Keeping A Girl Interested In You?

[john.smith]

If you find a person's conversation and company extremely boring, you are surely both better off not getting involved with each other...just common sense, right?

If you find the conversation and company of all, or nearly all, women boring, then...well, that's a problem of a whole different order.

-Ww

I exagerate a bit. But when I compare myself with friends, I have definitively notice having harder time to enjoy a conversation with lots of girl. Something like 80% of them.

 

[Wwanderer]

@john.smith - In a sense I may understand how you feel. People my age often want to talk in great detail and at enormous length about details the/their world when they were young...reminiscing nostalgically about movies or music or politics or their personal lives when they were in their 20s or 30s decades back. No doubt I am odd, but those conversations simply don't hold my attention for long, even when I try to force myself to pay attention for the sake of being polite to old friends or whatever. It has consequences, as perhaps your conversational tastes/interests do too. I have rather few friends my own age and those I do have tend, like me, not to be stuck decades back in time in their interests and thoughts. In any case, there is no point in trying to get involved with women who bore you!

-Ww

 

[meiji]

Does it really make me a "bad man" for just telling her something that is true about many Disney movies? I wasn't telling her in a condescending manner. I was just saying it as a "matter of fact" type thing and she got super defensive and said I was bad lol. I will remember to never share random trivia like this with other Japanese women.

It doesn't matter that it's true. It matters because it's rude as hell. If your mom had crooked teeth, and you showed someone a picture of your mom and said "It was my mom's birthday yesterday", and they replied back with "Damn, your mom has FUCKED UP teeth", would you think that is a good example of small talk just because it's "true"? Or is it horribly rude to say things that people might find really objectionable if you have just met that person?

 

[split]

Since we're on the topic of meaningful conversation with actual content I thought I'd post this here, and hopefully you find this entertaining. I had what I expected to be a short conversation with my buddy when I sarcastically labeled his ideals with another acquaintance's and this was his response, and overall my type of intriguing conversation. This is his clarification of my description of his values:

Dude, I've got to address these labels your throwing at me. 'Ultra-conservative' - yeah, maybe in the Spartan
or Stone-Age sense - but don't lump me together with the 'Murrica, free-trade is the meaning of life, 'progress', guns and Jesus bullshit.

'Anti-multicultural' - The Hun tribal confederation was 'multicultural', as was the Waffen SS (with Indian and Muslim divisions among others), the French Foreign Legion, the Manchu Qing Empire, and modern Central Asia. All of which I find extremely interesting. However, if by multicultural we mean a mono-cultural consumerist cess-pit where people of different hues and creeds celebrate their diversity by shopping, reality TV, and gender reassignment surgery - yeah, that is some bullsheeeeeet.

'White supremacy' - contact with white people is generally enough to dissuade one from taking that seriously. Besides, nothing en mass, like a race can be 'superior' because most people are, at best, mediocre.

Americanism like Communism appeals to the lowest common denominator -
be it tits and french-fries or peasants and Mao slogans - Hence, both are shit. The modern world is a product of mass ideologies, mass production, mass entertainment, mass everything - Hence it is shit, and inherently dehumanizing - at least in that it limits true human potential, which is not how much money you make.

That most of these have come about from 'white' developments in the past couple of
hundred years, does not inspire one to hold white supremacist views. 'Whites' by which we mean a 'western' cultural complex (not people with white skin, which are found throughout Eurasia, north Africa, the Middle East) are the ones who have managed to disconnect mankind from the world of tradition, nature, and higher ideals.
In short, a small minority of a minority within this group, accompanied by materialist and 'progressive' ideals have totally fucked everything up. The really tragic part is that despite some initial resistance, now everyone else is totally on board with this travesty, of which the Chinese are a prime example. They have reduced life to the acquisition of money, eating and staring into their iphones. This is contemptible, and it is global.

In fact, anyone who owns a smart phone, aspires to Bourgeoisie ideals, enjoys mainstream entertainment, or embraces the dominant narrative of material globalism could be called a white supremacist, because their value system, even though most of them don't think about it, sadly, originates from a Europoid source. I reject all that shit on principle.

That said, the aristocratic values and contempt for death of the ancient Greeks and Romans. The Courage of the ancient Germans, and the druidic wisdom of primordial northern Europeans. The sheer physical prowess of the Saxon warriors who ran 200 miles in five days to fight the Vikings, whose leader carried on fighting having been shot through the neck with an arrow. Yes, these things are worthy of the word 'supremacy.' That their obese, diabetic descendants mooching around in Starbucks are even of the same species is both remarkable and distasteful. The Samurai, Zulu, Apache, and many more also warrant the word 'supremacy', as does anyone where those virtues appear.


'world domination' - ha, that's what we have already economically and culturally - domination by debt slavery, vapid celebrity, and mass retardation. World domination can only mean slavery. Its coming. Materialism, luxury, and appeals to the appetites and degeneration are its shackles. English, in its bastardized form, will be the global language for the rootless, atomized, enfeebled plebs, who seek comfort and conformity above all else in their culture-less hive world police state. I'm not in favour.

Anyway, don't know why, but I really felt the need to set those things straight.
Peace on da street G-ride,

 

[Wwanderer]

this was his response, and overall my type of intriguing conversation. This is his clarification of my description of his values: ...

Although much of what he says strikes me as naive and self-righteous, I'll say this for your friend - he writes extremely well and has interestingly provocative perspectives.

Thanks for posting it!

-Ww

 

[gaijinsan]

Yes, I was being anti-social but so was she. Rather than doing a 2 second google search to prove what I said wasn't made up or take my word, she just assumes I'm lying and that I'm a "bad man". I would say she was also being rather judgmental and kind of an asshat as well.

A good rule of thumb for the initial stages of dating is to keep negativity to yourself. Don't shit on exes, talk about things/people you hate, etc. Nobody likes the salty guy, and you'll have plenty of time to commiserate about the shitty things in life once you know each other well.

Should probably add "don't shit on things the other person likes for no reason besides being a pedantic blowhard" to that list of things to not do. You were definitely the only asshat in this situation.

 

[just4fun]

A good rule of thumb for the initial stages of dating is to keep negativity to yourself. Don't shit on exes, talk about things/people you hate, etc. Nobody likes the salty guy, and you'll have plenty of time to commiserate about the shitty things in life once you know each other well.

Should probably add "don't shit on things the other person likes for no reason besides being a pedantic blowhard" to that list of things to not do. You were definitely the only asshat in this situation.

I'd like to like this more than just once......

 

[valtiel]

If you're a complete bore, well not much will save you.

That explains everything! And here I thought what was the problem, huh.

Actually, went to a "A LIFE" club today. Came at 10pm and there were like 10 people(for 4200 yen and 2 free drinks it's...ugh). Oh well, whatever, let's drink till people come. And they did really come, at 12pm it was filled with chicks and guys and ratio was like 2 chicks for 1 guy. So the dancing breaks off, everyone goes crazy, me trying to get to dance to a girls but attention span of a girl is like 30 secs and then they are off. Tried to be a bit more intimiate and they dance with you ok. no probs, but again 30 secs and they are off. Got it going with one girl, she was really happy and we had a blast on the floor, but she was too overweight(not like a pochako, but like fat) and rarely seen in Japan brick-face. Ugh, I'm not the picky one, but this is too much even for a a guy who never got laid by a girl out of her free will. At 3am there were already a lot of pairs established and they left the club. Ok, it's already 1 girl for 1 guy ratio, still chances aren't bad, but have to change the tactics. The only ones left are girls who came in 2, 3 or 4 people. Found an eager to pick girls JP guy and we made an alliance in order to pull in girls, it was a win-win situation. There were ups and downs in our tries, but in the end we danced it off till the 6 am and left alone. Kind of a gay ending, huh. Well, that's it for a club try. It was fun so I probably should go again, but it's really pricey and situation for me did not change much. Today I'm gonna go to a bar again.
Oh, also I've seen how JP guys come to girls, whisper something to the ear and then they laugh. Now I wonder what can an unknown guy in a club say to get such a reaction.

 

[valtiel]

Okay, so today it was a bar and I learned a lot there., here is the story
Came in early, thinking I might blend in with some guys and I was right.
A Sweden guy and US guy came in. The US one did not look standoffish(while I'm チャラい as fuck), just some blend clothes like jeans and black shirt.
The guy did not know any Japanese, and he was okay talking to any girl in a bar and having fun. Sorry for being a creepy stalker, but I wanted to learn more from how he was doing looking at his actions.
I just noticed how he was a natural chick magnet, not a single second of pauses, smooth talking and the guy was completely okay with being a hot knife in a social butter.
In the end he got me to 3 girls(I knew it would be fun, but still another 3 contacts in LINE and that's all), while he was having a blast with one of the best chicks out there and she completely fell in with him.
Doing funny things, always talking, if not with her he just came to random girls and started conversations while the one he managed to pull out threw daggers with her eyes.
And when I asked him how is he doing this he just answered me that he is being himself and that's all, no secret.
Well, yeah, that was a score from the first try, US-my country 1-0.

In the end, the phrase

If you're a complete bore, well not much will save you.

Shined with a new meaning. Yeah, there are alpha males who lead the pack and there are guys like me who can only be friends forever.
Not a single guide or FAQ or post in a forum will make you that hot knife I was talking about earlier: talking a lot, doing funny stuff and being as natural as you can at the same time.
At least I did understand what was wrong, thanks everyone for the help.

 

[split]

Where is this bar?

 

[valtiel]

It could be any bar, really. But this was Gossip Lounge in Sapporo.

 

[john.smith]

Yes, this is a thing, we don't have all the same social skills. I think for people like us (me and you at least), bars and clubs are not the best place to go.
I had way more fun and nice conversation in friend's parties or meetups rather than bars. In fact I never managed to have one in bars.

Well, except one bar, but I had suspicions the girl was paid.

 

[john.smith]

to conclude I would say that the question of this post was "how keeping a girl interested in you", but a better question would be "how being interested into the girl (not with your dick)".
Poor social skills is often about being bored of people, not boring people I think.

 

[gaijinsan]

Yeah, there are alpha males who lead the pack and there are guys like me who can only be friends forever.
Not a single guide or FAQ or post in a forum will make you that hot knife I was talking about earlier: talking a lot, doing funny stuff and being as natural as you can at the same time.

Man, forget all that alpha male BS. Nothing they're doing is innate; you can learn to be funnier, better at conversation, more comfortable with yourself. Also, quality always trumps quantity in the social sphere. If a woman thinks you have something interesting to say, she couldn't give a f*ck if some "alpha" is filling the air with schtick.

 

[TAG Manager]

Well, here's a question for you:

Once you snag the girl, do you know what you're going to do from there? You'd best have a plan... because when the ball drops and she's ready to go, looking like a deer caught in a pair of headlights won't net you any p-points.

 

[Wwanderer]

Well, here's a question for you:

Once you snag the girl, do you know what you're going to do from there? You'd best have a plan... because when the ball drops and she's ready to go, looking like a deer caught in a pair of headlights won't net you any p-points.

It is an exceptionally good question imo, especially on TAG where there is so very much focus on how to meet and start dating (and/or screwing) a woman. Imo, that is *relatively* easy compared to how to sustain a relationship once it is started (which in turn is relatively easy compared to how to live together on a routine day-to-day basis which in turn is relatively easy compared to how to make a long term life and home together which in turn is relatively easy compared to how to raise children together which in turn is relatively easy compared to how to spend decades together which in turn is relatively easy compared to how to ...).

-Ww

 

[split]

My equation is:
18 month dating = 6 months living together.

 

[valtiel]

Nothing they're doing is innate

Always thought that personality is formed by the age of 5-7 years old, ain't it? Skills can be learned, sure, but I'm having some doubts about how easy it is to become more outgoing or how do you call it. I mean, the kind of thing I've seen from that American guy, the charisma.

Once you snag the girl, do you know what you're going to do from there?

At the moment this sounds like a positive thinking to me. There is acutally one girl, but she considers to get married to me which I'm obviously not prepared to do. For some historical reasons jp girls are often ok to marry a guy they have known only from the internet just because he is nice.
Nevertheless, being without any sexual experience is just embarassing at this age. So I'm learning at least how to talk to a girl without having any things in common, there is also a fun of a challenge involved. Well, and of course it's always a pleasure to be in a company with cute girls.

 

[just4fun]

My equation is:
18 month dating = 6 months living together.

totally disagree......but that's just me. I'll know way before 18 months whether it has a chance or not......

 

[Wwanderer]

I'll know way before 18 months whether it has a chance or not......

That's because you go on a date every other day or so!

-Ww

 

[just4fun]

Always thought that personality is formed by the age of 5-7 years old, ain't it? Skills can be learned, sure, but I'm having some doubts about how easy it is to become more outgoing or how do you call it. I mean, the kind of thing I've seen from that American guy, the charisma.

At the moment this sounds like a positive thinking to me. There is acutally one girl, but she considers to get married to me which I'm obviously not prepared to do. For some historical reasons jp girls are often ok to marry a guy they have known only from the internet just because he is nice.
Nevertheless, being without any sexual experience is just embarassing at this age. So I'm learning at least how to talk to a girl without having any things in common, there is also a fun of a challenge involved. Well, and of course it's always a pleasure to be in a company with cute girls.

Having nothing in common works very well. You play a game where you do something she likes to do and then visa versa.....opens up both of your minds to new things.

 

[Wwanderer]

Having nothing in common works very well. You play a game where you do something she likes to do and then visa versa.....opens up both of your minds to new things.

This is one of those posts I want to like more than once! Very wise.

Though I'd say ideal is having some things in common and somethings very much not in common, i.e., things the other person knows nothing about, has never experienced or even contemplated etc.

-Ww

 

[just4fun]

This is one of those posts I want to like more than once! Very wise.

Though I'd say ideal is having some things in common and somethings very much not in common, i.e., things the other person knows nothing about, has never experienced or even contemplated etc.

-Ww

Agreed.......but I'm talking about is when you get to a point of it getting boring from doing what you both like continually.....just open things up a little......it's actually interesting......