How Do You Refer To Women You're Trying To Pick Up In Japanese?

[Soapysoap66]

Hey, I'm really curious what words you guys use when referring to the girl during pickup. I think I read some book ages ago called "How to make out in Japanese" or something like that and they seemed to suggest that using 君(kimi) would be the best option. I'm not sure I would be comfortable using that.
What do you use? anata, kimi, onee-san etc? Is using keigo a big no-no?
I have literally zero experience so I have no idea.

 

[e-smile]

I'd use kimi or the name+san. I'd never use onee-san.
that said I think it's better to use english rather than japanese.

 

[jgaddict2006]

I generally just use their first names, without attaching any honorifics. I feel that this has the immediate effect of closing that distance between the two of you, when you were strangers just moments ago. However I also feel like this would only work in high energy environments like bars and clubs, where there's already alcohol involved. In a more calm setting, using just their name might come off too strong. But on the other hand since you're gaijin they would probably let it go (the infamous gaijin pass). It is mentioned in Carnegie's book that to any person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language would be their name. Why not just use your gaijin-ness to your advantage?

 

[Solong]

Hey, I'm really curious what words you guys use when referring to the girl during pickup. I think I read some book ages ago called "How to make out in Japanese" or something like that and they seemed to suggest that using 君(kimi) would be the best option. I'm not sure I would be comfortable using that.
What do you use? anata, kimi, onee-san etc? Is using keigo a big no-no?
I have literally zero experience so I have no idea.

I'm not sure why, but some college girls that I have dated, would get in the habit of calling me onii-san. This would be after a sexual relationship had started or if we have kissed on a date before.

Generally, call women by their name and with no honorific label, unless they have a specific nickname they prefer. After starting a sexual relationship, then with some women, we may give each other nicknames or secret names for our sex organs or sex. Many of my Japanese girlfriends preferred the English nicknames that I would give them, as oppose to any of the Japanese names, if we used such.

 

[Soapysoap66]

I don't think you understand what I'm asking for. You talk to a woman you've never seen before on the street. I thought that was was pickup was?
What you do use for the word "you" ?

 

[Wwanderer]

I use a number constructed from the date and her sequence number in the group of women that I have approached that day. For example, the 26th woman I approached on the street on April 22, 2016, I would call 16042226-chan. This simplifies my record keeping as well.

-Ww

 

[Soapysoap66]

That does sound like a very simple and not at all conspicuous system. A++

 

[Wwanderer]

That does sound like a very simple and not at all conspicuous system. A++

Exactly. Although it panics a few of them, it stuns or confuses most of them into a cooperative frame of mind(lessness).

-Ww

 

[faboo2001]

I use a number constructed from the date and her sequence number in the group of women that I have approached that day. For example, the 26th woman I approached on the street on April 22, 2016, I would call 16042226-chan. This simplifies my record keeping as well.

-Ww

Genius!

 

[Desktop]

Comment on something about them you might notice. Introduce yourself & usually it's followed up by their name.
This is my usual pattern for meeting anyone in any situation. Don't over think it.

 

[User#8628]

Lots of young boys hit me with oneesan.
Also boys using omae, but it depends on the girl if she's ok with that. Kimi is a safer bet.
I use anata to men, but it seems too formal to a girl.

 

[John Chavers]

+1 for お姉さん

 

[Sudsy]

What you do use for the word "you" ?

This is a common issue for neophytes to the Japanese language, and one that vexed me for years, since the use of "you" and "your" is such an important part of good persuasive communication in English.

The answer is: mostly you don't use anything.

You don't say, "あなたの好きな色は何ですか。"

You say "好きな色は？"

Generally, the "you" portion of the sentence is obvious, therefore implied, and thus unnecessary.

This doesn't just apply to pickup, this applies to Japanese conversation in general - the portions of a sentence that should be obvious through context are generally not spoken.

 

[Solong]

I don't think you understand what I'm asking for. You talk to a woman you've never seen before on the street. I thought that was was pickup was?
What you do use for the word "you" ?

I often start conversations referring to: what she is wearing (to include her nails, shoes, or relating to fashion), something about or going on around us (ex- advertisement picture, some event), or asking a question about culture or language.

The emphasis would be on the subject of the conversation. "Wow, those are nice shoes. You have good fashion sense. Did you buy those shoes in Japan or overseas?"

The conversation doesn't start as "Hey, you!" She is not referred to in any unusual or different way, then how you normally talk to people.

As Sudsy mentioned, "you" or "anata" is usually removed from Japanese sentences. However, you can include it, to make what you are saying more clear or prevent a misunderstanding.

After starting a conversation, you can segue into introducing yourself and asking her name. "I'm new to Japan, and like Tokyo fashion styles. By the way, my name is John, what is your name?"

So, early on in the conversation, you can know her name. You would proceed in the conversation, where you learn more about her, and tell her more about yourself.

 

[Goiter]

I would go further than Sudsy and posit calling a girl you don't know "kimi" or "anata" makes you sound like a dipshit at least or an asshole at worst.