The morality of p4p done in secrecy vs. spinning plates?

[MikeH]

I was only trying to equate the two only in the case where lying is involved, i.e. engaging in p4p in while in a monogamous relationship and lying that you're not.

So basically your question in a nutshell is if lying is more wrong than lying? I think most people agree they do not agree with moral questions so your question comes out as you are just trying to start a fire.

This is a really interesting answer. The girls you are with just happen to be quite open I suppose. I don't expect that most women would take kindly to this though. I think your telling the truth would probably eliminate most girls from your pool of possible women that you could date, but perhaps you have a lot of abundance due to inherent advantages that you have to the point where you don't care that your potential pool is smaller. I do admire that you stick to your principles, but I don't think that this is something a lot of guys would be willing to compromise on, especially if their pool of possible women is already small due to not being the most attractive or wealthy.

Yeah, my pool is huge because I am the most attractive and wealthy guy in here. Wait, after checking the mirror and my wallet I am starting to wonder maybe that is not the reason?

The thing is I am a man of modesty and I do not try to date most of the women. Therefore the girls also do not "just happen" to be more open than your average girl, but the ones who are not get filtered out by natural selection. Which is a nicer way to say they do not want to date me.

As I am always looking for a long term relationship it is important to have your own selection criteria. If you are not willing to "slimming the pool" but are happy to just get anyone then why don't you just spin the roulette and go to the nearest p4p shop? Way easier that way.

Though on a positive side there is about 22 million girls in Japan between the ages 20 and 49. And I am basically looking for 3 at the time. So the numbers are on my side even if I try to select tightly.

 

[da2369]

Yes, if you are single, by all means enjoy p4p guilt-free! I've seen your threads and from what I gather you're a younger guy, so you have a lot of experience to acquire ahead of you, but suffice to say there may be cases in the future where you might be inclined to try p4p again even in a monogamous relationship. Perhaps as a thought exercise, try thinking about how you would feel if you had to lie that you weren't doing p4p when asked by your significant other.

If I was asked directly about using P4P, I don't think I would lie. Again, I think; I would not know as I've never been in that situation. I'm already aware that I might have to answer if I've had sex before (let's just say I've never been in a relationship that has gotten that far), and I'm ready to have to explain at least part of what I've done

 

[Karen]

I had thought about this topic longer than I dreamed that I would even ever care to.

In the other thread, the deception part of the pick-up business is what hurts the most. If it's a friend with benefits situation, it's fair that I should know just how many other women (or men? other??) there are, because it is more risky. Men that lead women on to believe there is something more there that really isn't, is a big issue in my OPINION (looking at you married men who aren't really honest about your status). If you are hiding the fact that you are just playing the field and sleeping around, then I'm sad for you. There are (were?) times where I didn't care and just wanted sex but men didn't seem to appreciate that (shocking?). I think most of us easily tire of the low effort "It's only you baby" comment. 🤮

About the drama around P4P - I firmly accept that pay-for-play is part of our society and the professional women take better care of themselves and are far more safer than your local bar resident, Junko. Most men seem to need variety and that's perfectly fine but I won't make a blanket statement that all women should accept this. There is nothing MORALLY wrong with sex workers unless that person is being forced into servitude by some scumbag.

the guy should not have been driven away

He was warned on one of his posts that had nothing to do with the topic. He threw a temper-tantrum when I called him out and he was probably even more distraught that a woman did it. Nobody asked him to leave.




Don't forget to like & subscribe to my weekly podcasts. /s

 

[Alice]

Thanks for your perspective. I agree that from the standpoint of avoiding getting caught, p4p is definitely a lot better. But from the standpoint of lying and dishonesty, wouldn't you say that both cases would be similar? How would you feel if your partner said to you that you were in a monogamous relationship but behind your back was going to soaplands every week? Now compare that to how you would feel if your partner who claimed they were monogamous was dating others simultaneously. Which do you think would make you feel worse? Which do you think makes your partner more of an asshole?

I don’t mean that the chance of getting caught is lower. Although I understand that it looks like that. I mean that pick up would have more drama. Girls who would embarrass the partner or who would give the guy an ultimatum and harass the couple if she us not the one chosen.

I don’t do mono so for me it’s hard to even imagine.
I can’t imagine being phrased by a partner going to a soapland though, while having girlfriends especially without being open about it would feel more like a threat to the relationship. But like I also said earlier I can imagine that some women would prefer the idea of they man being a slick playing instead of paying someone with money that the wife might rather strike up herself.

Either way I think if it was truly believed to be a monogamous relationship, the relationship would be over after what happened so what does it matter?

 

[Shfhntr]

I had thought about this topic longer than I dreamed that I would even ever care to.

In the other thread, the deception part of the pick-up business is what hurts the most. If it's a friend with benefits situation, it's fair that I should know just how many other women (or men? other??) there are, because it is more risky. Men that lead women on to believe there is something more there that really isn't, is a big issue in my OPINION (looking at you married men who aren't really honest about your status). If you are hiding the fact that you are just playing the field and sleeping around, then I'm sad for you. There are (were?) times where I didn't care and just wanted sex but men didn't seem to appreciate that (shocking?). I think most of us easily tire of the low effort "It's only you baby" comment. 🤮

About the drama around P4P - I firmly accept that pay-for-play is part of our society and the professional women take better care of themselves and are far more safer than your local bar resident, Junko. Most men seem to need variety and that's perfectly fine but I won't make a blanket statement that all women should accept this. There is nothing MORALLY wrong with sex workers unless that person is being forced into servitude by some scumbag.


He was warned on one of his posts that had nothing to do with the topic. He threw a temper-tantrum when I called him out and he was probably even more distraught that a woman did it. Nobody asked him to leave.




Don't forget to like & subscribe to my weekly podcasts. /s

"He was warned on one of his posts that had nothing to do with the topic".

Ah.
I was unaware.
Got a link?
Would hate to repeat his mistake.

 

[Karen]

"He was warned on one of his posts that had nothing to do with the topic".

Ah.
I was unaware.
Got a link?
Would hate to repeat his mistake.

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/confessions-of-a-tokyo-plate-spinner.28605/page-4#post-324693