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Please Help Me Find Love!

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@deckard
I am 37, you have fairly interpreted it right. I have often missed such little things as simply holding hands, small kisses on the chicks, someone launging on my shoulder, or as naive thing as just sharing a popcorn pack while watching a movie and, off course, opening my heart to someone - a soulmate, that's what I have missed for years. Sorry for writing this story. But it feels good to take it out. Thanks for your comment.
 
I'll be one to defend JHF here on parental involvement in marriage. There's a lot of economic pressure to this day, I would argue, world-wide, not just in Japan or India. Hell, there's the American trope of 'marrying a musician' which is known as probably one of the worst things a woman can do in the US, which is at its heart a marriage for love, but parents routinely hate that sort of thing.

Now, I can't speak to the Buddhist underpinnings, but in my experience women are either attracted to money or something else 'exciting'. If a guy is confident and has a plan for the future and can provide a woman a 'good time', as long as he sees to her needs, I don't see how a relationship or a marriage could be loveless or passionless. There's obviously a 'point of no return' that you have once a woman writes you off or vice versa, but if there's still a chance, just provide some passion and move forward.
 
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Frenchy said:
I must grant that to my future ex-wife: she indeed was not so upset when i told her i used p4P services to compensate for the sexless marriage. Apparently her friends told her their husbands do the same so, as often in Japan "if the others do it then its OK". Some western ladies would not only expect their husbands to endure zero (or rare) sex , but would feel totally offended if they go see elsewhere. So yes, to some extent, Japanese can be more "logical" about it.
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Thank You.

The Japanese are very logical when it comes to sex in marriage.

A marriage is regarded as a job to raise children, so they feel that sex is a distraction along with it also not being regarded as essential by Buddhist teachings, this view is also enforced by the health care workers when a wife takes her baby for health checks, the result is that both husband and wife do not have sex in marriage and will at some point have sex outside the marriage.

You do not need to divorce to change things, you just need to realize and understand your position in the marriage and appeal to her Japanese mind.
 
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I really wonder if the real plea has been forgotten. I wonder what the guys do when stuck in such such marriages. How do they get love or even sex? I have heard that there are clubs and events where even married people come find their regular partner. Any idea about such clubs and events?
 
I.need.love said:
I really wonder if the real plea has been forgotten. I wonder what the guys do when stuck in such such marriages. How do they get love or even sex? I have heard that there are clubs and events where even married people come find their regular partner. Any idea about such clubs and events?
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What I find strange about your situation is that you want love and passion, but before you married you understood the culture that surrounded marriage, but you cannot accept it.

Are you living in Japan or India?
 
justhavefun said:
What I find strange about your situation is that you want love and passion, but before you married you understood the culture that surrounded marriage, but you cannot accept it.

Are you living in Japan or India?
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I am in Japan and married to an Indian girl. Japanese culture is different, I think, from what you have written. We don't have too many sexless marriages, though there are plenty of arranged marriages. I am stuck in marriage where me and my wife are polls apart in thinking and simply can't love each other. We simply don't click.
 
Has your marriage changed since you have lived in Japan?

If it has changed since you have lived in Japan, have you thought it could be because your wife misses India?
 
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I am just trying to figure out what changed in your marriage to result in how you feel.

Are you saying that your wife has always been the way she is towards you?
 
Yes, we never clicked. Soon after marriage we came to Japan. We could never stay with our family. We continued to drift away from each other.
 
Frenchy said:
Because their parents decided for them , if I remember well...
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If his parents decided for him, it sounds like its more a case of them not accepting the situation.

But I am confused why they came to Japan and stay together, when they obviously do not want to be together.

He has also failed to mention if they have any children.
 
Yes, our marriage was arranged, decided by family. I talked to her just for 15 minutes, that to against her father 's will. It rarely happens that you go against your elders. We got married and came to Japan to stay away from families so that there is less interference. Many will be surprised if I say we have children. I didn't mention it because many wouldn't understand the situation and it would require a lot of explanation. To be short, we had children to please our parents and shut-up society back home. We both love our children and they keep us together though there is no love.
 
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I am confused why you came to Japan and had children when you never clicked.

If neither of you are Japanese how have you managed to stay in Japan?

I think you need to sort out your marriage first before you start seeing some one else, as its just going to make things worse.
 
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justhavefun said:
I am confused why you came to Japan and had children when you never clicked.

If neither of you are Japanese how have you managed to stay in Japan?

I think you need to sort out your marriage first before you start seeing some one else, as its just going to make things worse.
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Lol! You sound a bit like a judge or police officer , if I may say!
 
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There is nothing to laugh. That's how things go where I come from. I knew that imagination of most will fall short. I am not crazy to put this post here. I am not looking for anyone's judgement here.
 
I.need.love said:
There is nothing to laugh. That's how things go where I come from. I knew that imagination of most will fall short. I am not crazy to put this post here. I am not looking for anyone's judgement here.
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Not laughing its a face showing that I am confused.

You came here for help, but we cannot do that without all the facts, because it would be wrong to suggest you get divorced if there are factors we are not aware of and it would be wrong to suggest you get a GF when you are still married.
 
justhavefun said:
If you never clicked why get married in the first place?
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justhavefun said:
I am confused why you came to Japan and had children when you never clicked.
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....Because it was arranged. Being the stereotypical result or fear of such a thing, I would think you could at least piece that together :confused:

But I agree, having more facts about the situation does help us to give better thoughts and suggestions/advice on the matter. I personally find that things are far more complex if children are involved, and I'm sure everyone here would have different thoughts about the idea of staying in a marriage simply for the kids.
 
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How are your finances? How would your wife feel about you playing outside?

Becoming a sugar daddy is one option you should consider.

Do you feel that Japanese or Indian women are attracted to you? I hear that office romances are a big thing in India these days.
 
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DocMcStuffins said:
How are your finances? How would your wife feel about you playing outside?

Becoming a sugar daddy is one option you should consider.

Do you feel that Japanese or Indian women are attracted to you? I hear that office romances are a big thing in India these days.
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I am well to do but can't be extravegant. I am not sure how she will take it since playing outside is completely unthoughtful. I think it should be OK with her down the line though. I am not sure of the sugar daddy concept. I think it's like having a girl and supporting her like her daddy. It should come with a big price tag. Does such an arrangement guarantee love? I doubt it.

I don't think Japanese girls are attracted to brown skin. All have turned me down. Some of them being very rude. Indian girls maybe attracted to me.

I have heard that there are clubs and events where married people find partners. Are there really such events? Does anyone know?
 
I.need.love said:
I am well to do but can't be extravegant. I am not sure how she will take it since playing outside is completely unthoughtful. I think it should be OK with her down the line though. I am not sure of the sugar daddy concept. I think it's like having a girl and supporting her like her daddy. It should come with a big price tag. Does such an arrangement guarantee love? I doubt it.

I don't think Japanese girls are attracted to brown skin. All have turned me down. Some of them being very rude. Indian girls maybe attracted to me.

I have heard that there are clubs and events where married people find partners. Are there really such events? Does anyone know?
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Only you can decide if its right to see a woman outside your marriage and how it will affect your wife and your relationship with her.

As for Sugar Daddy that is not some thing I have seen or heard of in Japan, but I am aware that married men do spend time with a Mistress, who they may or may not share costs with when meeting, a lot depends on the arrangement they have, these mistresses could be married or single.

I have discussed this with my wife and we both agree that we do not feel that your problem has anything to do with you being brown, we feel its more related to these girls not wanting to date a man who is Married, or that you are over weight, or your attitude when you talk to them, we have never known a Japanese woman to be rude, just because you approach them, as they are more likely to just ignore you.
 
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