How did you come to terms with participating in P4P?

[jblue]

So I’m in Tokyo a few days (a little over a week) for vacation. It’s become something of a thing for me - having lived here for an extended period in the past, visits are nice (I suspect moreso than for the average tourist). This time I’ve found myself unusually obsessed with the idea of getting some action, and being faced with the reality that I just don’t have the saavy nor the Japanese skill needed to reliably pull from the night life scene in such a short time span, I’m faced with turning to P4P (likely escort or soapland, maaaybe oppai bar but the blue balls aspect seems lame).

I do not judge anyone for partaking and try not to attach morality to P4P, but unfortunately many people don’t think the same way, meaning that once you’ve taken that path, you’re carrying a “secret” of sorts and depending on who catches wind, there may be very real social consequences to be paid.

As such, I’m very close to pulling the trigger, and despite being single (and in theory have no reason to worry) concerns echo through my mind. Probably the chief one is, “What will people back home think of me if they find out?”. I worry most about close (and important) female friends - they’re amazing, bright people who I want in my life, but I don’t know where they stand on this issue and I could see things easily souring if my actions come to light, particularly with the recent rise in social consciousness in the US. And then there’s the whole emotional quagmire of what it means about myself that I went through with all of this, not to mention the judgement that would surely be rained down if my Bible Belt family members somehow found out…

Has anybody else been through a similar ordeal? How did you deal with it? Am I thinking too much about it, or is the worry justified? Should I instead just hit the nearest HUB and pray that through some miracle I manage to pull someone?

 

[MikeH]

And then there’s the whole emotional quagmire of what it means about myself that I went through with all of this

If this is the way you think then I only have one advice: don't do it.

I don't cut my own hair, I don't wash my own shirts but instead pay someone else to do those things. But if paying would make me feel bad emotionally I definitely would rather learn how to do those things myself.

 

[jblue]

If this is the way you think then I only have one advice: don't do it.

I don't cut my own hair, I don't wash my own shirts but instead pay someone else to do those things. But if paying would make me feel bad emotionally I definitely would rather learn how to do those things myself.

I’ll definitely keep the advice in mind, but really that’s half the problem: I don’t know exactly how it’ll mentally process. I have paid for lap dances before (which is obviously a lot more soft) which bothered me for a day or so and then I forgot about it. So it’s a bit of a dice roll…

 

[ShowaJidai]

I grew up on the US-Mexican border where p4p was just kinda expected. Then I went into the Marines at a time when drinking, fighting, and whoring were just what we did - I guess the bigest difference was the order in which one chose to do them.

What would any of my sisters or other women I know think if they found out? I could not care less. Hell, I would even discuss the issue with them. If they walked away thinking less of me then they simply aren't ready to understand the first thing about men. As in "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

 

[Frenchy]

I’ll definitely keep the advice in mind, but really that’s half the problem: I don’t know exactly how it’ll mentally process. I have paid for lap dances before (which is obviously a lot more soft) which bothered me for a day or so and then I forgot about it. So it’s a bit of a dice roll…

Honestly I think paying for lap dances is much more of a waste of money for not much less guilt, or whatever your hang-up is. Mine are:
1. i hate feeling screwed (not the litteral meaning)
2. I would hate to do it if the lady is exploited, enslaved, abused etc... by her pimp or agency or bordello
But I understand your hesitations. I guess we all had them , and maybe still do .

 

[User#8628]

So I’m in Tokyo a few days (a little over a week) for vacation. It’s become something of a thing for me - having lived here for an extended period in the past, visits are nice (I suspect moreso than for the average tourist). This time I’ve found myself unusually obsessed with the idea of getting some action, and being faced with the reality that I just don’t have the saavy nor the Japanese skill needed to reliably pull from the night life scene in such a short time span, I’m faced with turning to P4P (likely escort or soapland, maaaybe oppai bar but the blue balls aspect seems lame).

I do not judge anyone for partaking and try not to attach morality to P4P, but unfortunately many people don’t think the same way, meaning that once you’ve taken that path, you’re carrying a “secret” of sorts and depending on who catches wind, there may be very real social consequences to be paid.

As such, I’m very close to pulling the trigger, and despite being single (and in theory have no reason to worry) concerns echo through my mind. Probably the chief one is, “What will people back home think of me if they find out?”. I worry most about close (and important) female friends - they’re amazing, bright people who I want in my life, but I don’t know where they stand on this issue and I could see things easily souring if my actions come to light, particularly with the recent rise in social consciousness in the US. And then there’s the whole emotional quagmire of what it means about myself that I went through with all of this, not to mention the judgement that would surely be rained down if my Bible Belt family members somehow found out…

Has anybody else been through a similar ordeal? How did you deal with it? Am I thinking too much about it, or is the worry justified? Should I instead just hit the nearest HUB and pray that through some miracle I manage to pull someone?

What happens in Tokyo stays in Tokyo. How would your friends and family in the US possibly find out if you don't tell them?

Its not that easy for us girls but for guys there are usually no social consequences, especially if you do it away from home and you are discrete.

 

[ShowaJidai]

This thread speaks somewhat to my answer in a different thread about paying for an escort but for only social purposes. I said she would have to be able to speak Japanese, Chinese, and Spanish. My main point in this is I wouldn't be interested in spending time with a female who only understands the world from the PC-seeped culture of English speaking people. To me they are droll, uni-dimensional, judgmental, cultural puritans. People who have learned languages from more remote cultures have to, at some level, accept and understand the culture of that language which makes them more broad-minded.

 

[RightOn6975]

I was interested in doing P4P when I was in Maryland, however the process of getting vetted was frustrating. You either had to know someone, been with a provider before hand, pay for a vetting service, and show multiple forms of ID and prove where you worked. I did not like the idea at all and was discouraged about p4p.

As soon as I got to Oki I never really wanted to dive into it, usually saying I would go if someone else went with me. After I got my feet wet I never looked back. I don't have this emotional disconnect or disgust on the matter about myself afterwards. I feel fine and happy about the entire situation and have many good memories about each time I have spent with the providers I have been with.

 

[jhingy567]

I was in a similar situation not long ago and can relate. In the end i pulled the trigger and don't have any regrets...(yet). Also had a similar concern to Frenchy's number 2. The TAG girls I saw seem to do this by choice and enjoy it though.
About carrying a 'secret': Many people have skeletons in their closet and these days i tend to not really care what others think. actually, i give the middle finger to society (and it's stupid judgmental, prejudicial nature).

Probably the chief one is, “What will people back home think of me if they find out?”.

So if you're worried about people finding out, then simply don't tell anyone. There's always a risk, but you can do things to guard your privacy. Don't provide ID or use real name. (Not so much of an issue in soaplands than with escorts) Don't use personal emails. Don't tell the girl identifying personal details.
I'm not sure about your other hangups or 'emotional quagmires' or whether anyone can actually help you with this. At the end of the day, it's your choice. Doing it with a girl does feel somewhat better than jerking off though, even if you did pay for it.

 

[RightOn6975]

This thread speaks somewhat to my answer in a different thread about paying for an escort but for only social purposes. I said she would have to be able to speak Japanese, Chinese, and Spanish. My main point in this is I wouldn't be interested in spending time with a female who only understands the world from the PC-seeped culture of English speaking people. To me they are droll, uni-dimensional, judgmental, cultural puritans. People who have learned languages from more remote cultures have to, at some level, accept and understand the culture of that language which makes them more broad-minded.

So because I don't speak another language I am not broad-minded?

 

[ShowaJidai]

So because I don't speak another language I am not broad-minded?

You? No, you're just logic challenged.

If I didn't go up does that mean I necessarily went down? No, it could mean I went to the right. It could mean I just stopped.

If somebody is a polyglot means he/she is broadminded how the Fcuk does that mean learning languages is the only way to become broadminded? It is surely one of the paths but - if you can comprehend what I wrote - I never said it was the only path.

 

[User#8628]

This thread speaks somewhat to my answer in a different thread about paying for an escort but for only social purposes. I said she would have to be able to speak Japanese, Chinese, and Spanish. My main point in this is I wouldn't be interested in spending time with a female who only understands the world from the PC-seeped culture of English speaking people. To me they are droll, uni-dimensional, judgmental, cultural puritans. People who have learned languages from more remote cultures have to, at some level, accept and understand the culture of that language which makes them more broad-minded.

Chinese and Spanish are not remote cultures. You literally listed the most basic languages.

I can also speak four languages, two of which very common, the other two less so.

 

[ShowaJidai]

Chinese and Spanish are not remote cultures. You literally listed the most basic languages.

I was speaking about being culturally remote from the usual English speaking world. They don't share a lot of the social basics that English speakers care about.

 

[RightOn6975]

You? No, you're just logic challenged.

If I didn't go up does that mean I necessarily went down? No, it could mean I went to the right. It could mean I just stopped.

If somebody is a polyglot means he/she is broadminded how the Fcuk does that mean learning languages is the only way to become broadminded? It is surely one of the paths but - if you can comprehend what I wrote - I never said it was the only path.

Okay, then. I am logic challenged. Let's dumb this ALLLLLL the way down. From your last post you said, that knowing more than one language makes you broad-minded, as you have to know more than just the language but also the culture. So am I wrong for thinking that just because I may not speak a language fluently, I am unable to speak on various topics?

 

[User#8628]

Also i wouldn't say that learning a language equals learning a culture.
There are people who speak decent Japanese but are super KY.
Also you don't have to visit Spain or South America to learn Spanish, you could basically enroll in some school in your city and if you have a talent for linguistics then you can probably get to a decent level but you wont learn much culture.

 

[ShowaJidai]

So am I wrong for thinking that just because I may not speak a language fluently, I am unable to speak on various topics?

It would depend on how far away you are from fluency, and how you define fluency.

I look at the word "fluent" from its shared root with "fluid" meaning someone who speaks a language smoothly without awkward breaks. If one is fluent one also needs the vocabulary to convey the concepts of those various topics, otherwise it isn't much of a discussion.

 

[ShowaJidai]

Also i wouldn't say that learning a language equals learning a culture.
There are people who speak decent Japanese but are super KY..

I dunno, that's just kinda saying somebody can know a language and be socially awkward. Many Japanese - who only speak Japanese - are referred to as "KY". I am talking about knowing another culture to the point of having some understanding of their shared cultural viewpoint.

Also you don't have to visit Spain or South America to learn Spanish, you could basically enroll in some school in your city and if you have a talent for linguistics then you can probably get to a decent level but you wont learn much culture.

I just threw Spanish in as a language I can use to direct a conversation out of a discussion that is following a purely English-centric perspective. Most Spanish speakers I know can be quite irreverent - which cuts against the grain of the 21st century English-speaker's PC mindset.

 

[Lukes]

So I’m in Tokyo a few days (a little over a week) for vacation. It’s become something of a thing for me - having lived here for an extended period in the past, visits are nice (I suspect moreso than for the average tourist). This time I’ve found myself unusually obsessed with the idea of getting some action, and being faced with the reality that I just don’t have the saavy nor the Japanese skill needed to reliably pull from the night life scene in such a short time span, I’m faced with turning to P4P (likely escort or soapland, maaaybe oppai bar but the blue balls aspect seems lame).

I do not judge anyone for partaking and try not to attach morality to P4P, but unfortunately many people don’t think the same way, meaning that once you’ve taken that path, you’re carrying a “secret” of sorts and depending on who catches wind, there may be very real social consequences to be paid.

As such, I’m very close to pulling the trigger, and despite being single (and in theory have no reason to worry) concerns echo through my mind. Probably the chief one is, “What will people back home think of me if they find out?”. I worry most about close (and important) female friends - they’re amazing, bright people who I want in my life, but I don’t know where they stand on this issue and I could see things easily souring if my actions come to light, particularly with the recent rise in social consciousness in the US. And then there’s the whole emotional quagmire of what it means about myself that I went through with all of this, not to mention the judgement that would surely be rained down if my Bible Belt family members somehow found out…

Has anybody else been through a similar ordeal? How did you deal with it? Am I thinking too much about it, or is the worry justified? Should I instead just hit the nearest HUB and pray that through some miracle I manage to pull someone?

I used to have some of the same thoughts as you do and I still consider my participation in P4P to be somewhat morally questionable (I'm married so that factors in here). But eventually I came to accept that I am indeed a person of questionable morals and just chose to accept that. In fact, I feel more secure about who I am this way than trying to be some kind of saint or "goodie two shoes" guy that never knew true pleasure.

Yes, sometimes it sucks carrying a secret you can't tell anyone (except you fine folks on the internet) but I never once regretted taking this path.

My advice is that if you're going to take the plunge, you keep it a secret and it stays a secret to the grave. People look at you differently once they know. Especially in America where men are basically pieces of shit by default. No one will know you got some poontang in Japan unless you tell them. So don't tell them.

 

[Coda87]

Has anybody else been through a similar ordeal? How did you deal with it? Am I thinking too much about it, or is the worry justified? Should I instead just hit the nearest HUB and pray that through some miracle I manage to pull someone?

Hey Jblue, not sure how old you are, But I wish I started P4P much earlier. I just think of all the fun I missed out on when I was younger. And if you are single, you have nothing really to feel guilty about. You going to be in Japan where sexual morality is much different than in the west. Its almost like sexual pleasure in Japan is just as natural as other pleasures, like eating good food, having a beer, doing sports you enjoy. No shame and most people understand, even some wives. So don't worry. Just play safe, be a gentleman, and enjoy yourself. And keep you lips sealed about it when you get home. You have this forum to share you experiences if you just have to tell somebody.
Good luck!

 

[just4fun]

I'd hate to think what my life would have been like if I worried about what others thought of me.

 

[sealax]

I think some get involved with P4P out of simple curiosity. That’s true for me. The basic question is: is the experience with a provider special? Is it different from what you experience
with your girl friend or significant other? That is what I wanted to explore. P4P providers are professionals, and one might expect that they provide a different kind of experience. I can personally attest to the fact that Alice provides an experience that is very difficult to replicate - she’s special in multiple ways. Not all providers do that. My experience has certainly been mixed, as seems common reading all the thoughtful reviews on this site. But you don’t know, if you don’t try. That is the motivation for some, I think. If you explore something different or new you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences, good or less so.

 

[stangbangr]

First time P4P (20 yrs ago) i felt guilty about doing it afterwards and it cost me $300. but i got over it after a few days and doesn't bother me now. i actually got picked up by the prosititute so i wasn't even looking. i was young too but didn't have good game at picking up chics and in a unfamiliar place.

sometimes you just need physical contact and not the emotional aspect and guaranteed baggage that come with relationships. if masturbation doesn't cut it, get out there and explore options.

keep in mind that sex is like a drug and you can find yourself 'chasing the high'. that can become expensive. i've had great encounters but find myself wanting to top them =)

 

[User#8628]

I can personally attest to the fact that Alice provides an experience that is very difficult to replicate - she’s special in multiple ways.

Thank you very much, i'm moved.

I think all providers and non p4p partners are different. You will always have a different kind of experience with someone else than you SO. But that doesn't mean it will be a good or interesting experience per se.

 

[Sweetpotato]

Complicated. But I'm not worried about other people finding out, I'm sure I can keep this to myself. Rather, I'm worried about how much of a cut the Yamaguchi guys are getting; if I'm paying a lovely lady for some company, I'd like her to have the whole cake. From that perspective, the independents seems safest.

 

[Sweetpotato]

There's always a risk, but you can do things to guard your privacy. Don't provide ID or use real name. (Not so much of an issue in soaplands than with escorts) Don't use personal emails. Don't tell the girl identifying personal details.

Am I very naive to think that most providers (esp in Japan) are professional enough not to try to blackmail you, should they come over your personal information? Separate email, possibly phone, seems to make sense for various reasons, but a fake name as well...?