Homestay experiences?

[Doyogaba]

Hey there, first-time poster and new to the forum! I'm going to be temporarily moving to Japan for a year and I was wondering what were people's first and/or ongoing experiences (more specifically - homestay experiences) in Japan and/or specifically in Tokyo?
Has there ever been a time or place when you had intentionally or unintentionally gotten involved in a relationship with someone in a homestay environment? I'm sure there are risks to doing such a thing, especially if you don't have an alternative place to go.
I'm curious about the experiences, stories, and situations people have gotten into. Not necessarily because I intend to do so myself, but if the situation arises, I'd definitely like to know how different people approach it beforehand.

 

[TAG Manager]

No experience in this area. I'd just simply respect the wishes of your homestay family and definitely don't shit where you eat.

 

[CABAL]

Oh yeah, totally agree with mixing shit with food
Dated a girl who was homestaying at my friend's place, she moved out shortly after we dated and then we actually lasted for 1 year or so before parting ways
Nothing too special about it
Wasn't awks with my friend either afterwards

 

[Danbo]

I have never done it myself, but when I went to language school here a few people did.
At first it is great because you can speak Japanese every day and they will probably invite you to some things together....but all people I knew moved out after a short time. Problem is that it's not a hotel where you can do whatever you want...you have to stick to their rules and they also expect you to participate in things, be home at a certain time etc.
In the end it is like living with your parents....who wants to do that? 😆

 

[Keihan]

Hey there, first-time poster and new to the forum! I'm going to be temporarily moving to Japan for a year and I was wondering what were people's first and/or ongoing experiences (more specifically - homestay experiences) in Japan and/or specifically in Tokyo?
Has there ever been a time or place when you had intentionally or unintentionally gotten involved in a relationship with someone in a homestay environment? I'm sure there are risks to doing such a thing, especially if you don't have an alternative place to go.
I'm curious about the experiences, stories, and situations people have gotten into. Not necessarily because I intend to do so myself, but if the situation arises, I'd definitely like to know how different people approach it beforehand.

You are exactly the reason why Japanese families should be wary of agreeing to homestay situations. A wishful, wistful 25yo virgin with desperate predatory longings, showing up in Japan hoping to live out some fantasy. Whatever unfortunate home you happen to end up in, I hope the father has weapons and, better, connections that can make a 5'2 skinny white pervert disappear. And don't worry about an "alternative place" to go, as the prison system and deportation process is well-oiled and won't require any further effort on your part.

I swear, the pandemic ending and Japan reopening was like ringing the dinner bell for the world's desperate losers and perverts.

 

[MrDuBois]

Old man, lay off whatever alcohol you had today and stop reading so much into this guy's question, fucking hell.

 

[Airnest]

Old man, lay off whatever alcohol you had today and stop reading so much into this guy's question, fucking hell.

MrDuBois meet Keihan, Keihan meet MrDuBois. Anyway to get back on the topic, OP your question is stupid, and most of us here would advice you stop entertaining thoughts about it for the following reasons already mentioned. Maybe you can ask your host family to hook you up with someone they know.

 

[hamsap]

If the relationship evolves naturally and is wholesome I don't see a problem. Pretty sure that's already happened more times than anyone can count. If you're just trying to bang the college age daughter or the mom then you better be careful. As always stated; don't shit where you eat.

 

[Ken4fb]

If you're just trying to bang the college age daughter or the mom then you better be careful.

I think I have seen a documentary somewhere that the guy bang both the daughter and the mom, heck maybe even the dad and the brother too.
In all seriousness, I agree with @hamsap , oh yeah, and not just the daughter , the mom too, although very unlikely. If it happen naturally then why not?

I have never done it myself, but when I went to language school here a few people did.
At first it is great because you can speak Japanese every day and they will probably invite you to some things together....but all people I knew moved out after a short time. Problem is that it's not a hotel where you can do whatever you want...you have to stick to their rules and they also expect you to participate in things, be home at a certain time etc.
In the end it is like living with your parents....who wants to do that? 😆

That's precisely what love hotel is for.

 

[Cosmo]

I met a girl at a BBQ/picnic, we got chatting and I told her I live in a hostel, she told me she has a room I can rent. It got physical as soon as I moved it, she was young and attractive so I didn't mind. It turned into a disaster about a week later due to her head being fucked up from a past abusive relationship. She had a melt down and started hitting me so I grabbed my wallet and left (leaving my suitcase and passport there as collateral that I wasn't leaving), fast forward a few hours and there are about a dozen police, ambulance and 3 fire trucks out the front. When she she called them she was in distress and didn't state the "emergency". I ended up in handcuffs and held for about 12 hours, she told them I assulted her (which I proved false as I was the only one with injuries) and that I raped her. Crazy bitch even had rape kit done at the hospital. I disproved that by showing the police messages and even a topless selfie she's sent me, which they found amusing. When she left the hospital and had calmed down she told them I did nothing and they let me go. The next day she messaged about 100 people on my FB (including my parents) that I'd raped her and given her HIV, ffs it was a nightmare and definitely not worth the snatch I got from her.

 

[Danbo]

I met a girl at a BBQ/picnic, we got chatting and I told her I live in a hostel, she told me she has a room I can rent. It got physical as soon as I moved it, she was young and attractive so I didn't mind. It turned into a disaster about a week later due to her head being fucked up from a past abusive relationship. She had a melt down and started hitting me so I grabbed my wallet and left (leaving my suitcase and passport there as collateral that I wasn't leaving), fast forward a few hours and there are about a dozen police, ambulance and 3 fire trucks out the front. When she she called them she was in distress and didn't state the "emergency". I ended up in handcuffs and held for about 12 hours, she told them I assulted her (which I proved false as I was the only one with injuries) and that I raped her. Crazy bitch even had rape kit done at the hospital. I disproved that by showing the police messages and even a topless selfie she's sent me, which they found amusing. When she left the hospital and had calmed down she told them I did nothing and they let me go. The next day she messaged about 100 people on my FB (including my parents) that I'd raped her and given her HIV, ffs it was a nightmare and definitely not worth the snatch I got from her.

Shit...these are the horror stories everybody is afraid of. If somebody accuses you of something and you have to defend yourself you are really in a bad position. Good to hear that at least legally you were able to get out of this mess.

Also had one girl I just started dating turn pretty psychotic..which got pretty scary. But at least I was able to cut every way of interaction in time.....if they already know too much about you, you are screwed 😓

 

[Doyogaba]

No experience in this area. I'd just simply respect the wishes of your homestay family and definitely don't shit where you eat.

That's fair, and I generally agree with this sentiment.

Oh yeah, totally agree with mixing shit with food
Dated a girl who was homestaying at my friend's place, she moved out shortly after we dated and then we actually lasted for 1 year or so before parting ways
Nothing too special about it
Wasn't awks with my friend either afterwards

I also have a Japanese friend who homestayed overseas (not in Japan) and ended up in a relationship - though a short one. The guy (the person hosting the homestay) seemed like a real asshole (he was also a bit older than her), as he initiated it. The Japanese friend was sort o the cute/innocent type, so it was sad she had to experience that.

I have never done it myself, but when I went to language school here a few people did.
At first it is great because you can speak Japanese every day and they will probably invite you to some things together....but all people I knew moved out after a short time. Problem is that it's not a hotel where you can do whatever you want...you have to stick to their rules and they also expect you to participate in things, be home at a certain time etc.
In the end it is like living with your parents....who wants to do that? 😆

Those are some great points! It definitely seems like a "living with your parents" kind of situation. Not really a good place to do your own thing or have any kind of relationship.

You are exactly the reason why Japanese families should be wary of agreeing to homestay situations. A wishful, wistful 25yo virgin with desperate predatory longings, showing up in Japan hoping to live out some fantasy. Whatever unfortunate home you happen to end up in, I hope the father has weapons and, better, connections that can make a 5'2 skinny white pervert disappear. And don't worry about an "alternative place" to go, as the prison system and deportation process is well-oiled and won't require any further effort on your part.

I swear, the pandemic ending and Japan reopening was like ringing the dinner bell for the world's desperate losers and perverts.

Thank you for relaying your personal experience as a 25 years old with us.

Old man, lay off whatever alcohol you had today and stop reading so much into this guy's question, fucking hell.

I was hoping for a general discussion about what kind of/if any sort of experiences people had. Didn't expect such an aggressive answer right off the bat haha. I'm sure someone pisses in his cereal every day.

MrDuBois meet Keihan, Keihan meet MrDuBois. Anyway to get back on the topic, OP your question is stupid, and most of us here would advice you stop entertaining thoughts about it for the following reasons already mentioned. Maybe you can ask your host family to hook you up with someone they know.

I appreciate the candid and frank response. I didn't have the intention of going to a homestay to do get in any sort of relationship - frankly, I'd prefer to have a place of my own with some monicum of privacy. Just probing what others experiences where (if any).

If the relationship evolves naturally and is wholesome I don't see a problem. Pretty sure that's already happened more times than anyone can count. If you're just trying to bang the college age daughter or the mom then you better be careful. As always stated; don't shit where you eat.

I think I have seen a documentary somewhere that the guy bang both the daughter and the mom, heck maybe even the dad and the brother too.
In all seriousness, I agree with @hamsap , oh yeah, and not just the daughter , the mom too, although very unlikely. If it happen naturally then why not?


That's precisely what love hotel is for.

That's a fair bit of advice and I'm sure it has happened plenty of times. I know several Japanese friends who've homestayed overseas who have had this (or a similar) experience, but that may be due to cultural differences or due to the type of people who tend to travel abroad.

I met a girl at a BBQ/picnic, we got chatting and I told her I live in a hostel, she told me she has a room I can rent. It got physical as soon as I moved it, she was young and attractive so I didn't mind. It turned into a disaster about a week later due to her head being fucked up from a past abusive relationship. She had a melt down and started hitting me so I grabbed my wallet and left (leaving my suitcase and passport there as collateral that I wasn't leaving), fast forward a few hours and there are about a dozen police, ambulance and 3 fire trucks out the front. When she she called them she was in distress and didn't state the "emergency". I ended up in handcuffs and held for about 12 hours, she told them I assulted her (which I proved false as I was the only one with injuries) and that I raped her. Crazy bitch even had rape kit done at the hospital. I disproved that by showing the police messages and even a topless selfie she's sent me, which they found amusing. When she left the hospital and had calmed down she told them I did nothing and they let me go. The next day she messaged about 100 people on my FB (including my parents) that I'd raped her and given her HIV, ffs it was a nightmare and definitely not worth the snatch I got from her.

Shit...these are the horror stories everybody is afraid of. If somebody accuses you of something and you have to defend yourself you are really in a bad position. Good to hear that at least legally you were able to get out of this mess.

Also had one girl I just started dating turn pretty psychotic..which got pretty scary. But at least I was able to cut every way of interaction in time.....if they already know too much about you, you are screwed 😓

That's quite a story. I imagine people don't generally get that crazy, but I have heard some stories in the past where these sorts of people are attracted to foreigners. It's a good idea to be cautious and have a way out!

 

[TAG Manager]

That's fair, and I generally agree with this sentiment.

I also have a Japanese friend who homestayed overseas (not in Japan) and ended up in a relationship - though a short one. The guy (the person hosting the homestay) seemed like a real asshole (he was also a bit older than her), as he initiated it. The Japanese friend was sort o the cute/innocent type, so it was sad she had to experience that.

Those are some great points! It definitely seems like a "living with your parents" kind of situation. Not really a good place to do your own thing or have any kind of relationship.

Thank you for relaying your personal experience as a 25 years old with us.


I was hoping for a general discussion about what kind of/if any sort of experiences people had. Didn't expect such an aggressive answer right off the bat haha. I'm sure someone pisses in his cereal every day.

I appreciate the candid and frank response. I didn't have the intention of going to a homestay to do get in any sort of relationship - frankly, I'd prefer to have a place of my own with some monicum of privacy. Just probing what others experiences where (if any).



That's a fair bit of advice and I'm sure it has happened plenty of times. I know several Japanese friends who've homestayed overseas who have had this (or a similar) experience, but that may be due to cultural differences or due to the type of people who tend to travel abroad.


That's quite a story. I imagine people don't generally get that crazy, but I have heard some stories in the past where these sorts of people are attracted to foreigners. It's a good idea to be cautious and have a way out!

A++ for quoting ability, I'm impressed.
Take note folks, this is a well quoted reply.

 

[requiemmorrow]

Thank you for relaying your personal experience as a 25 years old with us.

I seriously laughed out loud at this.

The delivery made me think you might be the kind of guy that gets away with shitting where you eat.

(But seriously don’t do it though. Very bad idea.)

 

[Doyogaba]

A++ for quoting ability, I'm impressed.
Take note folks, this is a well quoted reply.

Haha, I can't be sure if that was sarcasm or not but thank you. I was busy so I didn't have time to reply to each post individually as they came, so I lumped them all into one post for the sake of my own sanity.

I seriously laughed out loud at this.

The delivery made me think you might be the kind of guy that gets away with shitting where you eat.

(But seriously don’t do it though. Very bad idea.)

No no, I'm definitely not that kind of person! But I appreciate your honesty.
I just found it a bit ironic that I got such a visceral response, considering what part of the forum we're in.

 

[TAG Manager]

Haha, I can't be sure if that was sarcasm or not but thank you.

It most definitely was not sarcasm, I was being serious. It was glorious!

I just found it a bit ironic that I got such a visceral response, considering what part of the forum we're in.

Let's just say, we've had a rough history over the years.

 

[Sudsy]

I just found it a bit ironic that I got such a visceral response

That's Keihan. He can be a bit of a prick.

And also - that's not ironic. Unexpected or surprising perhaps, but not ironic. I blame that stupid Alanis Morrissette song.

Allow me to explain....

If former president Bill Clinton were to be hit by a truck as he crossed the street, it would not be ironic. It would be tragic.

Now, if it was a McDonald's truck (Bubba was famous for enjoying McD's takeaway in the Oval Office) - that would be a little ironic as the transporter of Mickey D's vittles would be taking out their most famous fan.

Now, if it was a McDonald's truck, and the driver was distracted because he was getting a blowjob from his girlfriend... that, my friend, would be irony writ large.

 

[Ken4fb]

That's Keihan. He can be a bit of a prick.

A bit? Seriously ?

I just found it a bit ironic that I got such a visceral response, considering what part of the forum we're in.

Keihan adds a lot of colors to this forum. You should read his comments with salt , tequila and lime.

 

[Sudsy]

Keihan adds a lot of colors to this forum.

Yeah, but to be fair, so does OL vomit on the Yamanote platform.

A bit? Seriously ?

I'm always surprised when I have to explain understatement as sarcasm.

 

[Doyogaba]

It most definitely was not sarcasm, I was being serious. It was glorious!


Let's just say, we've had a rough history over the years.

I'll take it!

That's unfortunate and yet sadly unsurprising. I can't imagine the amount of oddballs you had to deal with. You guys seem like a good lot, and I understand the overly enthusiastic caution.

That's Keihan. He can be a bit of a prick.

And also - that's not ironic. Unexpected or surprising perhaps, but not ironic. I blame that stupid Alanis Morrissette song.

Allow me to explain....

If former president Bill Clinton were to be hit by a truck as he crossed the street, it would not be ironic. It would be tragic.

Now, if it was a McDonald's truck (Bubba was famous for enjoying McD's takeaway in the Oval Office) - that would be a little ironic as the transporter of Mickey D's vittles would be taking out their most famous fan.

Now, if it was a McDonald's truck, and the driver was distracted because he was getting a blowjob from his girlfriend... that, my friend, would be irony writ large.

I'm not surprised. Every forum has that guy.


And fair point. Frankly, if I knew the history of this place I'd probably be the one ordering the McD's patty from that truck, serving that irony it's full course.

A bit? Seriously ?


Keihan adds a lot of colors to this forum. You should read his comments with salt , tequila and lime.

I think I'd need to lean hard on the tequila 😂

 

[Cinnabums]

A family in Japan hosting a foreigner and that foreigner ends up with son or daughter, big no no in my book.

Open up your home is not the same as open up your daughters vagina.

 

[Mr Osaka]

You don't go to homestays for relationships. You go to bars and other places for relationships. Keep your expectations low and mind your manners while you are staying under someone else's roof bro and you won't get into trouble.

BTW @Cinnabums, I miss your previous profile pic already 🤣

 

[Maxblack]

New a Japanese high school exchange student ended up sleeping with the MUCH older brother who had moved out of the house.
I think the mom found them with son’s dick in girl’s mouth on the living room couch or something.
She ended up moving out of the homestay and in with him for a few years in college. He was in his 30s. Not a healthy relationship at all. But then again she’s a proper nutter too.

 

[Cinnabums]

You don't go to homestays for relationships. You go to bars and other places for relationships. Keep your expectations low and mind your manners while you are staying under someone else's roof bro and you won't get into trouble.

BTW @Cinnabums, I miss your previous profile pic already 🤣

 

[Airnest]

View attachment 20277

That makes us two. We petition the return of this previous profile pic. @requiemmorrow can you start a signature petition campaign for this endeavor?