Friends With Mutual Benefits But With A Situation, Any Advice
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Solong
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@Ches,
You can't force people to love you. Another point is, do you want "love" or are seeking to get more attention? Many successful men have to focus very heavily on their business, careers, or athletic pursuits. If he is running his own company, part of why he is successful can be the amount of focus he is presently giving it. Yes, there is such a thing of getting excessive and not having a balanced life, but sometimes the effort is temporary or necessary at that time. Consequently, many men in these situations don't want emotionally needy girlfriends, or want limited relationships.
1 person can't or not always be everything you want or need all the time. As a young unmarried woman, you might want to take a step back. If you got a good thing going on, where he is giving you money and you are having a good time, then why ruin it? You do have other options. You can date another guy at the same time, and enjoy more fun or attention, or you can be patient. Him being busy or his thinking about you might change after a while, and he wants a deeper relationship.
You might give it some time (not too long but enough time), and see if things or your feelings are different after 6 months or so. As a young woman, no need to force or rush things, if you don't have to. Especially if you leave the guy, and then be full of regret about it later.
You can't force people to love you. Another point is, do you want "love" or are seeking to get more attention? Many successful men have to focus very heavily on their business, careers, or athletic pursuits. If he is running his own company, part of why he is successful can be the amount of focus he is presently giving it. Yes, there is such a thing of getting excessive and not having a balanced life, but sometimes the effort is temporary or necessary at that time. Consequently, many men in these situations don't want emotionally needy girlfriends, or want limited relationships.
1 person can't or not always be everything you want or need all the time. As a young unmarried woman, you might want to take a step back. If you got a good thing going on, where he is giving you money and you are having a good time, then why ruin it? You do have other options. You can date another guy at the same time, and enjoy more fun or attention, or you can be patient. Him being busy or his thinking about you might change after a while, and he wants a deeper relationship.
You might give it some time (not too long but enough time), and see if things or your feelings are different after 6 months or so. As a young woman, no need to force or rush things, if you don't have to. Especially if you leave the guy, and then be full of regret about it later.
At the end of the day someone spending lots of money on you will consider you to be a sugar baby.
Anyway, to be more positive you might want to go with the flow since it's a good situation. sometimes people fall in love later on.
If it's clear that he is not interested but you still have a crush, you will have to break it off.
Anyway, to be more positive you might want to go with the flow since it's a good situation. sometimes people fall in love later on.
If it's clear that he is not interested but you still have a crush, you will have to break it off.
DJV
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This original Sugar Daddy deal might just prevent him to fall in love.. Especially the cash and the way of booking dates.
Shake this a bit and see how it goes ! You might just introduce a friend in the loop (already aware of your situation) to bend it to a more regular relationship.
Try non-sexual dates.
And don't go too far too soon by exposing your relatives and family if he's still a Sugar Daddy.
Shake this a bit and see how it goes ! You might just introduce a friend in the loop (already aware of your situation) to bend it to a more regular relationship.
Try non-sexual dates.
And don't go too far too soon by exposing your relatives and family if he's still a Sugar Daddy.
Wwanderer
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There's not single right or ideal way to deal with something this complicated, and most of the advice above *could* be good/right. I tend to like the notion of giving it some time; feelings can change and grow, especially if he is "on the bounce" from a previous relationship, and sex tends to gradually break down barriers, build trust and promote affection even if it starts as a purely commercial transaction. However, that approach has its dangers too; it may make the pain worse, much much worse, if your love for him grows stronger and his for you never appears...
But if you'd rather rock the boat and try to resolve the situation sooner than "the waiting game" allows:
One thought not mentioned above is that you might consider having a super-honest, direct and clear conversation with him. That's probably what I would do in a similar situation. That good relationships require good communications is a cliché for a reason, and imo, it is much more true still for unconventional relationships in which you cannot rely on cultural patterns and "scripts" to let you guess what the other person is thinking and feeling. It is even possible that he is torturing himself trying to guess how you feel about him and how to move your relationship to a new form.
Another radical option would be to refuse to accept any more of his money and tell him you enjoy spending time with him too much to charge him for it. One a small number of (very important) occasions, an SB has done something like that to/with/for me. It certainly changed things dramatically in every case.
-Ww
But if you'd rather rock the boat and try to resolve the situation sooner than "the waiting game" allows:
One thought not mentioned above is that you might consider having a super-honest, direct and clear conversation with him. That's probably what I would do in a similar situation. That good relationships require good communications is a cliché for a reason, and imo, it is much more true still for unconventional relationships in which you cannot rely on cultural patterns and "scripts" to let you guess what the other person is thinking and feeling. It is even possible that he is torturing himself trying to guess how you feel about him and how to move your relationship to a new form.
Another radical option would be to refuse to accept any more of his money and tell him you enjoy spending time with him too much to charge him for it. One a small number of (very important) occasions, an SB has done something like that to/with/for me. It certainly changed things dramatically in every case.
-Ww
John Chavers
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and a girlfriend(s) is more like it
just4fun
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-Ww[/QUOTE]
Another radical option would be to refuse to accept any more of his money and tell him you enjoy spending time with him too much to charge him for it. One a small number of (very important) occasions, an SB has done something like that to/with/for me. It certainly changed things dramatically in every case.
This is a very interesting train of thought........sort of like my situation now......
Another radical option would be to refuse to accept any more of his money and tell him you enjoy spending time with him too much to charge him for it. One a small number of (very important) occasions, an SB has done something like that to/with/for me. It certainly changed things dramatically in every case.
This is a very interesting train of thought........sort of like my situation now......
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Wwanderer
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Yes, it sends a VERY clear message that you are not being motivated by the money but by real affection and feelings. Of course, he might or might not be happy with that information. He might become of afraid of hurting you emotionally (which he is of course, though maybe not intentionally) and end the relationship...or he might continue and see you in a different way. It would be a gamble.
-Ww
Wwanderer
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Yes, precisely so...and "interesting" hardly does it justice, ne? The stakes go way up when money is no longer involved, but I'm not telling you anything you don't know at least as well as I do.
-Ww
just4fun
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Wwanderer
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Yes, please keep us posted.
And, if you are interested at all and have the time, please participate in some of the discussions. TAG is full of interesting material, but it would be A LOT more interesting if there were more women's voices in the conversations, imo. And the way the forums are organized, it is easy to read only those topics that interest you.
-Ww
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Yes, don't be shy... other girls may come along in similar situations that need raw advice.
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Sure, I would definitely do that. I would love to express my opinion on other matters too, if there's a chance it would help. Thank you so much again.
RandomTokyoGuy
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@Ches
People are different and some people may like to show of their wealth and enjoy it being appreciated, but generally speaking the question if you only or mainly are interested in him because of the money and niceties he offers may cross his mind. Unless he wants to regard your relationship as a business, that would certainly be an obstacle in moving forward.
Whether or not he would actually be interested is obviously something none of us can judge.
I don't think it is a bad quality to tie sex to emotional involvement so I wouldn't second the notion to look at it as a business (unless that's something you want to do). But moving forward you will run into a risk that he terminates your arrangement, so you would be better of to not be economically completely dependant.
Btw, I don't know how your relationship works, but you could just start by sometimes buying / paying something for him. Can be small things... get the ice-cream in summer, get tickets for a show or if you go shopping and you see a nice necktie etc., buy it for him...
Just subtly break the pattern that he is always paying and give something back.
People are different and some people may like to show of their wealth and enjoy it being appreciated, but generally speaking the question if you only or mainly are interested in him because of the money and niceties he offers may cross his mind. Unless he wants to regard your relationship as a business, that would certainly be an obstacle in moving forward.
Whether or not he would actually be interested is obviously something none of us can judge.
I don't think it is a bad quality to tie sex to emotional involvement so I wouldn't second the notion to look at it as a business (unless that's something you want to do). But moving forward you will run into a risk that he terminates your arrangement, so you would be better of to not be economically completely dependant.
Btw, I don't know how your relationship works, but you could just start by sometimes buying / paying something for him. Can be small things... get the ice-cream in summer, get tickets for a show or if you go shopping and you see a nice necktie etc., buy it for him...
Just subtly break the pattern that he is always paying and give something back.
Solong
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I've made such sugarbaby arrangements before, for the partial purpose of controlling excessively "sticky", drama filled, or emotionally needy type relationships. In other words, to get specifically what I wanted out of relationship, without those parts I didn't want.
What would be the case, is certain women wanted to move in with me or stay at my place all the time, but I had other things I needed or wanted to do. Such women would cause time conflicts. And if they didn't get their way, tended to start games and drama with me. "Do you love me?" "Are you just using me for sex?" "My ex-boyfriend called me and wants me back, what do you think?"
When I was younger, I couldn't be so stern or strict about regulating such relationships. So for a time, I thought the solution was giving them money.
As the presently unfortunate Charlie Sheen once said, "I don't pay prostitutes for sex, I pay them to go away afterwards."
This can be a kind of time management issue. I'm wondering if this is such a case, with the guy in question. He is giving her money, as a way to placate her or as a concession for restricting time, to manage his time, and control the type of relationship it is. He might actually have very strong feelings for her, but doesn't want any drama or excessive demands on him emotionally, for his time, or for attention.
Subtracting money, still means he could have a time management problem. It requires that he and her have some deep conversations, where she understands to give him some space, without being emotionally hurt about it or instigating drama.
DJV
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A few questions @Ches if you allow me : do you know if he has other relationships, and are you/would you be ok with that ?
Do you want/need to know any of this ?
What about you having or not other relationships ?
(I saw on this forum a thread from you looking for a SD, maybe it's part of the answer)
Do you want/need to know any of this ?
What about you having or not other relationships ?
(I saw on this forum a thread from you looking for a SD, maybe it's part of the answer)
DJV
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Your games/drama threshold is quite low !! I will read your posts differently as now, and I'm curious about your definition of JGirls being sneaky
I would say that men here are generally not interested in long term exclusive relationships.
Thanks for telling, now you need to burst some bubble somehow, if you stay with him you have to know what kind of relationships he has.
You can control the guy even if you're younger !
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Solong
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Your games/drama threshold is quite low !! I will read your posts differently as now, and I'm curious about your definition of JGirls being sneaky
I'm just not the type of guy that likes too much emotional drama, arguments, and games. I don't mind a woman of strong emotions, but not one into playing all sorts of games. I tend to cut such women off completely, or limit my interaction with them. Some women know that guys will cut them off or fear they will, because he has options (looks, popularity, money, etc...). Some women might adopt a strategy of hiding or suppressing how she truly is initially. But then the hot mix of emotions and/or drama comes boiling to the surface at some point, and the games begin.
It's my opinion that it's ultimately better to put out how you are and what you want on the table through deep conversations, and early on in the relationship. You tend to reach a better understanding and things might work out better, or at least you are clear it can't. Hiding, sneakiness, suppression, alternative agendas, etc... They tend to do more damage, than any good.