desserts, and I just generally don’t know about these things

In any case we have our third date tomorrow and I am thoroughly confused on what’s happening and what she is expecting of me. Tons of conflicting signs (or maybe i can’t read them well)
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"I generally don't know about these things", all I can say is that it really shows.

You're not wrong that we can't glean the full picture from the snippets you've posted but the DT energy oozes out of everything you say. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, we all have to start somewhere but you're inviting the criticism when you come out swinging by calling this girl a possible gold digger over what, 3000-5000¥ spent between the two of you on sweets?

A lot more here I could lay into but I'll take your inexperience in stride and recommend you approach dating in Japan as you would anywhere else and set personal boundaries on what you're willing to do and how much you want to invest in terms of time and money then actually try to enjoy the process and get to know the person in front of you. If she just wants a free meal you'll find out soon enough and that's money you've already severed as "entertainment fees" which you'll know how to better allocate next time. Then you can come crying online, you'll have something of substance to say at that time and won't be crucified publicly.
 
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SealedTears said:
I'm team "he's bragging" because no way someone actually thinks like this
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One thing that's been a constant in my life is just how dysfunctional and socially inept some "adults" are. The bare minimum is a bar that is shockingly missed more than I'd like to believe is possible.
 
Alice said:
“Gold digger” is a strong word. If you would actually like her, why would you accuse her of something like that in a public forum? It’s nasty.
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Me asking a series of questions, one of which “is this them just wanting a free meal”, was not me “accusing her”, and i’m sure you know the difference, but for whatever reason chose not to acknowledge it. In any case, what is this “if you would actually like her”? I hadn’t even been on a date with her yet at the time. We’ve dated 3 times now. Of course I like her lol. Did you read any of the thread after the very first post? I called her a good girl and a nice person

The degree to which bad faith is at play here is pretty amazing
 
SealedTears said:
I'm team "he's bragging" because no way someone actually thinks like this
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Thinks like what? I am so lost at this comment. Is it wrong to not want to have sex with someone who is emotionally immature? For my sake and theirs? Is that an abnormal thought? Wow
 
I am just in awe at this entire thread. I’ve treated this girl with nothing but the utmost respect, I’ve tried to ask genuine questions, and I’ve tried to follow advice. In return I got accusations of contradictions (?), conceit (??), and of bragging (???)… Who am I bragging to? Who am lying to? I don’t even know anyone here what would I gain? Beyond me lmao
 
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goodguyjean said:
"I generally don't know about these things", all I can say is that it really shows.

You're not wrong that we can't glean the full picture from the snippets you've posted but the DT energy oozes out of everything you say. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, we all have to start somewhere but you're inviting the criticism when you come out swinging by calling this girl a possible gold digger over what, 3000-5000¥ spent between the two of you on sweets?

A lot more here I could lay into but I'll take your inexperience in stride and recommend you approach dating in Japan as you would anywhere else and set personal boundaries on what you're willing to do and how much you want to invest in terms of time and money then actually try to enjoy the process and get to know the person in front of you. If she just wants a free meal you'll find out soon enough and that's money you've already severed as "entertainment fees" which you'll know how to better allocate next time. Then you can come crying online, you'll have something of substance to say at that time and won't be crucified publicly.
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Did any of you read past the initial post? There were at least 3 updates in which the “gold digger” mention was disregarded by me. She’s a nice girl. I regret even saying “gold digger” because my intent of that was just to ask if it seemed like the actions of someone who wants a free meal. That’s all.

You can call me socially inept all you want, but flaming someone without proper context, and intentionally ignoring existing context is not exactly proving your point
 
The last thing I’ll say: we met again tonight and drank together in my hotel room. We have a good relationship with each other, everything is on the table and has been said honestly. Short of posting a picture of her sleeping (which i obviously will not do) you guys need to chill out, there is literally no reason for me to lie, and even if you think it isn’t true, why not just ignore it? Genuinely baffling

To reiterate: Regret calling her a “gold digger” because it conveys more than I intended, and I corrected my thoughts of her in like the 2nd post on this thread. She is a kind and charming lady. That’s all
 
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slenderslim said:
The last thing I’ll say: we met again tonight and drank together in my hotel room. We have a good relationship with each other, everything is on the table and has been said honestly.
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Glad to hear it worked out well for ya 👌
 
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slenderslim said:
Me asking a series of questions, one of which “is this them just wanting a free meal”,
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You’re on a forum where the majority of men pay money straight to girls, and like I pointed out, girls who go for a free meal would usually aim a bit higher than a fancy dessert.

Your title made sound sound like an AH and like you have bad faith, not me.
You could have suggested warikan if that was your personal principle without consulting a forum.

Anyway, good for you that it worked out and you like her now but if you get a relationship you will always have that history of asking on a public forum if she might have been a gold digger for suggesting you take her out to eat sweets. Just not a great start of a relationship, even though your theory proved wrong.
 
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Alice said:
Your title made sound sound like an AH and like you have bad faith, not me.
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Yeah, put a gold digger in the title and then wonder why you get nasty comments.

In the words of an escort friend of mine: "Guys who say girls are gold diggers usually have no gold to dig".
 
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MikeH said:
In the words of an escort friend of mine: "Guys who say girls are gold diggers usually have no gold to dig".
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lol. I was just thinking along those lines. Like who complains about possibly having to pay for a dessert during a meet up? I'll shell out 10 万 on a date if it's something mutually enjoyable without any ideas of gold diggers. If my dates want to go out to fancy places, then what's the problem if it can be provided? I mean, who doesn't want to go to upscale places?

So I guess the cut-off point ranks as if the cost is more than you're willing or able to give... so yeah.. no gold to dig. I like that quote.
 
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I have another question for OP tho:

Boca o River?

He may understand.
 
MikeH said:
In the words of an escort friend of mine: "Guys who say girls are gold diggers usually have no gold to dig".
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That's the reason why gold diggers haven't been hitting me up! I've got no gold to dig. It's all been spent on the wonderful women of soaplands.

I'm giving this guys some benefit of the doubt. His story might be real. Foul words as a title though. Props though! I haven't been able to get a date whatsoever on those apps. Then again I'm not a strapping young man in my 20s.
 
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