How many Japanese friends do you have?

[Manny]

Sounds to me like you never had any Japanese friends, just pupils.

Funny thing is my job is not teaching English.

 

[User#8628]

Well yes, it depends on the definition of friends.
I have one friend i can really tell everything to and i have risked my reputation and what not for on multiple occasions. She's not Japanese.
I also have about two female friends (used to be one more but she moved away) that i do tell a lot of details and problems, and who i would not hesitate to help if there is anything i can do. Not Japanese also.
But i do have Japanese female friends that i can hang out with and have a really good time and if they need help i'll do what i can within reason.
I do think its more of a language barreer than a culture barreer that i'm not close to some Japanese girls. While my Japanese is conversationally good and no one is using me as an English teacher, its hard to tell your deepest feelings and secrets in a language you havent mastered perfectly.

As for male friends, i felt like my sex friends actually got really close to me. They told me a lot of their life story details, some really deep and sad stories sometimes. Cant say i'm in touch with my old sexfriends at the moment but i did feel that we could have deep conversations and ask each other for help and favors.

 

[Hofmeyer]

I have one pretty good Japanese friend, girl about ten years younger than me. Funny thing is she hated me at first, but now we get along great. She'd be the first to admit she's not very Japanese in personality though.

 

[warubuta]

Why can foreign men have so many great Japanese girlfriends over the years and never make a single close Japanese male friend?

 

[MikeH]

Why can foreign men have so many great Japanese girlfriends over the years and never make a single close Japanese male friend?

Don't judge, maybe they are just not in to anal sex?

 

[e-smile]

I have many acquaintances but there are 8 Japanese I can mention as friends

 

[Des Esseintes]

I used to have Japanese friends but since my Japanese has improved and I decided not to give free English lessons I now have zero Japanese friends. In fact I don’t have any friends because most of the foreigner friends I had just want to make friends with Japanese people and openly admit to being ok with being used for free lessons. So basically I just work go home rinse repeat.

The problem with having only foreigner friends is that most of them at some point are going to leave Japan. I assume it might be the reason why most Japanese people are only interested in socializing with foreigners if they think they can get free language lessons, as they probably don't see the point in making any effort for people who might only be passing.

 

[User#6517]

I had to really think.. but 5 would probably be accurate. They’ve all lived/traveled outside of Japan though.. so I feel like that made it easier to connect with them.

 

[Rikako Katayama]

Like Hana chan, most of my Japanese friends live or have lived overseas. I don't really put them into "Japanese friends category" because the way they think is not traditional. Our conversation is usually in Japanese/ English blend.I laughed when my half American friend said: "Stop 食べる-ing (eating)." So cute.

As far as bona fide Japanese friends who I actually go out with, I have like 15 ...? (I'm from Japan)

 

[Rusty Trombone]

Little bit off topic here but IMHO, traveling overseas or living overseas does not really change a persons core beliefs, or makes them anymore modern (or less traditional).
I say this because In my experience, unless it is due to a parents occupation etc, most people do not leave to travel, study, work abroad until in their teens at the earliest.
By this stage most of the hardwiring of personality, skills, and likes is already done.

So it’s not like you go overseas and suddenly your eyes are opened, and you become wiser in the ways of the world, more you were already curious about what’s out there and you are acting on your personal desires which are already inside you.
So if you say you tend to be friends with people who have lived overseas, I think it’s more that you share a personality trait with them that makes you compatible as friends.

Of course learning new things and having new experiences does also have an effect. But after living in Japan for over half my life, I don’t think my core personality has changed that much, and the people I seek out as friends have the same attributes now as they do when I first got here. They are also the same attributes I look for in friends no matter what nationality they are.

You want real Japanese friends who don’t give a damn that you are not Japanese? Join a team sport, or a group activity that you really enjoy. You’ll find you have more in common with these people than you think. And within that group/team, you’ll find that several of the people appeal to you more than others (sense of humor, liking of alcohol etc)

Here endth the sermon!

 

[majimekun]

Same here but it appears that I'm gonna have to improve my Japanese skills fairly dramatically in the coming years if I want to progress in my job.
Reading and writing I can work on that by myself but the hardest part is listening comprehension. People recommend watching TV but every time I turn on Japanese TV I feel like I'm being sprayed in coloured vomit.

There in only one way to improve your Japanese dramatically : arguments with your Japanese girlfriend.
Friends won't get you anywhere.

 

[majimekun]

The problem with having only foreigner friends is that most of them at some point are going to leave Japan. I assume it might be the reason why most Japanese people are only interested in socializing with foreigners if they think they can get free language lessons, as they probably don't see the point in making any effort for people who might only be passing.

Another thing that I don't understand is the reason why foreigners don't try to speak Japanese among themselves.
Are they too lazy or just plain stupid?

Personally, even with non Japanese friends, I'll talk Japanese first and then switch to either English or French if they switch first. But it irritates me. Really. If you can speak japanese and you're in Japan they speak the freaking language dammit.

So maybe you want to become friend with me

 

[User#8628]

Another thing that I don't understand is the reason why foreigners don't try to speak Japanese among themselves.
Are they too lazy or just plain stupid?

Personally, even with non Japanese friends, I'll talk Japanese first and then switch to either English or French if they switch first. But it irritates me. Really. If you can speak japanese and you're in Japan they speak the freaking language dammit.

So maybe you want to become friend with me

I dont agree. It looks so weird to see two white people speaking Japanese. Like they are weeaboos.

 

[majimekun]

I dont agree. It looks so weird to see two white people speaking Japanese. Like they are weeaboos.

I don't care so much about what people think of me and every sane people should do the same in order to live a happy life. If you want to master Japanese, use the language at every opportunity. The idiots calling me a weeboo most probably suck at speaking Japanese.

I might sound like a weeboo but at least the Japanese people clearly understand what I say and they don't talk back to me in English. Combo!

 

[Anna Summer]

I don't care so much about what people think of me and every sane people should do the same in order to live a happy life. If you want to master Japanese, use the language at every opportunity. The idiots calling me a weeboo most probably suck at speaking Japanese.

I might sound like a weeboo but at least the Japanese people clearly understand what I say and they don't talk back to me in English. Combo!

Don’t forget that a lot of Japanese don’t bother to correct you if you make a mistake. So they may understand you but that doesn’t mean the Japanese you use is correct.

Totally agree with @User#8628
It sounds weird if foreigners speak Japanese to each other. Maybe even weird if two Japanese speak English even tho they can perfectly communicate in their own language (Saw that once... it was awkward)

 

[User#8628]

Maybe even weird if two Japanese speak English even tho they can perfectly communicate in their own language (Saw that once... it was awkward)

Some kids back in highschool used to speak English to each other. Just... cringle alert!

I guess that its less weird for foreigners that are both in Japan to speak Japanese to each other, in some cases their Japanese may actually be better than their English, but it definitely looks off.

 

[majimekun]

"It looks off" ... "it's weird"
IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
(and I'm pretty sure I speak better Japanese than you)

 

[User#8628]

"It looks off" ... "it's weird"
IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
(and I'm pretty sure I speak better Japanese than you)

Its all in your head, until you hear some Japanese people commenting to each other about those weird gaijin.

 

[Hofmeyer]

I've spoken to other foreigners in Japanese, but that's because I don't speak Hindi and I needed some curry.

 

[deathwing1995]

Friends huh,About 10? Mostly because I go to 専門学校 so yeah....lots of acquaintances but can’t say they’re friend....most of them are jerks.

Side note in my school I always speak Japanese with foreigner friends but it often doesn’t feel or sound that much difference from speaking with Japanese....maybe its about intonation and grammar skill.

 

[JaquesAfrog]

Another thing that I don't understand is the reason why foreigners don't try to speak Japanese among themselves.
Are they too lazy or just plain stupid?

Personally, even with non Japanese friends, I'll talk Japanese first and then switch to either English or French if they switch first. But it irritates me. Really. If you can speak japanese and you're in Japan they speak the freaking language dammit.

So maybe you want to become friend with me

Thread hijack.

Good thing I don't know you and will never meet you, because... I never speak Japanese to non-Japanese.

 

[Des Esseintes]

There in only one way to improve your Japanese dramatically : arguments with your Japanese girlfriend.
Friends won't get you anywhere.

Yes I remember learning quite a few words that way. The tension that goes with arguments forces you to focus more intently on what is being said whereas I have a tendency to shut my brain off when the language gets too formal or too technical in business meetings. But since I no longer date Japanese girls, it's not an option anymore.

Another thing that I don't understand is the reason why foreigners don't try to speak Japanese among themselves.
Are they too lazy or just plain stupid?

If you can speak japanese and you're in Japan then speak the freaking language dammit.

Says who? As long as you speak Japanese with Japanese people I don't really see where the freaking problem is. Speak whatever language is easier for the person you're talking to.

 

[jhingy567]

People tend to use whichever language which gives the most effective and efficient communication with the person you're interacting with.
So it is definitely weird seeing two white guys (who you assume are native English speakers) converse in Japanese (unless in language class). But nothing wrong with being a 'weeboo' anyway .
I admire majimekuns stubbornness using Japanese with everyone. Would be good for language learning... any practice is good right?

Maybe even weird if two Japanese speak English even tho they can perfectly communicate in their own language (Saw that once... it was awkward)

Similarly, I cringe hearing Chinese people trying to speak in English to each other (though they are forced to in a western workplace).

When I go to my birth country, it feels strange when locals think I'm a tourist and we speak English, since I speak their language natively. Also, when I see white people there, I don't impose the local language on them - i will use English.

 

[Des Esseintes]

Majimekun maybe from now on you should post exclusively in Japanese on TAG, let us lazier gaijins practise our kanji reading.

 

[User#8628]

Yes I remember learning quite a few words that way

This is why i know just as much swear words and rude boys language as formal classroom Japanese, lol!