Sugar Daddy - The Person Who Cares Less In A Relationship Has The Power? Inconsiderate Sugar Baby

[okayspot]

Let me make this short:

I pay a girl 10,000 an hour for non-sexual sugar dating(ridiculously overpriced I know).

She works in a very niche part of an industry that I'm heavily interested in the niche. Has a full time job etc...
I love the time with her: conversation flows, she makes me joyful etc etc perfect person when I'm with her.

The problem is that she doesn't seem to consider this as a job.... stands me up/ cancels/ comes late / ignores my scheduling e-mails half the time.


Is there anything I can do to turn things around? She is a young cute intelligent girl and this is Japan, she can get money from just about anyone... not going on dates isn't going to effect anyone but me....

 

[Wwanderer]

You can pay her more or you can try to make the dates more enjoyable/important to her in some other way (lots of options that depend on you and her). For example doing some activity together that she particularly loves might help a bit.

-Ww

 

[vargas]

I'd suggest making things more interesting and challenging for her. Most women are very unattracted to guys they can walk all over. You should call out her bad behavior but in a fun, lighthearted way. For example if she pulls out her phone to chat with someone else, take it out of her hands and look up a funny video on YouTube. Teasing goes a long way with most girls, just remember to keep it fun.

None of that is specific to sugar dating of course. I usually just drop sugar babes who start behaving badly since it's more fun to get someone new anyway. But since you really like this one and it's super niche, maybe pay her only half if she's late and does't make up for it. Or make her buy you a drink or another punishment, whatever's suitable for your relationship.

 

[User#8628]

You can pay her more or you can try to make the dates more enjoyable/important to her in some other way (lots of options that depend on you and her). For example doing some activity together that she particularly loves might help a bit.

-Ww

I agree. Make an effort to make the "dates" so fun that she doesn't want to leave and looks forward to it and shows up on time the next time.

 

[Sinapse]

I would not tolerate this kind of behavior from anyone I meet, paying or otherwise (but holy moses, ESPECIALLY not if I'm paying). Other people responding seem to think this is your fault / that you should offer more, but tbh I don't think that's right. If someone treats you poorly and you offer MORE what does it say about you? On top of that, you're reinforcing the negative behavior. Next time she wants more money or something else, she'll know if she acts up she'll get it.

Instead, I would tell her that you like her, but ドタキャン (last minute cancellations) and bad behavior aren't acceptable. Ask her if she values your arrangement, and tell her that while you value her company, if she is going to have trouble making prearranged times and responding to messages within a timely manner then there is no point. Many girls, when you call them out on this type of behavior, realize you have a spine and it's not ok to just walk over you, and they respect you more for it after - like night and day. The key is to word it in a way that's firm, but not angry - simply like you're laying out her two choices, she can take it or leave it.

I generally give girls one or two chances, then if they don't meet my criteria for behavior, I'll just move on. Life is too short to accept people who are walking all over you into your kingdom.

She is a young cute intelligent girl and this is Japan, she can get money from just about anyone... not going on dates isn't going to effect anyone but me....

I know you think money is really easy to come by for young cute girls, but I think you're under valuing what you're offering her. I think you have more "bargaining power" than you think.

 

[vargas]

I would not tolerate this kind of behavior from anyone I meet, paying or otherwise (but holy moses, ESPECIALLY not if I'm paying). Other people responding seem to think this is your fault / that you should offer more, but tbh I don't think that's right. If someone treats you poorly and you offer MORE what does it say about you? On top of that, you're reinforcing the negative behavior. Next time she wants more money or something else, she'll know if she acts up she'll get it.

This 100x.

 

[meiji]

Is there anything I can do to turn things around?

Yup, unfortunately sometimes there's nothing you can do to turn things around. You can certainly say "hey, I expect you to keep your commitments and be more considerate of my time", but I'd probably say she's not willing to do that.

 

[Wwanderer]

Note that the OP did not ask if he should tolerate his SB's behavior but rather what he could do about it. Moving on, as @Sinapse suggests, might well be a better solution, but that wasn't the question.

Fwiiw and as you might expect, I have no hard/specific rule or criterion about such behavior but simply deal with it on a case-by-case basis depending on the details. For example, I am currently seeing a SB who is truly one of the least reliable, punctual and predictable people I have ever met. It is often quite inconvenient for me. On the other hand she is wonderful and even deeply inspiring in other, unrelated and rare ways. So, I am thrilled to have the opportunity to tolerate the flakiness problems.

-Ww

 

[jelle]

The problem is that she doesn't seem to consider this as a job.... stands me up/ cancels/ comes late / ignores my scheduling e-mails half the time.


Is there anything I can do to turn things around? She is a young cute intelligent girl and this is Japan, she can get money from just about anyone... not going on dates isn't going to effect anyone but me....

Have you considered that maybe the way things are is best and you don't need to "turn things around"?

As long as she isn't stealing your money, you quite enjoy her company, right? And maybe she needs this freedom and ambiguity to truly be her herself, which you're attracted to? And maybe if she treated this more as a job and acted more professionally, you might not like the result or she might feel too pressured and become even less interested? You might even like her in part because she is unpredictable in this way!

It sucks that she's flakey, but it's probably taking you away from enjoying her company when you think about trying to change her.

 

[roots reggae]

Let me make this short:

I pay a girl 10,000 an hour for non-sexual sugar dating(ridiculously overpriced I know).

She works in a very niche part of an industry that I'm heavily interested in the niche. Has a full time job etc...
I love the time with her: conversation flows, she makes me joyful etc etc perfect person when I'm with her.

The problem is that she doesn't seem to consider this as a job.... stands me up/ cancels/ comes late / ignores my scheduling e-mails half the time.


Is there anything I can do to turn things around? She is a young cute intelligent girl and this is Japan, she can get money from just about anyone... not going on dates isn't going to effect anyone but me....

Sounds to me that a pattern has been created that is unlikely to change. There are many young cute intelligent girls in Japan, most who will enjoy your company without compensation.

Value yourself and do not settle!!! And... be patient in your quest!

 

[Sinapse]

Note that the OP did not ask if he should tolerate his SB's behavior but rather what he could do about it. Moving on, as @Sinapse suggests, might well be a better solution, but that wasn't the question.

Fwiiw and as you might expect, I have no hard/specific rule or criterion about such behavior but simply deal with it on a case-by-case basis depending on the details. For example, I am currently seeing a SB who is truly one of the least reliable, punctual and predictable people I have ever met. It is often quite inconvenient for me. On the other hand she is wonderful and even deeply inspiring in other, unrelated and rare ways. So, I am thrilled to have the opportunity to tolerate the flakiness problems.

-Ww

While it may not have been the exact question, I do think it's the best course of action in this case. Sometimes clinging quite hard to something prevents you from getting what you want. The harder you cling, the father it goes. Giving it up often brings it back.

Just my personal advice

 

[caterpillar]

Tell her to basically shape up or f*ck off. and mean it. Ignore her calls for a while.

 

[Wwanderer]

@Sinapse @caterpillar @vargas @roots reggae

Obviously I cannot speak for the OP, but note what he wrote above:

She works in a very niche part of an industry that I'm heavily interested in the niche. Has a full time job etc...
I love the time with her: conversation flows, she makes me joyful etc etc perfect person when I'm with her.

It appears to me that this young woman may not be so easily replaceable for @okayspot as you are imagining, for both personal and maybe professional reasons (i.e., the comment about the "niche part of an industry"). We/I don't know any details of the situation of course, but it sounds like there may be significant reasons not to be so quick to kick her to the curb as you guys seem to think it easy to do.

Also and more generally, for some of us (including me), an established relationship with one woman can almost never be replace by a relationship, however good, with another one. Women are not interchangeable parts to be plugged into slots in one's life for me and many other men. They are...you know...like...individual people. Seriously!

Btw, this applies in p4p and np4p imo.

-Ww

 

[Desktop]

I think we don't have the full picture. If this young lady is from the same place you seem to spend tons of money & if I remember they stole your wallet & you keep going back. Then I'd suggest you just cut your loses.
You shouldn't be paying for this.
- I'm in no way connected with dude & never met him but from your past threads I'd rather see you spending money on on of these Bootcamps by Sinapse.
Just sounds like you keep getting suckered. Just being honest.

 

[just4fun]

I think we don't have the full picture. If this young lady is from the same place you seem to spend tons of money & if I remember they stole your wallet & you keep going back. Then I'd suggest you just cut your loses.
You shouldn't be paying for this.
- I'm in no way connected with dude & never met him but from your past threads I'd rather see you spending money on on of these Bootcamps by Sinapse.
Just sounds like you keep getting suckered. Just being honest.

EXACTLY!!! Well said Desktop!!!

 

[okayspot]

Thanks for all the replies....

This girl is great during the date she doesn't sit with her cell phone etc... just the getting to the date part.
I'll go with this girl is an amateur and has a life. I think I've become to use to hostesses who will reply to you within minutes with canned responses.

For the rest need to go read guides I guess on how to make dates interesting! All good practice for other parts of life

 

[Helena West]

Let me make this short:

I pay a girl 10,000 an hour for non-sexual sugar dating(ridiculously overpriced I know).

She works in a very niche part of an industry that I'm heavily interested in the niche. Has a full time job etc...
I love the time with her: conversation flows, she makes me joyful etc etc perfect person when I'm with her.

The problem is that she doesn't seem to consider this as a job.... stands me up/ cancels/ comes late / ignores my scheduling e-mails half the time.


Is there anything I can do to turn things around? She is a young cute intelligent girl and this is Japan, she can get money from just about anyone... not going on dates isn't going to effect anyone but me....

Pick the single behavior that is hardest for you to deal with.. IE would you rather her answer your emails, or show up on time, or not stand you up.

"Hey, I really enjoy our time together. I really value x y z and appreciate A B C. Though it is very hard for me when you cancel last minute. Is there something getting in the way, or a better time we can arrange so that I know I can see you at the arranged time? Let me know if there are any hurdles I can help clear to see this happen. I do really enjoy our meetings and thank you so much for listening!"