5 Questions About Picking Up Girls (from A Young Newb In Tokyo)

[lovesickdead]

Hello TAG,

Please excuse the over-long intro and even longer (titanic/behemoth/kaiju-sized) post. I don't know if this should be broken up into different threads. I've been lurking these boards on and off for a couple months now, but figured it was time to make an account so I could request some insight, advice and opinions.

Mods, if I've posted this in the wrong spot, my apologies, please move it as needed..

//TL;DR: do girls ever pick up guys? are people honest about casual sex? are dating sites any good for asobi? what guys are gyaru into? do you pick up girls in fluent japanese?//

I don't have a complete grasp on the general demographics of these forums, but it seems to me many of the regulars are men between the ages of 30-45. Now, I'm just in my mid-20s, but I hope the age gap will be of little importance.

I'm another white guy, about 190cm tall, blue eyes, thin etc, just came to Japan in the last several weeks. I'll be here for a year at least. I had a couple Japanese girlfriends in North America. Broke up with the last one just before coming to Tokyo.

I have no desire to be in a serious, committed relationship right now. I'm looking to work in this country, do some odd jobs and perhaps most importantly, asobi.

To be blunt, I'm pretty thin; not remotely muscular, but - I'm quite good-looking. I've been told that time and time again, and not just by Japanese. This leads me to my first question/issue:

PART 1: How common is gyaku-nan (girls picking up guys), is there a type of jgirl most likely to do that, and is there such a thing as being too attractive (as a guy)?
--------------------
What do you suppose the likelihood of girls nabbing guys are here? And I mean fairly attractive to outright gorgeous girls. The kind that could potentially have whoever they want. Do they ever go for it, or do you find they expectantly wait for it to come to them? (I'm sure it's the latter, but...)

If you do have experience with gyaku-nan, is there any kind of place or specific location that it happens at? What kind of environment?

What type of girl would do this? Can they be lumped into a fairly general category of age, fashion-sense or job?

Do you think good looks could actually be a deterrent sometimes? I met a number of Japanese girls in North America, ranging from the extremely normal, bland but pretty girls - to the numerous exceptionally dull and physically unappealing girls - to the few. crazy, party girls.

IF they expressed any kind of interest in me, there was one thing they all had in common: they wanted me to be a serious boyfriend. Here in Japan, that's something that I'm looking to avoid... (that'll be Part 2) I've also experienced several girls completely shut me down or turn tail and run before introductions even.

So! This may seem ridiculous, but I've been told by a few Japanese acquaintances that I'm too good-looking and this creates apprehension and generalizing. Basically, some girls are too intimidated to approach me, or they make snap judgments like "this guy is so charai and thinks he's all that" or they immediately want to collect me as a long-term partner, instead of casually playing around. How does this affect nampa and gyaku-nan, if at all?

*

PART 2: Is honesty really the best policy?
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Of course this will vary depending on who you're dealing with, but as a general rule: Do you think one should be up-front about the expectations of a casual relationship? Something like "hey, I'm not looking for a gf right now, I just want to hang out and fool around" or "greetings, I'm interested in procuring a friend of a sexual nature to satisfy my primal urges in a mutually beneficial but ultimately superficial relationship"?

Or do you think FWB is more of an unspoken-agreement in these parts? Or perhaps lying outright and assuming the girl is lying plenty too?

I received one message on Tinder (PART 3) saying "hi, it's too bad you just want to play. Youre soooo my type!" What the hell is this? Do Japanese girls actually look for real partners on that app? Or is this part of the game... Gods, I hate bullshit. I'd prefer upfront or unspoken personally.
Anyways, can a generalization be made about this situation?

*

PART 3: How much luck have you guys had on dating websites and apps?
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I've never really been into clubbing and such, so naturally, I joined some sites when I got here. So far, I've been fairly disappointed. FriendsInJapan and GaijinPot Personals requires payment to send messages. Wtf? Screw that... JapanCupid: fairly boring with not too many matching my "type" (PART 4). Same with Interpals. Kind of boring and useless...

Tinder has been mildly fruitful. I'm quite picky, but in the last 3 weeks, I've got about about 60 matches. I've met and enjoyed 3 of them so far. Another 4 are in the works. 60% haven't been contacted yet, and everyone else is in the early stages of conversation.

My biggest issue with Tinder is that my ideal matches haven't been made yet. Seems that the kind of girl I'm looking for is sort absent from these sites.. Though I counted about 50 girls that I really wanted to connect with, yet only 3 of them matched back so far. That leaves 47 that either haven't seen me, or swiped left. Which brings me to...

*

PART 4: Dark eye make-up and brown/blonde hair; do gyaru/kyabakura-jo/fukozu-jo/yankee girls like hakujin?
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I'm fairly open to different types of girls as I want to experience a variety, but I have to say, now that I'm here in Tokyo, I'm usually most physically interested in the girls with, ah, light-brown hair and fun fashion ;D

Do any of you have experience with gyaru and yankee girls? Do they even like gaijin? Or do they just go for hosts, yakuza and/or rich salarymen (sugar daddies)? I'm wondering if some of them might actually be interested, but wouldn't even bother due to the likely language barrier (PART 5). Any advice on how to forge some kind of relationship with these hot party types?

*

PART 5: For those who talk to and/or pick up girls a lot, what language do you use?
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Do you primarily use Japanese? If so, what're your language-capabilities like? Should English be avoided, especially to minimize the gakkusei/sensei relationship? Does English scare many off? My Japanese level is low and scattered. I can say hi, introduce myself and ask about hobbies. Then I know how to ask about fetishes and sex, but I don't know how to ask for directions or say "pass the pepper please". (The brain learns what it wants to learn...) Should I get out there and see what happens, regardless of my ability? Or study up and try a more systematic and educated approach?

Additionally, what topics of conversation would you suggest avoiding? I like heavy metal and horror movies, but in all my history with the opposite sex, it doesn't usually seem to provide any common ground ;P

*

Those of you who had the patience to read all this, thanks a lot! Please feel free to answer back to all of it or even just a part. Sorry if this all sounded too superficial and possibly sexist ^^"tried not to be too crass...

Cheers!

 

[lovesickdead]

PS not sure how or why the word "Prosecutors" got added into the thread title and can't figure out how to edit that from my phone... :\

 

[TAG Manager]

PS not sure how or why the word "Prosecutors" got added into the thread title and can't figure out how to edit that from my phone... :\

Fixed it for you.

There's a drop down menu called 'Thread Tools" - you can find 'Edit Thread' which is where you can change certain attributes.

 

[Desktop]

If you are young considered good looking & speak English go to Roppongi meet some new friends & mingle.
Partying in Roppongi does not represent all of Japan or even Tokyo.
If you want to find fun, not serious, look there first.

 

[Solong]

@ Desktop- Ugh... Roppongi. Not something I wholeheartedly recommend, but understand tourist and newbies will start from there.

1) Try A971 (warm up and early spot, a little bit upscale where people with real jobs might go), Feria (some snobish chicks but international and some quality), Vibration (ghetto-ish but some wild chicks like it), Jumanji 55 (good on Sundays and younger crowd), Black Horse (a bit scammish as some hostess/buy me drinky type girls, but well established), HUB (warm up and early type spot), Powerhouse (weird club that starts late and people still hanging out at 8am in the morning).

This will give you the Roppongi experience in a nutshell. Other clubs too, but to get you started and shows both sides of Roppongi crossing. Yeah young and good looking guys, who speak little Japanese can find some action. Watch out though, you might find some chicks scamming for drinks, and in smaller clubs not listed, somebody dropping roofies in your drink and charging your credit cards. Roppongi is more hype, than actually a good spot.

@lovesickdead

2) Another route are International Parties.

They are constantly going on throughout Tokyo, do a Google search. Tendency for Japanese that can speak English or are learning English to go. So your Japanese speaking level can be low or non-existent.

However, some Japanese women there are highly experienced veterans that are playing foreigners or are abusing foreigners as entertainment.

3) Develop your PUA and Japanese language skills, and then talk to women anywhere and who catches your eye.

https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLINFE8v4DOhu_3LutLwJWetAhdcCrBF4X
(Best basic Japanese course ever seen. Ekubo, Nihongomori)

For a really good looking White guy, once you learn Japanese, coffee shops and train Nampa will work out well.

You will, because you are very tall, have to make a much greater effort to make Japanese women feel more comfortable around you. Smile, kind voice, look relaxed...

4) Dating Websites

A lot of Japanese women are unfortunately clueless and silly on Tinder, and appear to play with it more for just getting attention. And you can't sell yourself as well with just a picture.

You should be doing well on OkCupid and Japan Cupid, as a good looking guy & on Metropolis Classifieds just by your measurables. Might be the type greeting message you send out. Use her name, avoid making it look like spam or chain mail, tell a bit about yourself, and sell yourself a bit better. Maybe decrease you height a bit, maybe 185cm instead (up to you), as possibly some women find this intimidating. I had a couple of very tall friends, where they had to deal with this in Japan. Height isn't as much of an advantage, as in Western countries, over 180cm and for certain are women, that's their thing. Look at making some adjustments to your profile and messages, and see how that works.

 

[Desktop]

How can you act like you can't recommend Roppongi but describe venues in such details?
For a young foreigner looking for no commitment fun making friends in Roppongi is a perfect fit. I personally don't go there & can't recommend specific venues but it's a good place to start for what he seem to be describing he wants.
You don't need pick up artists anything for Roppongi just make friends talk to both guys & women & take things from there.

 

[Solong]

How can you act like you can't recommend Roppongi but describe venues in such details?
For a young foreigner looking for no commitment fun making friends in Roppongi is a perfect fit. I personally don't go there & can't recommend specific venues but it's a good place to start for what he seem to be describing he wants.
You don't need pick up artists anything for Roppongi just make friends talk to both guys & women & take things from there.

It's because that I know Roppongi well, that I don't recommend it. I won't say don't do it, because I know it's a popular tourist spot and part of the experience of living and learning Tokyo. Newbies and tourist tend to want to see and experience it. But after you get a taste, I recommend moving on and developing higher PUA skills.

And I've seen the difference in skill level among swingers and PUA guys that go the club route (Night Game) versus "street" (Day Game). Guys that never did or stayed away from Roppongi or clubs, when they want a girlfriend, can hit all kinds of places and get laid. Day Game (as it's called in PUA) is more powerful, even arguably more than social circles/social introductions. Day Game is harder to master, but has the greater potential and benefit.

The negative of clubbing (Night Game) is creating a mindset of only being able to pickup women at a certain place, in a certain way, who are drunk, or hiding under the cover of night, dark lights, or alcohol. The quality of women that a guy tends to hook up with suffers too. And Night Game guys tend to keep searching for "perfect" or happening places, as if that's the reason they can't get laid. "Oh, this club is dead and no good women, let's hit the next (and the next)". Even women can fall into this "next, next, next" club hopping mindset. And the guy can pass by 10 good looking chicks on the streets and train, on way to the clubs.

And I transitioned from Night Game to Day Game, so am strongly aware of both. I still do both, though focus more on Day Game and Internet.

 

[VenusHoshii]

This is a good thread. Reminds me of the days when Roppongi was still fun. But even now some of these questions have new answers, and some I never asked but wanted to.

 

[Wwanderer]

Personally I don't care for and don't use deliberate/premeditated systems/techniques/tricks and so forth for meeting women, but I have had good results/luck on a few occasions when I asked an attractive Japanese woman for help, such as help finding some place (not so plausible now that we have GPSs in our pockets) or reading a sign (e.g., a posted explanation of some piece of art in a museum). I have done this when I actually wanted the help, but of course I did not pick a random Japanese woman to ask but chose one I found attractive.

Mostly of course they won't speak enough English to be helpful or even to understand what you want, but there is no point in meeting those women anyway (assuming you don't speak Japanese). Those that have enough English to communicate with you and who think you might be interesting (or who are just helpful) will give you both the assistance you need and an opportunity to strike up a conversation, perhaps offer to buy her a coffee to thank her or whatever. This can feel very natural and graceful and thus put her at ease, imo. If you get lucky and hit one who is actually hoping to be picked up (by some gaijin), things can progress very rapidly.

Anyway, my point is that asking for help along these lines could be used as a technique even when you don't actually need anything.

-Ww

 

[just4fun]

Personally I don't care for and don't use deliberate/premeditated systems/techniques/tricks and so forth for meeting women, but I have had good results/luck on a few occasions when I asked an attractive Japanese woman for help, such as help finding some place (not so plausible now that we have GPSs in our pockets) or reading a sign (e.g., a posted explanation of some piece of art in a museum). I have done this when I actually wanted the help, but of course I did not pick a random Japanese woman to ask but chose one I found attractive.

Mostly of course they won't speak enough English to be helpful or even to understand what you want, but there is no point in meeting those women anyway (assuming you don't speak Japanese). Those that have enough English to communicate with you and who think you might be interesting (or who are just helpful) will give you both the assistance you need and an opportunity to strike up a conversation, perhaps offer to buy her a coffee to thank her or whatever. This can feel very natural and graceful and thus put her at ease, imo. If you get lucky and hit one who is actually hoping to be picked up (by some gaijin), things can progress very rapidly.

Anyway, my point is that asking for help along these lines could be used as a technique even when you don't actually need anything.

-Ww

I"ve used this technique more than once. It's a fun approach......you need good acting skills for sure.

 

[Wwanderer]

you need good acting skills for sure.

As an aside, this is one of reason (bot not the only one) I don't care for PUA techniques etc. They generally ask you to act in some way or take on some personality traits that aren't actually yours. This may work in terms of picking up the babe you target, but then you have only succeeded in hooking yourself up with some woman who was not initially attracted to you but only to someone you were mimicking. Unless she also happens to like the "real" you, you either have to continue "acting" or she will quickly discover the person you actually are, and then things will fall apart. It has been my observations that PUAs very often have a long series of relatively brief relationships. They are good at getting things started but not so good at keeping them going. I don't know of course, but I suspect that this is the dynamic in play.

Anyway, my advice is that if you use the "asking for help" (that you don't actually need) "trick", you restrict your prevarication to pretending to need the assistance and otherwise just be yourself. You may lose a lot of scores that way, but the ones you make will at least be with women who find the real you attractive...a significant plus, to put it mildly!

-Ww

 

[MossBoss]

I'm quite good-looking. I've been told that time and time again, and not just by Japanese.

Half the post the OP is saying how women find him wonderfully attractive then the other half he is seeking advice how to pick up women.

Genuinely attractive people in their mid-20's shouldn't need advice on how to pick up the opposite sex.

 

[Desktop]

Moss my point exactly
I thought he was just asking to reconfirm things. I think if he goes out meet some new friends he'll be fine. If he's looking to just play around why not go to areas known for that. My initial post also recommended that Roppongi shouldn't be seen as the norm.

 

[MossBoss]

Moss my point exactly
I thought he was just asking to reconfirm things. I think if he goes out meet some new friends he'll be fine. If he's looking to just play around why not go to areas known for that. My initial post also recommended that Roppongi shouldn't be seen as the norm.

The elite guys get chicks flirting with them all the time in Japan or any other place for that matter.. All the guy has to do is pass them their email address or invite them for coffee.

 

[Nitr0]

1. I definitely wouldn't count on gyakunan, as often nothing will happen and you'll go home disappointed. However, if you are a good-looking young white guy, it will happen fairly often in the right setting. (Personally I'm in my early 30s but look younger. I often get complimented on my looks and seem to get scouted for modeling every other time I'm in Tokyo. I'm also only 178cm, so not too intimidating to Japanese girls.) In my experience, it can happen anywhere, but mostly happens in gaijin bars, such as the Hub. It is pretty rare for a single girl to approach on her own, but two girls will sometimes approach, usually with one of them acting as a wing girl for her friend, who is clearly interested in me. Most common of all, though, is a girl sending her male friend over to where I am drinking to have him tell me she's interested in me. lol.

2. It depends. Personally, I am married with kids, and if I am just looking for a one night stand I will say I am single if asked because fairly often a girl that is clearly interested will lose interest if I say I'm married. However, I personally try to never lead a girl on to think a long-term relationship is possible. To this end, if I'm in Kansai, where I live, I'll usually say I'm just visiting from Tokyo. And if I'm in Tokyo, I'll say I'm just visiting from Kansai. There are some girls looking for something long term who lose interest, but on the other hand other girls (who probably have steady boyfriends) become even more interested when they know it can be some short term fun before a clean break.

3. I haven't really tried out websites/apps yet.

4. In general, I do not think gyaru have much interest in foreigners/foreign culture/English. However, I too am attracted to gyaru and have been able to get with a few. I was successful by buying gyaruo/host type clothes (nothing too wild) at OPA department store (maybe 109 Men's would be the Tokyo equivalent?) and going to a club (e.g. Club Camelot in Shibuya) and using my Japanese skills (I do professional interpreting) to try picking them up. Although they generally don't have interest in foreign culture/English, they can still be interested by an attractive white guy that speaks good Japanese. Even so, my success rate honestly wasn't that high. If I recall correctly, I maybe only pulled a gyaru once every five times I went clubbing.

5. It depends. As I said in 4, definitely Japanese for gyaru, but if you're talking to some girl in a gaijin bar who is clearly interested in English, let her use as much English as she wants and only use Japanese if you're having communication issues, you think doing so would make her more comfortable, etc.

Good luck!

 

[Solong]

As an aside, this is one of reason (bot not the only one) I don't care for PUA techniques etc. They generally ask you to act in some way or take on some personality traits that aren't actually yours. This may work in terms of picking up the babe you target, but then you have only succeeded in hooking yourself up with some woman who was not initially attracted to you but only to someone you were mimicking. Unless she also happens to like the "real" you, you either have to continue "acting" or she will quickly discover the person you actually are, and then things will fall apart. It has been my observations that PUAs very often have a long series of relatively brief relationships. They are good at getting things started but not so good at keeping them going. I don't know of course, but I suspect that this is the dynamic in play.

Anyway, my advice is that if you use the "asking for help" (that you don't actually need) "trick", you restrict your prevarication to pretending to need the assistance and otherwise just be yourself. You may lose a lot of scores that way, but the ones you make will at least be with women who find the real you attractive...a significant plus, to put it mildly!

-Ww

Ww, you are talking about some stereotypical description of PUA, which isn't how it actually works. PUA is about being better at what you do AND understanding what it is you are doing. Instead of cluelessly winging it, you learn to master and be mindful of what's happening.

It's a bit hypocritical, to put down PUAs for not being themselves, then advocate pulling a very old pickup routine of asking for help. Asking for help, when you don't need it, is pulling an acting job on women. Even when women do that to men, they know it for what it is.

And asking for directions isn't recommended, particularly when the guy has lived in Japan for some years and isn't a tourist. Many Japanese women will intuitively pick up that something is wrong about the guy. After asking for directions, many women expect you to leave and not try to keep talking to them.

If a guy chooses the asking for help route, would recommend to ask language or cultural questions. My pals and I have done this more successfully. It shows interest in Japan and Japanese people, which is flattering, and can easily segue into talking about her or many other topics in a smooth way.

 

[Solong]

Half the post the OP is saying how women find him wonderfully attractive then the other half he is seeking advice how to pick up women.

Genuinely attractive people in their mid-20's shouldn't need advice on how to pick up the opposite sex.

That's not true, and particularly in an interracial, cross-cultural, and international context.

1) You might be considered good looking, in your country or ethnic group, but doesn't mean people OUTSIDE this context will agree.

People have different preferences.

2) The way to pickup women can be DIFFERENT.

The style and methods you might of used back home can completely NOT work in another country.

3) Language barriers

Almost self-explanatory.

4) Your style of dress, mannerism, jokes, behavior, and how you carry yourself can come off excessively weird or awkward to people of other nationalities or cultures.

There is a bit of adjustment that usually needs to be done, before a guy's approaches or how he looks to foreign eyes, comes off smoothly. For some, a lot more adjustment is needed than for others.

 

[MossBoss]

You might be considered good looking, in your country or ethnic group, but doesn't mean people OUTSIDE this context will agree.

I'm quite good-looking. I've been told that time and time again, and not just by Japanese.

The OP has more or less already stated that everyone believes he is God's gift's to women including Japanese ladies. So your first point is shot to pieces.

Regarding your other points if someone is drop dead gorgeous like the OP appears to be he should be able to find a woman. Beautiful people will always find admirers even if they are lacking in the fashion department or are a dull conversationists. I have heard Japanese women say that Beckham doesn't sound intelligent but they still want to date him. Do you really believe most women would decline to date George Cloney if he appeared in a dirty t-shirt and scuffed sneakers?

Regular guys need to watch the points you mention not super stud muffins like the OP. Truly beautiful guys will always have dates with pretty girls whether they are sleazy criminals or millionaires. If the OP pays more attention to the points to the points you mention he can increase the number of pretty girls who find him attractive in Tokyo. But then again what is the difference between 3 million nice gals wanting to date him and just a million?

 

[MossBoss]

Check out this sack of shit cum gun-criminal - the gals love him. He gets tens of thousands of comments about how lovely he is.

Can we be handcuffed together?" one admirer said.

Another said: "Holy hell I would arrest him too...hottest bad boy I've seen."

American Pie's Jason Biggs even admitted crushing on the handsome criminal.

"Look at the jawline! I mean, wowza!" Biggs said before joking: "If I was his victim, and that was the last face I looked at in my life... Could be worse. Could be Charles Manson, or it could be this guy."




http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/jeremy-mee...iminal-bags-30k-la-modelling-contract-1455055

 

[Desktop]

I truly believe we seem to be believing that the OP is not a swinger & does not need a lesson from So Suave.com
He's saying I'm a good looking guy but I'd like to verify a few things.
If you meet the right people anything is possible.

 

[Wwanderer]

Ww, you are talking about some stereotypical description of PUA, which isn't how it actually works. PUA is about being better at what you do AND understanding what it is you are doing. Instead of cluelessly winging it, you learn to master and be mindful of what's happening.

It's a bit hypocritical, to put down PUAs for not being themselves, then advocate pulling a very old pickup routine of asking for help. Asking for help, when you don't need it, is pulling an acting job on women. Even when women do that to men, they know it for what it is.

To be clear on two points: I did not intend to put down PUAs for not being themselves but only to point out the downside of that approach, which is a real and serious one in my opinion. But I have no objection to or criticism of guys who choose to go that route. Many do and many have success at it, but as the song says, "Every form of refuge has its price." Also I do *not* advocate asking for help when you don't need it and, as I mentioned in my earlier post, I do not do so myself. I merely pointed out that it could be used as a pick-up trick, and I agree that is still "pulling an acting job on women" (which is exactly why I don't do it myself). As far as I go is to pick a woman I find attractive to ask for help when one is available/present; otherwise I just ask some random person.

And asking for directions isn't recommended, particularly when the guy has lived in Japan for some years and isn't a tourist. Many Japanese women will intuitively pick up that something is wrong about the guy. After asking for directions, many women expect you to leave and not try to keep talking to them.

If a guy chooses the asking for help route, would recommend to ask language or cultural questions. My pals and I have done this more successfully. It shows interest in Japan and Japanese people, which is flattering, and can easily segue into talking about her or many other topics in a smooth way.

You are probably correct now that we all have digital maps and computer generated directions at our fingertips, but before these were available being lost and asking directions in Tokyo was so common that it was by far the most common way of actually needing help and happened so often to nearly everyone that it was minimally intrusive or surprising to the person asked. In those days it was not just newbies or tourists who got lost; all of the Japanese did too. The city is arguably the single most challenging urban maze on the planet and no one knows their way around all of its neighborhoods, not even grizzled taxi drivers with decades of experience going all over the city. I recall the days when the primary function of kobans was to provide directions to places in their neighborhoods to any and all.

The other plus of asking for help when you are lost or pretending to be lost is that the person you ask has the option of offering to go with you to help you find your way to wherever. This is a GOOD sign if it happens!

-Ww

 

[lovesickdead]

If you are young considered good looking & speak English go to Roppongi meet some new friends & mingle.
Partying in Roppongi does not represent all of Japan or even Tokyo.
If you want to find fun, not serious, look there first.

Thanks for the recommendation. Of course I've heard about Roppongi, but as I've never been a clubber, I still don't really know what to do ^^" I've only been there once, after a concert when I was alone. I had no idea what to do and didn't want to spend money without a plan, so I went home at maybe... 11:30 haha.

1) Try A971 (warm up and early spot, a little bit upscale where people with real jobs might go), Feria (some snobish chicks but international and some quality), Vibration (ghetto-ish but some wild chicks like it), Jumanji 55 (good on Sundays and younger crowd), Black Horse (a bit scammish as some hostess/buy me drinky type girls, but well established), HUB (warm up and early type spot), Powerhouse (weird club that starts late and people still hanging out at 8am in the morning).

3) Develop your PUA and Japanese language skills, and then talk to women anywhere and who catches your eye.

https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLINFE8v4DOhu_3LutLwJWetAhdcCrBF4X
(Best basic Japanese course ever seen. Ekubo, Nihongomori)

For a really good looking White guy, once you learn Japanese, coffee shops and train Nampa will work out well.

You will, because you are very tall, have to make a much greater effort to make Japanese women feel more comfortable around you. Smile, kind voice, look relaxed...

4) Dating Websites

A lot of Japanese women are unfortunately clueless and silly on Tinder, and appear to play with it more for just getting attention. And you can't sell yourself as well with just a picture.

You should be doing well on OkCupid and Japan Cupid, as a good looking guy & on Metropolis Classifieds just by your measurables. Might be the type greeting message you send out. Use her name, avoid making it look like spam or chain mail, tell a bit about yourself, and sell yourself a bit better. Maybe decrease you height a bit, maybe 185cm instead (up to you), as possibly some women find this intimidating. I had a couple of very tall friends, where they had to deal with this in Japan. Height isn't as much of an advantage, as in Western countries, over 180cm and for certain are women, that's their thing. Look at making some adjustments to your profile and messages, and see how that works.

Thanks very much for the venue recommendations in Roppongi, and the YouTube link! Shall watch when I find some bloody wifi... Yeah, I've got like 60 matches on Tinder, only met 5, 2 of them were clearly not dtf and seemed way too majime. Messaged another 30 of them and most are lame, as you say. And interesting about the height... I'll do that actually, cheers.

Half the post the OP is saying how women find him wonderfully attractive then the other half he is seeking advice how to pick up women.

Genuinely attractive people in their mid-20's shouldn't need advice on how to pick up the opposite sex.

I can't help it if I'm really, really ridiculously good-looking... But in all seriousness, height and facial features aside... At best, I'm strangely charming, and at worst, horrifically socially awkward. And then let's put the lack of gyaku-nan and the language barrier on top of that.

Like today, I was trying to work on something at Starbucks. This gorgeous girl came, looked around at the few empty seats left, then chose the one right next to me. Literally beside, like, no gap in between us. She then spent the next 10 minutes kind of glancing at her phone and not doing anything, all the while I hoped she would say something, anything, so I wouldn't have to try, seeing as I had no idea how to start. Especially in such a busy place where I was the only gaijin. She eventually got up and walked away, seemingly disappointed. Unless it was all me over analyzing.

Now I'm at The Hub. Have been for over an hour. No female has made contact. Though to be fair, pretty much everyone seems to be older than me... Perhaps Ikebukuro has different spots I could check out on a Saturday night.

Ive had numerous instances of eyes locking or someone seemingly lingering by me, but aside from me not knowing what the fuck I'm doing, I don't really want to be the one to try to talk or catch up to someone as they leave, because I hate the idea that I'm desperate and they have the upper hand... But maybe that's just something I'll have to get used to. I dunno.

The elite guys get chicks flirting with them all the time in Japan or any other place for that matter.. All the guy has to do is pass them their email address or invite them for coffee.

See above.

1. I definitely wouldn't count on gyakunan, as often nothing will happen and you'll go home disappointed. However, if you are a good-looking young white guy, it will happen fairly often in the right setting. (Personally I'm in my early 30s but look younger. I often get complimented on my looks and seem to get scouted for modeling every other time I'm in Tokyo. I'm also only 178cm, so not too intimidating to Japanese girls.) In my experience, it can happen anywhere, but mostly happens in gaijin bars, such as the Hub. It is pretty rare for a single girl to approach on her own, but two girls will sometimes approach, usually with one of them acting as a wing girl for her friend, who is clearly interested in me. Most common of all, though, is a girl sending her male friend over to where I am drinking to have him tell me she's interested in me. lol.

That sounds absolutely awesome, and in a city of millions of people, it's obviously not impossible, but I still find it almost hard to believe especially the idea of a girl sending a guy over. I would assume that most of the time, even if a girl can get over the huge hazukashii thing, that she would be way too frightend of being ostracized by her peers for intimately fraternizing with a foreigner, or attempting to.

By the way, I'm mid-20s, but enough Japanese have assumed I'm 30 for me to think I probably look older than I am to a large number of them. I don't know if that's a bad thing or not.

4. In general, I do not think gyaru have much interest in foreigners/foreign culture/English. However, I too am attracted to gyaru and have been able to get with a few. I was successful by buying gyaruo/host type clothes (nothing too wild) at OPA department store (maybe 109 Men's would be the Tokyo equivalent?) and going to a club (e.g. Club Camelot in Shibuya) and using my Japanese skills (I do professional interpreting) to try picking them up. Although they generally don't have interest in foreign culture/English, they can still be interested by an attractive white guy that speaks good Japanese. Even so, my success rate honestly wasn't that high. If I recall correctly, I maybe only pulled a gyaru once every five times I went clubbing.

Thank you very much for your kind, lengthy and insightful response. Also for being the first one to address my very earnest question about gyaru. I'll review these tips. I've really got to try some clubs and learn more Japanese...

That's not true, and particularly in an interracial, cross-cultural, and international context.

1) You might be considered good looking, in your country or ethnic group, but doesn't mean people OUTSIDE this context will agree.

People have different preferences.

2) The way to pickup women can be DIFFERENT.

The style and methods you might of used back home can completely NOT work in another country.

3) Language barriers

Almost self-explanatory.

4) Your style of dress, mannerism, jokes, behavior, and how you carry yourself can come off excessively weird or awkward to people of other nationalities or cultures.

There is a bit of adjustment that usually needs to be done, before a guy's approaches or how he looks to foreign eyes, comes off smoothly. For some, a lot more adjustment is needed than for others.

Precisely, and back in North America, i was only in long-term relationships and did not club or play around. This is probably the biggest cause for my awkwardness. Total inexperience. I only started enjoying the single life in the past few months. (A little late but can't change the past...)

The OP has more or less already stated that everyone believes he is God's gift's to women including Japanese ladies. So your first point is shot to pieces.

Regarding your other points if someone is drop dead gorgeous like the OP appears to be he should be able to find a woman. Beautiful people will always find admirers even if they are lacking in the fashion department or are a dull conversationists. I have heard Japanese women say that Beckham doesn't sound intelligent but they still want to date him. Do you really believe most women would decline to date George Cloney if he appeared in a dirty t-shirt and scuffed sneakers?

Regular guys need to watch the points you mention not super stud muffins like the OP. Truly beautiful guys will always have dates with pretty girls whether they are sleazy criminals or millionaires. If the OP pays more attention to the points to the points you mention he can increase the number of pretty girls who find him attractive in Tokyo. But then again what is the difference between 3 million nice gals wanting to date him and just a million?

Please keep in mind I'm going by the few instances of model-scouting I've experienced, as well as a few experiences/conversation with Japanese. Back home, I don't think I was much of anything to write home about. I also got more gay guys hitting on me than girls. Also, ok, maybe I have a handsome face and the height, but I'm still skinny. I have a wide frame, but it is absent of muscles. I dont know how much of a deterrent that is in Japan.

Anyways, thanks for all the replies so far! Including those I didnt quote. I'm gunna see what I can find outside of the Hub for now...

 

[Solong]

View attachment 473 Check out this sack of shit cum gun-criminal - the gals love him. He gets tens of thousands of comments about how lovely he is.

Can we be handcuffed together?" one admirer said.

Another said: "Holy hell I would arrest him too...hottest bad boy I've seen."

American Pie's Jason Biggs even admitted crushing on the handsome criminal.

"Look at the jawline! I mean, wowza!" Biggs said before joking: "If I was his victim, and that was the last face I looked at in my life... Could be worse. Could be Charles Manson, or it could be this guy."




http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/jeremy-mee...iminal-bags-30k-la-modelling-contract-1455055

I'm not disagreeing that an exceptionally good looking guy doesn't have an advantage. But what I'm saying is a guy considered good looking in one country or culture, may NOT necessarily be so in another. I've seen it. Even the reverse of guys that you DON'T think are good looking or only average, being considered good looking in Japan or Korea, due to different cultural preferences.

Don't Mix Fame & Money With Good Looks

Many famous guys, who are considered good looking, will tell you that women IGNORED them previously. Tupac Shakur and Brad Pitt are good examples and have talked about it a lot.

Fame & Money can definitely attract hordes of women to you, but in a very bad and destructive way. Like gold-diggers that don't really give a damn about you, but what they can take from you, or narcissistic women seeking to leech off of your fame to elevate their social status.

 

[Wwanderer]

Fwiiw, I agree with @Solong on this one. I have met many exceptionally good looking men and women who have little or no luck with dating, pick-ups, romance etc. Obviously it helps, gets you some initial attention and probably some extra slack/leeway on other shortcomings you may have, but there is much much more to "the game" than appearance.

Perhaps even more important and surprising, not being particularly attractive is not at all a show-stopper for having an active and satisfying sex/love life, especially for guys.

-Ww

 

[Nitr0]

That sounds absolutely awesome, and in a city of millions of people, it's obviously not impossible, but I still find it almost hard to believe especially the idea of a girl sending a guy over. I would assume that most of the time, even if a girl can get over the huge hazukashii thing, that she would be way too frightend of being ostracized by her peers for intimately fraternizing with a foreigner, or attempting to.

By the way, I'm mid-20s, but enough Japanese have assumed I'm 30 for me to think I probably look older than I am to a large number of them. I don't know if that's a bad thing or not.

Like I said, I would not count on gyakunan, but it honestly is not that rare for me. If I spend a the better part of night drinking in the right kind of bar/club (whether it be myself or with a friend of two), there is about a 40% percent chance it will happen. Even when it does happen, it does not automatically mean the girl is DTF. Some girls just want to flirt and practice English. The deal is far from closed even if she has displayed some initial interest. And of course, when the girl is the one making contact she might not be your type or might even be pretty at all (some are, of course). And yes, I'm serious that sending a guy friend to tell me she is interested happens surprisingly often. She is sending the guy friend because she is shy, yes. While the guy friend is talking to me, the girl will often be blushing and just kind of looking down at the table. It is pretty rare, but a couple times a girl has been so shy/embarrassed that even after her friend makes contact for her, she tells me her friend is a big dummy and sorry for the trouble and she goes to the bathroom or whatever to get away from the situation. lol. There is no stigma about fraternizing with a foreigner in these situations, as this mostly happens to me in gaijin bars, and often both the girl (and her friend(s)) have experience studying abroad or are at least interested in English/foreign culture. Even in general, though, in big cities dating a white guy is not really that big of deal these days. Just walk the streets and you'll plenty of such couples, and I have a least a dozen friends married to Japanese women, as I am.

You mentioned you were at the Hub at Ikebukuro and nothing happened for you. I'm no expert on Tokyo as I only go a few times a year, but I can confirm I have been gyakunan'd a couple times at the Hub in Shibuya closest to the station. The crowd there, like much of Shibuya, is also pretty young.

Also, I'm not surprised most Japanese assume you are older. They usually guess white guys are about 5 years older than they actually are. I am an exception to this, and even back in the US people think I am much younger than my actual age.