Escorts And Married Men

[meiji]

I am not saying a mistress won't bring harm, but from what I can see, P4P is very destructive in a way when thinking of fucking outside of marriage.

Why? I honestly don't really see much difference between P4P and a (mythical) "controllable mistress".

Worried about STDs? How many mistresses or sugar babies out there haven't been promiscuous or won't be during the time that they are 'controllable'? There is a provider near my hometown that I regrettably was never able to book, who is supposedly amazing -- she looks a lot like Elizabeth Hurley. Recently she announced that one of her regulars was taking her 'off the market' to be an exclusive sugar baby. The dividing line between P4P and sugar baby/mistress isn't exactly a solid line. I think there's an illusion of control there, because I think most women in that situation will either dump a guy or cheat out of anger, frustration, or boredom.

Worried about potential exposure or emotional attachment? A P4P girl that you see regularly isn't going to be any different than a mistress you see regularly. Except with P4P you might be able to separate yourself, keeping your identity secret, etc. I think it's impossible to have great sex with someone on a regular basis and not have some emotions eventually (from one side or the other), and that's going to be destabilizing on any relationship, especially one where secrecy is a priority. I've personally tried to avoid those sorts of complications by seeking variety in P4P, because getting emotionally attached to some of the Korean goddesses I've spent a few hours with would be big trouble, even if they were up for it.

Sure, P4P is billable by the hour -- a big negative -- but if you can afford a 'controllable' mistress putting together some leisurely time with a girl isn't that big of a deal.

 

[Solong]

Some escorts will not have any dealings with married men at all.

This can possibly be due to Japanese laws, which differ from many Western countries. In Japan, the spouse can sue for money, whoever was cheating with their wife or husband.

Therefore an escort could be fearful of having sex with a man they know is married. However, I've not heard stories of p4p providers being sued (though it may happen), and I think that's because of the random nature of their meeting and usually they don't know each other's true identity.

Often, who gets sued (in Japan) and from what I've seen, is a long term mistress or girlfriend that the wife finds out about. The opposite also happens, where a husband discovers a wife's long time boyfriend/lover. This can be very spiteful and predatory, as the spouse can sue the girlfriend's or boyfriend's FAMILY too. I've seen exactly that happen. However, the money awarded is usually relatively low. Between $15,000 to $40,000 dollars. But maybe how deep a person's pocket is, could be a factor.

Also if it can be proven that the lover knew the husband or wife was married, could be a factor. That is, if the husband or wife lied about being married, then the spouse might not be able to get money. Thus e-mails and phone messages might be looked at, to determine what the lover/boyfriend/girlfriend actually knew. Most people in that situation don't want a court battle, so try to settle.

Clearly, in Japan, it's very important for married people to be discreet and protect the identies of their secret lovers.

The exception being swingers or open-marriages, who wouldn't ordinary be suing each other over such, and in those situations the Japanese judge wouldn't grant damages. Another advantage of such marriages.

 

[hkAlone]

This can possibly be due to Japanese laws, which differ from many Western countries. In Japan, the spouse can sue for money, whoever was cheating with their wife or husband.

Therefore an escort could be fearful of having sex with a man they know is married. However, I've not heard stories of p4p providers being sued (though it may happen), and I think that's because of the random nature of their meeting and usually they don't know each other's true identity.

Often, who gets sued (in Japan) and from what I've seen, is a long term mistress or girlfriend that the wife finds out about. The opposite also happens, where a husband discovers a wife's long time boyfriend/lover. This can be very spiteful and predatory, as the spouse can sue the girlfriend's or boyfriend's FAMILY too. I've seen exactly that happen. However, the money awarded is usually relatively low. Between $15,000 to $40,000 dollars. But maybe how deep a person's pocket is, could be a factor.

Also if it can be proven that the lover knew the husband or wife was married, could be a factor. That is, if the husband or wife lied about being married, then the spouse might not be able to get money. Thus e-mails and phone messages might be looked at, to determine what the lover/boyfriend/girlfriend actually knew. Most people in that situation don't want a court battle, so try to settle.

Clearly, in Japan, it's very important for married people to be discreet and protect the identies of their secret lovers.

The exception being swingers or open-marriages, who wouldn't ordinary be suing each other over such, and in those situations the Japanese judge wouldn't grant damages. Another advantage of such marriages.

The truth is that we are not monogamous. Both men and women. Just finished an excellent book, Sex at dawn, that is developing the theory that monogamy is a recent invention, that came as a bad side effect of agriculture. Basically, humans have been promiscuous for 95 % of their existence on this earth.
Without citing all the excellent argument of the book (DNA proximity with bonobos and chimps which are both promiscuous, perception of multiple fathers in most stone age societies, anatomical details that tend to prove our nature, ...), the book is very convincing of the fact that we are simply not done for monogamy.
So what? Seems like if you have a decent level of testosterone, pure monogamy is not tailor made for you. You have the choice of living in shame (under religious/cultural pressure), becoming serial monogamous (with high cost of living due to many divorce) or choosing an intermediate way, which includes finding a smart and open minded partner and having deep honest conversations about what it takes to be happy in couple with sometimes the need to enjoy a bit of diversity.
I love women, reason why sometimes I can be a bit sad about some posts posted here and there.
They are not monsters. But for sure, the more you know them, the more you realize they are quite far from what you have been told about them, far from the naive image imported from Hollywood. They are insecured little things, in a world where most resources have been appropriated by men. Their sexuality is fascinating. They can be at the same time princesses and sluts. It took me years to love them as such. My love for them has been highly rewarded.

 

[Kitty Carr]

I'm not quite sure about the culture here in Japan, but where I come from most escorts never frown upon clients who are married or in a relationship. As an escort you never know their circumstances and as polyamority is becoming more accepted I think this kind of behaviour exhibited by escorts will diminish. I'm surprised some of your companions have even brought it up, but to me it sounds like those types of predjudiced escorts aren't very skilled at socializing or understanding their clientele.

That's exactly right. My rule of thumb in this business: EVERYONE IS MARRIED. I actually find married men hot (sue me), so it never bothers me, but even if I didn't find it hot and clandestine, it wouldn't be any of my business and far from my place to judge. Escorts who reject married men: you just knocked back 95% of your clientele, girls!

I also completely agree with hkAlone vis-a-vis monogamy being an unnatural state for human beings (I agree less about women being 'insecure little things', but that's another topic).

 

[johnnyboy84]

In some states in the US, instead of suing, a person can get off killing the person they caught with their spouse based on crime of passion laws

 

[Solong]

In some states in the US, instead of suing, a person can get off killing the person they caught with their spouse based on crime of passion laws

True, but courts and juries are far less likely to let people get away with "crimes of passion" these days (and in advanced modern countries). Usually it's more "temporary insanity" defense, where a person might possibly get away with murder, and when they directly caught their partner in the sex act with someone else and particularly in their house.

Even in the U.S., prostitution it's often a very random act. So prostitutes usually have very little to fear from a spouse. Random in terms of who the spouse has chosen or random in terms of where the sex took place, so there is little possibility of the spouse catching the prostitute beforehand. Afterwards is usually pointless, as the prostitute has vanished or would never admit to it.

It usually requires the spouse repeatedly having extramarital sex with the SAME person and becoming loose with securing their personal information (so a jealous spouse finds who it is) or the spouse happens to walk in unexpectedly on them (like in their own bedroom).

Truly the backwards, immature, selfish, and quasi-religious views on monogamy is the problem. 85% to 90% of people are simply NOT made for it and it's unnatural to try to force or intimidate them into it.

Swinging, polyamory, and open-marriages are the way. Otherwise, you continue to have lying, sneaking, hypocrisy (as one partner cheats and demands the other doesn't), and behind the back cheating. It's really ridiculous.

From the perspective of many swingers, the mindset of many conventional couples is blind or immature. The selfishness, jealousy, lying, and cheating isn't love and truly isn't necessary. It's possible for couples to go down a much more honest and enjoyable path.

 

[hkAlone]

That's exactly right. My rule of thumb in this business: EVERYONE IS MARRIED. I actually find married men hot (sue me), so it never bothers me, but even if I didn't find it hot and clandestine, it wouldn't be any of my business and far from my place to judge. Escorts who reject married men: you just knocked back 95% of your clientele, girls!

I also completely agree with hkAlone vis-a-vis monogamy being an unnatural state for human beings (I agree less about women being 'insecure little things', but that's another topic).

Let me elaborate about the "insecure little things". I do feel there is in most cultures the will from males to control women libido by threatening them of rejection from family or a social group.
This fear from males of a fully expressed hedonic behavior coming from women, is almost universal even in modern societies. At least from a vast majority of men. A woman acting as such, will take the risk to be insulted, loathed...
Most guys are becoming nervous when seeing such behaviors.
At the same time, they want the girl but feel the need to diminish her.

This creates a strong pressure on our female partners.

Successful swinger clubs are the one providing the feeling of safety from social rejection. If a woman feels, she won't be judged after kissing another woman or having sex with two guys, because men around are gentlemen with open minded spirit, paying attention to her desires without any pressure, then... then something magical can happen.

Then, it's true, I often see women as "little insecure things" that needs this feeling of safety to show their best side.

 

[Solong]

That's exactly right. My rule of thumb in this business: EVERYONE IS MARRIED. I actually find married men hot (sue me), so it never bothers me, but even if I didn't find it hot and clandestine, it wouldn't be any of my business and far from my place to judge. Escorts who reject married men: you just knocked back 95% of your clientele, girls!

I also completely agree with hkAlone vis-a-vis monogamy being an unnatural state for human beings (I agree less about women being 'insecure little things', but that's another topic).

I would unfortunately have to agree with hkAlone's assessment on too many women being highly insecure about sex and their sexuality. I type "unfortunately" because I find it quite sad and the basis of major relationship and quality of life problems in many societies.

In no way do I absolve men of their contribution to the problem. Particularly those men that fear female sexuality and try to put a lid on it due to their own inadequacies and insecurities. But adult women are often equally responsible, as they internalize or perpetuate very negative or immature views about sex, without critical thinking or being realistic. I often refer to it as the Cinderella complex or almost virgin game.

Too many women get caught into worrying about what everybody else MIGHT be thinking about them or say LIES that they think others want to hear. Even to the point of being highly egotistical or thinking she is always the center of attention of everyone else. Even when she is alone, the negative sexual conditioning is so excessive and massive, that many women can't relax or enjoy sex. Part of the problem of why many women can't orgasm or not in sexual intercourse and NEVER in their entire life learn to. A complete waste.

Many women can't also be honest, even to themselves. A simple question of do you masturbate or get exciting about seeing or thinking about sex, becomes a web of apparent lies told by women.

And it's not just men that push this negativity, but other women. Other women can be viciously throwing around slut labels and trying to shame others. To avoid "slut" labels, many women put on very fake acts or become extremely double-minded and convoluted due to their confusion about sex.

Religion plays a huge role in the problem, but even absent religion or the woman believing in it, very ultra-conservative and very negative views on sex has taken root in many societies or are taught by parents to their daughters.

In swinging circles, this double-minded confused thinking that many women have becomes extremely apparent. You can see that many women are actually much stronger at sex and can enjoy it vastly more than men do. This is a flip of conventional notions about women, which most people never get to see. Most people have never seen female sexual capacity fully unleashed and a woman truly enjoy herself.

 

[johnnyboy84]

That's exactly right. My rule of thumb in this business: EVERYONE IS MARRIED. I actually find married men hot (sue me), so it never bothers me, but even if I didn't find it hot and clandestine, it wouldn't be any of my business and far from my place to judge. Escorts who reject married men: you just knocked back 95% of your clientele, girls!

I also completely agree with hkAlone vis-a-vis monogamy being an unnatural state for human beings (I agree less about women being 'insecure little things', but that's another topic).

I am the exception to your rule (God, I still need to book you Kitty). But I guess making that assumption is for your very own safety. The main reason I participate in punting is that I have no time for a real commitment and I just want that companionship even if it is for an hour. My rule of thumb in this business is: whatever time I spend with a provider, she is my girlfriend and the moments we share with each other is between us. If she has a boyfriend or a husband, it will be me for whatever time I pay for her. The fact that the woman takes her time and my money to be with a lonely bum like me is just the best feeling I can have.

With some girls I find ok, I just treat them like on a first date. If I really like a girl I tend to repeat, I treat her as if she is my wife and sometimes I like to share with girls that I would like to marry them. I am more into passionate sex. As I said, some providers ask me if I am married and I just say no and if I really like her, I like to say they are what I look for in a wife. It is my way on keeping the focus on us though I have only had two providers (one Japanese and one Korean) out of 80 I have been with openly admit to me that they were married. The Korean's husband wasn't aware she was in the business while the Japanese provider I had years ago told me her husband was aware she was in the business.

True, but courts and juries are far less likely to let people get away with "crimes of passion" these days (and in advanced modern countries). Usually it's more "temporary insanity" defense, where a person might possibly get away with murder, and when they directly caught their partner in the sex act with someone else and particularly in their house.

Even in the U.S., prostitution it's often a very random act. So prostitutes usually have very little to fear from a spouse. Random in terms of who the spouse has chosen or random in terms of where the sex took place, so there is little possibility of the spouse catching the prostitute beforehand. Afterwards is usually pointless, as the prostitute has vanished or would never admit to it.

It usually requires the spouse repeatedly having extramarital sex with the SAME person and becoming loose with securing their personal information (so a jealous spouse finds who it is) or the spouse happens to walk in unexpectedly on them (like in their own bedroom).

Truly the backwards, immature, selfish, and quasi-religious views on monogamy is the problem. 85% to 90% of people are simply NOT made for it and it's unnatural to try to force or intimidate them into it.

Swinging, polyamory, and open-marriages are the way. Otherwise, you continue to have lying, sneaking, hypocrisy (as one partner cheats and demands the other doesn't), and behind the back cheating. It's really ridiculous.

From the perspective of many swingers, the mindset of many conventional couples is blind or immature. The selfishness, jealousy, lying, and cheating isn't love and truly isn't necessary. It's possible for couples to go down a much more honest and enjoyable path.

Even though I do see the point that we may not be naturally monogamous, but at the same time, people can get possessive. Human nature works in very fucked up ways.

But I do like the feeling of being committed to just that one girl. I do feel like there is that special person for everybody. I enjoy more than just the passionate sex. I like to watch movies with a girl, make her laugh, go to concerts, eat out, go on trips, and hopefully, raise our own children.

I am sure in Texas, Florida and Arizona, you are likely to get away with killing someone you catch fucking your partner/spouse more easily compared to maybe California.

 

[Kitty Carr]

I am the exception to your rule (God, I still need to book you Kitty).

Yeah you do! Good things come to those who wait: I started pole dancing last year, and I'm not saying I wasn't in good shape before, but am now on the road to being in killer shape.

 

[R.O.B]

I agreed with your approach for the same reasons, Johnnyboy84. I cannot commit (and am in a cold, sexless marriage anyway) but I can't go into even a P4P without feeling they are a girlfriend and that the pleasure(ing) will be and ought to be mutual and it includes talking. I have had a couple that are utterly weirded out by that. Some relax eventually. One recently was over the moon and we will definitely meet again. Talk about click! You never know what a P4P can bring, hey!

 

[hkAlone]

Yeah you do! Good things come to those who wait: I started pole dancing last year, and I'm not saying I wasn't in good shape before, but am now on the road to being in killer shape.

I want to be in the pole position.
Sorry, I couldn't resist...

 

[johnnyboy84]

I agreed with your approach for the same reasons, Johnnyboy84. I cannot commit (and am in a cold, sexless marriage anyway) but I can't go into even a P4P without feeling they are a girlfriend and that the pleasure(ing) will be and ought to be mutual and it includes talking. I have had a couple that are utterly weirded out by that. Some relax eventually. One recently was over the moon and we will definitely meet again. Talk about click! You never know what a P4P can bring, hey!

I have not been in a serious relationships in almost 4 years now and I am 30. I previously dated a co-worker but after that, I made it a personal policy to not date co-workers anymore. I spent most of my twenties punting and I don't know if that is a great thing or a sad thing. But hey, I managed to get 5 AV stars in the process and I was pretty much a nobody in my teenage years other than being a delinquent who got into fights all the time.

But there are certain things that real relationships truly offer. I know there are older guys like me that enjoy it but a part of me has felt I have had my ride and it is time to be with one girl who I can give it all to. I thought I had that but fate or whatever out there broke us apart. We had a very active relationship emotionally and physically and I really thought she would be the one for me. It was the best relationship I ever had and every second of my life felt like "I Can't Stop Loving You" by Van Halen. No girls in p4p can really come close to that emotional aspect though I have reviewed one girl who sort of does but not to the point where "I Can't Stop Loving You" goes through my head in a positive way.

I do see that point that maybe we aren't meant to be monogamous. I do want to believe in true love that can last. I do think it is possible and I think there are relationships that are truly rewarding and I do want to experience that. I do want to get married and I do want to raise a family. I enjoy that I can make the girls I have met on the p4p smile, but at the same time, they are doing a job and I want it to be real between me and the girl I truly love. I do share this with a small number of girls I meet on the scene because some do get interested in that aspect of my life. I know some people are turned off by it, but being "free," I can tell them the truth in that aspect and they like to tell me things like "you deserve a nice girlfriend" or best yet, "if I didn't do this job, I would want someone like you as my boyfriend" or something.

Maybe I wasn't meant for it. Hell, one girl I met on the p4p scene told me I was probably working in the industry as a woman in a previous life for all we know. Which probably explains my fucked up life in this aspect.

Yeah you do! Good things come to those who wait: I started pole dancing last year, and I'm not saying I wasn't in good shape before, but am now on the road to being in killer shape.

I've done martial arts since I was six so I know a lot about self-control and all that. I am in descent shape but I do have conflicting feelings and a sense of wanting for more experience and knowledge which is what my life is all about and what it has brought me to. Getting in shape in body is one thing, but in mind and spirit is another journey I will always walk on.

 

[Aabha Tiwari]

If you have money on your pocket then age don't matter much..

There are lots of independent escorts who don't bother to sleep with older men.

 

[R.O.B]

There are lots of independent escorts who don't bother to sleep with older men.

I think you mean 'are not bothered about sleeping with older men'. As an older man, I certainly hope so!!

 

[DrTeeth]

I can't imagine Japanese women can look down too much on men who "cheat". Lots of married Japanese women lose interest in sex once the kids are born, and they are puzzled by their non-Japanese husbands insistence of continuing to have regular sex after 5-10 years of marriage. As long as you don't set up with another family, they tend not to ask a lot of questions about how you "relieve stress". Lots of housewives cheat on their husbands too. Jokes about the kid looking more like the mailman than Dad comes up a lot in my wife's circle of friends. To me, it's not cheating if your wife wants the house and kids and money, but is no longer interested in intimacy.

 

[R.O.B]

The first part rings bells, Dr. Teeth.

Jokes about the kid looking more like the mailman than Dad comes up a lot in my wife's circle of friends.

… which would make for an interesting DNA analysis if a kid was conceived a few days either side of New Year!
年賀状っ子？

 

[MStingray]

I can't imagine Japanese women can look down too much on men who "cheat". Lots of married Japanese women lose interest in sex once the kids are born, and they are puzzled by their non-Japanese husbands insistence of continuing to have regular sex after 5-10 years of marriage. As long as you don't set up with another family, they tend not to ask a lot of questions about how you "relieve stress". Lots of housewives cheat on their husbands too. Jokes about the kid looking more like the mailman than Dad comes up a lot in my wife's circle of friends. To me, it's not cheating if your wife wants the house and kids and money, but is no longer interested in intimacy.

Or you get ordered to go and cheat just so you'll stop bothering her.

 

[williebadass]

I'm not sure if it is just me or what but I don't think lots of working girls think about this. I mean if they think negatively of clients who are already married then they would lose half of their clientele which would equate to bad business and less income.