Keeping A Girl Interested In You?

[valtiel]

Basically, asking for tips and advices. Easier to understand outline:
Yesterday I got 5 contacts in a bar, spending like about an hour per girl - getting along and seeing how far I can go. The hardest thing is when tommorow comes and they aren't replying/replying slow/next week everyone is busy. At the bar I was called kawaii and kakkoii, one time even charai, but I can't pull anyone outside for the happy ending and getting contacts as usual ends in nothing.
I sense that there is a problem in a conversation flow, its not easy to keep things rolling with girls who like Disney only or nothing at all(yeah, there are some who say they don't have any hobbies). Conversation is going like a pattern and I don't know how to keep it fresh, especially in cases where I can't see anything in common between us. I expect somebody posting "just become an interesting person" and he will probably be right, that's a one way to resolve the issue, but it won't really help just hearing this.
Any advices and tricks are welcome: how do you talk with girls you just met? What to talk about if your hobbies are different? Are there any pauses in your conversation, how fast you recover and what themes do you usually use?
I'm sorry for generalizing conversation flow with girls, it's just that I'm too new to all of this and still learning.
Ah, it's so hard to be young and green. Maybe next time I should try going to a club.

 

[TAG Manager]

one time even charai

This isn't necessarily a good term...

Where were you meeting these girls at? Just some random low-key bar? (it wasn't a club, since you said you'd go there next time.)

I just learned to be myself and let things flow easily. You need to find something to complement the women on and get them to talk about themselves more.
Nails, jewelry, hair -- take something mundane and try to expand on it without getting creep-tastic. I start with basic points and get them to open up, usually works pretty well.

I'm pulling out of the pick-up market for the time being, seems I have my hands full right now...

 

[BlackJack1]

Basically, asking for tips and advices. Easier to understand outline:
Yesterday I got 5 contacts in a bar, spending like about an hour per girl - getting along and seeing how far I can go. The hardest thing is when tommorow comes and they aren't replying/replying slow/next week everyone is busy. At the bar I was called kawaii and kakkoii, one time even charai, but I can't pull anyone outside for the happy ending and getting contacts as usual ends in nothing.
I sense that there is a problem in a conversation flow, its not easy to keep things rolling with girls who like Disney only or nothing at all(yeah, there are some who say they don't have any hobbies). Conversation is going like a pattern and I don't know how to keep it fresh, especially in cases where I can't see anything in common between us. I expect somebody posting "just become an interesting person" and he will probably be right, that's a one way to resolve the issue, but it won't really help just hearing this.
Any advices and tricks are welcome: how do you talk with girls you just met? What to talk about if your hobbies are different? Are there any pauses in your conversation, how fast you recover and what themes do you usually use?
I'm sorry for generalizing conversation flow with girls, it's just that I'm too new to all of this and still learning.
Ah, it's so hard to be young and green. Maybe next time I should try going to a club.

Get used to it bro. Japanese women are shy to talk,they are embarrassed by their english ability. So they just let the man do the talking.

 

[Kegger]

Back in the good ole days I used to have a lot of success using the following.

Talk to them in a bar / club.
Contact them later but keep it short. Choose something that doesn't appear to be a date like situation ( English Lesson, say you need help to handle some Japanese paperwork).
Have the quasi date and keep things light.

More often than not following this procedure, by the 3rd meeting I'd have them asking me when we could go for a night out. (Once they say any thing about going drinking you are good to go)

Key is to get them comfortable and over the initial fear factor.

Mind you, this was over 20 years ago.

 

[valtiel]

http://www.best-of-sapporo-japan.com/gossip-lounge.html
This bar, it's pretty good and there are a lot of young and fashionable people.

Nails, jewelry, hair

Jewelry and nails, my usual route. I often go for the nails, like wow so stylish, did you do it yourself? In case of a jewelry if I see a ring it could develop into marrying subject. A few minutes can go by this talk.

get them to talk about themselves more

A good point, will keep this in mind next time.

Contact them later but keep it short

I'm asking to go for a coffee, sounds pretty usual to me. Or is it not?

 

[Wwanderer]

Ask her a question about herself, and then let her finish talking without interrupting. Also listen to what she says and remember it...bring it back into the conversation again a bit later via another comment or question. Basically it is no different from talking to anyone else. You just want to keep a two way exchange going in a way that feels natural.

-Ww

 

[just4fun]

Ask her a question about herself, and then let her finish talking without interrupting. Also listen to what she says and remember it...bring it back into the conversation again a bit later via another comment or question. Basically it is no different from talking to anyone else. You just want to keep a two way exchange going in a way that feels natural.

-Ww

(sigh) to much information.......

 

[valtiel]

Ask her a question about herself, and then let her finish talking without interrupting. Also listen to what she says and remember it...bring it back into the conversation again a bit later via another comment or question. Basically it is no different from talking to anyone else. You just want to keep a two way exchange going in a way that feels natural.

-Ww

Damn, this may sound too obvious, but I'm not sure I have tried to do it this way. I should try a calm approach with a more natural feel to it. Guess, I'm reading too much info on pickup with all the woman categorization and math. Thanks, this is useful, will try.

 

[Wwanderer]

Damn, this may sound too obvious, but I'm not sure I have tried to do it this way. I should try a calm approach with a more natural feel to it. Guess, I'm reading too much info on pickup with all the woman categorization and math. Thanks, this is useful, will try.

I'm glad that it sounds promising to you, and I hope that it works out well.

To amplify the same advice, basically just rephrasing it, a good approach in my opinion is simply having and enjoying a good and engaging conversation, to both of you, and never mind thinking about categories, techniques for keeping her interested, math ("math"???), goals like getting her contact info or a date or indeed anything that isn't actually part of the conversation. If you both enjoy the interaction, then those other things usually follow easily enough without any special effort, and even if they don't, at least you will have had an enjoyable conversation. If you and she don't enjoy your initial interaction, then she isn't likely to agree to go out with you anyway, and even if she does, it isn't likely that it will work out well for either of you.

-Ww

 

[DJV]

I'm glad that it sounds promising to you, and I hope that it works out well.

To amplify the same advice, basically just rephrasing it, a good approach in my opinion is simply having and enjoying a good and engaging conversation, to both of you, and never mind thinking about categories, techniques for keeping her interested, math ("math"???), goals like getting her contact info or a date or indeed anything that isn't actually part of the conversation. If you both enjoy the interaction, then those other things usually follow easily enough without any special effort, and even if they don't, at least you will have had an enjoyable conversation. If you and she don't enjoy your initial interaction, then she isn't likely to agree to go out with you anyway, and even if she does, it isn't likely that it will work out well for either of you.

-Ww

And enjoying a conversation doesn't necessarily mean agreeing about everything.
Sometimes you can argue and fight a lot and it may not seem enjoyable at first, only to finish with super-torrid sex
Only thing to avoid is dull, creepy and overly predictable

 

[Wwanderer]

And enjoying a conversation doesn't necessarily mean agreeing about everything.

I agree that one needn't agree!

(Slightly more seriously, imo you should agree or disagree to whatever extent you actually do and *not* consider its implications for possible sex later during the conversation.)

-Ww

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

Basically, asking for tips and advices. Easier to understand outline:
Yesterday I got 5 contacts in a bar, spending like about an hour per girl - getting along and seeing how far I can go. The hardest thing is when tommorow comes and they aren't replying/replying slow/next week everyone is busy. At the bar I was called kawaii and kakkoii, one time even charai, but I can't pull anyone outside for the happy ending and getting contacts as usual ends in nothing.
I sense that there is a problem in a conversation flow, its not easy to keep things rolling with girls who like Disney only or nothing at all(yeah, there are some who say they don't have any hobbies). Conversation is going like a pattern and I don't know how to keep it fresh, especially in cases where I can't see anything in common between us. I expect somebody posting "just become an interesting person" and he will probably be right, that's a one way to resolve the issue, but it won't really help just hearing this.
Any advices and tricks are welcome: how do you talk with girls you just met? What to talk about if your hobbies are different? Are there any pauses in your conversation, how fast you recover and what themes do you usually use?
I'm sorry for generalizing conversation flow with girls, it's just that I'm too new to all of this and still learning.
Ah, it's so hard to be young and green. Maybe next time I should try going to a club.

One time I met this Japanese girl who was like this. She loved everything Disney and didn't like much else.

I mentioned to her that many Disney movies have subliminal messages and even images of phalluses. She was shocked not because she believed me, but because of what I said.

She called me a bad man and walked away. I called her a stupid cunt and told her to do her research.

Don't expect much from most Japanese women. The Japanese culture farms unintelligent, complacent drama queens with absolutely no critical thought.

 

[meiji]

One time I met this Japanese girl who was like this. She loved everything Disney and didn't like much else.

I mentioned to her that many Disney movies have subliminal messages and even images of phalluses. She was shocked not because she believed me, but because of what I said.

She called me a bad man and walked away. I called her a stupid cunt and told her to do her research.

Don't expect much from most Japanese women. The Japanese culture farms unintelligent, complacent drama queens with absolutely no critical thought.

Maybe if you didn't act like an anti-social asshat to her, you might have had a longer conversation. Regardless of who the girl was, it was your comment that cut the conversation short.

 

[just4fun]

One time I met this Japanese girl who was like this. She loved everything Disney and didn't like much else.

I mentioned to her that many Disney movies have subliminal messages and even images of phalluses. She was shocked not because she believed me, but because of what I said.

She called me a bad man and walked away. I called her a stupid cunt and told her to do her research.

Don't expect much from most Japanese women. The Japanese culture farms unintelligent, complacent drama queens with absolutely no critical thought.

Ahhhh, you should have added how much Walt hated the japanese and that he was proudest of his propaganda shorts and cartoons......she would have gotten so wet for you and you would have hit a homerun in your first at bat with her........

 

[Curacao]

Don't expect much from most Japanese women. The Japanese culture farms unintelligent, complacent drama queens with absolutely no critical thought.

This is just not true. I think there is a certain amount of either projection or trolling (or both), but I don't think it is healthy for you to harbour such deeply troubling views - and they are unlikely to help you build lasting relationships with Japanese woman.

 

[TAG Manager]

A lot of women just want to be listened to and not just passive but actual listening and paying attention to what they say.

As already mentioned, compliments are nice.. but mean more when the comments are genuine. It all builds into a chemistry...

If you're a complete bore, well not much will save you.

 

[TAG Manager]

This is just not true. I think there is a certain amount of either projection or trolling (or both), but I don't think it is healthy for you to harbour such deeply troubling views - and they are unlikely to help you build lasting relationships with Japanese woman.

Agreed. I think some people just pick the wrong places to hang out or simply are meeting the wrong types of people.
There are bad eggs in every culture, some more extreme than others. However, there are smart, well educated and responsible Japanese ladies out there. Try getting into a professional circle of friends and you'll find the diamonds.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

Maybe if you didn't act like an anti-social asshat to her, you might have had a longer conversation. Regardless of who the girl was, it was your comment that cut the conversation short.

Yes, I was being anti-social but so was she. Rather than doing a 2 second google search to prove what I said wasn't made up or take my word, she just assumes I'm lying and that I'm a "bad man". I would say she was also being rather judgmental and kind of an asshat as well.

Once in a while, I get into these stupid conversations with the more uptight women where steering clear of any arguments is literally impossible, so I just give up and move on.

 

[RandomTokyoGuy]

Yes, I was being anti-social but so was she. Rather than doing a 2 second google search to prove what I said wasn't made up or take my word, she just assumes I'm lying and that I'm a "bad man".

What do you expect, if the first thing you do is degrading something she likes?

 

[john.smith]

I empathy with you valtiel. It is really hard to me to process their conversation, it makes me bored to death... and I am often the same to them.
There are very few women I could keep conversation on, but I admit I rarely try to force myself. I don't know if it is a good or bad thing... In a sense feel like bad for not having any sex outside P4P, on the other feeling grateful not having to bear recuring boredom. Hope I could find some magic pills to convince myself what they say is indeed interesting... but I don't use drug.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

What do you expect, if the first thing you do is degrading something she likes?

Does it really make me a "bad man" for just telling her something that is true about many Disney movies? I wasn't telling her in a condescending manner. I was just saying it as a "matter of fact" type thing and she got super defensive and said I was bad lol. I will remember to never share random trivia like this with other Japanese women.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

Agreed. I think some people just pick the wrong places to hang out or simply are meeting the wrong types of people.
There are bad eggs in every culture, some more extreme than others. However, there are smart, well educated and responsible Japanese ladies out there. Try getting into a professional circle of friends and you'll find the diamonds.

I will continue my search for more professional circles and network my way into them with more determination. I just met some new people at an Xmas party and some of them seemed professional.

 

[Wwanderer]

I empathy with you valtiel. It is really hard to me to process their conversation, it makes me bored to death... and I am often the same to them.
There are very few women I could keep conversation on, but I admit I rarely try to force myself. I don't know if it is a good or bad thing... In a sense feel like bad for not having any sex outside P4P, on the other feeling grateful not having to bear recuring boredom. Hope I could find some magic pills to convince myself what they say is indeed interesting... but I don't use drug.

If you find a person's conversation and company extremely boring, you are surely both better off not getting involved with each other...just common sense, right?

If you find the conversation and company of all, or nearly all, women boring, then...well, that's a problem of a whole different order.

-Ww

 

[Sudsy]

Does it really make me a "bad man" for just telling her something that is true about many Disney movies? I wasn't telling her in a condescending manner. I was just saying it as a "matter of fact" type thing and she got super defensive and said I was bad lol. I will remember to never share random trivia like this with other Japanese women.

You said she was into all things Disney, and apparently quite enthusaistic about it... and you made a comment that stuck a pin in her fantasy bubble.

From her perspective, you came across like one of those vegans that likes to post slaughterhouse gore to turn people off of eating meat.

As a certain Dude once said... "You're not wrong...". Go watch the Big Lebowski to get the rest of the quote.

 

[John Chavers]