Mean SD? Need advice

[Katyakisa]

Hey guys ! (second message on here but I'd def like to have your expertise on this)

So I have been on 2 dates with this POT and well...let's say that he is pretty ruthless in some of his comments. I gotta admit that I got a bit chubby this year and he seems to like to point it out as often as he can. To quote him he said I was too fat and needed to lose weight, that it was a great waste to be fat with such a beautiful face and that I should lose weight rapidly because I am getting old (to top things off).

He seems to be an overall fun and nice gentleman but his comments are really bugging me. I mean, I know I should lose weight for many reasons (mostly professional) and I want to, but bashing me all the time won't make me get back in shape any faster.

Do you think he's just trying to "help" with his comments or is he just using his power as a SD to be mean to someone? I really can't tell.

 

[Frenchy]

Hey guys ! (second message on here but I'd def like to have your expertise on this)

So I have been on 2 dates with this POT and well...let's say that he is pretty ruthless in some of his comments. I gotta admit that I got a bit chubby this year and he seems to like to point it out as often as he can. To quote him he said I was too fat and needed to lose weight, that it was a great waste to be fat with such a beautiful face and that I should lose weight rapidly because I am getting old (to top things off).

He seems to be an overall fun and nice gentleman but his comments are really bugging me. I mean, I know I should lose weight for many reasons (mostly professional) and I want to, but bashing me all the time won't make me get back in shape any faster.

Do you think he's just trying to "help" with his comments or is he just using his power as a SD to be mean to someone? I really can't tell.

« power as a SD »?!
Gimme a break

 

[TAG Manager]

Do you think he's just trying to "help" with his comments or is he just using his power as a SD to be mean to someone? I really can't tell.

You actually hold the power, not him. It sounds like he doesn't respect you, at all.
Time to drop him and find someone that's more respectful.

Being an SD doesn't mean they get a license to be rude and abusive.

 

[Simonka]

Pale pink white skin, beautiful blue or green eyes, and an exceptionally beautiful face with a chubby hourglass body would capture my heart over a super fit body with an average face. But that’s just me. I’m not a sugar daddy, nor a man.

That said nobody deserves to be harassed and humiliated over their physical appearance in any kind of relationship

 

[Frenchy]

. I’m not a sugar daddy, nor a man.

... yes, I can vouch for that
But you’d be terrific at both , Im sure

 

[Simonka]

... yes, I can vouch for that
But you’d be terrific at both , Im sure

Did you just tell me to grow some balls

 

[Katyakisa]

Yeah I guess SD have as much power as SB give them. I just tend to be too nice to people and just smile to their mean comments or go full rage mode on them and make them regret the day they were born haha no in between

 

[Katyakisa]

Pale pink white skin, beautiful blue or green eyes, and an exceptionally beautiful face with a chubby hourglass body would capture my heart over a super fit body with an average face. But that’s just me. I’m not a sugar daddy, nor a man.

That said nobody deserves to be harassed and humiliated over their physical appearance in any kind of relationship

And yeah I would def fall for the pretty face too but I wonder about most guys

 

[Frenchy]

Yeah I guess SD have as much power as SB give them. I just tend to be to nice to people and just smile to their mean comments or go full rage mode on them and make them regret the day they were born haha no in between

you’re just like me then (minus the (small) balls) )

 

[just4fun]

Seems like he's telling you exactly how he feels. Choice is yours if you want to hear that kind of talk or not. Just mho

 

[Katyakisa]

you’re just like me then (minus the (small) balls) )

haha we'll get along then ! (I won't break your balls I swear )

 

[Katyakisa]

Seems like he's telling you exactly how he feels. Choice is yours if you want to hear that kind of talk or not. Just mho

I don't mind him telling me what he thinks but the repetition is kind of problematic. That's why I am kind of questioning the reason behind him telling me that. You can tell someone it might be better for them to lose weight for their job or whatever reason but 10 times in a couple of hours?? really?

 

[Jaaz]

If it bugs you now, think of how much it will bug you seeing him regularly regardless of the positives you're getting from it.

 

[Sudsy]

He seems to be an overall fun and nice gentleman

He's not. A person who punctuates "gentlemanly" behaviour with a little snipe here and a little snipe there is usually quite aware of what they're doing, which is trying to break down your self esteem a little at a time.

It's a huge red flag in any kind of relationship, professional or personal.

(I won't break your balls I swear )

Don't be so sure. Frenchy seems to have this peculiar effect on ladies...

 

[Frenchy]

He's not. A person who punctuates "gentlemanly" behaviour with a little snipe here and a little snipe there is usually quite aware of what they're doing, which is trying to break down your self esteem a little at a time.

It's a huge red flag in any kind of relationship, professional or personal.



Don't be so sure. Frenchy seems to have this peculiar effect on ladies...

we call them « casse couilles » in French (balls breakers, litterally)

You know what? i plead guilty to the sin you mentioned above. But just as a revenge.

if a wife/SB/GF/whatever tries to break my balls about my looks or just the way I am ... then they usually regret it .

 

[Katyakisa]

You're right. I don't need toxic people in my life, ESPECIALLY a toxic SD
OH and I just remembered it but he also made comments about me to the waiter at some point ! When he complimented my looks the SD answered that "the face is nice but she still has to work on the body". I had to turn myself into a napkin for a few minutes to escape this public bashing haha

I guess I need to look for new POTs now. If there are any candidates...

 

[Sudsy]

we call them « casse couilles » in French (balls breakers, litterally)

You know what? i plead guilty to the sin you mentioned above. But just as a revenge.

if a wife/SB/GF/whatever tries to break my balls about my looks or just the way I am ... then they usually regret it .

'Twas purely a jest, you're one of my favourite people, and you know it.

But we should stay on topic, which is the attempts of this particular "gentleman" to low-key gaslight this young lady.

 

[MikeH]

Well, this is an easy one. Drop him like a used condom to the nearest bin and run like the wind.

As @Sudsy already told you he is not a nice gentleman but everything else. Comments like "it is a great waste to be fat with such a beautiful face" are the Negging 101 tactics used by guys who call themselves PUAs.

 

[Ken1988]

Is that SD old Japanese? If so, what he meant could be something different, probably out of an inferiority complex over his looks.

 

[Katyakisa]

Is that SD old Japanese? If so, what he meant could be something different, probably out of an inferiority complex over his looks.

Yeah he is pretty old, might be it haha

 

[namae]

Hey guys ! (second message on here but I'd def like to have your expertise on this)

So I have been on 2 dates with this POT and well...let's say that he is pretty ruthless in some of his comments. I gotta admit that I got a bit chubby this year and he seems to like to point it out as often as he can. To quote him he said I was too fat and needed to lose weight, that it was a great waste to be fat with such a beautiful face and that I should lose weight rapidly because I am getting old (to top things off).

He seems to be an overall fun and nice gentleman but his comments are really bugging me. I mean, I know I should lose weight for many reasons (mostly professional) and I want to, but bashing me all the time won't make me get back in shape any faster.

Do you think he's just trying to "help" with his comments or is he just using his power as a SD to be mean to someone? I really can't tell.

Neither. He is indirectly telling you to "shape up, or ship out".

 

[Frenchy]

Neither. He is indirectly telling you to "shape up, or ship out".

Not so « indirectly » it seems. Sounds completely direct , even blunt

 

[Ken1988]

Yeah he is pretty old, might be it haha

Then he might have been trying to "balance" between the "old and ugly" him and the "young and beautiful" you. The difference may be "shame" in a Japanese way of thinking, which might make him feel insecure. If so, he has a motivation to bring you down to his level (even just a little bit) to overcome the insecurity. Whenever he is rude about your appearance, it's not meant to be to you but to himself - probably.

 

[Danbo]

OH and I just remembered it but he also made comments about me to the waiter at some point ! When he complimented my looks the SD answered that "the face is nice but she still has to work on the body". I had to turn myself into a napkin for a few minutes to escape this public bashing haha

Telling you things like that in private is not nice....but doing this in public with a third person involved is super rude. That's really shitty behavoir to belittle you. I wouldn't stick up with that, it's also a matter of dignity ....I think this situation in the west would result in getting slapped.

 

[Katyakisa]

Neither. He is indirectly telling you to "shape up, or ship out".

But why would he contact me everyday and ask me out that's what I don't understand. I mean it's not as if we've been in an arrangement for years and I suddenly put weight on...we've been on 2 dates !

Then he might have been trying to "balance" between the "old and ugly" him and the "young and beautiful" you. The difference may be "shame" in a Japanese way of thinking, which might make him feel insecure. If so, he has a motivation to bring you down to his level (even just a little bit) to overcome the insecurity. Whenever he is rude about your appearance, it's not meant to be to you but to himself - probably.

I think you are right ! It actually happened to me at a part time job where the old boss was being super mean to me for no reason, calling me stupid and other casualties. Sounds common here. I wish they'd fix their insecurities a different way though

Telling you things like that in private is not nice....but doing this in public with a third person involved is super rude. That's really shitty behavoir to belittle you. I wouldn't stick up with that, it's also a matter of dignity ....I think this situation in the west would result in getting slapped.

I know right. Can't hardly picture the same situation happening in the west or the guy would get a ride home in an ambulance haha