Why Japanese girls are like...any similar experience with this?

[Yuriko]

I have a Japanese friend, who is a friend of mine for abt 5 years. She's married, works full time office job. She works there for abt 20 years, very
traditional, very royal.

These types of ladies, are very dedicated, super patient at work. On the contrary, they tend to say lots of negative things, complainment after complainment to their friends, unconsciouly.
She points out nothing fun abt the job. Don't they?

I felt sorry for her, of how hard would be, to stick with one job life time, being dedicated, being very frustrated. Sadly, as an admin, salary decreases each year.

At the same time, I thought, I wish she would have said, "Well, thanks for listening my stories. I feel a bit better.". I thought, if she said that, her life can be lil by lil easier.

As you know, Japanese girls love complaining, one after another. They don't realise, that's causing more and more of complaing situation.

I tried to guide her creating positivity from negativity. I failed. I think she got offended. She kept pointing me out, my way of thinking is wrong, which I don't share much of my personal concerns at work, my life with friends, hence I don't have much friends. And culturewise, sharing ugly situation at work to good friends, can deepen mutual friendship, by understanding each other at more deeper level. She thinks, by sharing her ugly negative stories to me, was out of question, to mention thanks for listening. Because, she said, she didn't ask me to listen professionally. She just wanted have a good time having dinner together.

I spent years in the US, a year in the UK. I learned that being positive creates better situation. Complainment is just a waste of energy and give the other person some energy burden. The more you complain, the more you trigger complaining situation.

I also focus on positivity. I believe in the more you say things that makes you excited, the more those factor comes to you.

It's lil heavy topic maybe, but it's abt Japanese girls mentality. You guys also must have wondered how's the best way to deal with.

I guess, it's a cultural thing. How did you guys
gave her trasformation, that dealing with complaing types? I know you can't change people. You have to accept it. But, any wise way, that can turn things better?
I used to say, "thanks for sharing that with me", as a hope of, "oh, thanks for listening". which would not work, with Japanese ladies. They are like, "yeah,,"....,

I find the best way is, to stay away from those types, as I don't want nagative burden dominates me.

I bet you all come across alot, of these situation.

Any thoughts? Much appriciated.

 

[impish]

people who complain are common in all societies in both genders not just Japanese woman thing.

 

[e-smile]

people who complain are common in all societies in both genders not just Japanese woman thing.

I thought it was only a Moroccan and French thing.

 

[BankerguyCanada]

some people just want to bitch and complain about everything. its their personality...nothing you can do >.<

 

[AMcguyver]

some people just want to bitch and complain about everything. its their personality...nothing you can do >.<

I have a co-worker/supervisor with OCD that fits that description exactly. She can't go a single day without finding something or someone to complain about. And she wonders why some of us don't get along with her.

Don't get me wrong, she is excellent at her job and when big projects come along, we all put aside our differences and concentrate on getting the job done. After years of working with this individual, we've all learned to take whatever she says and just let it roll off our backs.

People like this are why God invented First Person Shooter games.

 

[Frenchy]

I thought it was only a Moroccan and French thing.

Ah ah, I was about to say the same thing ! (For the French at least... but it's our God-given right, if we were not bitching and moaning all the time we would not be French!)
Seriously, I understand what Yuriko says. It's not so much the complaining which bothers me , its the perpetually behind-someone's back-complaining which is an issue. And not just with ladies. Sometimes I want to say : "ok get this out once and for all, show your anger, tell it as you feel it and then lets move on" but thats still very taboo here.

 

[Frenchy]

some people just want to bitch and complain about everything. its their personality...nothing you can do >.<

Well I know many foreign firms who do global surveys of their staff in all the countries they operate. About job satisfaction , how they perceive their boss, the strategy, the business climate etc...
For ALL of them (not just one) the Japanese are always the most miserable / frustrated/ pessimistic/ complaining etc...
Of course responses are anonymous so they love to bitch and moan in those surveys

It's even a running joke among HR departments at the head offices "oh once again the Japanese are even unhappier than the third world countries employees"

(In fact , employees in poor countries tend to be much happier than the others)

 

[jhingy567]

Yes I think complaining is definitely not unique to Japan.
People like to bond over complaining... no matter their age, education, gender or workplace - just the topic of complaints might change; its still all complaining nonetheless.
Daily complaints I hear in workplace are about dumb people at the top making dumb decisions. I agree with most of them actually (though im quite about it) ... There are indeed a lot of very dumb upper management types where I work (in the top positions ofcourse, and getting paid the most)!!

I've also noticed Women far less hesitant to voice their complaints publicly!

 

[Garcian]

people who complain are common in all societies in both genders not just Japanese woman thing.

Good man.
I always thought this goes without saying though.

 

[BB0523]

Yuriko San, when I have encounter a woman like this.. I listen to her... Let her finish what she need to say... Then ask if she finished... When she say yes... Then I ask what can she do for her complaint... Let her think on this for a while... Usually the answer is nothing... I say only worry about what you can control or influence... Otherwise just waste of time...

 

[just4fun]

The more someone complains the happier that actually are.

 

[Des Esseintes]

Isn't it partly because their only venue for complaining is in the private sphere? Like they bottle up all their anger and frustration and can only release it with their close friends and relatives?

My experience at my workplace, where I have both Japanese and international coworkers is that among foreigners we tend to be very sarcastic about the way the place is managed and while I'm pretty confident most of the Japanese staff is also very critical of a lot of what's going on above us, we never hear them complain. Even on social gatherings outside the workplace if we crack a few jokes about some of the crazier most nonsensical stuff we have to endure, they merely smile but never actively participate.

 

[Frenchy]

Isn't it partly because their only venue for complaining is in the private sphere? Like they bottle up all their anger and frustration and can only release it with their close friends and relatives?

My experience at my workplace, where I have both Japanese and international coworkers is that among foreigners we tend to be very sarcastic about the way the place is managed and while I'm pretty confident most of the Japanese staff is also very critical of a lot of what's going on above us, we never hear them complain. Even on social gatherings outside the workplace if we crack a few jokes about some of the crazier most nonsensical stuff we have to endure, they merely smile but never actively participate.

Believe me, they do. Just not in front of you and foreign colleagues/bosses in general . But I would sometimes prefer a good "engueulade" (as we both understand what it is).

 

[Des Esseintes]

Believe me, they do. Just not in front of you and foreign colleagues/bosses in general . But I would sometimes prefer a good "engueulade" (as we both understand what it is).

Well that's kinda what I'm saying. I know they complain just as much as we do, they're just more limited in terms of where and with whom they do. And that makes all the difference imho.

I mean I've experienced that in another job I had in Japan. The respect owed to the hierarchy means that you have to shut up at times when you would really want to scream out how wrong and unfair something is.

Like my boss would send me a message to be at a given meeting at 9 on the next day. I show up at 8:45, everybody's already there, I sit down at the table and get yelled at by my boss for being late, to the tune of "your foreigners really can't keep time" or something like that. I then realize that my boss had scheduled the meeting at 8:30 but mistakenly gave me the wrong info. I nevertheless have to sit down and suck it up because it wouldn't do to question his authority in front of all the others. Time and time again I see the same thing happening to others as well, like an email sent to the wrong person and then the intended recipient having to apologize for failing to reply to the email they never got.

Sure we complain afterwards, vent our frustration and all. But it doesn't wash away being humiliated in public and having to shut your mouth in the face of something completely unfair. So you get grumpy and moody. The extreme formality of relationships at work and the absolute, unquestionable respect owed to your hierarchy creates an environment of constant frustration and pent-up anger, and it takes some true effort to just brush it off as meaningless and not let it affect your life.

 

[impish]

The more someone complains the happier that actually are.

Interesting perspective. What makes you think that?

 

[User#8628]

I've also noticed Women far less hesitant to voice their complaints publicly!

Maybe THAT is the reason for the glass ceiling, lol!

 

[jhingy567]

Maybe THAT is the reason for the glass ceiling, lol!

Well, It surely doen't help things!
Nevermind all the other factors causing workplace gender inequality; Complaining loudmouths won't be seen in high regard.

The biggest complainers I see are close to retirement age and probably don't have any other career aspirations anyway.

 

[e-smile]

Ah ah, I was about to say the same thing ! (For the French at least... but it's our God-given right, if we were not bitching and moaning all the time we would not be French!)
Seriously, I understand what Yuriko says. It's not so much the complaining which bothers me , its the perpetually behind-someone's back-complaining which is an issue. And not just with ladies. Sometimes I want to say : "ok get this out once and for all, show your anger, tell it as you feel it and then lets move on" but thats still very taboo here.

I think there is a cultural belief behind it, the idea of bringing bad luck if you brag about having a good life (le mauvais oeil). so complaining would be a way to be sure no one will envy you enough to wish you bad luck

 

[Yuriko]

Thank you guys for sharing your perspectives! It's interesting to review through.

But I'm too tired today..no energy to reply comments...I guess my heels shoes took lots of energy from me..not just work...hope my self massage helps!

I might pop up after mid night. But I'm passing out.
Sorry...

 

[just4fun]

Interesting perspective. What makes you think that?

Life experience. I've known people who just love to complain about anything and everything. Makes them feel.......accepted?

 

[raoxi]

Just tell them to harden the f up.

 

[Durg50]

Yuriko San, when I have encounter a woman like this.. I listen to her... Let her finish what she need to say... Then ask if she finished... When she say yes... Then I ask what can she do for her complaint... Let her think on this for a while... Usually the answer is nothing... I say only worry about what you can control or influence... Otherwise just waste of time...

This has literally never happened

 

[Yuriko]

people who complain are common in all societies in both genders not just Japanese woman thing.

Well, that's true. I think Some Europeans are also...But I think, for ex. Japanese colleagues, do they mostly complain? I only go lunch with positive thinker types.

I thought it was only a Moroccan and French thing.

Not only. Some French are also tsundere type..don't honestly appreciate what others say.
But, not only, don't worry.

some people just want to bitch and complain about everything. its their personality...nothing you can do >.<

I agree. So, we better stay away to stay peace ourselves.

I have a co-worker/supervisor with OCD that fits that description exactly. She can't go a single day without finding something or someone to complain about. And she wonders why some of us don't get along with her.

Don't get me wrong, she is excellent at her job and when big projects come along, we all put aside our differences and concentrate on getting the job done. After years of working with this individual, we've all learned to take whatever she says and just let it roll off our backs.

People like this are why God invented First Person Shooter games.

That's a paradox. Yes, some very serious ones are like that, universal. There was a Sales guy, who was like that. He always did kinda negative "detox", that he was a No.1 sales. Kept saying, "I'm no good, I'm no good. I'll be fired...". What a funny way of turning things upside down!

Ah ah, I was about to say the same thing ! (For the French at least... but it's our God-given right, if we were not bitching and moaning all the time we would not be French!)
Seriously, I understand what Yuriko says. It's not so much the complaining which bothers me , its the perpetually behind-someone's back-complaining which is an issue. And not just with ladies. Sometimes I want to say : "ok get this out once and for all, show your anger, tell it as you feel it and then lets move on" but thats still very taboo here.

I'm getting used to Frech guys. I guess, I'm being direct, straight forward, no hiding. I guess, that's why my boss likes me.
>
Japanese are unhappypier than third countries,

That's a funny joke. They are not happy, once they married, have kids, sex life demolish.
Ah,,,that's universal, I guess!! Glad that I'm not married!!

Yes I think complaining is definitely not unique to Japan.
People like to bond over complaining... no matter their age, education, gender or workplace - just the topic of complaints might change; its still all complaining nonetheless.
Daily complaints I hear in workplace are about dumb people at the top making dumb decisions. I agree with most of them actually (though im quite about it) ... There are indeed a lot of very dumb upper management types where I work (in the top positions ofcourse, and getting paid the most)!!

I've also noticed Women far less hesitant to voice their complaints publicly!

That's sad. I guess men complain, when they drink. That's why, they get drunk and sick. Such a bad habit.

I decided to stay away from complainers. It's nothing fun, but bunden negative energy that put on my shoulder!

Good man.
I always thought this goes without saying though.

I guess it depends how you are raised...Born by a complaining family,,,then you know the resault. When verbally said, they are born under complaining family, I assume.

Yuriko San, when I have encounter a woman like this.. I listen to her... Let her finish what she need to say... Then ask if she finished... When she say yes... Then I ask what can she do for her complaint... Let her think on this for a while... Usually the answer is nothing... I say only worry about what you can control or influence... Otherwise just waste of time...

You are too generous, like a God!!! It's true,.complainers, they're not seeking their solution, they just want to release it to the public, so that her burden becomes less. You'd better realse the burden you received, when next time that happens...Also, complainers don't say thanks for listening...that's also very sad part. We should stick with happy people type, I guess.

 

[Yuriko]

The more someone complains the happier that actually are.

I guess, that's because you release it. But I guess someone have to take it...but complainers, they sadly trigger complaining factors, as that what they like dealing unconsiouly! Poor them...

Isn't it partly because their only venue for complaining is in the private sphere? Like they bottle up all their anger and frustration and can only release it with their close friends and relatives?

My experience at my workplace, where I have both Japanese and international coworkers is that among foreigners we tend to be very sarcastic about the way the place is managed and while I'm pretty confident most of the Japanese staff is also very critical of a lot of what's going on above us, we never hear them complain. Even on social gatherings outside the workplace if we crack a few jokes about some of the crazier most nonsensical stuff we have to endure, they merely smile but never actively participate.

I guess, they're so afraid to spk it direct to the adressed person? We just want to make fun, how unique someone are...I guess Japanese staffs have such complex to Non Japanese staffs, or take an advantage and say negative things abt the other diversity, as we're pretty much "islanders"..,

 

[Yuriko]

Believe me, they do. Just not in front of you and foreign colleagues/bosses in general . But I would sometimes prefer a good "engueulade" (as we both understand what it is).

Sorry for my late action.
I guess that is because it is rude to spk right in front of them. We do have lots of "Why French people,,,bla bla bla!" "Why gaikokujin staffs, bla bla bla!!!" but thanks for your generous understanding. I bet you guys also have some myths of "Why Japanese staffs,,,bla bla bla" Amongst expats.

Well that's kinda what I'm saying. I know they complain just as much as we do, they're just more limited in terms of where and with whom they do. And that makes all the difference imho.

I mean I've experienced that in another job I had in Japan. The respect owed to the hierarchy means that you have to shut up at times when you would really want to scream out how wrong and unfair something is.

Like my boss would send me a message to be at a given meeting at 9 on the next day. I show up at 8:45, everybody's already there, I sit down at the table and get yelled at by my boss for being late, to the tune of "your foreigners really can't keep time" or something like that. I then realize that my boss had scheduled the meeting at 8:30 but mistakenly gave me the wrong info. I nevertheless have to sit down and suck it up because it wouldn't do to question his authority in front of all the others. Time and time again I see the same thing happening to others as well, like an email sent to the wrong person and then the intended recipient having to apologize for failing to reply to the email they never got.

Sure we complain afterwards, vent our frustration and all. But it doesn't wash away being humiliated in public and having to shut your mouth in the face of something completely unfair. So you get grumpy and moody. The extreme formality of relationships at work and the absolute, unquestionable respect owed to your hierarchy creates an environment of constant frustration and pent-up anger, and it takes some true effort to just brush it off as meaningless and not let it affect your life.

Yes, Japanese work society do care of hierarky. For traditional companies, if you're against the top management, you're likely to be in trouble. Some people are not careful enough and cause more of complaining situation. That is what we want to avoid. But angry people, happen to create angry situation. Sorry that happened, on behalf of that careless guy.

Well, It surely doen't help things!
Nevermind all the other factors causing workplace gender inequality; Complaining loudmouths won't be seen in high regard.

The biggest complainers I see are close to retirement age and probably don't have any other career aspirations anyway.

That's also true. But we don't have to be like that from early age...as the less money you make, the more likely people complaining. life is short. We'd better enjoy what we can at fullest, whatever amount of money we make.

I think there is a cultural belief behind it, the idea of bringing bad luck if you brag about having a good life (le mauvais oeil). so complaining would be a way to be sure no one will envy you enough to wish you bad luck

Yes, I don't think they want you bad luck, afterwards but this was also mentioned by my friend. She thinks if you say good things only, she finds she's bragging too much. Which I'm a positive thinker, I say good things mostly, may sound boastful to some extent. But I'm being positive. Not bragging. I think once, she tries to beat with my experience, bring up similar situation of hers or her friends, that's more of bragging attitude. I find sometimes it makes me very uncomfortable and find immature. This also happens alot with Japanese girls. They want to compete their experience with seniors or more experienced. I hate this type, either.

Life experience. I've known people who just love to complain about anything and everything. Makes them feel.......accepted?

Feel accepted or feel relief. But it's a time killing energy waste conversation to me, to be honest. Feel sorry to those types, cause nothing really changes. Believe me, if someone tries to bring those types of person a good stuff, the person may likely still complain.