Would You Stay Friends With An Ex?

[User#6517]

Or would you rather cut all contact?

 

[MikeH]

Just discussed this yesterday with someone. For me this is a no-brainer; if it is someone I was planning to spend the rest of my life together and then we broke up I would not want to hear anything from her ever again.

 

[nedar]

I guess it depends..how did we end it? On a scale of "mutual parting" to "throwing stuff out windows".

If mutual I'd like to think I could stay friends. Clearly something was there but it got lost, but doesn't mean you hate their guts now.

If its the other end of the scale, probably best to cut off all contact

 

[Ches]

Cut all the contact for now. There's seriously no way one can stay friends with an ex immediately. It takes time to heal all wounds and when you both have moved on, then, you can be friends again.

 

[DJV]

Some people are very talented to maintain a good contact, part as friends, etc.
I admire this because even if I'm getting better at it, I'm just so terrible at it.
The key is "no hard feelings", and it has to be true and shared.

 

[Desktop]

Nope

 

[User#8628]

I think an ex is someone you have a lot in common with and have shared a lot with. So it'd be nice to be friends.
All my exes have cut of off completely from their side. In best cases because they are not active on social media and don't live close, worst cases them blocking me on social media and ignoring my mails. I never had the opportunity to stay friends with an ex.

 

[veryniceguy]

I think it depends on "how" the "break up" happens...... Sometimes it can be a mutually agreed upon "ok this is not working" respectful parting of the ways. In that case, it's easy to remain friends....

 

[RandomTokyoGuy]

I have in the past and I still see my last long-term gf regularly, but usually after some time things slowly drop off. Geographic separation, new partners,... It's often a time constraint.
I don't think it works well if the breakup is one sided. And it probably won't work well if it was mainly the sex tieing you together. But if you have been together for a significant time there should be some common ground that doesn't simply vanish just because you break up.

 

[Black Mage]

Personally speaking, I have never had serious drama involved in partying ways with any of the dear women I was with. I am friends with (most) them, and some of them actually turned to be quite a good reliable friends. To one, I am a Godfather of her firstborn (might be quite unimaginable to some people).

Quality people build quality relationships. And respect towards your partner goes a long way.

 

[BlackJack1]

Stay as friend as it is just too cruel for me to cut off all the communications.

 

[Wwanderer]

Nope

Er, uh...it wasn't a yes-or-no question!

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

For me each case is different, and it all depends on the nature of the relationship, on why and how the it ended, on the other person's personality and preference and other factors, some of them already mentioned above. For me, ending relationships is like starting them (pick-up or whatever), no system or procedure. Such things are too subtle and important to do by recipe or with rules imo.

Anyway, I have had breakups that ended contact and others that led to long-term friendship etc.

-Ww

 

[dreams]

Just discussed this yesterday with someone. For me this is a no-brainer; if it is someone I was planning to spend the rest of my life together and then we broke up I would not want to hear anything from her ever again.

For me, just the opposite:it's a no-brainer, if I have found someone good enough to spend my life with, I want to keep contact, (dsca;mer: it depends of course of the condition of the break up...).The reason I have lost contact wtih my exes, is because my wife did not like them.. I could not't blame her...

 

[MikeH]

For me, just the opposite:it's a no-brainer, if I have found someone good enough to spend my life with, I want to keep contact, (dsca;mer: it depends of course of the condition of the break up...).

I am not sure we really have a disagreement here, I just never had a breakup that didn't have that kind of bad condition. If I wanted to keep contact I would not break up with the person but find a way to solve the problem.

Then again if the relationship was not "till death us depart" but more light-hearted thing for fun, games and/or sex I could and have been keeping contact even after we have decided not to continue any more.

 

[majimekun]

In the past I managed to remain friends for years with ex-girlfriends.
4 of them are still friends at present time after so many years.
They have their life, I have mine but we get in touch from time to time.

Basically, same as dreams above : when you share so many things with someone, cutting all contacts despite the fact that she didn't do anything nasty to you is just too evil for me. I just don't get it.

But recently, with the new ex-girlfriends, things are a lot different because they are the ones who cut all contacts.
People are becoming more a commodity, just like disposable products you throw away when you don't need them anymore. Very disturbing to me. I hate it.

 

[Kegger]

Usually stay in some sort of contact. Except for the crazies!!

Still stay in touch with my first love, and met after a 20 year hiatus about 2 years ago (The wonders of facebook).
Some of the magic was still there.

On the same trip I stayed a night with one of my high school girlfriends and her family (husband + 3 kids).

 

[NormalGuy]

I'm friends with most of my exes. Typically there's a break in contact while wounds heal and after that contact resumes again, typically through social media and occasional meet ups. We still have shared interests and history, and we must have been compatible as friends for us to get together.

There's only one exception, a woman cheated on me (in what turned out to be for the whole time we were together) so I cut all ties. If somebody is prepared to lie over a long period of time then the trust has gone.

 

[e-smile]

Or would you rather cut all contact?

most of my exes are currently friends of mine. the others we mainly just lost contact.

 

[TAG Manager]

Just depends on what exact kind of relationship we had.

I have contact with my long term GF from High School and one other girl I spent a significant amount of time with. Everyone else has faded away just naturally.

 

[Jack Hammer]

I suppose it depends on how the relationship ended. It might be that one party cant bring his/herself to come close to you again. Or they may not want anything to do with you. Although i do like the idea of being friends with your ex, as you probably started off as friends.

 

[Sudsy]

I only have two exes that I'm friends with, and they were both short relationships where we hadn't been all that serious.

Interestingly, a recent study showed that people who routinely remain friends with exes tend to have psychopathic tendencies.

 

[bakchoy]

for me, cut all ties

 

[juste]

In my experience, its better to cut off all ties

 

[Angelica Eden]

I could never be friends with my ex. He is an ex because he have been a bad b*stard to me when we have been together. If I break up I try to think in a way that is he deserves to be my friend after the break up after what he have done to me ? - sometimes the answer would be yes but what If we would just see each other after the break up. It would be really upseting to me seeing him flirting around with other girls while I`m in pain because of him.- I do prefer stay away from my ex