Reading Between The Lines

[john.smith]

It is fairly easy to see in person if there is some kind of interest going on with a girl during a conversation. You get "isolated" from the rest of the group discussion, and there is no try to "escape".
What puzzle me, is that when that happen and I manage to get the Line (often without even asking for it), this never go any further. I am wondering if I'm interpreting messages correctly.

Example:

If I propose a date on different days and she tells me "I already have something planned", then I suppose she is not interested, and stop trying. (I suppose she would propose another date if she was motivated)
Same thing, if I keep date open by saying "sometimes this week", I have some kind of response like "I have to check my schedule", if there is no followup after, I just consider it dead end as well.

Am I a bit paranoid ? if so how to better read between the lines without harassing.

I'm kind of shocked that I have enjoyable conversations, then can get Line easily without asking, but never have further contact.

 

[User#16452]

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[namae]

It is hard to comment without having 20/20 vision into your specific adventures, but basically your not paranoid, and correct to avoid harassing. I wouldn't read too much into getting LINE contact info. If she is really interested in you she will LINE you, and certainly she will respond relatively quickly when you LINE her. She may not be interested in you for many reasons - but it can be as simple as a boyfriend/relationship doesn't fit in her current plans/lifestyle. Based on your LINE experience, maybe it it is time to reset your expectations - so that you expect to get blown off on LINE, and do a jig when a LINE girl makes contact for a follow up date.

I would also suggest not giving her three date windows in your schedule. Keep it short and simple and casual, "... are you free for dinner on Saturday night?" "Do you want to grab a drink after work on Friday?". If she says she can't make it, then just respond with a "no, problem - maybe next time, just let me know when your free". And then forget about her. In person, and on LINE, a fatal mistake is to appear needy or desperate.

 

[john.smith]

It sounds like they trying to get rid of you to be honest. By giving you another form of communication they are saying "let's continue our conversation there, we are done here". Of course, if they have no interest in meeting you, it is much easier to give a lame excuse by LINE than in person.

Also, even if they might have enjoyed talking when you met, but there can be many reasons for not wanting to meet.

Well, that's the thing. It does not feel like it they gives Line to get rid of me. I'm often talking in a group, and this is everytimes them who drag me out of it, and her which keep the conversation on without escaping. I'm careful to always let the girl escape as she wants when discussing, and never harassing with questions if she shows no interest.
Anyway, I think you are right for LINE afterward, I just don't understand the contradiction of behavior, it seems like a 180 degree spin, and happened to me quite a few time.

It is hard to comment without having 20/20 vision into your specific adventures, but basically your not paranoid, and correct to avoid harassing. I wouldn't read too much into getting LINE contact info. If she is really interested in you she will LINE you, and certainly she will respond relatively quickly when you LINE her. She may not be interested in you for many reasons - but it can be as simple as a boyfriend/relationship doesn't fit in her current plans/lifestyle. Based on your LINE experience, maybe it it is time to reset your expectations - so that you expect to get blown off on LINE, and do a jig when a LINE girl makes contact for a follow up date.

I would also suggest not giving her three date windows in your schedule. Keep it short and simple and casual, "... are you free for dinner on Saturday night?" "Do you want to grab a drink after work on Friday?". If she says she can't make it, then just respond with a "no, problem - maybe next time, just let me know when your free". And then forget about her. In person, and on LINE, a fatal mistake is to appear needy or desperate.

Thanks for the advice, will keep it simpler... which is good I absolutely hate discussing by texting.

 

[Sinapse]

If I propose a date on different days and she tells me "I already have something planned", then I suppose she is not interested, and stop trying. (I suppose she would propose another date if she was motivated)
Same thing, if I keep date open by saying "sometimes this week", I have some kind of response like "I have to check my schedule", if there is no followup after, I just consider it dead end as well.

There certainly are cases where the girl has no intention of meeting you and gives you the LINE as a way to just push off the conversation for later and let it fizzle out. However, I don't think you really need to assume this is the case (always assuming this is a great way to miss out on some girls who actually DO want to see you).

It's pretty common for Japanese girls to be quite busy as free time (hima) is seen in a negative light in Japan and as a sign that you're either not working as hard as you should or don't have as many friends as you might. You are more likely to get a free day if you aim about a week to 10 days out. It helps, of course if you know what her profession is and thus what days she might have off. Hairdressers / night workers /etc are more likely to work weekends. OLs are more likely to be work weekdays.

It can help to discuss a specific thing and reason you would like to see her or what youd like to do with her next time you meet. For example

You: "It was nice talking to you the other day. Recently I walked past this Ethiopian restaurant in Nakameguro. Did you know Ethiopians eat food on a giant piece of bread?"

Her: "No! Wow, that sounds cool. I want to try!"

You: "Yeah I was thinking I'd like to go soon too! I'm busy this week, but how about next Wednesday (XXth) or Friday (XXth)?"

By breaking the invite up into two messages you can get her a little more excited about whatever activity you two will be doing together first, and then inviting second. By offering two days you give her more chance of being free. Psychologically, if she says no to you once, it decreases your chances on the next invite as well so your best bet is to increase the chance of hitting on a free day of hers with the first invite.

Finally, if she isn't free you can just take a step back, wait a day or two, and message about something unrelated for a bit. Don't pressure her or spam invites after she turns one down. However, I still wouldn't assume she doesn't want to meet. Perhaps give it another invite a bit later. Japanese women will sometimes re-invite you, but since leading is very much the man's job in Japan, I wouldn't count on it.

 

[split]

Or what's really weird is when they invite you to meet them at the bar you originally met, but you didn't see the messege until 10 days later. You apologize and exchange some avatars and make an offer to meet next time with more cheery avatars (from her). Then sometime later (a few days) you say "happy birthday" when they clearly have pics of then blowing out candles, and suddenly she deletes you. Ok fair enough, "happy birthday" is apparently getting too personal here. It's like.... You contacted me, I never contacted you, but yet I was cordial and got the door closed for absurdity.

 

[john.smith]

Or what's really weird is when they invite you to meet them at the bar you originally met, but you didn't see the messege until 10 days later. You apologize and exchange some avatars and make an offer to meet next time with more cheery avatars (from her). Then sometime later (a few days) you say "happy birthday" when they clearly have pics of then blowing out candles, and suddenly she deletes you. Ok fair enough, "happy birthday" is apparently getting too personal here. It's like.... You contacted me, I never contacted you, but yet I was cordial and got the door closed for absurdity.

Which may be why they exchange LINE info and not facebook one most of the time

 

[Wwanderer]

In person, and on LINE, a fatal mistake is to appear needy or desperate.

No rule or pattern is 100% true all the time without exceptions in interactions between people, but what @namae says above is damn close to it! And appearances aside, it is even an even bigger mistake to actually be needy or desperate.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

It can help to discuss a specific thing and reason you would like to see her or what youd like to do with her next time you meet. For example

You: "It was nice talking to you the other day. Recently I walked past this Ethiopian restaurant in Nakameguro. Did you know Ethiopians eat food on a giant piece of bread?"

Her: "No! Wow, that sounds cool. I want to try!"

You: "Yeah I was thinking I'd like to go soon too! I'm busy this week, but how about next Wednesday (XXth) or Friday (XXth)?"

By breaking the invite up into two messages you can get her a little more excited about whatever activity you two will be doing together first, and then inviting second.

Damn, man! It is almost like you studied this stuff or something!

But yeah, that is good advice imo...better chance than a simple one message straight-up invite.

Uh, btw, do you know a good Ethiopian restaurant in Nakamegurfo? Seriously.

-Ww

 

[namae]

Damn, man! It is almost like you studied this stuff or something!

But yeah, that is good advice imo...better chance than a simple one message straight-up invite.

Uh, btw, do you know a good Ethiopian restaurant in Nakamegurfo? Seriously.

-Ww

Probably thinking of Queen Sheba (?) - on the main drag, about 500m from the station towards Don Quixote but on the opposite side and about one block before DQ. Never tried it.

 

[Sinapse]

Damn, man! It is almost like you studied this stuff or something!

But yeah, that is good advice imo...better chance than a simple one message straight-up invite.

Uh, btw, do you know a good Ethiopian restaurant in Nakamegurfo? Seriously.

-Ww

Yup, I'm chock full of "evil manipulative" tactics

Probably thinking of Queen Sheba (?) - on the main drag, about 500m from the station towards Don Quixote but on the opposite side and about one block before DQ. Never tried it.

Yes, that's the one!

 

[Wwanderer]

@Sinapse & @namae - Thanks! Looks great. I'm surely going to try it.

-Ww