My Wife And I Might Divorce And She Mentioned Consolation Money?

TokyoJoeblow

TokyoJoeblow

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Last night, my wife and I got into another argument after I got tired of her endless nagging. She was saying that I will need to pay her money each month either forever or until she gets remarried?

I thought consolation money was a one time thing and not monthly? I also thought that if I don't really have the money to afford giving her...they just require a smaller fee to be paid?

If my wife and her mom try to make my life a living hell after we have already divorced, will it be a problem? My wife basically is determined to make sure I support her constantly, even after divorce or she wants to just harass me and maybe even bring the law into it...again.

Has anyone lived through divorce complications and how did you survive them and get on with your life...still living in Japan?
 
Whateveryouwant said:
Speak to a lawyer as soon as possible without her! Your embassy should have a list of English speaking lawyers based in Japan.
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Yes, that is just what I thought. I will be doing that.

Have you experienced a divorce in Japan yourself?
 
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I don't know japanese law, but consolation money is not a one time thing. Afaik not even in the US. The advice to seek consultation with a specialized lawyer sounds very valid.
If you don't mind leaving Japan (and not returning) you can probably avoid paying those claims as they are often not that easily enforceable outside of the country, especially if your residence isn't known.
Normally savings are also part of the split and were significant according to another post of yours, so you should really look for advice...

P.S. your income will be under scrutiny, so private lessons may pop up too..
 
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There is a consolation fee and it's usually a one-time payment. The monthly support, commonly known as alimony (spousal support), is a different beast.

The other term thrown around for consolation money is also 'seed' money.

If you have property or kids, that adds complexity to the final settlement... and there's no cookie cutter answer for everybody.
 
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TAG Manager said:
There is a consolation fee and it's usually a one-time payment. The monthly support, commonly known as alimony (spousal support), is a different beast.

The other term thrown around for consolation money is also 'seed' money.

If you have property or kids, that adds complexity to the final settlement... and there's no cookie cutter answer for everybody.
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Yes, but is it true that some people have to pay monthly consolation for "emotional damages" and other politically correct things like this?

My wife seems to be trying to make me support her, so she doesn't have to go out and find a proper job or a new husband, etc.
 
TokyoJoeblow said:
Yes, but is it true that some people have to pay monthly consolation for "emotional damages" and other politically correct things like this?

My wife seems to be trying to make me support her, so she doesn't have to go out and find a proper job or a new husband, etc.
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Yes, I've heard a few of those stories also and remember reading (or hearing) about a foriegn husband and Japanese wife and she really took him to the cleaners.....if I remember correctly there was no kids or property involved either......
Glad I'm not in your shoes if she's feeling vindictive.
 
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just4fun said:
Yes, I've heard a few of those stories also and remember reading (or hearing) about a foriegn husband and Japanese wife and she really took him to the cleaners.....if I remember correctly there was no kids or property involved either......
Glad I'm not in your shoes if she's feeling vindictive.
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If she continues to be vindictive, I have no problem leaving Japan. Yes, Japan is a good country, but I have almost 8 years experience teaching English and I'm certified to work in many countries. I have always wanted to go to Spain lol.
 
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at least, her behaviour / attitude should help make the decision process (leave/stay) a little easier

all the best
 
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It might also greatly depend on what she has on you. If you are in a so-called 'open relationship', you might have missed the very small fine print in the middle that when sprinkled with lemon juice reads, 'your wallet'.
 
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Consolation money (isharyou) is a one time payment. If she can prove infidelity, she can sue for three million yen, lump sum.

Alimony (fuuyouryou) is an ongoing payment, and would have to be court ordered. It is extremely rare for Japanese courts to order alimony, most often it is offered by husbands in return for continued access to children.

In order for her to collect either, the divorce would have to go through the family court system, or you would have to agree to it in a private contract.
 
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TokyoJoeblow said:
If she continues to be vindictive, I have no problem leaving Japan. Yes, Japan is a good country, but I have almost 8 years experience teaching English and I'm certified to work in many countries. I have always wanted to go to Spain lol.
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It's now a good thing you didn't have that kid! Keep your money in the US. She can't touch that. And if I'm correct, suing is one thing, actually recovering the money is another.
 
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Sudsy said:
Consolation money (isharyou) is a one time payment. If she can prove infidelity, she can sue for three million yen, lump sum.

Alimony (fuuyouryou) is an ongoing payment, and would have to be court ordered. It is extremely rare for Japanese courts to order alimony, most often it is offered by husbands in return for continued access to children.

In order for her to collect either, the divorce would have to go through the family court system, or you would have to agree to it in a private contract.
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What if we both agree to sign and hanko stamp divorce papers at the city hall one day? Then it won't have to go through the family courts since we wouldn't take it to court in this case yes?

It would go to court if there was some sort of dispute e.g. Her saying I cheated with or without proof and me denying it etc.?

Also, if I didn't have the one time lump some to pay her in full...then what happens? They lower the fee, set up monthly payments, put me in jail for a little while?
 
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How could they put you in jail? Infidelity is not criminal. At best they would garnish your wages, or divert you tax refund since you have no assets here. I owe my own govt 25k in loans and never paid it. They never bothered to even take me to court because I had and made nothing. I'm sure one day they will though. They once even re-reported it back on my credit after 9 years. I sent a validation letter telling the credit agency to prove the loan was mine or face violation of credit laws of which was worded well enough to convince them to remove it even though they weren't required to for govt subsidized loans (bahoops, their ignorance not mine). I wouldn't worry about it honestly. Countersue for emotional damage due to a sexless marriage and refusal to have a kid based on her own prerogative..lol
 
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TokyoJoeblow said:
Yes, that is just what I thought. I will be doing that.

Have you experienced a divorce in Japan yourself?
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Thankfully, no. I would imagine that if your wife is adamant on not being independent financially she will try anything to keep it that way. Also if the breakup is a bitter one there is the possibility she may become extremely vindictive. I would suggest making anything she can use against you unavailable to her. Sending money back home is defiantly a good idea.

Spain sounds like a great idea, I hear the people are extremely friendly.
 
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TokyoJoeblow said:
What if we both agree to sign and hanko stamp divorce papers at the city hall one day? Then it won't have to go through the family courts since we wouldn't take it to court in this case yes?

It would go to court if there was some sort of dispute e.g. Her saying I cheated with or without proof and me denying it etc.?

Also, if I didn't have the one time lump some to pay her in full...then what happens? They lower the fee, set up monthly payments, put me in jail for a little while?
Click to expand...

If you do the city hall form, there's no court, and no liability other than what you agree on.

If there is a dispute, she can take you to court, which is when damages can come into play.

If there is a judgment against you and you don't have the means to pay, it's a civil matter, so at most she can have the courts arrange to garnish your wages.


RandomTokyoGuy said:
Let's hope it isn't per incidence of infidelity ;)
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Not per incident, but it does apply on a per person basis. A man who has three girlfriends can be sued three times.
 
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TokyoJoeblow said:
Last night, my wife and I got into another argument after I got tired of her endless nagging. She was saying that I will need to pay her money each month either forever or until she gets remarried?

I thought consolation money was a one time thing and not monthly? I also thought that if I don't really have the money to afford giving her...they just require a smaller fee to be paid?

If my wife and her mom try to make my life a living hell after we have already divorced, will it be a problem? My wife basically is determined to make sure I support her constantly, even after divorce or she wants to just harass me and maybe even bring the law into it...again.

Has anyone lived through divorce complications and how did you survive them and get on with your life...still living in Japan?
Click to expand...
In 2016, I have no idea why courts allow women to punitively and vindicatively attack men by taking money from them.

Child support is one thing, but alimony should be abolished except in rare cases. And child support should be specific amounts of money to actually support the child, not secondary alimony payments. And any assets taken from the guy should be from the period when they got married, NOT his money and assets BEFORE they were married.

There are few reasons for a healthy grown woman or man with no kids to be digging their hands in the pockets of their ex-spouse who they don't love anymore. Move on. Courts should not be sanctioning revenge and vendettas.

What many feminist courts and lawyers are doing now is assisting in legalized robbery and revenge perpetrated by angry women. It's why guys should avoid marriage or at least be very aware of how the courts will treat them before marriage. Guys need legal counseling and advisors to explain all the bad things that will happen if they get married and divorced.
 
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DocMcStuffins said:
Unfortunately laws are written for generalities. You don't think a stay-at-home mom that gave up a career deserves more than a small payout?
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Yes of course, but then why not make it rational with evidence/proofs/papertrails, assessmement of missed opportunities on both sides, accounting etc. There really should be similar calculations as, say, taxes to resolve these issues.
Not saying there is nothing more than money in play, but there aren't that many different cases, are they.
More transparence and clarity could reduce the stress and weight on the partner's shoulders.

Us at TAG could work on the adult-related part of the algorithm, with factors such as number of STDs contracted, the list standardized impact on the relationship for each p4p service ..
 
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