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Recruiting My Replacement For My Ex-sexfriend

Wwanderer said:
Imo, one rarely sees posts on TAG that deserve "likes" as much as this one. (y)(y)(y)

And I feel slightly ashamed/guilty (but I'm not good at either emotion) of/about the negative tone of my previous posts in this thread. :sorry:

Fwiiw, I do admire and respect what @majimekun and his ex-sexfriend are trying to accomplish. My only complaint is about the approach, as implied in my posts above. The OP makes the whole thing sound like guys are being invited to apply for job with some demanding and inflexible employer who simply lists requirements with hardly any mention of benefits or working conditions and who appears to think that anyone qualified should be grateful to be plugged into a predefined role in their organization. This is just an analogy. Perhaps a better one is to all those SA profiles (I've been reading A LOT of them recently) that are pretty much 100% about what the person requires in and from a sugar partner but contain virtually nothing about what they offer; experience has taught me that it is rarely a good idea to meet SBs with profiles of that type.

My advice to @majimekun is to make the opportunity sound more appealing, flexible and personal and to make his ex-sexfriend sound less rigid and more giving. I'd also suggest that he get out of the loop just as early as possible in the process and let the woman herself interact directly with any reasonably appealing potentials; they might work out something quite different from the situation he had with her and/or that he and she have in mind at this point.

-Ww
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But why tell about all the good qualities of a girl if you can let the person who decides to meet her experience them by himself? :)
 
User#16452 said:
It is worth pointing out that there likely are a lot less women looking for sexfriends due to safety issues or fear of pregnancy.



I don't think just because there are few women looking for sexfriends that all men should pounce on whatever women signs up. People have their likes and dislikes and yes sometimes they might be too picky but particulary in the case of sexfriends, you really have to be attracted for it to work.

I understand that you might use these apps to find paid dates, but unless the app is geared particulary towards that, I'm afraid that I think these guys are entitled to complain about there only being sex workers on a regular dating app in my opinion, or that the app is not a equal balance of men and women.



I don't think guys are being jerks by questioning or being turned off by OP's post. He really is not showing her in a flattering light. Unless you have seen a photo of her, can you really comment that she is "normal in America"?

Also, I wouldn't be so dismissive of mental issues, particularly if you don't know what they are. I have had a couple of longterm relationships (both romantic and non-romantic) with people who had them and it is not easy. If you are not a trained profession it is very easy to get sucked into their way of thinking. Having had these previous experiences, I would be very wary of starting a relationship with anyone that I knew had issues. Particularly in the case of sex friends where some distance must be kept, I don't think looking for someone mentally stable is that unwise.

It is also worth pointing out that ADHD and mental illness are not necessarly increasing, but that the rate of diagnosis is increasing, as well as general awareness.



Usually when one writes their own profile they try to emphasise the good points about themselves, which OP has not done for this woman.



I don't think this is comparible. The guys want sex right then and have already paid.



Besides the "University of Tokyo" comment, was anyone actually making fun of her?

Edit: I would actually say your comment here is probably the most insulting in the thread, in fact, both to the woman in question and men in general:
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Ah, first of all: you accused ME of picking on you in another post, yet you have JUMPED twice on me, both times at a comment that wasn't directed to you in any way. Plus you wrote a post about not going to be active on TAG anymore and canceling your meetup, clearly hinting that I was the reason for that. Obviously you are the one picking on me, and its annoying me i have to hold my thought thinking i might hurt your opinion. This is not just your safe space, this is the only place where i can really openly talk about my job and my views on it, so lets live and let live ok?

As for, the "guys are desperate enough" comment, this was related to guys being willing to meet a girl from online without seeing her photo or anything, you took it out of context to make it look like i was insulting said girl.

As for the dating sites, they are basically the same as the deai cafes. Note that by the official house rules, you are not allowed to ask the guys in the cafes for money, same goes for Japanese dating apps.
As far as i know there are no websites in Japan where you can openly advertice yourself like backpage. So people have to resort to dating apps.
Men being allowed to COMPLAIN about the men-women ratio on websites? I'll assume that you mean that if they pay for a website that concretely promised them to find thons of female sexfriends that they are allowed to be disappointed if there are only fake profiles or women requesting money.
Men are not entitled to an even amound of women on a website, or to any of those women wanting to meet them.

To me, the fun thing about dating sites is that you can find anything there, you can really run into surprises.

You obviously missed wowzers disgusting jokes about how he would treat this girl, which are probably gone now thankfully. And the whole tone of everyone was rude.

I dont know why it was only obvious to me that majimekun just wanted guys to be prepared and ready to deal with her worst points so they wouldn't expect a supermodel and run off when they meet her.

Also the mental illness thing as a warning. People should be prepared to deal with this, but that still doesn't mean she cant have a sexfriend. He says its not heavy and she is a sweet person so i dont see the problem?
Like you said, its not something to ignore, so its good that he mentions it.

Yes, he could have added more positive "selling points" but a guy could explore those when he meets her in real life.
Its better to be pleasantly surprised than to be disappointed and not have something working out.
We are talking about a first date, its always a gamble and an investment of time and its really better to know what to expect.
 
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User#16452 said:
I never said not to put bad things but they can be phrased more politely in my opinion or best kept for those who show interest via email.
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A good point about the email thing.
Then again, the girl's identity in this post is anon, and its better to sort out candidates in an early stage, unless there are really almost none.
 
I think even if an ad sounds ridiculus to most people ( my own ads for example, with prices some guys would never spend) it's wise not to bash them.
There might be a lot of other people interested, and by acting like its crazy you insult both the ad poster and the people who do have serious interest.

Sure, this ad listed few positive things, but does that mean she doesn't have any? Its just to filter out guys with too high expectations, which seems to work excellently. Although most of the people who commented here are not the people looking for sexfriend anyway (of which there are a good amound on TAG), so how is this any of your business? You didn't have to make a joke out of it just for being poorly worded.
 
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User#8628 said:
Ah, first of all: you accused ME of picking on you in another post, yet you have JUMPED twice on me, both times at a comment that wasn't directed to you in any way. Plus you wrote a post about not going to be active on TAG anymore and canceling your meetup, clearly hinting that I was the reason for that. Obviously you are the one picking on me, and its annoying me i have to hold my thought thinking i might hurt your opinion. This is not just your safe space, this is the only place where i can really openly talk about my job and my views on it, so lets live and let live ok?
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User#16452 said:
I don't want to get into an argument about this but in the same thread that I asked you to no longer reply to me, you replied to me. If you won't respect my request, should I still no longer reply to you?

I didn't mean to attack you personally in my reply here, I just commented on what you wrote. It did not seem logical to me, yet many posters seemed to like it. I had hoped you, or someone else, might clarify these points.

Regarding me leaving TAG, that post was 3 months ago. Here is what I said:

I never said I was leaving forever. And yes, I did hint that you were the reason I was leaving because, well, that was the reason. In restrospect I would have prefered to have stepped away quietly, but as I was organising an event at the time, I felt an explaination was needed.
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What thread is that?
 
User#8628 said:
I think even if an ad sounds ridiculus to most people ( my own ads for example, with prices some guys would never spend) it's wise not to bash them.
There might be a lot of other people interested, and by acting like its crazy you insult both the ad poster and the people who do have serious interest.

Sure, this ad listed few positive things, but does that mean she doesn't have any? Its just to filter out guys with too high expectations, which seems to work excellently. Although most of the people who commented here are not the people looking for sexfriend anyway (of which there are a good amound on TAG), so how is this any of your business? You didn't have to make a joke out of it just for being poorly worded.
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That's a fair point, but if I were OP I would want the best for my old friend, so listing out her positive qualities would attract better guys for her. Of course, you can still filter the guys afterwards to see which are genuine, but if you set the bar low then, like you said, you filter out a lot of guys (which are potentially good matches) at the start.
 
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User#8628 said:
But why tell about all the good qualities of a girl if you can let the person who decides to meet her experience them by himself? :)
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Yep, the guy and the woman should decide for themselves what they like and don't like about each other, of course, but describing/emphasizing her good points would encourage more guys to try to meet her.

Anyway, I agree with you that @majimekun was trying to do something positive and kind for his former sexfriend and that too many of us jumped on him about it with discouraging and critical words even if he didn't do a perfect job of portraying her. That was unjustified, and I apologize to him for my part in it.

-Ww
 
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Wwanderer said:
describing/emphasizing her good points would encourage more guys to try to meet her.

-Ww
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Actually it is wise not to be too positive about the way a woman looks in these kinds of situations. I have seen numerous reports on TAG by guys who go to a 3,000 yen pink salon then start making disparaging comments about the woman's appearance. They expect Miss World to suck their cocks for 3,000 yen.

At least by being negative the ad should keep some of the clowns away.
 
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MossBoss said:
Actually it is wise not to be too positive about the way a woman looks in these kinds of situations. I have seen numerous reports on TAG by guys who go to a 3,000 yen pink salon then start making disparaging comments about the woman's appearance. They expect Miss World to suck their cocks for 3,000 yen.
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Perhaps so, there are different ways to go about such things, but fwiiw and imo, the most off-putting and implausible part was insisting (the word "must" was used) that guys *commit* to 3 dates per week before ever meeting the woman in question or even seeing her photo. Few Tokyoites have anything close to that much free time in their schedules and even those that do might well not want to promise such a large commitment so early on. Perhaps the verb "commit" is a bit too strong, but in essence guys who would not be willing to do the 3 nights/week were told not to even bother "applying". I'd guess that that condition alone would eliminate the large majority of guys who might have otherwise been interested.

-Ww
 
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Wwanderer said:
Perhaps so, there are different ways to go about such things, but fwiiw and imo, the most off-putting and implausible part was insisting (the word "must" was used) that guys *commit* to meeting meeting 3 times per week before ever meeting the woman in question or even seeing her photo of the woman in question. Few Tokyoites have anything close to that much free time in their schedules and even those that do might want to promise such a large commitment so early on. Perhaps the verb "commit" is a bit too strong, but in essence guys who would not be willing to do the 3 nights/week were told not to even bother "applying".

-Ww
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You have to question the quality of a man who has that much free time. He's either a bum or a playboy :LOL:
 
deckard said:
You have to question the quality of a man who has that much free time. He's either a bum or a playboy :LOL:
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Imo it would depend on what you mean by "free time". There are a ton of people who spend several nights per week playing video games. Perhaps they'd rather be spending some of that time having sex??

-Ww
 
Wwanderer said:
Imo it would depend on what you mean by "free time". There are a ton of people who spend several nights per week playing video games. Perhaps they'd rather be spending some of that time having sex??

-Ww
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He'd have to love her as much as he loves his video games! A tricky proposition.
 
User#8628 said:
You didn't have to make a joke out of it just for being poorly worded.
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yes we did have to! When the opportunity to make a joke is presented .. Some of us have no control!

it's an internet forum, chill people x
 
owlet said:
yes we did have to! When the opportunity to make a joke is presented .. Some of us have no control!

it's an internet forum, chill people x
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You're making a joke out of other people. I thought you'd know how that feels. Why would you want this to happen to other people?

I wouldn't do such a think to you myself. Sorry if that makes me too serious.
 
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User#8628 said:
You're making a joke out of other people. I thought you'd know how that feels. Why would you want this to happen to other people?

I wouldn't do such a think to you myself. Sorry if that makes me too serious.
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if a trusted friend of mine said something really callous to me in RL, I would give them the benefit of the doubt and try to understand why they said it..

if some random folks on a internet forum were making fun of me.. I would be like .. Meh

..hopefully I changed hehe
 
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I'd love to meet her. But, sadly, I didnt comply with any of the conditions. Also, there is the fact that I only will stay in Tokyo for a week.

Note: the only relationship-like I ever had with a girl was with a elven-like poly drugaddict tsundere I worked with. So I'm used to girls with issues.
 
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