This one's easy to answer since I've done so before.
The only time I can recall when my wife initiated action was when I was just about to go into the hospital for a month long stay, double knee replacement-too much running!!! Three nights in a row!
Normally, it goes like this...
First of all, she DEMANDS a back and foot massage as a prelude, no, as both a prelude and a condition of the night's intimacy. I have to initiate the massage.
Secondly-So, when I am in the mood, I start the back massage. Then, most of the time, she says, "Not tonight, tomorrow,
pinky promise."
Fortunately, she always keeps her
pinky promise. Knowing this, I try to time my moods and start the massage the evening prior to the actual desired evening.