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Asking Her Out, Yes Or No?

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Kurisudesuu

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Well its been a Month since i got a new job as a Part-timer in a Net-room cafe.
And theres this Japanese girl who is a "社員"
"Staff" in that shop. She's 23 and not mention im 20. So since i came in to the shop. I think i am the one who is the closest person to her in that place. Since we talk about a bunch of worthless and important things. Sometimes she strikes the conversations first sometimes I do. She bullys me and makes fun of me everytime, especially about my stomach LOL she even touches it. And i dont mind that since i think its cute haha! And i also make fun of her and makes her laugh. She even tells our co-workers that everyday she works together with me She cant stop Laughing. Which is im happy since everytime i see her tired i wanted to make her laugh and see her smile!

Yea ill get to the point, Since it comes to this,
i fell in love with her, and ive been dropping subtle hints but always making it as a joke, such as "as a gentleman i dont want to see your face like that" or "i think you look really cute when you smile!" and even "if my friend starts to work here dont be so approachable or I'll get jealous" which is just a joke and she always laughs about it.
Well i applied the "Lady's first" rule to her , i think she liked it. Yes she makes fun of me but the time i looked tired she will always tell me to drink some water and sometimes gives me tissues because of the sweaty face i have when working lol..

Yes for this past few days i fell in love with her, but the sad thing is she has a boyfriend which is a 40year old man. But i think it is just a lie or she really doesnt like that guy and just dating him for future purposes? And she shows me pictures of herself and her friends casually , but she doesnt show me pic of her boyfriend thats why i think its just a lie or something..

But i really want to ask her out, but i have the risk of her refusing and it might make some distance between us. And she doesnt have time afterwork Since she work 12pm to 10pm so if she doesnt come home fast the train will stop and she can not go home.
But! She has a rest day which is thursday! i have work that day but duh its still 6pm! So i can ask her out on the morning or afternoon.
Yet still im confuse if she likes me or not, and if asking her out would creep her out?

Any advices there?
 
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This is a very very easy one.

Yes, ask her out...or spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had.

If you want to minimize the chance of it affecting your friendship and/or of creeping her out, make it very casual...no big deal. Just invite her to do something you'd both enjoy (sounds like you know her well enough to guess what she might like), maybe a movie or bowling or whatever...nothing too heavy or romantic. However, there is a cost of going this relatively "safe" route. Namely, you may move the relationship to a new level...beyond just work friends, but it still won't be what you want (a romantic relationship). So, you'll still have to make that step at some point and go through all the stress all over again. Anyway, do what feels right and comfortable to you.

-Ww
 
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If you are open to finding another job when it gets weird, then yeah ask her out. Otherwise don't attempt to dip your pen in the company ink.

"Falling in love" with someone where it's unrequited is bad news, though. There's a number of eventualities, and very few of them are good. Even if things 'work well' and she wants to hang out with you, the eventualities are: she falls in love with you too, she just wants to be friends, you and her have a drunken evening together that she ends up regretting, she just wants to be fuckbuddies. If only the first one is okay with you, you need to take a good hard look at your feelings for her and maybe back off some. But yes, ask her out for coffee or something else casual and see what happens.
 
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meiji said:
"Falling in love" with someone where it's unrequited is bad news, though. There's a number of eventualities, and very few of them are good.
Click to expand...

Quite true, but at least imo, none of them are as bad as being frozen into inaction by fear and thus never finding out whether one's love is requited or not.

-Ww
 
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vondoom said:
and that is not an answer for "no, thx"?
Click to expand...

Depends on when she mentioned this bf, i.e., in what context, and what she said about him etc. From the OP's story, it sounds like there have been multiple other indications that she is interested. And, in any case, many women are fine with having multiple bfs.

-Ww
 
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yeah, that i understand...
actually i got one friend here, that gets most offers from women who are in a relationship... he doesnt care much, so he goes for it...
the way i understood it is that he wants to date the girl in question exclusively...
so, if a woman tells me she has a bf, before anything happens, thats just another way to say "no"...
and not to forget, in case she would break up, or have two bfs at the time, how can he ever know that the same wouldnt happen to him?
 
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Allow me to add to the chorus here suggesting you go for it.

1. It's better to get your answer ASAP rather than waste a long time in an unrequited love situation. Whether you believe it or not, you already know her way more than well enough to kiss her, so why not just do it at work? For example, next time you're out of view of everyone else and near each other and there's a silence, just tell her she looks like she wants to kiss you and then kiss her unless she refuses. Or try it a million other ways.

2. You have a reasonable degree of plausible deniability about whether she has a boyfriend she cares about, so you can give it a gentle try and it's up to her to stop you.

3. If you must date her before kissing her, i agree with others that suggested casual dates. You could even just tell her you need some help running errands, buying a gift, etc and you're planning on doing it Thursday evening. And if she is busy there is always next Thursday to ask for her help again or for her to attend a fun event with you. But if she is rejecting you repeatedly, then best to start thinking about other girls that you can hang out with Thursday's after 6pm
 
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jelle said:
And if she is busy there is always next Thursday to ask for her help again or for her to attend a fun event with you. But if she is rejecting you repeatedly, then best to start thinking about other girls that you can hang out with Thursday's after 6pm
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Yeah, this is the other big piece of this- not much time to hang out with her even if she IS interested in you. One JP GF I had worked a ton of hours at work, so it was usually only once a week we got to hang out. Which was fine at first, but if you ever want to find out if there's a future it's a little tough to get to know someone better just once a week.
 
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Wwanderer said:
However, there is a cost of going this relatively "safe" route. Namely, you may move the relationship to a new level...beyond just work friends, but it still won't be what you want (a romantic relationship). So, you'll still have to make that step at some point and go through all the stress all over again.
Click to expand...

That's why the Japanese have confessions aka kokuhaku, an efficient and relatively painless step to move the relationship to a formally romantic status.

It's like signing a form or something.

>I like you, let's date!

>Yes
>No
 
I had a J chic ask me out. We weren't co-workers. She was a trainee. In short, she sit down beside me asked if we could date and somehow the boss found out about this exchange. I was reprimanded. I didn't get fired. She's dating the boss now. But I can tell that she's still got it for me. She lights up everytime I see her when she visits from our other branch. But I am not stupid, I'd have been sent home immediately on a red eye flight. I still have money and for every one good looking J female there are 1000 more just like her. I'd say don't mix pleasure with business. Invite her to a museum or something. Test the water and then look for a new job. Cause working with you significant other will backfire. Been there, done that. Had another friend get fired over banging a secretary. Secretary was transferred to a farm area. Most if the time I see this type of deal, one has to go. I have known of many marriages that have happened, but always one leaves the office. If you think she has similar feelings, cause I knew this chic had the hots for me, then go for it. She even sat on my lap once. Then said she lost her balance. I love yen more than pussy tho. Now with that said, never have regrets! Go for it! You are 20. You can recover and it is doubtful you would get anything but a yes or no. It is not so strict at your age. Older dudes think about Harley payments, mortgages, private school, retirement, and paying for abortions after knocking up their mistresses. You are young and need to get that tip wet. You can't do it without asking and fearing some consequence that is in reality rare! Secret dating is not out if the question. I have been on trips with other co-workers and nobody knows shit. Ask her to be discreet. Well, I say go for it. And you can work together still.
 
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Thank you for the advices guys. i think after a week i will confess to her first, because if she thinks im a "charai" it will turn her down ..
But im afraid if i confessed to her and she says no, i think it will make things awkward..

i dont care if i have to change job sometime after because i plan to go to a senmon school so that i can become a full-time worker on an IT company.
 
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Hey guys!
i still havent confessed but i tried asking her to go out somewhere. And she said "jikan attara ii yo" "its ok ! if i have time" isnt this a refusal??
 
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Kurisudesuu said:
i still havent confessed but i tried asking her to go out somewhere. And she said "jikan attara ii yo" "its ok ! if i have time" isnt this a refusal??
Click to expand...

No. You could tell her something like 時間作ってよw
 
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Next time she touches your stomach grab her wrist and direct her hand down to your man meat and say, "this is bulging too baby. just for you." Then laugh it off. 100% she will be sucking your cock in the back room twice a day.
 
I don't get the "confess" thing.
Ask her out, make a plan.
Also Japanese also call the married men they are dating their boyfriends too. So usually no pix to show.
 
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Japanese chicks don't handle direct very well. Its better to shelter them from the real purpose. Ask her for her help with something, tell her you want try a new place but want her to go to with you cuz you can't read the menu etc. Then once she is out then look for an opening and test the waters.
 
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