Where to go about looking for a proper Dom (preferably Asian male)

[JessicaJones]

Okay so, I'm looking for a Dom, I'm an American woman and I've had no issues so far finding guys and men, but even when I say "I'm looking for this this and this" on dating sites and pictures for examples of course any guy will say "that's exactly what I like"


Then we meet and hes not aggressive at all just trying to soften me up then giving me the most vanilla display.

I even had a chat with a guy about my rape fantasy.. Then in bed inside me he says "I don't wanna rape you, I want to do normal" he just said whatever to get whatever..

It's frustrating lol I've gotten lucky and gotten doms before but it was by chance one was a sugar daddy and we ended that relationship and the other wanted a 3some so I invited a girl then he was a rude to her and it turned me off...

Tldr lol I want to have crazy satisfying sex and Im really attracted to older Asian men, where would the best place to look?

Sorry if this is an absolute inane question fetlife Tokyo community seemed dead.

 

[User#8628]

Why not look on sugar daddy websites again? Or are you already?
Sure, you may not be looking for financial support now, but many guys on there seem to have a bit kinky and dominant interests, you can make a clear profile with what you like and the guys wont have a problem taking you out shopping for bdsm gear or to a bondage or happening bar because they are expecting some pricier dates.

Good luck!

 

[chinshiko]

I'm surprised to hear that you can't find a dom Japanese guy. I always figured that most were.
For me, I'm trying to find a dom Japanese woman (not a dominatrix per se) but that is an attempt in futility.

 

[User#8628]

I'm surprised to hear that you can't find a dom Japanese guy. I always figured that most were.
For me, I'm trying to find a dom Japanese woman (not a dominatrix per se) but that is an attempt in futility.

They aren’t that kinky actually.
Most rich guys act a bit alpha male but I don’t think the older ones are always that comfortable with rape play and such. In my experience most can take the lead and things can get heathed and a bit wild but they are actually not into dirty talking and being very aggressive. I think this is why girls in Japan feel comfortable calling themselves “M” without having to feal being covered in red whipmarks for weeks.

Even actual bdsm play is more artistic here, like bondage.

I did find that younger guys are often more open minded for things like rape role play but you really have to guide them. Older guys could be a problem because they may indeed not be interested in the kind of specific roleplay that some women like.

 

[chinshiko]

Interesting.
I think I watch waaaaaaay too much Japanese porn and have a distorted perspective of the Japanese "S" male.

 

[elasilva86]

older Asian men

Can you please specify? I can help you find some. My office is full of elderly and horny males who have being showing some winking and sexy postures to younger ladies and seducing them eventually. I caught 2 males escorting 2 co-females to a LH. (They never knew I was there too with another)

 

[MossBoss]

Jessica! You deserve a good pounding. I hope the next guy you meet sorts you out good and proper.

Good Luck!

 

[MikeH]

You deserve a good pounding.

How can you be sure? Maybe she has been a good girl and doesn't deserve anything like that?

 

[Leonidas]

I'm pretty sure there are show clubs where on stage, girls get it from guys. Might be an idea to hang out at one of those.

 

[IkebukuroJ]

Then we meet and hes not aggressive at all just trying to soften me up then giving me the most vanilla display.

I even had a chat with a guy about my rape fantasy.. Then in bed inside me he says "I don't wanna rape you, I want to do normal" he just said whatever

Aren't you expecting too much too soon? I am not experienced as a dom, but I imagine it would take a session or two of vanilla to warm up to being able to do rape fantasy.

 

[JessicaJones]

Aren't you expecting too much too soon? I am not experienced as a dom, but I imagine it would take a session or two of vanilla to warm up to being able to do rape fantasy.

OH absolutely, that's why I was cool with having vanilla sex to start, but they outright said "I'm not really into this" which is fine, feelings change but it's jarring when they're talking like a professional a few hours before.

It feels less like theyre wading the waters and building a connection, and more like trying to get their dick wet as much as possible before I realize they're bullshitting.

Some guys even try to avoid the topic completely when were in private

 

[JessicaJones]

Interesting.
I think I watch waaaaaaay too much Japanese porn and have a distorted perspective of the Japanese "S" male.

Yeah lol I've even had sex with a few male pornstars and they're were very vanilla although I kinda assumed they would be in their private life.

 

[JessicaJones]

OH absolutely, that's why I was cool with having vanilla sex to start, but they outright said "I'm not really into this" which is fine, feelings change but it's jarring when they're talking like a professional a few hours before.

It feels less like theyre wading the waters and building a connection, and more like trying to get their dick wet as much as possible before I realize they're bullshitting.

Some guys even try to avoid the topic completely when were in private

And by soften I mean they're just saying " wow we you're so prettyyy I really like you" and it's like uh okay thank you but

 

[steelworksinc]

don’t mean to side track, i do find kinbaku with red rope very beautiful.

Jessica, how did you met the male porn stars?

 

[MossBoss]

Jessica, TAG has classified section - I believe it is free for non-escort ads. It might be worth your time making a quick ad.

MossBoss

 

[User#8628]

I feel you, i also found Japanese guys surprisingly vanilla.

[QUOTE="JessicaJones, post: 183838, member: 20364]

It feels less like theyre wading the waters and building a connection, and more like trying to get their dick wet as much as possible before I realize they're bullshitting.

Some guys even try to avoid the topic completely when were in private[/QUOTE]
This is very real.

 

[Simonka]

I think rape fantasy and BDSM are quite different. Although I don’t offer BDSM and I’ll probably won’t anytime soon, I occasionally enjoy being dominated. Things like restraints and sensory deprivation turn me on so much when I’m in the mood for that. (Vanilla sex is okay too, but sometimes i am in the mood for some kink) That said, there is mutual understanding and consent between a sub and dom and the interaction cannot be put in the category of rape. I personally never had rape fantasy and rape porn is very disgusting for me. So the chances of running into someone who is into JAV rape fantasy in BDSM circles is pretty slim in my opinion. Besides that older Japanese gentlemen are already quite vanilla compared to Caucasian men.

 

[User#8628]

That said, there is mutual understanding and consent between a sub and dom and the interaction cannot be put in the category of rape. I personally never had rape fantasy and rape porn is very disgusting for me.

Rape play is just a roleplay.
It has consent beforehand and there can also be a stopword thats non sexual so wont be confused with saying “please stop” during the play.

 

[Simonka]

Rape play is just a roleplay.
It has consent beforehand and there can also be a stopword thats non sexual so wont be confused with saying “please stop” during the play.

Sure there is (otherwise it would be rape, not rape play) but what I meant is even if someone is a Dom, he may not be okay with rape play. It’s a little bit different than the conventional dynamics of domination. Domination is having power over someone who yearns to surrender, whereas rape fantasy is the impression of violating someone against their will. These things evoke totally different feelings. I wouldn’t be surprised if a man who is willing to do rape play doesn’t even care about BDSM.

 

[Simonka]

“please stop”

Only happens in Japanese rape play Being polite is a must

 

[JessicaJones]

I think rape fantasy and BDSM are quite different. Although I don’t offer BDSM and I’ll probably won’t anytime soon, I occasionally enjoy being dominated. Things like restraints and sensory deprivation turn me on so much when I’m in the mood for that. (Vanilla sex is okay too, but sometimes i am in the mood for some kink) That said, there is mutual understanding and consent between a sub and dom and the interaction cannot be put in the category of rape. I personally never had rape fantasy and rape porn is very disgusting for me. So the chances of running into someone who is into JAV rape fantasy in BDSM circles is pretty slim in my opinion. Besides that older Japanese gentlemen are already quite vanilla compared to Caucasian men.

I also consider them to be completely separate in terms of fetish.in that situation however he asked me what I was into through line, so I was honest with my interests.and he said he liked it too (looking.back he liked anything I said lol so that's a red flag from now)

He was like really excited about it, I won't put too much blame on him cause talking and doing are different, however because of this I'm looking for someone with more experience than me, of which I have little to begin with lol

 

[Simonka]

I also consider them to be completely separate in terms of fetish.in that situation however he asked me what I was into through line, so I was honest with my interests.and he said he liked it too (looking.back he liked anything I said lol so that's a red flag from now)

He was like really excited about it, I won't put too much blame on him cause talking and doing are different, however because of this I'm looking for someone with more experience than me, of which I have little to begin with lol

If you are on the receiving end of a certain type of fetish, looking for someone with experience is the best bet. Enthusiastic amateurs may cause you physical harm if they don’t know what they are doing.

 

[Leonidas]

Umm, rape fantasies are absolutely part of the BDSM spectrum, both among men and women, and tops and bottoms. Most BDSMers have their subset of the entire BDSM set of activities/fantasies that arouses them, and the rest doesn't arouse them much or at all, or may even turn them off. But it doesn't usually occur to people to say that "that's not BDSM" just because they don't get it. As long as there is an aspect of power exchange (which is totally the case with rape; rape is all about power) and as long as it's consensual, it's BDSM.

 

[chinshiko]

I personally never had rape fantasy and rape porn is very disgusting for me.

Yeah, personal preferences. I cannot watch porn where it seems that the girl is being forced to do anything or being dominated in any way. Instant turn-off and turns my stomach.
If the roles are reversed, not a problem.