Older Men And Sexuality

[GoldenDalton]

I created the thread, "Younger Guys and P4P" to discuss specific issues related to guys in that age-bracket. As there's nowhere else I'm familiar with to discuss such honestly.

I've created this thread to discuss a similar issue- what it's like to be a 50 plus man regarding both P4P and relationships.

I ask this because I have an unnatural fear of aging. Everyone says that your teenage years and twenties are the best time of life, but I had a pretty rough childhood and a huge chunk of my twenties was spent deployed or with my nose buried in books. None the less, I've been enjoying the 30s like all get out.

My own father died when I was a kid, and I don't really know any older guys I want to discuss this stuff with. If anyone 50 plus could chime in on what it's really like to be seasoned, and what a man can do to ensure those years are good ones, I'd be grateful.

I know that men 50 plus can be very attractive to women, due to seeing them in action. I just don't known the details.

 

[Wwanderer]

The single most important thing you can do is to avoid dying while you are still young.

The second is to continue to be interested in women and to have confidence that you can be (or are) attractive to at least some of them, including some of the most desirable ones.

The third, which is also extremely important at any age, is not to fear rejection or react to it in any highly negative way; just move on.

The fourth is to try to learn from your long years of experience and to make sure that women who come into your life in your later years benefit from what you have learned along the way.

The fifth is to accept and not try to hide your age; regard it as a strength, not a weakness.

Beyond those items, there are many obvious things that help - holding onto your health and (to the extent possible) looks, staying in shape, having a comfortable (or more) amount of money, being charming etc etc. Imo, none of those items are individually essential though.

All just my opinion of course.

-Ww

 

[User#3673]

A very wise man once said to me that any time can be the best time of your life and I think it is true. Your teens and twenties are often very tough for many people - you are trying to find your way, your future etc.

I agree with Wwanderer and I have found too, that though I am in my 50s, a surprising number of young women and women of all ages still seem to find me attractive. I think we are lucky to be men. Attractiveness is much more about your character and how
you conduct yourself. I think women are more well rounded that way, and look for a quality person.

Men tend to be more hung up on looks (of the woman).

And I think everyone fears aging at least to some extent. But I do think you learn so much as you get older. I hope so!

Old and wise.

I`d hate to think I am old and stupid! LOL

 

[GoldenDalton]

The single most important thing you can do is to avoid dying while you are still young.

The second is to continue to be interested in women and to have confidence that you can be (or are) attractive to at least some of them, including some of the most desirable ones.

The third, which is also extremely important at any age, is not to fear rejection or react to it in any highly negative way; just move on.

The fourth is to try to learn from your long years of experience and to make sure that women who come into your life in your later years benefit from what you have learned along the way.

The fifth is to accept and not try to hide your age; regard it as a strength, not a weakness.

Beyond those items, there are many obvious things that help - holding onto your health and (to the extent possible) looks, staying in shape, having a comfortable (or more) amount of money, being charming etc etc. Imo, none of those items are individually essential though.

All just my opinion of course.

-Ww

What you've said makes a lot of sense.
Being open about who you are, not caring so much about rejection. If all that gets easier as you age then there's a kit to look forward to, and it explains why my friends from the previous generation seem more at ease in different situations.

 

[GoldenDalton]

A very wise man once said to me that any time can be the best time of your life and I think it is true. Your teens and twenties are often very tough for many people - you are trying to find your way, your future etc.

I agree with Wwanderer and I have found too, that though I am in my 50s, a surprising number of young women and women of all ages still seem to find me attractive. I think we are lucky to be men. Attractiveness is much more about your character and how
you conduct yourself. I think women are more well rounded that way, and look for a quality person.

Men tend to be more hung up on looks (of the woman).

And I think everyone fears aging at least to some extent. But I do think you learn so much as you get older. I hope so!

Old and wise.

I`d hate to think I am old and stupid! LOL

I'm glad to hear a lot of this. It's good to know that there's a lot to look forward to.

 

[dreams]

I am 65+and enjoys sex as much as ever.
Everything that Wv said is true, and if you stick to his advice, you will be fine till your last day.
Until age 60 or so, I had more women attracted to me that I could cope with; Although I still have relatively good looks, my age now means that I only attract those specific women ( and sometimes young girls) who fantasie about old men, but believe me, ther are enough of them.
Taking "rejection" is important. I fully undersatnd that it may not be attractive to a young woman to frolick with and old dude,(even if he is nice, clean, healthy decent looking, and...rich!) .In a P4P world, girls are not supposed to reject a client. Whenever possible, I try to assess if the girl is "happy" to come with me. If I have the slighltest impression that she may not,I pass. In settings like German FKKs, I never choose a girl, I wait for those who want to smile at me, or even approach me and then choose amongst those.
With regards to decreasing performance, you must accept it, and enjoy any other ways you can. I do not always manage FS as I used to, but there are so many other ways of success... Just have no complexes, tell your partner what you can do, want to do, and enjoy.

 

[Wwanderer]

I fully understand that it may not be attractive to a young woman to frolic with and old dude,(even if he is nice, clean, healthy decent looking, and...rich!) .In a P4P world, girls are not supposed to reject a client. Whenever possible, I try to assess if the girl is "happy" to come with me. If I have the slightest impression that she may not,I pass. In settings like German FKKs, I never choose a girl, I wait for those who want to smile at me, or even approach me and then choose amongst those.
With regards to decreasing performance, you must accept it, and enjoy any other ways you can. I do not always manage FS as I used to, but there are so many other ways of success... Just have no complexes, tell your partner what you can do, want to do, and enjoy.

dreams and I are just about 100% in synch on this topic (and in age; I'm 64), although I'm not at all good looking, and never was, by the standards of most women, but I want to particularly emphasize the part of his post I've quoted above. What he says is *all* very much in synch with my attitudes, approach and experiences...including at German FKKs (some of which, btw, are among the few commercial sex venues in the world that rival and in some respects surpass Japanese ones).

It is a continuing source of astonishment to me how many hot young women enjoy spending time with me, in and out of bed, at my age. Most do not, but as dreams says, there are enough...more than enough actually...who genuinely do. I wonder at what age that will stop being true, if ever.

-Ww

 

[GoldenDalton]

This thread has really set my mind at ease. I've taken note of a large number of older guys who seem to be where I want to be in terms of women, money, etc. The sense of having fallen behind can increase one's insecurity and knowing the best is yet to come is heartening. While I was in Iraq breathing in sand my former classmates were establishing relationships. Gotta make up for lost time because I've wasted too much of it.

 

[R.O.B]

This was really interesting to me. I'm soon to be 54 and about 18 months ago decided that I have lived too much of a sheltered life and would get 'out there'. Call it mid-life crisis if you want, I was gonna enjoy it. Spent a lot of time try to find someone on-line but realised I don't need/want the other 'requirements' that get us to the soft and wet stage. I figured after all the dinners, drinks, disappointments I might as well go straight to the yummy stage and pay for it. All of what was said above is true. You are who you are and good or bad you've seen a lot. Be happy and honest with that. I was told once by a hot red-headed English lass that confidence is the biggest turn on for women. At this age we probably have it but have to accept that it doesn't work all the time and we will swing and miss at times, i.e. rejection. My problem is, I have the bat but can't find the pitcher!
I pass easily for 40 and am quite okay looking, but my problem is one the late great Sam Cooke had (not the bloke with the gun!) "if I can meet 'em I can get 'em, as yet I haven't met 'em - that's why I'm in the state I'm in!"
Have confidence and take rejection not the end.

 

[Wwanderer]

@R.O.B

You might want to give sugar dating a try. It is a sort of mixture of p4p and conventional dating, or a compromise between them. First of all it is a fairly efficient way of meeting new women, which is a problem for you if I understand your post correctly. Some of them will be mostly money motivated, but others will actually be searching for a "real"/romantic relationship with the money as a secondary and temporary motivation.

I have more than once (i.e., twice) had sugar relationships in which my SB would not accept money from me, and I have a few times been rejected by potential SBs despite the money I would have given them. I also know of other SDs who have had both types of experiences. I have also encountered SBs that I could barely distinguish from pro escorts. Sugar experiences are all over the map, which is a major positive from my perspective.

In Tokyo your major options are Universe Club and Seeking Arrangements. There are threads about both of them.

-Ww

 

[R.O.B]

@Ww

Thanks for the suggestion. Sort of avoided the 'sugar' idea but guess if I am will to use escorts it may not be so different cash-wise in the long run. But at least with the latter you know the bill before hand and there's variety available! I have worn myself out on Metrop. It is a bit sad when you start to recognise posts from ones who did not work out. I will check out those options.

R.O.B

 

[GoldenDalton]

Coming on this forum and seeing how guys are still enjoying this aspect of life gives me a sense of optimism. It's caused me to think about the value of preparing for a brighter future instead of being pessimistic. There's a lot of anti- middle aged propaganda out there and I'm glad to see it refuted by real life. Since I have spent so much time " wasting" my life it's good to know there's plenty left.

 

[just4fun]

I am 65+and enjoys sex as much as ever.
Everything that Wv said is true, and if you stick to his advice, you will be fine till your last day.
Until age 60 or so, I had more women attracted to me that I could cope with; Although I still have relatively good looks, my age now means that I only attract those specific women ( and sometimes young girls) who fantasie about old men, but believe me, ther are enough of them.
Taking "rejection" is important. I fully undersatnd that it may not be attractive to a young woman to frolick with and old dude,(even if he is nice, clean, healthy decent looking, and...rich!) .In a P4P world, girls are not supposed to reject a client. Whenever possible, I try to assess if the girl is "happy" to come with me. If I have the slighltest impression that she may not,I pass. In settings like German FKKs, I never choose a girl, I wait for those who want to smile at me, or even approach me and then choose amongst those.
With regards to decreasing performance, you must accept it, and enjoy any other ways you can. I do not always manage FS as I used to, but there are so many other ways of success... Just have no complexes, tell your partner what you can do, want to do, and enjoy.

Although I still have relatively good looks, my age now means that I only attract those specific women ( and sometimes young girls) who fantasie about old men, but believe me, ther are enough of them.

Where are they?

 

[johnnyboy84]

I intend on staying here for a long time. I barely turned 30 and really don't care about long term relationships anymore. I say at this rate I will be like you dudes

 

[tko50]

I turned 50 this year. I still look quite a bit younger and I will be direct, I struggle with being older when my mind is still very much young and active. I agree that age has been a benefit too. I do get interest from a wide range of women who like a more mature man. But as I am also a creative person that goes along ways. So here are my advice points

1. Do Something: Women worthing spending time with will care a great deal about what you do with yourself. Have something that you are passionate about. It can be work, it can be a hobby or it can be something you want to excel at. But if you show passion for something that can inspire people to want to know you and spend time with you.

2. Accept Aging: I have come here kicking and screaming to 50. And now suddenly I am feeling ok with being older. It comes regardless of how you accept it. So go quietly and enjoy it if you can.

3. Sex is still Sex: I live in Tokyo and am pretty much permanently interested in the huge number of attractive women I see daily. I am much less likely to hit on women now as I am involved long term with someone. But my sexual interest and appetite has not dropped off. Post 45 it seems to have gotten stronger.
I very very rarely do p4p as I want to respect my partner and protect us both from risk. But there are times when it is mentally necessary for me to get this out of my system and it is a good way to do so while avoiding drama. In short, I am probably more intelligent, careful and creative about play now that I am older. But far less likely to start up a fling as my patience with drama has significantly declined. Bottom line, I still want and need sexual contact and enjoy it just as much as ever.

4. Women Like Older Men: You would be really surprised. I will say I am not interested in quite young women in their early 20's beyond the eye candy effect. I prefer women who are a little more women and not girls. This is more a Japan issue than elsewhere. But despite or because of that lack of interest I have had a least a dozen early 20 something girls over the last 5 years offer up some kind of relationship or connection. Most seemed to love the idea of being with an older guy. I rarely accepted because I had a hard time relating to them. There was one very mature 23 yr old that was tempting. So you will 100% have someone interested in you if you are interesting yourself.

5. Experience. I am not as athletic as I was when I was younger. But I can make up for it in experience. My years of dating and relationships have given me the ability to seduce more effectively, be a better sexual partner, be a better intellectual partner and a great listener. All of this helps too.

So don't be afraid of age. It wont change anything anyway. Just think of your 30's as a training ground for your future ages. And learn all you can along the way and enjoy every day you have to enjoy.