Consequences of impregnating a Japanese woman?

[hawaiianhawk]

Short version. In America, their is child support, etc. What about in Japan?

Through my travels, I've met and kept in constant contact with a few attractive, intelligent and independent women on a weekly-monthly basis for the past 3 years or more. All of them could easily find a boyfriend/husband but choose not to do so. We speak about everything going on in each others daily lives and they all know each other.

Recently, one of them has asked me with no warning or prior discussion if I would impregnate her. Her words, not mine. She'd like to have children, but maintain her independence and has a good job where she would be able to do so. When I asked her why me she said I am everything she looks for in a man. And no she is not insane, lol, but she knows I'm married so I would remain as a friend only and not get attached.

I've been a pretty good judge of character all my life, so I feel it's on the up and up, that she is serious and she has no ulterior motives, but just was curious to know if this is a common occurrence in Japanese society and the consequences/repercussions of a foreigner getting a Japanese woman pregnant.

And as I've said before, we are all friends only except for one of them whom I've tapped twice, but she is not the one asking. And thus far, all of them have been trustworthy as the others don't know I've had sex with one of them. In other words, they don't gossip. What is said or done in private remains private.

 

[Frenchy]

Don’t... just.... don’t!

 

[rikkun]

Don’t... just.... don’t!

From experience ?

 

[Frenchy]

From experience ?

no, from the situation he just described

 

[TAG Manager]

Recently, one of them has asked me with no warning or prior discussion if I would impregnate her. Her words, not mine. She'd like to have children, but maintain her independence and has a good job where she would be able to do so.

I don't think she's thinking clearly about this - I'd avoid putting any seed into the pot so-to-speak.

Japan has advanced but single mothers still face a bigger uphill battle here in Japan, different than their western counterparts.

Companies & Society still do not give equal or pleasant treatment to women who get stuck in the single-mom role.
The only thing that I could see helping the situation is if she lived with her parents and had a robust support system to make it work not only for her, but the child she's raising as well.

That all said, the child support system here in Japan is a pale shadow of the strict systems in the west.

 

[rikkun]

Your wife will know eventually.

 

[Acid Burn]

Recently, one of them has asked me with no warning or prior discussion if I would impregnate her. Her words, not mine. She'd like to have children, but maintain her independence and has a good job where she would be able to do so. When I asked her why me she said I am everything she looks for in a man. And no she is not insane, lol, but she knows I'm married so I would remain as a friend only and not get attached.

Do you have kids with your wife? Do you want kids? Maybe she thinks she’ll get you to jump ship to her if you have one with her.

Let’s say it’s all good with her and she’s not crazy or trying to manipulate... will you be sending money to support your kid or will you just be a sperm donor? Will you be involved in the kids life? Will you want to be? If not and 20 years later the kid wants to look for his father, are you ok with them showing up at your doorstep with a ‘hi, I’m your kid!’?

Or if you still stay FWB with the mom, the kid will know you eventually as the mom’s friend, right? Are you just going to be uncle hawk and watch from a distance? Eventually it might be the case where the kid realizes ‘uncle hawk is my dad??!’ Will you be ready for that?

Or, what if something happens to her, 3, or 5, or 10 years down the line, and she can no longer take care of the kid for some reason (loses job, gets sick, changes her mind and doesn’t want a kid anymore after the fact, or just plain even dies). What’re you gonna do? Ignore the situation since it doesn’t matter as your kid is in a foreign country (I somehow doubt you’ll do that though as you seem like a decent guy). Just send money and hope for the best? Explain to your wife, hope she doesn’t divorce you, and then you take your kid in?

Legal issues aside, there’s some other questions to think about with your situation.

 

[Keihan]

Short version. In America, their is child support, etc. What about in Japan?

Through my travels, I've met and kept in constant contact with a few attractive, intelligent and independent women on a weekly-monthly basis for the past 3 years or more. All of them could easily find a boyfriend/husband but choose not to do so. We speak about everything going on in each others daily lives and they all know each other.

Recently, one of them has asked me with no warning or prior discussion if I would impregnate her. Her words, not mine. She'd like to have children, but maintain her independence and has a good job where she would be able to do so. When I asked her why me she said I am everything she looks for in a man. And no she is not insane, lol, but she knows I'm married so I would remain as a friend only and not get attached.

I've been a pretty good judge of character all my life, so I feel it's on the up and up, that she is serious and she has no ulterior motives, but just was curious to know if this is a common occurrence in Japanese society and the consequences/repercussions of a foreigner getting a Japanese woman pregnant.

And as I've said before, we are all friends only except for one of them whom I've tapped twice, but she is not the one asking. And thus far, all of them have been trustworthy as the others don't know I've had sex with one of them. In other words, they don't gossip. What is said or done in private remains private.

Long story short, there is very little legal protocol in Japan for forcing a biological father to pay for anything at all (and absolutely nothing if he's foreign and leaves). But more importantly, that woman is asking you to intentionally make her a pariah for the rest of her life. That alone should be cause for worry and to question her state of mind and motivations.

Being a single mother in Japan is like being a leper in America 200 years ago. It is cause for shame on the entire family and would stain the family's koseki tohon (family registry). No proper Japanese male would ever marry her. No proper Japanese company would ever hire her. And worst of all, that child would be tarnished for life and may face persecution later on academically, socially and professionally.

I've known a number of Japanese girls, a few quite attractive, who either got knocked up by guys who ran off or their husbands left them with the kids. In all cases the families threw money at them and kicked them out. Such women basically have two choices: they can 1) commit suicide, or do what 99.9999999% of Japanese females in this situation do and 2) find a white foreigner to marry them and leave Japan permanently.

"Hawaiianhawk," huh? Can I draw from your name that you are from Hawaii? Because if that's the case, stroll along Waikiki beach, or walk into any private "English Language School" in Waikiki and observe all the 30-something single Japanese girls on J-1 visas with stretch marks on their abdomens and looks of urgency and/or desperation on their faces. Yes, that's why they're there.

Yet another example of Japan's stunted sociological "norms" that gives me very little reason to respect it.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

Not to sound like an asshole but...why not just not impregnate women just so you can enjoy sex without a condom?

Just wear a condom, have her take birth control, have her blow you, become celebate.

There are many options that don't involve unplanned babies.

 

[TAG Manager]

Not to sound like an asshole but...why not just not impregnate women just so you can enjoy sex without a condom?

Just wear a condom, have her take birth control, have her blow you, become celebate.

There are many options that don't involve unplanned babies.

Did you read the original post?

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

Did you read the original post?

Sorry, no. It was a really long wall of text and I judged it based on the distasteful title.

Once again, I apologize for any misunderstanding.

 

[hawaiianhawk]

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies. In order to keep the thread short and on point I left out some details or thoughts that were brought up by all of you. First, yes she would only want me as a sperm donor and would not expect any financial support or commitments on my part. Secondly, as I mentioned she is independent and financially secure as she works for her parents and stands to inherit the families commodities business. Nevertheless, I had read that single mothers are looked down upon in Japan and that was my major concern as she is such a kind hearted soul and I wouldn't want any emotional stress to come her way. This is what I mentioned to her. And last, what are the legal ramifications with concern to the Japanese government. In other words, despite what she may say would government interfere down the road for whatever reason.

As far as what Acid wrote, yes I'm a very decent person. No worries with my wife finding out as all of us have had this discussion together online. Yes my wife is very open minded. I know a lot of people here wish their wives were like mine, lol. My wife's main concerns echoed a lot of Acid's thoughts.

Nevertheless, it's a complex issue which will require more thought. Perhaps a cooling off period so all parties involved can reflect further.

Thanks for all the intel and advice.

 

[Keihan]

Secondly, as I mentioned she is independent and financially secure as she works for her parents and stands to inherit the families commodities business.

I was going to add, if she comes from a filthy rich family then she can afford to be a little more hedonistic and just buck society. Apparently this is the case. That said, it still speaks volumes as to her state of mind. I knew a woman once who was sole heir to her father's private medical practice, and because I have relatives who had similar operations stateside, I wagered an educated guess that the practice brought in at least $5-million USD per year, probably more. That woman was basically going to various eikaiwas and gauging which gaijin teachers she favored--a job interview, if you will--and would offer to pay the ones she liked most to knock her up.

She was basically just fucking crazy and wanted an attractive mixed child to show off to her friends. Japanese are enamored with having impressive or exotic things on them for others to be jealous of: nice Rolex, nice Louis Vuitton bag, nice jewelry, nice shoes...and the really rich ones can buy a pretty blue-eyed baby to carry around in a little bag, just like one of those yappy $2k pocket rat dogs they also go crazy for.

Maybe see if you can score a COMPENSATED donor situation?

 

[Frenchy]

I was going to add, if she comes from a filthy rich family then she can afford to be a little more hedonistic and just buck society. Apparently this is the case. That said, it still speaks volumes as to her state of mind. I knew a woman once who was sole heir to her father's private medical practice, and because I have relatives who had similar operations stateside, I wagered an educated guess that the practice brought in at least $5-million USD per year, probably more. That woman was basically going to various eikaiwas and gauging which gaijin teachers she favored--a job interview, if you will--and would offer to pay the ones she liked most to knock her up.

She was basically just fucking crazy and wanted an attractive mixed child to show off to her friends. Japanese are enamored with having impressive or exotic things on them for others to be jealous of: nice Rolex, nice Louis Vuitton bag, nice jewelry, nice shoes...and the really rich ones can buy a pretty blue-eyed baby to carry around in a little bag, just like one of those yappy $2k pocket rat dogs they also go crazy for.

Maybe see if you can score a COMPENSATED donor situation?

with all due respect I think you exaggerate a bit... if anything I think that Japan has LESS vain/materialistic/showy/blingy people than many other countries , even among the super rich. But of course there are crazies everywhere and its no exception

 

[inaka]

From what I have heard, the primary consequence of impregnation is a baby.. but that aint for like 9 months, so you don't got a worry too much about that.

 

[Keihan]

with all due respect I think you exaggerate a bit... if anything I think that Japan has LESS vain/materialistic/showy/blingy people than many other countries , even among the super rich. But of course there are crazies everywhere and its no exception

I am not a very internationally-traveled person so I'l have to defer to you on this. But I do think the way Japanese are materialistic and showy varies greatly from other cultures. Take the area of L.A. I was in recently. You'll see these spoiled, 21yo Saudi dickheads who obviously come from oil money and have access to millions in liquid cash, driving around in $400k sports cars and wearing $100k watches. That's how those assholes show off, but they obviously have the bankrolls to back it up. But then you see some Japanese tourist bimbo whose poor doctor husband probably slaves away to pull in $150k/year, and she thinks that means she's entitled to blow $30k on Gucci purses and waltz around Beverly Hills taking retarded selfies at pretentious cafes to show off to all her friends when the reality is she couldn't even afford the rent on a 200 square foot studio in that neighborhood.

Back in my old McJob days, it always astounded me to see recent-grad Japanese eikaiwa staffers wearing Rolex Submariners, little shitbags in cheap 10k suits wearing a watch that costs more than they make in three months. Different priorities, perhaps? It's just my experience that Asians--Japanese and Koreans, in particular--love to put on this facade of being fashionable and upper-class when they really can't afford it.

Or maybe I'm just jealous because I still don't have a Rolex Submariner.

 

[Frenchy]

I am not a very internationally-traveled person so I'l have to defer to you on this. But I do think the way Japanese are materialistic and showy varies greatly from other cultures. Take the area of L.A. I was in recently. You'll see these spoiled, 21yo Saudi dickheads who obviously come from oil money and have access to millions in liquid cash, driving around in $400k sports cars and wearing $100k watches. That's how those assholes show off, but they obviously have the bankrolls to back it up. But then you see some Japanese tourist bimbo whose poor doctor husband probably slaves away to pull in $150k/year, and she thinks that means she's entitled to blow $30k on Gucci purses and waltz around Beverly Hills taking retarded selfies at pretentious cafes to show off to all her friends when the reality is she couldn't even afford the rent on a 200 square foot studio in that neighborhood.

Back in my old McJob days, it always astounded me to see recent-grad Japanese eikaiwa staffers wearing Rolex Submariners, little shitbags in cheap 10k suits wearing a watch that costs more than they make in three months. Different priorities, perhaps? It's just my experience that Asians--Japanese and Koreans, in particular--love to put on this facade of being fashionable and upper-class when they really can't afford it.

Or maybe I'm just jealous because I still don't have a Rolex Submariner.

from what I’ve heard about the bubble era (80s/early 90s) in Japan , it was much much worse . Of course they still buy a lot of brand items (and you will have showy/blingy Instasluts in any country anyway) but its more discrete than what it used to be. Crazy Rich Asians (or Trumpian Tackiness) it ain’t , on average

 

[Simonka]

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies. In order to keep the thread short and on point I left out some details or thoughts that were brought up by all of you. First, yes she would only want me as a sperm donor and would not expect any financial support or commitments on my part. Secondly, as I mentioned she is independent and financially secure as she works for her parents and stands to inherit the families commodities business. Nevertheless, I had read that single mothers are looked down upon in Japan and that was my major concern as she is such a kind hearted soul and I wouldn't want any emotional stress to come her way. This is what I mentioned to her. And last, what are the legal ramifications with concern to the Japanese government. In other words, despite what she may say would government interfere down the road for whatever reason.

As far as what Acid wrote, yes I'm a very decent person. No worries with my wife finding out as all of us have had this discussion together online. Yes my wife is very open minded. I know a lot of people here wish their wives were like mine, lol. My wife's main concerns echoed a lot of Acid's thoughts.

Nevertheless, it's a complex issue which will require more thought. Perhaps a cooling off period so all parties involved can reflect further.

Thanks for all the intel and advice.

I would never willingly choose to be a single mum. I have traditional views on family, and I believe babies deserve a loving family, two parents and a support system. Even if parents divorce or fall apart they both should be active participants in the child’s life IMO. Lacking a father figure can have severe effects on mental health.

 

[inaka]

Unfortunately, Japan doesn't do legal joint custody. Typically, one parent gets written out of the children's lives.

 

[Sudsy]

Unfortunately, Japan doesn't do legal joint custody. Typically, one parent gets written out of the children's lives.

Currently under legal review, and fairly likely to change given the signing of the Hague convention.

 

[inaka]

though Japan signed the Hague convention, I don't think they have been following/enforcing it.. Although maybe there was ONE case in JT.

 

[Sudsy]

though Japan signed the Hague convention, I don't think they have been following/enforcing it.. Although maybe there was ONE case in JT.

They actually have - there just haven't been any high profile cases yet. The big issue is finding the abducting spouse - the systems in Japan still allow for someone to effectively vanish here.

 

[Durg50]

Nah. Stay well away from that one. She sounds crazy.

Also, there are some amazing single parents out there who i have a lot of respect for, but why would you intentionally put yourself and more importantly your child in that situation?

Ask some people who grew up never knowing a dad or a mum and ask them if they would rather have had both parents instead of just one.

Tbh this lady sounds like she wants a pet, not a human child.

 

[Keihan]

Tbh this lady sounds like she wants a pet, not a human child.

Spot on. Avoid this woman.

 

[inaka]

They actually have - there just haven't been any high profile cases yet. The big issue is finding the abducting spouse - the systems in Japan still allow for someone to effectively vanish here.

What I know is at least a year old, coming from a woman I dated briefly in Japan and who was in a very complicated issue of this type. I read a bunch of profiles of people embroiled in it, at that time. So complex, I don't know how anyone could untangle a single one. I once talked with a Japanese co-worker who is highly intelligent and very reasonable, and her response was basically "It's because the guys (foreign fathers) are no good." I didn't bring it up after that. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_child_abduction_in_Japan