Passivity and Busy OLs: I can't gauge interest

[MikeH]

You are a guy, im guessing straight and white, from a developed country living in another developed country. Please dont complain about stuff like having to put in some effort to get laid.

I am pretty sure I have never agreed with any post anywhere more than this.

 

[lurk3r]

Myself can be quite oblivious, so I have to use some techniques otherwise I wouldn't have made it as far (short?) as I have so far.

 

[MikeH]

Myself can be quite oblivious, so I have to use some techniques otherwise I wouldn't have made it as far (short?) as I have so far.

You know what they say about people who are doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results?

It seems obvious that with those techniques you are not getting the results you would like to have. If so then it would appear obvious that you should stop using them.

 

[Acid Burn]

That said, what really is the difference between going out with someone you met on the internet and someone you met at a bar or on the street?

The difference is the type that does these things. It’s like asking what’s the difference between a random girl you meet that frequents a bar compared to a random girl you meet that frequents a library.

They are both strangers but the venue of meeting indicates the type of girl she is. In general. Yes yes, there can be overlap in the types that do these things but this is just generally speaking.

 

[lurk3r]

It seems obvious that with those techniques you are not getting the results you would like to have. If so then it would appear obvious that you should stop using them.

Ok. I’ll stop flirty body touching and I’ll ignore body language. Surely I’ll be successful then.

No. I’m not getting the results I want because, as Lukes pointed out, I’m going into the date with different expectations than the girl is. It’s my assessment that my expectation is causing me to not apply the techniques of leading and escalating aggressively enough because I’m waiting for reciprocation that won’t manifest—since apparently the girl’s expectation is to show up and just follow.

Somewhere in the thread the idea that I’m looking for a serious relationship came up. Not sure how. I said I met one girl who felt like LTR material to me. I never said I was specifically looking for a serious relationship.

At any rate, I got the info I need. Looking around these forums I see a common trend of having shit reading comprehension, being dicks to other users, and bitching about sexless marriages you chose to be in. I guess that’s what happens when forums become a shill for escorts and soaps.

 

[Durg50]

common trend of having shit reading comprehension, being dicks to other users, and bitching about sexless marriages you chose to be in.

Right? The guys bitching about rubbish marriages are almost as pathetic as the guys that cant get laid despite knowing they are super desirable.

 

[Frenchy]

Looking around these forums I see a common trend of having shit reading comprehension, being dicks to other users, and bitching about sexless marriages you chose to be in.

I guess that’s what happens when forums become a shill for escorts and soaps.

You’re entitled to your opinion , but I just can’t see the logical link between the two sentences above . Feel free to dick-answer me

 

[Rusty Trombone]

Why not try one of the @Sinapse work shops? (I'm serious, not being facetious)

IMHO you are trying to be this super nice guy, whereas I suspect most Japanese women wanting to dip their toe in the gaijin lake are out for a bit of naughty!

 

[Acid Burn]

Why not try one of the @Sinapse work shops? (I'm serious, not being facetious)

I was actually just thinking that too.

OP, have you read any of his posts/threads?

 

[joeking]

Looking around these forums I see a common trend of having shit reading comprehension, being dicks to other users, and bitching about sexless marriages you chose to be in. I guess that’s what happens when forums become a shill for escorts and soaps.

Yet here you came for advice. Funny, that.

 

[MikeH]

Ok. I’ll stop flirty body touching and I’ll ignore body language. Surely I’ll be successful then.

Yeah, keep the attitude. Surely people will run to advice you when they see how well you take it.

 

[Sinapse]

You’re expecting a ton of mutuality and effort from the girl. She is meeting you, laughing, and will likely follow wherever you go. That’s about all the effort she will put forth. She can’t spread her legs for you unprompted, she can’t pull the two of you into isolation, she can’t make the first kiss, because that makes her look cheap and easy.

the way you get over feeling like “it’s rapey” is to remember that at any point she can leave, reject your kiss/escalation, and deny your attempts to meet her in the first place and take her into a private location. Other than that YES you have to do 150% of the work and NO you can’t expect her to do any of this for you.

Kino (a creepy word for the normal act of touching girls) is fine but PDA is not necessary and waiting for it/expecting it is going to mess you up. Better to just bring her somewhere private first and then make your moves

At the end of the date just walk the girl to a hotel or your house and walk in. Honestly it’s kind of a crime to keep going on dates with girls and depriving them of penis, that’s not very gentlemanly.

 

[Durg50]

Kino (a creepy word for the normal act of touching girls)

Im so glad you said that!

 

[Markie]

@lurk3r I totally understand your situation. I know its really frustrating when during dates , women don't reciprocate in a way you desire.
I actually met this girl online and had a date last month , and she came wearing a hoodie and beanie It really hard to flirt with these kind of girls who show no interest in communicating and seems like only guys have to do all the work.
What I have found out is meeting online girls is kind of waste of time, even though I have had some sort of success in past year( had like 10 girls , with minimum effort). I was also like you , looking online and was once overthinking what should i write to them etc. I realized that online girls have some sort of agenda in their mind and depending on their age,education, English level , they already know what they are looking for. So it doesn't even matter what i say as opening line , some girls will agree to meet and engage in coitus and some will not reply no matter how much you go through their profile and try to understand them as a person.
They also seem to be affected by Cinderella complex.
And then , due to availability of vast number of attractive guys at their fingertip , unless you are really good looking (Which I am not) , they will always go for them.
What i am trying to tell you here is that its not your fault if they don't seem engaging with Online girls, just have a good time on a date , try to enjoy the meal with a person and then at the end find a place and escalate. These girls act quite different when they are alone with you.
I went to LH with that hoodie wearing girl (SNL) even though she could not be more uninterested in me while we were having dinner. As I said , in their mind they already know how much they are willing to put out and its our duty to lead them.
just bite the bullet and go for it at the end of date.

 

[namae]

I would generally agree with @Lukes advice above, in using tinder your basically fishing in a toxic pool. Yes, you may find some gems - but the odds are stacked against you.

You sound like an attractive package, and if you are, women ( including Japanese women) won't hesitate to let you know that. Their objectives may not align with yours - they may see you as a ONS, a sex friend, boyfriend material or husband material - but that is not important in the early stages of the encounter.

Like most people living in Tokyo,I have been through the whole Tokyo dating scene and used a variety of options to meet women - Tinder, online apps, classifieds, bars and clubs, the gym, random meets in coffee shops but the most effective way has been to meet friends of friends in social settings like BBQs and home parties. In meeting women in bars and clubs, and in social settings, I would describe my style as "very passive". I put myself in positions to meet women, and then let them do most of the work. I found this strategy worked well for me.That includes bars ( and clubs to a lesser extent), even though that is not really my scene. You have to put yourself out there to get results. If you exclude bars and clubs, then you are excluding a large chunk of the dating scene. Your going to have work harder in other settings - like your gym, and hobby circles.

So think about putting yourself in more positions to meet real women in the real world, and save Tinder for hookups - where women clearly understand that you are looking for casual encounters.