Heaven And Hell

[injp]

I want share my story to get any advice, similar stories, or just entertain you.

Last year about this time I was checking out Happymail and I get a message from a girl who said she wanted to learn English from me. From my past experience, Happymail is mostly scammers or girls who wanted to get paid. But she was genuine and we arranged a meeting at a bar near her station.

When I met her I was pleasantly surprised. She was 28 and I was 39. She was super cute, tiny body, stylish in a punk kind of way and had a very friendly, funny personality. We spoke in a mix of broken English and Japanese and were able to keep the conversation going for several hours until I had to get the last train. I learned we are both married and have similar age kids. We said goodbye and she sent me a mail saying we can be "more than friends"

We setup another date for karaoke in the day time. After a while I went for a kiss and she was totally into it. She grabbed my hand and started licking and sucking on it. I have never seen that before Then we went to a hotel. She was a total sex kitten. She had this crazy sexual energy I had never seen before like she was in a trance sometime. She mentioned that her marriage has been sexless for 5 years and it was 4 months since she had sex the last time. After a few hours she went off to pick her kid up from school. I kept thinking, I love Japan

We setup a date for 2 weeks later. In the mean time she was sending me naked pictures of her self and telling me how horny she is. This was also a first time for me and I became totally obsessed with her and thought about her 24 hours a day. I met her for our date at the station but i could tell something was wrong. She had this pissed off look and wouldn't talk to me. When we got to the hotel she starting screaming that she wasn't a prostitute and she’s not a sex slave, while she is taking off her clothes. Then she starts sucking my dick while telling me she doesn't like me. This was also a first for me Then she gets dressed and tells me she didn't have a good time and maybe doesn't want to see me anymore.

I later convince her to see me again. But if we meet she wants to hang out all day not just for a few hours. So I take the day off work and we go to a cafe and have lunch and we are having fun again. Then we go to a hotel and she starts complaining that I am not aggressive enough to her. She says she is M and her old boyfriend would tie her up. She says if I treat her like my wife she does not want to have sex with me. At this point I get nervous and get performance anxiety and can't get hard enough to fuck her. This makes her more upset. Finally she give me a blow job and I after I cum in her mouth her mood improves and she wants to see me again. I apologize for my ED (this was also a first for me) and we agree to another date.

We have another all day date and I am really hoping I don't have ED later. We end up going to a hotel but on the way she is whispering under her breath that she is not a prostitute. We get to the hotel and she says she doesn't want to have sex with me anymore, but I am her special boyfriend and much better than her last boyfriend who she just used for sex. This comment pissed me off, which I guess she liked because then she rips off her clothes and says she is going to give me an ED test and she just lays on the bed and doesn't move. But at the same time she is totally turned on because her nipples are harder and her pussy is wetter then I had ever seen. But because I am pissed off and she is just laying there I have ED again Now she goes crazy and is crying because I think she is dirty and ugly (she thinks). On the way out of the hotel she gets in a big fight with the old lady working at the hotel. I have never seen anyone this raging and pissed off. She finally gets in a cab by herself and she just stares at me with this look of pure hate as she drives away. A few minutes later she texts me "Sayonara"...

This was just the first months of our relationship that lasted over a year. I thought I would be able to get through the first year of the story tonight but I am too long winded, even though I am leaving out so many things.

If anyone wants to hear the rest of the story or has ever had a similar experience let me know.

 

[R.O.B]

OF COURSE we want to hear the rest. And at least we know that she eventually did not push you in front of an incoming train (while ripping her clothes off!!).

 

[k1234k]

Seeing as you are still alive to tell the tale, I assume that counts for a happy ending of sorts.

 

[Desktop]

Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder. Here most ladies don't get treated for these mental problems. Imagine what it's like for her husband because generally what they say is completely different from the truth.

 

[injp]

Yes, exactly! I will post the rest of the story soon...

 

[trueplaya]

i like this story. keep going. bipolar sounds like a distinct possibility. if you feel she's become too erratic, best to cut your losses.

 

[injp]

Continued from http://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/heaven-and-hell-part-1.8311/

After texting me "Sayonara" I texted back that I was sorry and still wanted to see her again.

A few hours later she texts me back that that she is crying, and scared, and hopeless and she wants me to send her kind/yasashi messages. Then she tells me that she is cutting herself. This was also a first time for me I notices that she had scars up and down her arms and on her legs, but I kind of ignored it and never asked her about. I tell her to stop it and I want to see her again. And she eventually calms down and goes to bed.

That night I am totally stressed out and can't sleep all night. The next day she says she wants to call me at work. We have never talked on the phone before so its a suprise. She calls me and she sounds totally normal. She says that she is sorry. Then she says that she loves me and she wants to see me again.

When I meet her she give me a hug and holds me for a long time. Then she whispers that there is something she wants to tell me. That she is bipolar, and she takes medication, and she has been hospitalized and she can't control how she acts sometimes. And she cheats and has sex because it is a kind of escapism from her depression. But she said her depression was better since she met me so she wants to keep seeing me.

I have eventually realized that our relationship is not like a normal relationship. She does not see me because she "likes" me in the usual sense. The relationship is just a way to manage her bipolar depression. She can also have sex with people she hates as long as it distracts her mind. But if the person is her friend the relationship can last longer and is healthier for her.

But I really do like her. She is my best friend in Japan. She is super funny, and kind, and has a totally unique perspective on everything. We also share a common interest in obscure/independent film. I have never met anyone else who has the same tastes as me in the US or Japan. And she has taught me about many underground Japanese subcultures, art, music, etc. We have mailed eachother many times everyday since before we met and and always good morning and good night to eachother.

But I also want to have sex with her. Not only is she the most sexy and erotic person I have ever met, but now I have a challenge to overcome my ED. So I research various causes of ED and it seems that I have classic performance anxiety. Because I like her and worry about what she thinks to much, I can't perform, and then I get even more nervous. I may also have porn induced ED so I stop watching porn and go on no fap and do not masturbate in between our dates.

We keep seeing eachother for several months and my ED gets better. But the sex is not the same as before. She often seems bored no matter what I do. And she has become very passive, she only wants to do missionary position. One day she just lies there with a dead expression on her face, and opens her legs and tells me to fuck her. But she will not kiss me or do anything to help me get horny. I get ED again but this time she does not get pissed off, she seems kind of satisfied with herself.

But enough is enough. I decide I am going to get some Viagra or Cialis. I find a clinic in Shibuya that will sell Cialis without a prescription. I wanted to practice and see what would happen before I met her. I bought a 20 Mg and I cut it half and called http://www.genkai-lovers.com/, which is my favorite cheapest place where I can do full service.

For those who have never tried, Cialis/Viagra is a really weird experience. I took toke the Cialis and I didn't feel anything happen. I did not feel horny. But when I got in the shower with the girl my dick got rock hard. I could see all these little veins in the skin and also on the side of my nose. I had kind of a headache and a runny nose. But my dick was harder and bigger than usual. I had no problem with ED and I was able to fuck her very hard for a longtime. The girl told me that she had never been fucked that hard and deep before, and I kind of believe her because I never heard that particular lie before.

I went to http://www.genkai-lovers.com/ a few more times and experimented with my dose and found 5mg of Cialis was enough. I also tried Viagra once but did not like it--it messed with my head more than Cialis.

Finally was ready to see try it with my ladyfriend. I took it before lunch and started feeling kind of sick. When it was time to have sex I became nervous again and the Cialis did not work Basically it only works if you are already horny, but if your mind is not into it doesn't work as good. After we kiss for a while and relax I get hard and we are able to have sex, but it is not super amazing. But over the few months I increased my confidence and the Cialis has been working great. I don't need to take it every time, but it makes me last longer so I usually take it.

For the next few months our relationship is getting better. We see eachother a few times a month and we have fun, walking hand in hand down the street. She has not had any meltdowns and has not cut herself, but she sends me a lot of stressed out emails. Sometimes out of the blue she emails me how much she misses her old boyfriend, or she can't breath, or she wants to kill herself, or her favorite is to just say sayonara, which is my cure to tell her how much I like her and I don't want to say sayonara.

But I can tell she is not a well person. Sometimes she has anxiety attacks in the middle of the street where she is gasping for air and I have to help her relax. Sometimes she gets paranoid that strangers are talking about her and following her. Sometimes she yells at the staff of restaurants if she thinks they are rude to here or sometimes yells at random people on the street if they bump into her something. Winter is starting and she warns me that her depression is worse in the winter. I also believe she has borderline personality disorder, but I do not ask her about that because I don't want to offend her. Sometimes I feel bad that maybe I am taking advantage of a sick person for sex. But I really do like her as a friend too and I want to take care of her and make her happy. And I know that if she was not with me she would find someone else, who may not treat her as well.

One thing I read about bipolar people is that sometimes when they don't care about sex but sometimes they go through hypersexual phases where they are super horny. As winter approaches she is getting into a horny phase again. She is back to her old sexy self and she wants to have sex all the time, several times a week. And she will meet me for a few hours just to have sex, which she never wanted to do before.

We are approaching the 1 year anniversary of our relationship, which we are both very excited about, but I fear that things are going too good to be true. And the good times won't last for long...

To be continued...

 

[injp]

I just posted part 2 http://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/heaven-and-hell-part-2.8330/

 

[Wwanderer]

You are going to need to be extremely strong (emotionally), clear thinking, patient and perhaps just plain lucky to make this work and to help her. I imagine you are aware that there is a chance of her harming you (in various senses) as well as a chance of you helping her.

I wish you both well.

-Ww

 

[Desktop]

After going through this with two Japanese women who were bipolar I would cut contacts.
Trying to help her might bite you because when she gets to the point of I'm going to destroy his life, that also helps them concentrate. This is not speculation & one of the reasons I choose P4P right now.

 

[John Chavers]

This is not speculation & one of the reasons I choose P4P right now.

I've had the same experience as Desktop. My nutjob would skip both breakfast and lunch as a dieting technique, which played hell with her emotions.

 

[injp]

Continued from http://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/heaven-and-hell-part-2.8330/

Now its winter and my friend’s condition is getting worse. When I wake up some mornings I see that she has sent me many emails throughout the night. Breaking up with me and then, and then getting back together, and then breaking up with me again. She constantly checks if I am mad at her or if I want to break up with her. And she says how hopeless she is and wants to die.

Now it’s the 1 year anniversary since we met so I take her to her favorite restaurant. On the train I can tell she is not well. At the restaurant she starts crying and tells me that she is going to leave her husband and go on welfare/government assistance. (I tell her this is a terrible idea.) She also says she is jealous of my life and I am too happy, so she wants to break up with me. She seems serious this time for a few hours, but she eventually calms down and then says she wants to go to a hotel.

When we get to the hotel she says she wants to tell me something, and then after she tells me, I will finally break up with her. She tells me that she is a prostitute. And she used to meet guys on dating sites and have sex for money and she met dozens of guys—but she says she hasn’t done it since she met me. The only reason she told me this is to get some kind of response from me and hurt me, but for some reason this story doesn’t bother me and I don’t break up with her.

A few days later she emails me at night that she needs money and if nobody helps her she is going to sell her body again. I say I don’t want to give her money. Then she says she is going to kill herself and starts emailing me pictures of all her pills. And then another picture of all the pills in her hand and she threatens to swallow them all. I am panicking but I try to calm her down. The she said that she is finally going to kill herself and hang herself and she has a rope. If this was a normal friend then I would go to their house or call the police to save her, but I can’t do that so I try to calm her down by email. It’s the middle of the night and now she says she wants to call me, which we rarely do. But I have to help her, I go to the bathroom and call her while my wife is sleeping in the other room. I hate doing this but people with bipolar and/or borderline disorder really have a high rate of suicide so I can’t ignore her.

Finally at around 2:00 AM I agree to see her in a few days and she calms down and goes to sleep.

The next day she acts like nothing happened, but I am totally tired and stressed out. I decide I can’t keep seeing her if she is going to make me this stressed out. But that night she is doing it again saying she is going to kill herself and/or sell her body if nobody helps her. I tell her that I don’t want to ignore her but I have to go to bed.

About 10 minutes later she mails me a picture of her freshly cut up wrist with a bloody razor blade in the background with the message “Do you love me?”…

This is the moment when I had the idea to post the story here because I had nobody else to talk to. The story is not quite over yet, but this was the most intense part.

Thank you everyone for sending your thoughtful words and messages. I will get to the end of the story soon.

 

[injp]

@Wwanderer: Yes you are right that I need to be strong. Many times I thought I was not strong enough be with her and I thought I would have to break up with her. But I can tell I have gotten stronger and less stressed out by what she does over time.

@Desktop: You totally know what I went through. And I know what you mean about her wanting to hurt me or destroy my life, out of jealousy. I will talk a little about that in my next post (part 4). But I was also addicted to her and took the risk. Did you also find yourself drawn to bipolar woman more than usual?

@John Chavers: My lady also said she did not eat lunch or breakfast on many days. She lost a lot of weight in the time I knew her and weighed less than 40 kg. But in her case I thought that weight loss/loss of appetite was a symptom of her mental condition, not the cause.

I posted the next part of the story at http://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/heaven-and-hell-part-3.8332/.

 

[Desktop]

You might want to combine these threads. It's not cool to keep making new threads for one story.

I didn't know what Bipolar/BSD was until the second one & I'm sure to never have one in my life ever again.

 

[trueplaya]

oh dear. this is much more serious than i thought. freud would love this as a case study, but i am afraid you are in way over your head.
i do not know how this ends, but i hope you have managed to get away from this woman.
you should not feel guilty, because you are not qualified to help her. she needs serious psychiatric care.
this came up in another conversation, but if you ever see signs of self-mutilation then stay away.

 

[Desktop]

Please keep things in one thread.
Also realize the stress, sleep deprivation can cause you to commit suicide also. You are wondering what you can do better, or what you are doing wrong.
The answer is nothing, she's crazy. It's up to you if you want to deal with it. I had to move because of mine.

 

[injp]

OK I will keep adding to the latest thread next time. I thought it would be more annoying to post such a long story in one thread.

 

[Solong]

Japan must have a bunch of bi-polar Japanese, because I've known a number of women here to act in similar ways.

My personal opinion is that you can be heading to driving off a cliff with her. Probably better if you talk to other women or just eject now while you have the chance. Totally understand that this might be extremely and emotionally difficult for you, but you should strongly consider it. If she gets pregnant, lord help you.

 

[Solong]

Continued from http://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/heaven-and-hell-part-2.8330/

Now its winter and my friend’s condition is getting worse. When I wake up some mornings I see that she has sent me many emails throughout the night. Breaking up with me and then, and then getting back together, and then breaking up with me again. She constantly checks if I am mad at her or if I want to break up with her. And she says how hopeless she is and wants to die.

Now it’s the 1 year anniversary since we met so I take her to her favorite restaurant. On the train I can tell she is not well. At the restaurant she starts crying and tells me that she is going to leave her husband and go on welfare/government assistance. (I tell her this is a terrible idea.) She also says she is jealous of my life and I am too happy, so she wants to break up with me. She seems serious this time for a few hours, but she eventually calms down and then says she wants to go to a hotel.

When we get to the hotel she says she wants to tell me something, and then after she tells me, I will finally break up with her. She tells me that she is a prostitute. And she used to meet guys on dating sites and have sex for money and she met dozens of guys—but she says she hasn’t done it since she met me. The only reason she told me this is to get some kind of response from me and hurt me, but for some reason this story doesn’t bother me and I don’t break up with her.

A few days later she emails me at night that she needs money and if nobody helps her she is going to sell her body again. I say I don’t want to give her money. Then she says she is going to kill herself and starts emailing me pictures of all her pills. And then another picture of all the pills in her hand and she threatens to swallow them all. I am panicking but I try to calm her down. The she said that she is finally going to kill herself and hang herself and she has a rope. If this was a normal friend then I would go to their house or call the police to save her, but I can’t do that so I try to calm her down by email. It’s the middle of the night and now she says she wants to call me, which we rarely do. But I have to help her, I go to the bathroom and call her while my wife is sleeping in the other room. I hate doing this but people with bipolar and/or borderline disorder really have a high rate of suicide so I can’t ignore her.

Finally at around 2:00 AM I agree to see her in a few days and she calms down and goes to sleep.

The next day she acts like nothing happened, but I am totally tired and stressed out. I decide I can’t keep seeing her if she is going to make me this stressed out. But that night she is doing it again saying she is going to kill herself and/or sell her body if nobody helps her. I tell her that I don’t want to ignore her but I have to go to bed.

About 10 minutes later she mails me a picture of her freshly cut up wrist with a bloody razor blade in the background with the message “Do you love me?”…

This is the moment when I had the idea to post the story here because I had nobody else to talk to. The story is not quite over yet, but this was the most intense part.

Thank you everyone for sending your thoughtful words and messages. I will get to the end of the story soon.

You need to EJECT yourself out of that relationship. It appears you have allowed your sexual needs to pull you in unnecessarily. And now there's a tangled emotional mess that's she is exploiting, playing with, and MANIPULATING you with.

There are other women, who are mentally stable. You don't need to put yourself in such a bad position for sex. There are so many other women and ways.

You need to protect yourself and your wife. That mentally disturbed woman is accountable for her own actions and you can't change her genetic destiny. Be it cancer, bi-polar, or a heart attack. She needs professional medical help beyond your ability to provide. And her trying to blackmail you for money, speaks to her character and nature.

 

[injp]

OK I'm going to jump to the end of my story.

I tell her that she really needs to go do a hospital/doctor because she is not well. Also I tell her that if she keeps stressing me out I have to break up with her.

Eventually she goes to the doctor and gets some new medication and she has been doing much better for the past month. She does not mail me after 10:00 anymore and we have had a few good dates again. (It also turns out the hanging story was a lie and the cuts on her wrist were not as bad as they looked.)

She told me that want she really wanted the money for was to go on a trip to another country. I agree to take her on a trip and we are going to a country in south asia together for a few days next month. She is on good behavior because she doesn't want me to break up with her before the trip. But I worry about what will happen after.

Anyway, I haven`t broken up with her yet, but I am less emotionally attached to her and will be able to break up with her if she causes me any real trouble.

Solong, you are totally right. And I wish I saw the signs sooner.

But I have also learned a lot about mental illness through this experience and I don't want to say that you should run away from people just because they have a mental illness. She is also funnier, nicer, and more genuine, interesting and on most days nicer to me that anyone else I have ever known. Also I may have helped her a little because she finally admitted she needs more help and got some new medication.

So I continue my heaven and hell relationship...

 

[Wwanderer]

I tend to agree with @Solong about what you should do, not because I think one should always avoid involvement/contact with mentally ill people nor because I think one necessarily needs to be medically qualified to be a positive influence in such a person's life.

Rather it appears to me that your interactions with this woman are mostly or entirely simply *reactions* to her mental and emotional state at that moment. You are treating her like a normal gf when she is in a relatively normal/good state and like a deranged person when she is not. Imo, you need to be more in control, more proactive, more deliberate etc for there to be much hope of good outcomes.

Obviously my information is limited to what you have posted and maybe I am badly misreading the situation, but fwiiw, that is how it sounds to me.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

Japan must have a bunch of bi-polar Japanese, because I've known a number of women here to act in similar ways.

Me too...

I strongly suspect that the population of bipolar women (and men) is no different than in the West but that far more of them are not properly medicated due to even greater stigmatization of mental and emotional illnesses. Talk about things one would like to change about Japan...

-Ww

 

[NormalGuy]

I think you should bail as well. While I agree that it's not the best for her in the short term, in the long term she needs to get herself sorted out and get the right level of focus from people to do this.

Whilst you are in a relationship, then all the deceit that accompanies this mean that you can't provide emotionally for her when she needs it. If she needs someone to rant or rave at, it's all based on you being away from your other half, which isn't really going to help her along. In the end, I think this relationship will have a destructive influence on your life, and may even blow up and involve your other half (and heaven forbid she sees your other half as a threat).

I wouldn't be telling you to bail if you were single, as you may be able to help her through this and she sounds like a wonderful woman when her head is OK, but she should be receiving love and attention from the main man in her life not someone who can't be there when she needs them. Mental illness is something that should be treated by professionals, with a good support structure in place outside of the healthcare system. She should be getting help from friends and family, and at the moment you sounds like a part time crutch.

 

[k1234k]

She is mentally ill by any definition, and if you are in for a penny, you're in for a pound, like it or not.

Unless you are willing to be there and 100% supportive during the moments of insanity,(now and the future), you probably shouldn't be there at all, I think. This isn't a so-called 'normal' person who will react to any future breakup like a normal person would.

The deeper you get, the bloodier the exit. Please exercise caution.

 

[Desktop]

If I remember you are married. Would you recommend to any of your friends a mistress with the personality of a female devil at times?
We don't know you personally but any man that has gone through it with a Japanese bipolar woman will tell you exactly the same thing.
If I was in a relationship anything on the side should be stressfree.