being on the chubby side

[GoldenDalton]

Indeed! In addition, there is a subset of Japanese women who are fascinated with and attracted by the size of Western men, including ones that would most certainly be considered chubby by Japanese standards. And while these women are definitely a minority, they very often are the same minority of Japanese women who have lived for a significant time somewhere in the West (which is where/why/how they lost their distaste for larger guys) and thus speak the best English or French or whatever the native language of the country where they spent time. In other words they are the very same Japanese women most accessible to you in your native language. Win-win!

These J women are often specifically looking for gaijin BFs, sometimes specifically for "big ones". I was once the target of gyakunan (a woman approaching and picking up a guy) while walking in Ueno Park by a J woman who had previously lived for some years in San Francisco. Much later she told me that it was my size that caught her attention and initially attracted her, and she often compared my size (favorably) to that of various Japanese guys in her social circle.

In short, while I think the generalizations Solong describes are correct as far as generalizations go, I also think you may be better off disregarding them. Moreover, self-confidence is more attractive to many, probably most, women than anything about a guy's looks.

-Ww

Well, this is the only subset if really care about. There's not much sense in worrying that a woman thinks I'm too bulky, when she's already turned off by my being a foreigner- there's definitely nothing I can do about that!

That subset you're referencing- anything that can bring me into more contact is useful info. So far I've had the best luck at "Irish Pubs."

 

[GoldenDalton]

@Ww

Foreign guys should be confident, on this we agree. But they need to be also realistic and understand the playing field that they are on. Acting like Japan is the same as the U.S. or Australia isn't usually going to work out. And pretending their beer gut, fashion style, or being tall is having no affect on how Japanese see them, won't help them.

I've seen people make the adjustments and do well in Japan and I've seen those (both men AND women) not make adjustments and suffer. I knew both foreign men and women that took 3 to 6 months before having an intimate relationship with Japanese (not counting prostitutes). So bad, they needed other foreign and Japanese friends to help them out.

They need to play the game that works best for them. Finding that out requires observation, experience, and understanding.

I don't want to bombard you with or Wwanderer or Meiji with questions, but what is a good style of dress for gaijin in Japan? I have a hard time understanding fashion and trends there.

 

[meiji]

Not gonna respond to all the new posts, but I want to say a few things:

First, the above really only applies if you are looking to go out to clubs and land a one night stand/fuck buddy. It doesn't apply for P4P at all. If you are looking for a long term GF thing, regardless of your appearance you'll probably still have more luck than you did in the States. In my off-and-on time in Japan, I've been able to find a lot of Japanese women interested in dating me, and a few long term relationships with some very intelligent, attractive JP women, and my skills in picking up women are negligible, and I'm no real prize physically either. You are certainly going to lose some interest from some women if you are overweight, etc.

When I see posts here and elsewhere asking 'how to pick up Japanese women', the answer is invariably 'you need to be able to talk to women'. Dress nice, be confident, play the game a little. Dressing nice always means being clean and fairly well groomed, and sometimes means wearing a suit. Japanese women love a man in a suit especially if its somewhat nicer than your typical salaryman suit. If it's well after work, wear business-casual with a collared shirt or if it's a casual place, wear nice jeans at 'worst'.

In terms of skinniness in Japan, I think it's arguable as to what is considered 'unhealthy'. There's a lot of truly unhealthy/anorexic women (and probably men) in Japan. But I tend to roll my eyes when Americans think that slender/skinny men/women are unhealthy because they don't have extra meat on their bones.

 

[Solong]

@Ww

I'm mostly in agreement with you. We just have slightly different ways of stating our perspective or coming at it by different angles.

If you are mindful and honest with yourself and observant of the body language and behavior of Japanese around you, then you will often figure out the right approach for yourself through experience.

@GoldenDalton

I agree with much of what Meiji stated. Wearing suits, especially in a fashionably way and with little touches of "flair", will usually do well. Particularly for older guys.

Hair cuts, clean shave or well trimmed, hygiene, etc... Are essential. If you look sloppy, dirty, or way too gruffy looking then you are making things a lot harder on yourself.

Beyond suits and hygiene, the key (from what I've seen) for foreigners is a kind of business casual or sharply dressed casual look. Somewhere in the vicinity of GQ, but does NOT have to be that expensive or overly done. Japanese women, on average, react better to well dressed men.

Keep in mind that this is just my opinion from observation and experience. If the guy has model-like looks or rich, then he is less likely to need to worry about fashion as much or can more easily break fashion or even hygiene "rules".

Plain casual is light blue jeans, white sneakers, unpolished boots, t-shirts, etc... That doesn't usually work well on foreigners in Japan, unless you have a clearly lean muscular look. So instead of white sneakers, perhaps go with darker colored shoes. Instead of regular faded Jeans, perhaps very dark blue or black jeans or designer jeans, khaki pants, or slacks. Instead of t-shirts and sweat shirts, something nice looking that fits well on you. Jackets and sweaters should also fit you well. Be VERY careful of the too long, oversized, or bulky look, especially around the middle. Perhaps go for thinner looking and shorter jackets or leather.

Wear clothes with an eye that they are ENHANCING your appearance and not to just throw stuff on cluelessly. Look how the Japanese women, especially in big cities like Tokyo and Osaka, like to dress fashionably. Consequently, they often like guys that are fashion conscious as well.

 

[Kitty Carr]

I don't want to bombard you with or Wwanderer or Meiji with questions, but what is a good style of dress for gaijin in Japan? I have a hard time understanding fashion and trends there.

From a female-brought-up-in-Japan perspective, failing a three-piece suit (gentlemen, invest in one. It's like stockings and suspenders on a woman: it cannot fail.) I like a man in well-fitting (this is important!) jeans and a cool or interesting t shirt with a button-down shirt open over it. My Japanese ex used to wear this like a uniform and it looked great. Avoid sportswear of any kind anywhere but the gym.