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Rant - Sexual Harassment

brutalhonesty

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RANT:
I work in a predominantly male industry, and I am fed up with the sexual harassment I have to put up with.
Granted, it's not every day, and my company is pretty good about it. My supervisors take it seriously, and we have to attend seminars, do online course and so on. But it's the worst when your client does it. And it's never directed at me, like they'll never say, "Oh, I want to fondle your tits," or "I want to take you home." But we'll be at a nomikai, and a guy in his 50's will be talking to my coworker, and say jokingly, "You haven't had sex with her yet?" or "Felt those tits yet?" (meaning me).

I'm a professional, and I've worked hard to get to where I am, and frankly I'm tired of not being taken seriously. I take pride in the fact that I'm one of the few females in this industry, and I wanted to set an example, but now I don't think it's worth it.

I'm going to do some research and find out how my company handles sexual harassment from clients.
 
Legally you have the right to file a sexual harassment complaint against your employer for exposing you to a client, or placing you in an environment where harassment occurs. You can contact your Human Resources department, and express your concerns. If your employer does not address the issue, you may file a complaint with the Japan labor board.

All that being said, however, the way your employer 'solves' this problem may find you suddenly transferred out of your department, or not going out on settai/networking events, which will probably hamper your career.

If you are working for a small Japanese company that thinks 'ISO Standards' has something to do with camera settings, chances are that your complaint will be considered an annoyance, and you might suddenly find yourself shoveling snow in Sapporo. But if you are working for an international firm, you WILL have the problem taken care of in a very satisfactory manner.
 
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When one of our suppliers starts talking about how uncomfortable he is having a foreigner in a meeting with him our manager says nothing. I don't like your chances with a customer.

I'm sure you're mature enough to know which battles are worth fighting, you might need to cool off a bit first.
 
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Given I work for a foreign based multinational, I can say this would definitely not be tolerated.

As for local companies I could not say.

Good luck with resolving it.
 
Unfortunately, I have to say imho, Japan is so far behind in terms of equality, sexism, racism a discrimination. And women themselves don't really help the matter as some expect to get married, quit their jobs stay home and raise children, be obedient to their husbands... I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that but... Yeah I'm use to more liberal women who are more on equal terms as the men.. But that's me and I'm more for women being ab to make a choice and being treated the same as men. Men should still be chivalrous I think, but I also don't think women should be demanding chivalry while demanding equality either.

Just my opinion and others may not think the same but that's what I believe. But @brutalhonesty i hope this gets resolved and you're more comfortable.
 
We need to face it that for all the sexual (and other) harassment laws put in place here, Japan the society is still 40 years behind upholding the intent of those laws. The nail that sticks up still gets hammered down and despite some successful harassment cases, that is the norm. Most don't bother to stick up, and Japan even finds new forms of harassment (e.g. maternity harassment). Japanese TV dramas are a weathervane for social issues - but how many times do we see, in simple context setting scenes, examples of sexual harassment that are taken as a given behaviour in that context, with the women laughing it off or coquettish complaint, or any protest being laughed off by males. Good luck, BrutallyHonest. You might be better off cornering a guy alone and threatening to rip his balls off if he tries anything - and get his business card first, threatening to let his office coworkers know is a good deterrent.
 
RANT:
I work in a predominantly male industry, and I am fed up with the sexual harassment I have to put up with.
.
Having worked as a manager of both Westerners and Japanese, and taking manager training for sexual harassment in different companies, perhaps I can add some helpful insight. And some of the advice given here already is good too.

1) You have to object and make it clear to those talking to you or about you that you are not comfortable with what they are saying.

If you don't, you are giving them a FREE PASS, particularly if it was only a VERBAL comment. Anything physical or sexual assault would be handled differently, but do clearly understand that a sexual assault charge once unleashed, there is usually no coming back or settling amicably.

Usually the verbal sexual harassment perpetrators, when confronted by HR, will claim they didn't realize you were offended or that they were "joking". Consequently, usually nothing will come out of your complaint or you will look bad. HR will just give them a warning, and you might now be considered an office "troublemaker". Often a silent job killer for women, as they look to get you out of there.

2) When you clearly and verbally object, with witnesses around, the perpetrators can't say they didn't know. However, they must do it AGAIN, for it to be sexual harassment.

Just because a co-worker or client asked you on a date or said a lewd joke, it ISN'T necessarily sexual harassment. It's harassment when they do it REPEATEDLY.

Basically, they get a free pass the 1st time. Then when you ask them to stop, but they continue, it IS sexual harassment. It will usually meet the practical definition that HR has, and they will reprimand or take some predetermined action against the offender. Often sexual harassment classes, a warning, an apology, and/or noted on their records.

3) Choose Your Battles Wisely

There is a lot you can do, to control many situations. You can tactically object to comments being made, in a polite way, but also gets the message across.

"Really? My boyfriend would get so angry and jealous to hear you say that." "Oh come on, do you want to say that in front of my boyfriend?"

What such responses does is make it clear to simple-minded guys that you are NOT sexually accessible, it can make them afraid of confronting an unknown male, and you are not pleased with the comments. Often these guys will spread around the company that you have a boyfriend, so no hope getting you. Even better.

4) In a Japanese company, be careful they are not baiting or daring you to react.

In Japanese companies, people (to include other WOMEN) can say negative comments for the explicit purpose of causing you to get upset and overreact. In other words, they KNOW the HR process and/or are VERY confident of their job position. They can be attempting to ostracize you OR test you.

It's a type of bullying. They don't see you as a member of their group or think you are inferior, so feel they can say anything to you. If you react, it proves you are not a member of their group or circles, and it can damage your reputation. They baited you into coming out as a troublemaker that everyone should turn their back on.

The trick is you need ALLIES in the company. A possile plan of action is toughen up and temporarily take the verbal abuse (politely object as I mentioned), but make friends with other sympathetic female AND male co-workers. The more important and high-ranking, the better.

You then mention to the higher level ranking ones about the comments certain co-workers are making or have made. To make it better, you could possibly add that you have a boyfriend who is or would be very upset if you told him. You can make it seem that you are a good-girl seeking to avoid trouble, so instead of telling your boyfriend, you are telling them (a high ranking manager). What I often see happen, the manager (non HR), pulls the guys aside and tells to knock it off. In a Japanese company, when a manager or senior manager says this, nearly always the BS stops dead cold in the tracks.

5) Customers & Clients Doing Sexual Harassment.

The trick here is they are often testing if you will provide sexual favors. How far will you go to keep their business? You have to be careful about overreacting and damaging the company's businesses and relationship.

The boyfriend trick, is usually enough. It often sends a clear signal that you are taken and not sexually available. If the customer or client is persistent with the sexual harassment, it's best if you tell a supervisor or manager the situation, and work with them on a solution to handle it. Be aware, that if they feel you can't handle yourself, they will pull you from possibly very good customers and clients, and maybe throw you into a cubicle in the back of the office.

The women that handle such situations best are often straight up tough, but very polite at the same time. Use people around you to help control the obnoxious customer or client.

"Are you going to let him just talk to me like that? You know I have a boyfriend. " "Wow, did you hear what he said? What if my mother heard that? She would cry." "Do you say that to all the girls at business dinners? I'm so shocked." "What would your wife say? Wouldn't she be jealous. " "Don't you have a lot of girlfriends to say and do that to?"

The correct verbal response, tends to kill the enthusiasm to sexually harass women in business settings, and gets the message across that the lewd comments are uncalled for and not appropriate.
 
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But we'll be at a nomikai, and a guy in his 50's will be talking to my coworker, and say jokingly, "You haven't had sex with her yet?"
This is the all-purpose out. (n)

Is the coworker your age, or your boss?
 
Sexual harassment is big here. I used hear Japanese guys harass the Japanese females daily. Bathe thing is, the females never objected and even played along throwing in some of their own poision. Both sides would say this or that to me. The male employees wanted to have sex with the females. The females loathed these men in secret but did the shouganai thing. Well, these guys turned their attention to a freshman blonde, blue-eyed American woman in her 20s. I didn't realize that one of the managers was actually stalking her. Well, let's just say that it is not okay for a coworker male or female, nor a partner, nor a client or customer to harass you in Japan. What was that court case in the 1980s? Lois Jensen. Since then, Japan has been making sexual harassment a priority. Solong is right, the old geezers are trying to see if you are available for sex play or dating. If they want to harass you, they will directly do it by getting your number and then calling you as they did my colleague. The dude even came to her apartment uninvited. He had been tolling her around. One day we were at a park, she suddenly stopped talking and hid behind me. I was like what's wrong. It's him! At that point I learned how bad it gets for women. Sometime later, the team was broken up, she was sent back to America and all of us left had to go through sexual harassment seminars. I am going to guess she took her father's advice, a lawyer, and told on the dude. Shit was egg shells for a good 18 months. Joking around about foolishness got you on the hot seat. I would say that that is why I rarely talk to any female at my work now. Hell, I even quit going to bone aki and other events like skiing. Newbs get fired for harassment. So Solong and the other dude are right. If it is unbearable, because let's face it, some men in this country just want to expliot women sexually, then report. If it's just some uneducated, old-fashioned dude, I'd think hard on if it's a problem. I mean the real problem is when the dude that you work for goes along with it. For me, older ladies say whatever they want and I let it pass because I don't see the point in causing a scene over spilt milk. When my colleagues rate staff, I excuse myself from the room. I don't mix business with pleasure. Never did! I hope that you can come up with a solution. But one thing I can say is, when J females don't like a Japanese guy, they say very loudly "sekuhara" sexual harassment. Then the dude stops. There are articles about that under sekuhara and sexual harrassment in Japan. I don't know what's worse, male on female, or the male to male sexual harrassment.
 
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It ain't no different from when they were in highschool.

Always exclude/ostracize that one fellow who shares a different opinion/belief and isolate him from the group, regardless if that person is right or wrong.

I see it happen so many times in different types of workplaces. In ever social or group gathering, there will always be that one or two person being excluded because the alpha male/female of the group doesn't like him/her.

Fit in or be a social pariah.

In talks of sexual harassment, it goes the same page. They'll think you're too stuck-up or can't take a joke. You can risk your job and fight for it, or put up with it and let karma deal with the rest. Focus on your career instead if it values that much to you.

In Japanese companies, people (to include other WOMEN) can say negative comments for the explicit purpose of causing you to get upset and overreact.

Almost always the theme of every single japanese fight I've seen happen.

First bloke to throw a punch is the loser. It's like a poorly-organized rap battle. They throw insulting/personal shit at you and when you snap and lose your cool, that's when they win.

Friend of mine got sued for assault because some old and drunk salaryman called him "shogaisha" or mentally retarded. Friend is a hot-tempered dude so he pushed him and the guy immediately called the police and threatened to sue for assault.
 
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Thanks for the comments, guys.

I work for a big multinational company, but my clients are usually Japanese.
Usually when someone makes an offensive comment at a nomikai, I raise my hand and say, "That's sexual harassment, yellow card for you!" as a joke, and we all laugh, and they get the hint. I think they make lewd comments more to me because I'm the kind of a person to joke back. Sometimes, I can't help but get annoyed, though.

You are right, I do need to pick my battles wisely.
If more females were in my industry, maybe things could change. It's growing... albeit slowly...