Good Adult Jokes

[Majestyk]

OMG. This photo makes me crave for some pizza.

 

[MikeH]

OMG. This photo makes me crave for some pizza.

Why pizza? I just became very thirsty all the sudden.

 

[MikeH]

My ex-girlfriend just called me and told she wants us to get back together.

This really is my lucky day. First I won sixty millions in a lottery and now this!

 

[Majestyk]

Some makeup, fancy dress, creative lighting and plenty of alcohol for the customers, she may even look like an 11. No problem.

 

[Majestyk]

Now that should help stabilise a guy’s blood pressure.

 

[Majestyk]

What’s up, doc?

So I accompanied my uncle Bob to the newly opened clinic near his flat the other day. We found out that the resident doctor is a drop-dead gorgeous brunette.

At the consultation, uncle Bob told her that he felt quite embarrassed being examined by such a lovely physician.

“Don’t worry, I’m a professional,” she said. “I’ve seen it all before.”

Uncle Bob smiled and heaved a sigh of relief from her assurance.

“Now, just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out,” the doctor said.

“Here’s the thing, doc,” uncle Bob said. “My wife thinks my dick tastes funny.”

 

[shadowboxer]

What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls?

A white Christmas!

 

[Majestyk]

 

[shadowboxer]

View attachment 16997

 

[Majestyk]

They say coconut water is the natural sports drink, which can instantly boost your energy.

It’s easy on the stomach and low in calories — about 45 to 60 calories in an 8-ounce serving.

Sure could use a drink right now.

 

[Majestyk]

Uh-oh …

 

[Majestyk]

In case you’re having a shitty day, just remember that at least you didn’t go live on the BBC with your dildo on the bookcase.

 

[just4fun]

 

[shadowboxer]

In case you’re having a shitty day, just remember that at least you didn’t go live on the BBC with your dildo on the bookcase.

View attachment 17016

Mme Bettencourt, veuillez expliquer.
[Mrs. Bettencourt, please explain.]

 

[Frenchy]

Mme Bettencourt, veuillez expliquer.
[Mrs. Bettencourt, please explain.]

pretty sure it’s just “art”, some kind of very expensive sculpture for a very rich woman…

 

[shadowboxer]

pretty sure it’s just “art”, some kind of very expensive sculpture for a very rich woman…

Sure. But it’s another question whether you’ll let yourself be photographed with this “sculpture” for an article.

 

[Majestyk]

Always carefully check the path of your putting stroke.

 

[Majestyk]

Saw this on my timeline.

In-your-face provocative. IME, very few wines with crazy labels actually taste splendid. Still, I’m sure there’ll be punters to try this out. Cheers!

 

[Majestyk]

Now that’s a good drop of Syrah from British Columbia, Canada. Full-bodied, elegant, food-friendly and sip-sational.

 

[Majestyk]

 

[MikeH]

I asked my mate from New Zealand how many girls he has had sex with. He started to count but then he fell to sleep.

 

[Majestyk]

Seems legit.

 

[Majestyk]

An oldie

 

[Majestyk]

I guess she’s ready for Halloween.

 

[MikeH]

I guess she’s ready for Halloween.

To be honest that would make me seriously consider if it is worth the risk.