Speed Dating

[rocky26au]

Thanks for the detailed feedback, Silencio. Can I just ask which one did you go to? The one in Ginza probably right? I might go check it out on the last friday on this month.

 

[Des Esseintes]

Just came back from the Ginza one. In case anyone wants my impressions I'd be happy to oblige.

Anyone else was there?

 

[Des Esseintes]

Ok so for Silencio, first of all I thought that overall the atmosphere was pretty dismal with crude neon lights, nondescript furniture and decoration, lame music and lots of really desperate-looking women, so as far as the "fun" factor is concerned it rates pretty low although I did enjoy it overall as a sociological experience. I think they could at least offer us some drinks or have a bar or something and let people socialize freely for about 20 minutes before the speed-dating starts. I would have felt like at least I had spent my Friday night doing something closer to my idea of fun. As it is, it feels perfectly soulless and business-like. I wonder how I would like having a long-term relationship that started in such an unglamorous context. Most women are in their thirties or forties and below average in terms of looks. I'm 35 with a steady well-paid job and I'm not too ugly so I'm a good target for them I suppose. There was only one I would describe as rather pretty. They don't speak English (the pretty one being the exception).

I'm pretty sure that if I went to such events on a regular basis I would end up mastering the art of making a 3-minute conversation upon being handed a card that essentially says "I'm an office lady from Chiba, my hobby is karaoke and I like Disneyland and eating pizza" but for the time being that particular skill is still lost on me. My level in Japanese is N3 so while I can introduce myself and talk about basic everyday life, I'm still pretty far from being able to be smart or even interesting in that language (except in a non-intentional way of course, which happens quite often).

Only 4 couples were announced at the end of the session. I got selected by 9 women and received 6 messages but since I was only interested in one of them and she picked a different guy I ended up alone. She left me a message with her phone number on it so all is not lost. I can only imagine how it would feel if I were to start a serious relationship with this woman, knowing for the rest of my life that I was only her plan-B.

I think that if you're a more outgoing person than I, who speaks fairly good Japanese then you'd be much better off going to bars and clubs and just talk to any girl who catches your eye. Going to this event made me wish I were such a person (so at least it did something to bolster my motivation for studying Japanese although deep down inside I have this nagging feeling that no matter how hard I work at it I will never be able to compete with native speakers so it's a lost cause anyway). I really felt that these women were interesting in dating a foreigner only because they couldn't get a Japanese guy so it was kinda depressing.

Overall I also had better results using language exchange websites where you often meet women in their 20's who are actually looking for a date with a foreigner to improve their language skills (my native language being French, I'm also more likely to derive benefits from that if I can target women who are specifically interested in French culture)

 

[R.O.B]

I'm kind interested in this as an experience. I can sort of imagine the women involved - I feel a little sad for them as they must be churning up inside. Bad analogy, I know, but it makes me think of a dog pound and a limited number of bones are thrown in (and some may or may not have meat on them). I'm sure many are very nice, sincere women. But, just out of curiosity, what are the GUYS like who go to these events. Des Esseintes and Silencio have been kind enough to recount their experience and motivations. So, guys, what sort of guys were there??

 

[Des Esseintes]

I didn't pay much attention to the guys but I thought they kinda matched the ladies who were present on that day. Not too many handsome ones I think and quite a few really crummy looking ones.

Overall the standards were pretty low so if you're average-looking, speak some Japanese and your standards are pretty low too then your chances of ending up with someone are fairly high. I consider myself average-looking, I had ranked my 5 favourite girls and on my card all 5 of them were interested in me so probably if I had listed them all in my final selection rather than only the one I was genuinely interested in, chances are I would have ended up being paired with one of them. I was sitting in front of my number 3 when they announced the results and she seemed pretty disappointed that we didn't end up together (afterwards I looked at the messages I had received and sure enough I had one with her phone number and "CALL ME" written in bold letters). The problem is the gap between my number 1 and my number 2 was pretty big and it was really difficult for me to keep track of who was who.

Since my number 1 spoke fairly good English also I regret not talking to her in English, we would have had a more interesting conversation (I spent a fair amount of time with her since she was sitting in front of me while we were filling our respective cards and we both spontaneously commented on how ridiculous it all felt). I think I'll call her in a few days if she doesn't get in touch with me first (she has my email). It's always a dilemma for me with Japanese girls as to whether it's better to go all Japanese and risk being boring (but commended for my efforts) or rely on English and say more interesting stuff at the expense of sounding like the lazy gaijin with no interest for Japanese culture.

I didn't feel too bad for the women, I think both genders were pretty much on the same boat. Lots of sad, desperate people. I think I'm not quite desperate enough yet but at the rate it's going the day will surely come.

I kinda wish they held similar events but only for gaijins. I'd be curious to meet Thai, Filipino or Vietnamese girls who strike me as usually more internationally-minded than Japanese women (I would like to meet European or American girls too). With Japanese women I often feel like I'm just a circus freak who's only entertaining for a few tricks before outlasting his welcome. I also wonder why the pairings are always Japanese females - Gaijin males and never the other way round. Is it because gaijin women have it a lot easier than us guys and don't need that sort of events?

 

[Solong]

Is it because gaijin women have it a lot easier than us guys and don't need that sort of events?

From what I've seen, as long as the foreign woman isn't fat or unusually tall and are into Japanese guys, they have it easier. In that context, can be a huge sausages-fest for her. And if she is a young blonde, blue-eyed, and/or bisexual... Sex goddess, with money and offers being thrown at her left and right...

BUT for them, that's the trick. They have to be into Japanese guys, which a certain percentage of foreign women are not, and also because they had bad experiences with them. I've seen good looking foreign women of the type Japanese guys like, but because of bad college, work, or sexual experiences, they disliked Japanese guys in general.

When foreign women are into Japanese guys, they tend to learn the language and know how to give the right body language, that helps Japanese feel confident enough to approach or she approaches them (thus choose who she wants).

Even if a foreign woman is into Japanese guys or Japanese culture, if they are fat or too tall (above 170cm and especially above 175cm), many Japanese guys won't be into them. That's where they can become very frustrated and want OUT of Japan or angry types hating on Japanese women because they are slimmer or the excessive little "cute girl"/lolita character.

 

[meiji]

They have to be into Japanese guys, which a certain percentage of foreign women are not, and also because they had bad experiences with them. I've seen good looking foreign women of the type Japanese guys like, but because of bad college or work experiences, they disliked Japanese guys in general.

Yeah, I'd say that it's a lot more than a 'certain percentage'. Virtually every woman I've talked to that's tried to date your standard Japanese guy hated it. One of my times back in the States I went to one of those 'breastraunts' and there was a drop dead gorgeous blonde girl working there that had just coincidentally come back from some time in Japan modeling or whatever, and she said she couldn't stand dating Japanese guys, and thought the random Scottish guy she finally started dating was heaven-sent. The only Western woman that I know that's settled down with a Japanese guy married him and has a kid, but he had already spent quite a bit of time abroad before he met her.

 

[Des Esseintes]

mmm... If that's true, I really wonder what it is that Japanese guys do or say or don't do that's so off-putting to them.

I don't particularly enjoy dating Japanese women either and to be honest I'm starting to dislike them in general like you say, so maybe I should try my luck with gaijin ladies if only I knew where they hang out (please don't tell me roppongi or hub).

 

[MossBoss]

Ok so for Silencio, first of all I thought that overall the atmosphere was pretty dismal with crude neon lights, nondescript furniture and decoration, lame music and lots of really desperate-looking women, so as far as the "fun" factor ......

When I was fresh of the boat I went to speed dating at Bar Quest in Roppongi. I think it cost about 3,000 yen. Anyway most of the women seemed to be in the Last Chance Saloon in terms of finding a husband. The around 40 brigade.

It would be easy for a decent looking Japanese lady who speaks English to find a decent gaijin guy without Speed Dating. If they go to any place with gaijins they will get picked up sooner rather later.

Saying that I did meet an 8.5 who said she has been to Speed Dating. All 15 guys would be trying to get in her panties for sure to plough her various holes.

 

[Des Esseintes]

I don't really know where decent looking gaijin guys hang out, I need to find out (provided it's not Roppongi or Shibuya)

 

[MossBoss]

I don't really know where decent looking gaijin guys hang out, I need to find out (provided it's not Roppongi or Shibuya)

Upscale restaurants, hotels, sports clubs. The main business districts. And multi-national corporations HQs should all have at least a smattering of decent looking savvy foreigners.

 

[Des Esseintes]

mmm... thanks but that doesn't help me much since if you're going to an upscale restaurant you already have the date, and I'm not going to stay at a hotel when I live here or pretend I work for a multi-national corporation - my sports club has a lot of foreign guys but I've never seen anyone talk to anyone else in the three months I've been there. Lots of good-looking girls though.

You seem to equate decent-looking with upscale.

 

[MossBoss]

mmm... thanks but that doesn't help me much since if you're going to an upscale restaurant you already have the date, and I'm not going to stay at a hotel when I live here or pretend I work for a multi-national corporation - my sports club has a lot of foreign guys but I've never seen anyone talk to anyone else in the three months I've been there. Lots of good-looking girls though.

You seem to equate decent-looking with upscale.

I see plenty of attractive foreign girls every day when I visit business areas around Tokyo. Someone with a game plan and confidence in their ability would be able to go to Starbucks around such a place and try their luck.

People who work for multi-nationals take more care in their appearance. They make the most of what they have got. They work out at the gym, get decent hair cuts, wear nice make up. And wear suits which make their ass look like a peach. So upscale can equate to better looking.

If you like the Pringle munching English sensei in a cardigan look there are plenty of them in the local fast food joints.

 

[Des Esseintes]

Ok I get it. When you said "It would be easy for a decent looking Japanese lady who speaks English to find a decent gaijin guy without Speed Dating. If they go to any place with gaijins they will get picked up sooner rather later." and I replied saying "I don't really know where decent looking gaijin guys hang out, I need to find out (provided it's not Roppongi or Shibuya)", what I meant to say was that I didn't know where Japanese ladies looking for decent gaijin guys normally go to find them (and therefore where the aforementioned decent-looking guys hang out). I wasn't talking about gaijin girls (but thanks for telling me where they can be found, that's interesting too).

 

[MossBoss]

Secretaries and receptionists who work for big companies are always going to be attractive and have some English ability. As are hotel staff at international hotels.

The speed dating girl I mentioned about previously works as a receptionist for a foreign financial institution.

 

[silencio]

Next friday in shinjuku anyone down?
I'm thinking. Only a few more hours for free though.

 

[Des Esseintes]

I'm seeing last week's girl next week so I'm thinking it's not so bad after all. Like even if there's only one girl out of fourteen that you're interested in, it may be all you need. So I'm kinda tempted.

I thought it would take longer for me to get desperate enough to want to go back but apparently not.

 

[rocky26au]

Damn, I should have checked this thread a few days ago, woulda been nice to have a buddy to go with. I went to the Shinjuku one myself yesterday. Holy frick was it chaotic, total of around 50 people but a balance between males and females. None really my type though, and yeah mostly older women 30 and above. There was only a total of 4 pairs too. Thinking of checking the Ginza one in a few weeks.

 

[Des Esseintes]

I was there too. I think 8 pairs were announced. I thought it was much more chaotic than in Ginza, but there were more decent-looking women (though I thought none was as pretty as the only one that was pretty in Ginza). 24 women compared to only 13 in Ginza and the Ginza venue is much more spacious.

I wasn't lucky this time. At 24 it gets unmanageable for me as far as remembering what face corresponds to what number.

 

[CJ_W]

I went to one of these a few years ago. . .Thinking it was something else, It was advertised as a "Free Party" so I went. . .only to discover it was a speed dating event. . .I was kind of annoyed that I got tricked into one of those, and the format was strange as hell back then too, basically if you matched with someone, they told everyone and the matched people were able to leave first, if you didn't match with anyone you sat there looking stupid until it was your turn to leave, I Just up and left and never went back, it was a colossal waste of time that weekend. 99% of the women there are women that I really didnt want to meet, and the 1% I did talk to that I liked and seemed to like me back, for some reason didn't match with me either. So yeah, I will never go to another speed dating event. . .ever.

 

[johnnyboy84]

I am considering trying it when I have free time.

 

[Merritt]

So I just came back from my third EXEO speed dating thing. My first two were the end of Jan and beginning of Feb.

First one and tonight was in Ginza. Second was at Shinjuku location. If you can avoid Shinjuku, do. It's REALLY small and cramped. Ginza is a much larger place.

Didn't meet anybody my first time, but met somebody 2nd time and tonight. Currently waiting for tonight's girl to get out of the shower and text me back. Most of the time after the event, people exchange contact info and go home because it's already 11pm and people got to catch that last train. Me and tonight's girl actually went out for a drink before hitting the station, so got to chat for a bit longer.

Every time you go it's different. Once you talk to everybody you fill out a card where you circle the numbers of the girls you like. My 2nd outing didn't have time so we skipped that part. My first time we filled it out, then they returned it before we sent message cards. I rather liked that because you could then know that at least you were sending a message to somebody who was interested in you. Tonight, it wasn't like that. We circled numbers, then sent messages, then they returned all of it at once.

I orginally wasn't planning on going tonight. It's been a really long week for me, so I was going to just order a large pizza, sit my fat ass on the couch and watch some movies. But apparently they were really low on guys, so they called me to see if I wanted to come. Twisted my arm a bit, but I agreed (and glad I did). They even waived the fee. Actually, I think if you're a foreign man and make your reservation at least 72hrs in advance, it's free. At least that's how it worked the first two times.

Anyway, that's my random thoughts on it

 

[johnnyboy84]

I guess when summer rolls around, I will give it a try

 

[NormalGuy]

I found the last time I went, the event and the company completely disorganised, and for an international event rather lacking in the ability to communicate.

I tried to sign up to the same event mentioned above, completed the form online but had forgotten my password. Nowhere on the website is there a password reset button, so I filled in a support ticket on the Wednesday before the event. Waited, and waited no response, so Friday afternoon I used the number on the site to try to call, 3 hours of hitting redial and constant dial tone.

Eventually created another account using a different email address, as by the time all this has happened I've already committed myself to going, and cancelled other plans. Should have taken the hint and not bothered as by the time this has all happened I wasn't in the right frame of mind to chat to anyone.

Even on the event, it just seemed like it was disorganised, the woman running it was slow and didn't have much of a clue.

I've since sent them a message on Facebook, but as it's golden week not hearing back for 5 days may just be holiday issues, but hard to tell with these guys.

The first time I went, I had a good night. Last time it felt like a different company running the event, or perhaps their English speaking staff have all disappeared for the holiday season but I'm not sure I'm willing to take the chance with them again.

Kind sucks that while I'm chasing them to get signed up, they are short of men and phoning around to offer places for free!

 

[Dexvbss]

Could you attend one of these events if you don't speak any Japanese?