How do you deal with flaky people?

[majimekun]

Do you keep them in your contacts hoping to have the opportunity to meet them in the future or you just tell them to fuck off before deleting/blocking them?

I do the latter.

How about you?

Alternatively, you could tell them to fuck off and still fuck them sometime in the future.
Tell me if you managed such a feat.

 

[MikeH]

Why everyone feels the need to tell others to go fuck themselves? It's much better just to leave all the bothering people quietly and go and do something meaningful instead.

Once again you should take a lesson from science. Aggressiveness feeds more aggressiveness. People who lash out or take revenge actually feel worse afterwards than those you just let things slide past.

 

[majimekun]

Science must be wrong because I felt much better after telling her to fuck off today.

And you can also tell someone to fuck off in a peaceful and non-aggressive manner

 

[MikeH]

Science must be wrong because I felt much better after telling her to fuck off today.

The study that I read was interesting. People who took revenge believed they felt better than if they didn't. And people who didn't took revenge (had no chance to do it) believed they would have felt better if they did.

Still the first group was much worse in happiness and overall satisfaction of life.

So this must mean the general idea of paying people back what they have done is very deep in our DNA.

 

[Sudsy]

Why everyone feels the need to tell others to go fuck themselves? It's much better just to leave all the bothering people quietly and go and do something meaningful instead.

Like enthusiastically fuck someone else.

 

[AnotherTag]

Why everyone feels the need to tell others to go fuck themselves?

I can never say that because if someone were to say that phrase to me I would just be like, it's physically impossible to fuck myself, it makes no sense!

But yeah, I guess people don't have the common courtesy of just saying sorry we can't be chatmates or whatever anymore and just ghost people. I hate that but I guess it's just easier and less guilty?

 

[MikeH]

I can never say that because if someone were to say that phrase to me I would just be like, it's physically impossible to fuck myself, it makes no sense!

Well, of course you can, if you are a guy that is. Just make a U turn with your dick and have AF! The only reason that would not work that I can imagine is if you like yourself so much you make your own self so hard you lose all flexibility.

Just remember to use a rubber, we don't want to give ourselves any of those nasty STDs!

 

[warubuta]

Getting angry with someone should be reserved for people with whom you have something already invested, or with whom you would like to have some kind of relationship in the future. Otherwise, what is the point? Getting angry with strangers is a bad idea. 1) You may think it helps you to release stress, but unless you are a sociopath, it doesn't. 2) You are probably not going to have much of an effect on the person. If someone does something that makes you mad, it is very likely that they have been doing the same fucking thing to lots of people before you came along. Have any of them had any effect? No, they haven't. The smart thing to do is, as @MikeH says, just walk away. And as Dylan says, at Your Own Chosen Speed.

 

[BB0523]

Maybe she flaked because you were being to aggressive and u got her contact details only bcuz she knew that would have u be less agressive ...Then when u set up meet time and date she already decided she wouldn't meet you ..
More bees with honey than vinegar. ..

Of course I don't know the situation or details. ...So purely speculative on my part .

 

[majimekun]

...

Of course I don't know the situation or details. ...So purely speculative on my part .

Background story:
The girl kind of nampaed me in the train a couple of months ago.
I gave her my line.
Then she invited me to some religious event which kind of sounded like some sort of sect so I declined the invitation. She later told me that she was sorry for such a fishy-looking invitation and that she would do better next time. Then she tells me that she never had a boyfriend, that she lives with her parents and that her mother doesn't want her to sleep outside. Ok, wrong pick I thought, she is just a useless girl.
I tell her that i'm free only if she wants to have some fun but she can't expect anything serious from me.
Then she is silent during a couple of months.
Then she comes back telling me she was soooo busy with her job (sure yeah)
And she invites me for a date.
We decide a date/time when she isn't busy.
Two hours before the rendez-vous, I msg her asking if she would have already had lunch when we meet.
Then suddenly she msg me the stuff she had to do before we meet would take longer and that we have to reschedule the date. She propose another date in more than 10 days.
Riiiiiiiight.
I know you can't be that busy. Either she is simply chickening or she is just plain stupid.
Now I msg her to fuck off in good and nasty Japanese.
Then she msg me that, actually, we can meet this evening instead.
Oh, now we move from in more than 10 days to "this evening".
My bulshit-O-meter goes crazy and I msg her nastier stuff in Japanese.
Then she tries to issue voice calls like crazy.
I block her.
End of the story.
Not a single freaking remorse on my side.

 

[Keihan]

Background story:
The girl kind of nampaed me in the train a couple of months ago.
I gave her my line.
Then she invited me to some religious event which kind of sounded like some sort of sect so I declined the invitation. She later told me that she was sorry for such a fishy-looking invitation and that she would do better next time. Then she tells me that she never had a boyfriend, that she lives with her parents and that her mother doesn't want her to sleep outside. Ok, wrong pick I thought, she is just a useless girl.
I tell her that i'm free only if she wants to have some fun but she can't expect anything serious from me.
Then she is silent during a couple of months.
Then she comes back telling me she was soooo busy with her job (sure yeah)
And she invites me for a date.
We decide a date/time when she isn't busy.
Two hours before the rendez-vous, I msg her asking if she would have already had lunch when we meet.
Then suddenly she msg me the stuff she had to do before we meet would take longer and that we have to reschedule the date. She propose another date in more than 10 days.
Riiiiiiiight.
I know you can't be that busy. Either she is simply chickening or she is just plain stupid.
Now I msg her to fuck off in good and nasty Japanese.
Then she msg me that, actually, we can meet this evening instead.
Oh, now we move from in more than 10 days to "this evening".
My bulshit-O-meter goes crazy and I msg her nastier stuff in Japanese.
Then she tries to issue voice calls like crazy.
I block her.
End of the story.
Not a single freaking remorse on my side.

Nothing out of the ordinary there. Just your garden variety neurotic Japanese female. I'd say they constitute about 20% of the nation's female population, if not more.

Learn to spot them sooner and life will be much easier.

 

[User#8628]

I don’t waste my time getting upset.
A no show would mean an immediate block/ignore. A raincheck probably after 3 cancellations or so.

 

[Sudsy]

Background story:
The girl kind of nampaed me in the train a couple of months ago.
I gave her my line.
Then she invited me to some religious event which kind of sounded like some sort of sect so I declined the invitation. She later told me that she was sorry for such a fishy-looking invitation and that she would do better next time. Then she tells me that she never had a boyfriend, that she lives with her parents and that her mother doesn't want her to sleep outside. Ok, wrong pick I thought, she is just a useless girl.
I tell her that i'm free only if she wants to have some fun but she can't expect anything serious from me.
Then she is silent during a couple of months.
Then she comes back telling me she was soooo busy with her job (sure yeah)
And she invites me for a date.
We decide a date/time when she isn't busy.
Two hours before the rendez-vous, I msg her asking if she would have already had lunch when we meet.
Then suddenly she msg me the stuff she had to do before we meet would take longer and that we have to reschedule the date. She propose another date in more than 10 days.
Riiiiiiiight.
I know you can't be that busy. Either she is simply chickening or she is just plain stupid.
Now I msg her to fuck off in good and nasty Japanese.
Then she msg me that, actually, we can meet this evening instead.
Oh, now we move from in more than 10 days to "this evening".
My bulshit-O-meter goes crazy and I msg her nastier stuff in Japanese.
Then she tries to issue voice calls like crazy.
I block her.
End of the story.
Not a single freaking remorse on my side.

It would appear that you have some unresolved anger issues.

I learned a long time ago that there’s nothing to be gained by unnecessarily offending somebody. In the long run it doesn’t make me feel any better, and in the short run it pisses them off and potentially puts a target on my back.

And before anybody brings up my habit of telling the touts in kabukicho to go fuck themselves and their mothers, and not necessarily in that order, I believe that that serves a purpose.

 

[majimekun]

I strongly felt that this particular girl needed to be taught a life lesson.
Of course I don't behave the same with everybody.
This one will now know better before she does the same to some other foreigner which I'm pretty sure she is targeting.
You make it sound like I can't control myself which isn't the case at all.
I use anger only on purpose.

It would appear that you have some unresolved anger issues.

I learned a long time ago that there’s nothing to be gained by unnecessarily offending somebody. In the long run it doesn’t make me feel any better, and in the short run it pisses them off and potentially puts a target on my back.

And before anybody brings up my habit of telling the touts in kabukicho to go fuck themselves and their mothers, and not necessarily in that order, I believe that that serves a purpose.

 

[Sudsy]

You make it sound like I can't control myself which isn't the case at all.
I use anger only on purpose.

You might want to look through your post history and revisit that statement.

 

[MikeH]

I strongly felt that this particular girl needed to be taught a life lesson.

And now you think she learned it? You have way more trust on people's abilities than I'll ever do.

 

[majimekun]

And now you think she learned it? You have way more trust on people's abilities than I'll ever do.

At least I feel that I've done my duty.
The fact that she tried to call me so many times after my message shows that she was quite shocked by the event.
Actually I'm quite confident that she did learn her lesson.

 

[majimekun]

You might want to look through your post history and revisit that statement.

You don't know me personally and you're obviously biased.
But I don't care, I know what I'm doing.

 

[warubuta]

If it were The Buta, I would not have gotten angry. I would have said, “okay honey whatever.....”. Then I would have plied her better judgement with a low grade claret, lured her into a love hotel, tied her to the sofa (with consent) and spanked her ass (with consent) with a ping pong paddle ( the sandpaper one not the rubber one) and made her repeat, “I have been a bad girl, Mr. Buta. I am so sorry to have caused turbulence in the normally placid lake of your consciousness. I will never do it again. Please spank me again to so I never forget this valuable lesson you are teaching me.” That’s what The Buta would have done. He is always willing to teach those who have erred.

 

[Lasagna]

Why everyone feels the need to tell others to go fuck themselves? It's much better just to leave all the bothering people quietly and go and do something meaningful instead.

Once again you should take a lesson from science. Aggressiveness feeds more aggressiveness. People who lash out or take revenge actually feel worse afterwards than those you just let things slide past.

Exactly this. Nothing good comes out of it.

Besides if you piss of a woman you met on a dating site they can report your profile or write a negative review about you online. And you'll be in google cache forever. So don't get emotional and use your brain instead.

 

[hkAlone]

I strongly felt that this particular girl needed to be taught a life lesson.
Of course I don't behave the same with everybody.
This one will now know better before she does the same to some other foreigner which I'm pretty sure she is targeting.
You make it sound like I can't control myself which isn't the case at all.
I use anger only on purpose.

Very interesting post.
Sounds like you have a few beliefs in your life.
The first belief is that you know things the rest of the universe don't. There are rules in life that you understand and feel the need to teach others, particularly female you are attracted to.
Second, you feel you can control your emotions, particularly anger and can even use it on purpose.
If so, you are a super hero. Even the best meditators cannot do such things.
I don't want to sound condescending but you would gain a lot by realizing how much the world doesn't revolve around you. By realizing your insignificance you may be much happier. This young lady has a background of her own and didn't spend the first two decades of her life studying how to humiliate you and other gaijins. She has simply some needs to feel secure with a date and at the same time real attractions. It's simply a complicated fight between diverging feelings in her brain....

 

[hkAlone]

To come back to the original question, I tend to avoid people with low integrity as dates or life partners. They would make you feel miserable on the long run. As buddies, it's ok.

 

[warubuta]

Very interesting post.
Sounds like you have a few beliefs in your life.
The first belief is that you know things the rest of the universe don't. There are rules in life that you understand and feel the need to teach others, particularly female you are attracted to.
Second, you feel you can control your emotions, particularly anger and can even use it on purpose.
If so, you are a super hero. Even the best meditators cannot do such things.
I don't want to sound condescending but you would gain a lot by realizing how much the world doesn't revolve around you. By realizing your insignificance you may be much happier. This young lady has a background of her own and didn't spend the first two decades of her life studying how to humiliate you and other gaijins. She has simply some needs to feel secure with a date and at the same time real attractions. It's simply a complicated fight between diverging feelings in her brain....

The Buta disagrees with pretty much everything you say here. Not to mention that it is poorly written. But what really irkes the Buta, what is really causing ripples on the surface of the normally placid lake of his Supreme Conscience is your attitude Mr. @hkAlone. It is You who comes across as condescending, not @majimekun. The whole debate on whether to school someone who has caused insulted or inconvenience, or to cut losses and move on, is a complex one. That’s why it is a debate. There is no easy answer. Vengeance is the Lord’s. But Instant Karma is John Lennon’s. Thus spake The Warubuta.

 

[hkAlone]

The Buta disagrees with pretty much everything you say here. Not to mention that it is poorly written. But what really irkes the Buta, what is really causing ripples on the surface of the normally placid lake of his Supreme Conscience is your attitude Mr. @hkAlone. It is You who comes across as condescending, not @majimekun. The whole debate on whether to school someone who has caused insulted or inconvenience, or to cut losses and move on, is a complex one. That’s why it is a debate. There is no easy answer. Vengeance is the Lord’s. But Instant Karma is John Lennon’s. Thus spake The Warubuta.

I understand I can make upset people talking about themselves in the third person. Thanks God I never met any in person.
Let's say when you're feeling angry and frustrated about a reject, you are better off going for a run, meditate, having a beer with friends, booking an escort than engaging with your nocive emotions and delusionally teaching general principles to people who do not care about them.

 

[warubuta]

I understand I can make upset people talking about themselves in the third person. Thanks God I never met any in person.
Let's say when you're feeling angry and frustrated about a reject, you are better off going for a run, meditate, having a beer with friends, booking an escort than engaging with your nocive emotions and delusionally teaching general principles to people who do not care about them.

Sometimes the best thing to do when you are inconvenienced or insulted by someone is to go out of your way to inflict a punishment that is ten times what would be considered measured and just. And sometimes the best thing to do is to just write it off. And sometimes the best thing to do is to do the opposite of what is expected and Reward the offender for his/her offence! Thank you for fucking up my evening! Here is a bottle of Opus One for you in appreciation of your assholery!

The Buta's thrust, as I feel I must be simple and obvious with you in order to register my point, is that there is no predetermined course of action in these situations. Do what You think is best.