Without going into too much detail, I had valid reasons for not wanting to pursue things further with her until I chose to. It helps that she's out of the business now (of course I have no doubt she's still having sex, as am I) and I'm in a very different place in life myself. We've talked a few times since and we're still on friendly terms if nothing else. I also learned everything I know about her directly from her, so if I'm a stalker, I'm a pretty shitty one.
The point of describing myself as being tall good looking etc was not to toot my own horn. The point was to illustrate that I'm not what often comes to mind when people think of mongers. To illustrate that there's zero chance of this being a purely transactional (in the gold digging sense) relationship. All of those things I said about myself are true, but as I've known my entire life, they're not a ticket to easy or fulfilling relationships. I had to put in some effort to become good with women due to my upbringing and have been mostly disappointed with the fruits of that labor, especially here in the good ol' US of A. So pardon me for being frustrated when the incels think I live life on easy mode while the women I do attract see me as an easy lay at best or a future ex husband at worst.
I had something of an obsession over her, sure, but is that really a problem? She came in my life at exactly the right time for that to happen and leave a lasting impact. There's always been other romantic interests in my life since then. Hell, I was on and off with another woman when I made the decision to visit her (this was during a decidedly off period). So, needless to say, your assumptions are not as true as you believe them to be.
As you can hopefully tell, the initial frustration has long worn off and I'm able to see things more clearly now. I knew it wasn't the end of the world then, though I couldn't help but feel that I ended that trip with more questions than answers. Despite wanting to take things in stride going in to the visit, I wasn't really in the headspace for it due to how emotionally invested I was in the outcome. That was a recipe for failure and I knew it, but I simply didn't see any other way out of it.
The good news is as stated before, we still keep in touch and amicably at that. Maybe this was a necessary thing for both of us. I'm no longer emotionally invested in where things go from here and she has the peace of mind that I'm not trying to use her. I actually do enjoy her company and appreciate her better personality traits. I didn't decide to rape her in a country where the cops show up in a week. We enjoyed a handful of good moments in a short amount of time. And, not for nothing, but if either of us is on the autism spectrum, it's definitely her. She managed to stare at a progress bar on her computer for a solid half hour at least. I'd rather blow my brains out, personally.
