I have been dating this girl for almost 5 months now. She: 22 year old Japanese girl working @ a restaurant since after HS, Me: 35 year old US guy living in Japan for 10 years (speak fluent Japanese).
For first month she would want to come over after work and stay over, wanting to make out, and usually having sex on the nights she stayed. Was pretty quick to bring over hair dryer etc type stuff and excited to be BF/GF (told her mom etc). She would want to do bubble baths together, watch netflix, lay around listen to music etc.
Then her shift at worked changed like 2 mos ago and now works until later like 9pm and is always saying how busy she is (she still is off 2 days a week as normal, just used to get out around 6pm). She even said the dreaded "I'm busy this month" thing to me in response to me asking when I could see her, so I told her that it's fine if she doesn't want to meet anymore (instead of giving me that busy this month excuse), but she was super defensive and insistent that she does not do that "Japanese girl" thing and say that, and that she just wouldn't meet me at all if she didn't want to, but she likes me and so she wants to but cant because she is busy.
But over the last 8 weeks she has cancelled plans the day of during her lunch break when we have some reservation or plan to do something (usually we would get dinner or she would come over after work the night before day off and we would have plans the next day) the last 3 out of 4 times, all for "legit" reasons (one was because she had to go to the store w/ her parents the next day,).
It has been around 2 mos since the last time we had sex, and that includes 2 times where she stayed over. The first time was cause she "didnt feel like it", and the 2nd time she was so exhausted from getting off late from work and just made it very apparent with body language that she had no interest, including taking off her clothes and taking a shower in the most unsexual way ever. So it was just sleeping in the same bed with a girl seeming showing no interest. She slept in until like noon the next day and a few times I attempted to snuggle up and get things going but she would just go back to sleep. The last time we did have sex 2 mos ago, it was another day where the morning after where also she slept almost until noon and after laying next to her after she woke up, she got into it.
She does message me everyday and we talk on the phone maybe every other day, and she told me (seemingly excitedly) that she will have a day free to meet in 2 weeks because her schedule is going back to normal, as well as that she did want to do a trip to Taiwan together (something we discussed before) But then she also said she has 2 days off this week, one of which she is going to Odaiba to meet a friend (gender unknown??), which happens to be where our big golden week date plan was at which she cancelled. A few other facts is she lives within 10min from me, and also that at the beginning she did offer to pay for things, but I have always paid for meals etc. The time that I brought up just don't meet me if you don't want to was after we had dinner plans, and before going to the restaurant said she wanted to eat somewhere else (much more expensive), and then half-way thru dinner said that she was going to meet her friend after dinner for drinks, and I got visibly annoyed cause it seemed like I was just paying her dinner bill.
So I don't how much what she says is true vs making stuff up in the way people tell you they would "love to hang out but are busy this month", or if it is just because she is young, or if I am making a big deal out of nothing or??? I have dated a few Japanese girls (none of which were great experiences), but don't have that much experience on how to deal with this kind of thing or if I am missing something really obvious. Any ideas how to proceed with this? Or just cut it off completely?
Thanks!
For first month she would want to come over after work and stay over, wanting to make out, and usually having sex on the nights she stayed. Was pretty quick to bring over hair dryer etc type stuff and excited to be BF/GF (told her mom etc). She would want to do bubble baths together, watch netflix, lay around listen to music etc.
Then her shift at worked changed like 2 mos ago and now works until later like 9pm and is always saying how busy she is (she still is off 2 days a week as normal, just used to get out around 6pm). She even said the dreaded "I'm busy this month" thing to me in response to me asking when I could see her, so I told her that it's fine if she doesn't want to meet anymore (instead of giving me that busy this month excuse), but she was super defensive and insistent that she does not do that "Japanese girl" thing and say that, and that she just wouldn't meet me at all if she didn't want to, but she likes me and so she wants to but cant because she is busy.
But over the last 8 weeks she has cancelled plans the day of during her lunch break when we have some reservation or plan to do something (usually we would get dinner or she would come over after work the night before day off and we would have plans the next day) the last 3 out of 4 times, all for "legit" reasons (one was because she had to go to the store w/ her parents the next day,).
It has been around 2 mos since the last time we had sex, and that includes 2 times where she stayed over. The first time was cause she "didnt feel like it", and the 2nd time she was so exhausted from getting off late from work and just made it very apparent with body language that she had no interest, including taking off her clothes and taking a shower in the most unsexual way ever. So it was just sleeping in the same bed with a girl seeming showing no interest. She slept in until like noon the next day and a few times I attempted to snuggle up and get things going but she would just go back to sleep. The last time we did have sex 2 mos ago, it was another day where the morning after where also she slept almost until noon and after laying next to her after she woke up, she got into it.
She does message me everyday and we talk on the phone maybe every other day, and she told me (seemingly excitedly) that she will have a day free to meet in 2 weeks because her schedule is going back to normal, as well as that she did want to do a trip to Taiwan together (something we discussed before) But then she also said she has 2 days off this week, one of which she is going to Odaiba to meet a friend (gender unknown??), which happens to be where our big golden week date plan was at which she cancelled. A few other facts is she lives within 10min from me, and also that at the beginning she did offer to pay for things, but I have always paid for meals etc. The time that I brought up just don't meet me if you don't want to was after we had dinner plans, and before going to the restaurant said she wanted to eat somewhere else (much more expensive), and then half-way thru dinner said that she was going to meet her friend after dinner for drinks, and I got visibly annoyed cause it seemed like I was just paying her dinner bill.
So I don't how much what she says is true vs making stuff up in the way people tell you they would "love to hang out but are busy this month", or if it is just because she is young, or if I am making a big deal out of nothing or??? I have dated a few Japanese girls (none of which were great experiences), but don't have that much experience on how to deal with this kind of thing or if I am missing something really obvious. Any ideas how to proceed with this? Or just cut it off completely?
Thanks!
